extreme cruelty on I 751

[JayJay 4]

Well Hi there!

I just got my 10 year GC after filing for myself in Feb of last year, citing extreme cruelty and good faith marriage as bases for the petition by myself.

Now, I got married to my ex with no clue of his underlying nature, and then quickly found out. We stayed married (by the time of the divorce which was finalized in December of 2007) for about 2 and 1/4 years or so. During that time, I did call the police on him once and actually went to the police in person once again after that. He had a restraining order on him for a period of time also, but there was other stuff too.

Now first things first - VAWA is only applicable if you DO NOT have your conditional permanent resident card yet. VAWA doesn't pertain to individuals WITH the conditional PR status! So, in short, forget about VAWA - it's a law put into place to help family members who are abused before the get their conditional status - it's very hard to navigate and get around and involves a prima facie and a long, long wait. I remember several VJ members going through that process here a couple of years ago. So, forget that VAWA - it has nothing to do with your situation.

Now honestly, the fact that you didn't call the cops doesn't surprise me. Most abused women don't - at least, not at first. So yeah, I did - but he'd been getting progressively more and more violent and had spent the evening trying to suffocate me and hold me down, among other things. Shoving, pushing into things and trying to throw me over the top of the stairs; slapping me; restraining me (at one point he had me held down with my arms above my head - a classic suffocation move - at the bottom of a flight of stairs). Generally the dude was unfeeling and extremely cruel mentally as well - he'd try to get me to go with other women (something I am absolutely not into) and would withhold all affection for months at a time, only to dish it out in small doses when he wanted something from me.

Economic abuse was another thing I had to enjoy in my marriage. He would simply not work - he'd get fired from every job because of his crappy attitude and then would sit on his behind and watch TV like a petulant child. He'd sleep on the couch every single night, and play music until 4am - I doubt I got a good night's sleep the entire time we were together. Intimately, he was plain cruel. At one point he went to "work" a couple of hours away for weeks at a time, mysteriously never bringing home a paycheck, until I found out he'd been spending his time high, fishing and at strip clubs (oh, what we choose to ignore...).

Additionally he was a terrible drunk. He'd drink until he passed out, pee the bed (which I had to clean up) or the sofa or whatever and would get violent when drunk. At the time of his first arrest, he was apprehended about two blocks away from our house after fleeing from the police, dropped his pipe on the ground, claimed it wasn't his; had no license to drive and when they finally breathalyzed him about three hours later, still had a blood alcohol content of 0.209... In short, it was a bloody awful marriage!

Anyway the reason I tell you this, years after my own bad experience is that I also told USCIS. I wrote them a series of statements explaining what I had been through in great detail. I enclosed the documents I should have given to the judge at his order of protection hearing that he demanded. I enclosed both police reports. I enclosed my counseling records - in fact, I enclosed all of my notes from the psychologist for every single session I ever attended. I enclosed my chiro's report from treating the whiplash injuries I'd sustained from being thrown against stuff. I also had been fortunate enough to think of buying a voice recorder from eBay at his saying "it's your word against mine - nobody will believe you..." and recorded him beating up our pet dog (he once kicked the dog so hard just above the eye (after I left - I came back to take him out one day while my ex was out) that the wound became infected and exploded all over the back yard (think pus, blood, the works)...). I also recorded him during a rampage he had after threatening to destroy my car.

All in all, I was honest, I also provided the USCIS with statements of insurance (I had him on mine), bills at our joint address, mortgage documents proving I owned the house all by myself, tax returns, photos, all sorts of junk I'd dug up proving yes, indeed, I had suffered under the same roof as that sonofa...for two years!

They approved me, after I sent in my giant wad, without an RFE or even an interview. In the end, I think the quantity of stuff and the statements I made gave them good leads to get in touch with people who could corroborate my story - and there were plenty of them. I'd recommend statements - by you, others, anything like that, if you intend to give cruelty as a reason.

Anyway that's enough of that! In the end, it can be done. If you're honest, honesty will prevail in the end - especially when accompanied by a massive pile of stuff to prove you entered the marriage in good faith and that he ended up being not who you thought he was...

Very good luck to you! *HUGE hugs* XXX

[ASAPNeedHelp 0]

Might not be a bad idea to schedule an infopass appointment to find out what your options are at this stage, but it seems you don't have the evidence to prove abuse. You may just have to pursue it as a divorce from a good faith marriage.

Excellent, excellent idea.

so, you don't think I should try to do VAWA?

Lady, by your own admission you have no tangible proof that your husband abused you. You have some letters from friends...not enough given the level of detailed evidence USCIS expects to see on an abuse claim. Why is it so difficult for you to just prove that your marriage was good faith while it lasted, and now you're divorced?

-P

i believe it's not hard to proof that we were married and now divorced. It's just when I was filing, I guess I did not put the emphasys on all the proofs that I had to show to show the abuse. and he was abusing me. the only thing I have for abuse is: letters from friends, and police report that shows that he fraudly opened cc under my name and spent $10,000. so i have proof of it by police, creditors and amex (where he opened the account). Based on all that, and not being advised properly, i decided to check box for cruelty.

this is why understanding the instructions and implications of each form is of paramount importance. I will ask again, have you followed proper procedure and witdrawn your other I-751 you filed? I would follow the suggestion of the member that said to request an Infopass appointment and go speak with an immigration officer. Once you're sure your previous app is withdrawn, you can re-file, using filing basis D.

BTW, an ex or even a current husband fraudulently opening a card and spending 10K is not battery or extreme curelty as understood by USCIS. He abused your creditworthyness by doing this, not abused you.

Good luck,

-P.

I already scheduled an InfoPass appointment for tomorrow. will bring all my papers there and will make sure that it's all withdrawn properly.

as of the abuse- there was more than just creditworthyness, but i don't like to go into it, especially that i don't have any writen professional evidence for it.

Thank you all for your help.

If your abuse or what you claim as abuse cannot be verified by police reports, letters from shelters, legal documents, etc. then you do not have a case for removing conditions based on abuse. Your abuse better be quite significant and provable.

As everyone here has mentioned, you are totally free to remove conditions based on the fact that you entered into a good faith marriage and it didn't work out.

Here's my question - are you trying to not have to pay for the I-751? If that is the case, you should also have a very significant issue to justify that. My friends actually received a waiver for payment as she has breast cancer, no insurance and they are having to pay for her medical care out of pocket. The USCIS actually did have a heart for that - but they are notorious for not giving a rat's azz about the despair you might be in.

ohh no, not paying the filing fee is not my dilema here at all! I would pay "anything" and get this nightmare over with... no, i'm just really confused... and trying to figure out all the details w/o my lawyer

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Well Hi there!

I just got my 10 year GC after filing for myself in Feb of last year, citing extreme cruelty and good faith marriage as bases for the petition by myself.

Now, I got married to my ex with no clue of his underlying nature, and then quickly found out. We stayed married (by the time of the divorce which was finalized in December of 2007) for about 2 and 1/4 years or so. During that time, I did call the police on him once and actually went to the police in person once again after that. He had a restraining order on him for a period of time also, but there was other stuff too.

Now first things first - VAWA is only applicable if you DO NOT have your conditional permanent resident card yet. VAWA doesn't pertain to individuals WITH the conditional PR status! So, in short, forget about VAWA - it's a law put into place to help family members who are abused before the get their conditional status - it's very hard to navigate and get around and involves a prima facie and a long, long wait. I remember several VJ members going through that process here a couple of years ago. So, forget that VAWA - it has nothing to do with your situation.

Now honestly, the fact that you didn't call the cops doesn't surprise me. Most abused women don't - at least, not at first. So yeah, I did - but he'd been getting progressively more and more violent and had spent the evening trying to suffocate me and hold me down, among other things. Shoving, pushing into things and trying to throw me over the top of the stairs; slapping me; restraining me (at one point he had me held down with my arms above my head - a classic suffocation move - at the bottom of a flight of stairs). Generally the dude was unfeeling and extremely cruel mentally as well - he'd try to get me to go with other women (something I am absolutely not into) and would withhold all affection for months at a time, only to dish it out in small doses when he wanted something from me.

Economic abuse was another thing I had to enjoy in my marriage. He would simply not work - he'd get fired from every job because of his crappy attitude and then would sit on his behind and watch TV like a petulant child. He'd sleep on the couch every single night, and play music until 4am - I doubt I got a good night's sleep the entire time we were together. Intimately, he was plain cruel. At one point he went to "work" a couple of hours away for weeks at a time, mysteriously never bringing home a paycheck, until I found out he'd been spending his time high, fishing and at strip clubs (oh, what we choose to ignore...).

Additionally he was a terrible drunk. He'd drink until he passed out, pee the bed (which I had to clean up) or the sofa or whatever and would get violent when drunk. At the time of his first arrest, he was apprehended about two blocks away from our house after fleeing from the police, dropped his pipe on the ground, claimed it wasn't his; had no license to drive and when they finally breathalyzed him about three hours later, still had a blood alcohol content of 0.209... In short, it was a bloody awful marriage!

Anyway the reason I tell you this, years after my own bad experience is that I also told USCIS. I wrote them a series of statements explaining what I had been through in great detail. I enclosed the documents I should have given to the judge at his order of protection hearing that he demanded. I enclosed both police reports. I enclosed my counseling records - in fact, I enclosed all of my notes from the psychologist for every single session I ever attended. I enclosed my chiro's report from treating the whiplash injuries I'd sustained from being thrown against stuff. I also had been fortunate enough to think of buying a voice recorder from eBay at his saying "it's your word against mine - nobody will believe you..." and recorded him beating up our pet dog (he once kicked the dog so hard just above the eye (after I left - I came back to take him out one day while my ex was out) that the wound became infected and exploded all over the back yard (think pus, blood, the works)...). I also recorded him during a rampage he had after threatening to destroy my car.

All in all, I was honest, I also provided the USCIS with statements of insurance (I had him on mine), bills at our joint address, mortgage documents proving I owned the house all by myself, tax returns, photos, all sorts of junk I'd dug up proving yes, indeed, I had suffered under the same roof as that sonofa...for two years!

They approved me, after I sent in my giant wad, without an RFE or even an interview. In the end, I think the quantity of stuff and the statements I made gave them good leads to get in touch with people who could corroborate my story - and there were plenty of them. I'd recommend statements - by you, others, anything like that, if you intend to give cruelty as a reason.

Anyway that's enough of that! In the end, it can be done. If you're honest, honesty will prevail in the end - especially when accompanied by a massive pile of stuff to prove you entered the marriage in good faith and that he ended up being not who you thought he was...

Very good luck to you! *HUGE hugs* XXX

You must be a strong and intelligent woman. thank you for sharing your experience and hope with this lady.

[ASAPNeedHelp 0]

Well Hi there!

I just got my 10 year GC after filing for myself in Feb of last year, citing extreme cruelty and good faith marriage as bases for the petition by myself.

Now, I got married to my ex with no clue of his underlying nature, and then quickly found out. We stayed married (by the time of the divorce which was finalized in December of 2007) for about 2 and 1/4 years or so. During that time, I did call the police on him once and actually went to the police in person once again after that. He had a restraining order on him for a period of time also, but there was other stuff too.

Now first things first - VAWA is only applicable if you DO NOT have your conditional permanent resident card yet. VAWA doesn't pertain to individuals WITH the conditional PR status! So, in short, forget about VAWA - it's a law put into place to help family members who are abused before the get their conditional status - it's very hard to navigate and get around and involves a prima facie and a long, long wait. I remember several VJ members going through that process here a couple of years ago. So, forget that VAWA - it has nothing to do with your situation.

Now honestly, the fact that you didn't call the cops doesn't surprise me. Most abused women don't - at least, not at first. So yeah, I did - but he'd been getting progressively more and more violent and had spent the evening trying to suffocate me and hold me down, among other things. Shoving, pushing into things and trying to throw me over the top of the stairs; slapping me; restraining me (at one point he had me held down with my arms above my head - a classic suffocation move - at the bottom of a flight of stairs). Generally the dude was unfeeling and extremely cruel mentally as well - he'd try to get me to go with other women (something I am absolutely not into) and would withhold all affection for months at a time, only to dish it out in small doses when he wanted something from me.

Economic abuse was another thing I had to enjoy in my marriage. He would simply not work - he'd get fired from every job because of his crappy attitude and then would sit on his behind and watch TV like a petulant child. He'd sleep on the couch every single night, and play music until 4am - I doubt I got a good night's sleep the entire time we were together. Intimately, he was plain cruel. At one point he went to "work" a couple of hours away for weeks at a time, mysteriously never bringing home a paycheck, until I found out he'd been spending his time high, fishing and at strip clubs (oh, what we choose to ignore...).

Additionally he was a terrible drunk. He'd drink until he passed out, pee the bed (which I had to clean up) or the sofa or whatever and would get violent when drunk. At the time of his first arrest, he was apprehended about two blocks away from our house after fleeing from the police, dropped his pipe on the ground, claimed it wasn't his; had no license to drive and when they finally breathalyzed him about three hours later, still had a blood alcohol content of 0.209... In short, it was a bloody awful marriage!

Anyway the reason I tell you this, years after my own bad experience is that I also told USCIS. I wrote them a series of statements explaining what I had been through in great detail. I enclosed the documents I should have given to the judge at his order of protection hearing that he demanded. I enclosed both police reports. I enclosed my counseling records - in fact, I enclosed all of my notes from the psychologist for every single session I ever attended. I enclosed my chiro's report from treating the whiplash injuries I'd sustained from being thrown against stuff. I also had been fortunate enough to think of buying a voice recorder from eBay at his saying "it's your word against mine - nobody will believe you..." and recorded him beating up our pet dog (he once kicked the dog so hard just above the eye (after I left - I came back to take him out one day while my ex was out) that the wound became infected and exploded all over the back yard (think pus, blood, the works)...). I also recorded him during a rampage he had after threatening to destroy my car.

All in all, I was honest, I also provided the USCIS with statements of insurance (I had him on mine), bills at our joint address, mortgage documents proving I owned the house all by myself, tax returns, photos, all sorts of junk I'd dug up proving yes, indeed, I had suffered under the same roof as that sonofa...for two years!

They approved me, after I sent in my giant wad, without an RFE or even an interview. In the end, I think the quantity of stuff and the statements I made gave them good leads to get in touch with people who could corroborate my story - and there were plenty of them. I'd recommend statements - by you, others, anything like that, if you intend to give cruelty as a reason.

Anyway that's enough of that! In the end, it can be done. If you're honest, honesty will prevail in the end - especially when accompanied by a massive pile of stuff to prove you entered the marriage in good faith and that he ended up being not who you thought he was...

Very good luck to you! *HUGE hugs* XXX

i feel you there girl with all the mess and horible monster husband. luckly for me but not for my INS case i was married for about a year only. during this time, he got fired from his job, was treating me like s**t, was controling, forcing things on me etc... but i never went to police, counselor or anyone else to talke about it. eventually i opened up to some of my friends and family.

seems that filing as entered in good faith marriage and got divorced is my only choice. my worry is that i don't have tons of paper work to prove our short relationship. b/c eventually he moved when i was out of town w/o me knowing it, and it was the end of our civil relationship.

all i have is:

pictures with friends and family and our pet

affidavits from friends and family (about 5 of them)

my affidavit (9 pages long)

electric bills with our names

car insurance with our names

cable bills with our names

cc accoutn with same number on both our cards

letters to me or him with same mailing address

joint tax return for 1 year

that's about it. i had magazines with our names on and some other things, but when he moved it was all gone with him

so, i'm just worried that it won't be enought.

and if i will try to dig into abuse, i won't have enought evidence for it neither.

thank you and i'm so happy that you out of that horible relationship, and got your gc! congrads!!!

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Most of the grounds for self-petitioning require proof of a bonafide marriage anyway, the exceptions being: grounds (f.) "I am a conditional resident child who was battered by or subjected to extreme cruelty by my U.S. citizen or conditional resident parent(s)." which you are NOT and (g.) "The termination of my status and removal from the United States would result in an extreme hardship." which they have now claimed you are NOT eligible for.

If you were already divorced at the time you submitted your I-751, and provided a decree, then can you recall which box you checked. If you checked one other than (f.) and (g.) then there is no reasons to withdraw the pending I-751 as I see it, you can simply respond to the RFE with the information that supports a bonafide marriage. That is, if you can do so in time. In the event that you miss the window for providing the documentation again, then you would have to refile the I-751, citing (d.) and any and all other grounbds for which you can provide adequate documentation. Make sure you include enough documentation.

[Married_my_love 0]

Well Hi there!

I just got my 10 year GC after filing for myself in Feb of last year, citing extreme cruelty and good faith marriage as bases for the petition by myself.

I am so sorry this happened to you..... thank god you got out of that situation.