Easing the transition to the U.S.

[lee b 2]

Hey everyone I was just wondering what some of the things you did to make your fiance more comfortable when they got to the U.S. I have been reading the boards for a while and finally joined now that I have started our visa process. Just curious to know what a few of you did to make it easier on your signifigant other.

[raymaga 25]

I don't really have any advice to give because I only lived 2 1/2 hours away from where I moved, so there was really no cultural differences for me to have to adjust to. I did and still do miss my family and friends a lot. I have been here for almost 5 years, and except for the people I work with, I have made very few good friends.

I would suggest that you try to socialize a lot so that your fiance can meet new people and possibly form some friendships.

Good luck for a speedy approval.

[Neonred 3,562]

I made sure the house was very cluttered and in need of cosmetic upgrades. It gave her plenty to think about and do while I was away at work. Sure kept her busy for several months.

Let's face it, they are going to want to change things and make it their own anyway.

[slim 1,525]

I showed my S/O how to use the stove, washer/dryer, etc.

Then, I helped her find a job.

In all seriousness, I did a whole bunch of stuff like introduced her to all my friends, showed her around town and which busses she could take to get where. Which websites she could use to meet people and network. She was interested in absolutely none of that. So, I showed her where to get a job.

Probably the most important thing you can do for your S/O when they first arrive is have some extra cash on hand for them to spend because they're going to have a whole bunch of stuff to buy.

[lee b 2]

Damn it slim that was not the kind of advice I was hoping for. just kidding. Thanks for the suggestions.

Lucky for me my house looks exactly what a guy who lives by himself should look like and she'll have plenty of opportunities to change that as well. As interior decorating isn't exactly high on my priority list.

Now if I could just figure out what to do with all of my time while waiting for the visa process.

[mox 298]

Now if I could just figure out what to do with all of my time while waiting for the visa process.

While you're waiting, get a Russian tutor and learn some Russian. Some on this forum are going to tell you it's unnecessary, but IMHO it's very necessary. You're not only marrying a Russian woman, but you're marrying her family. Very likely some of her family will not speak a lick of English. So when you head back to the old country to visit, it's going to be real handy to be able to at least know enough to say a few things to them. At the very least they'll be impressed.

And seriously, get a tutor or take a class. CD's and software ain't gonna cut it (see my rant on Rosetta Stone in another thread).

[1HappyGuy 45]

Good advice about learning and improving speaking Russian. Since you have a period to wait for the visa approval use the time to prepare for her. Clean up the house and paint if necessary. I left a few rooms to paint with her so that she would have some input into her new home. Start making room for her in closets and drawers because even if she doesn't bring a lot of clothes, you will be buying her new ones.

Find stores that carry Russian products. It might even be a significant drive for you, but the opportunity for her to find products she recognizes is important. Most likely she will have an opportunity to speak Russian with the people at the store and that will help to relax her too.

Make plans to bring her to many places in the beginning. She will want to get to know her way around so you will be taking walks after she arrives. Make her comfortable in her surroundings. Remember this is a total different place from where she is from. Don't assume that she will naturally think everything here is great.

Most important, give her time to adjust to the time differences. This can take a minimum of two weeks and as long as six months for her to feel "like herself".

Buy products that she will need like hair dryer, curling iron, brushes and a small amount of feminine products. You will probably buy the wrong ones but it is the thought that counts.

If you can manage it, take some time off from work. She has made this decision because of you. Show her that you want to be with her. And let your love grow. This is a significant choice she has made, so don't assume everything will be great. Be aware of complaints as they can grow into problems.

Learn patience, show love and respect, do what you say, be honest and let time handle the rest.

[Melissa&Vadim 0]

Definitely, keep your high-speed Internet subscription paid in full! It's important that your new spouse will have freedom to communicate and keep up on the news in his/her native language. My husband's absolute favorite thing to do is to just sit in the car and go on long drives to new places with me. Make sure you show her a lot of new places; explore! Do little things, like notice which foods she likes, and buy her treats when you go to the store. On other shopping topics, I would say my husband has at least tripled or quadrupled his wardrobe in the last eight months. He just can't get over the price of brand-name jeans here, or the low prices of other clothes like t-shirts, even. You're going to have a lot of fun seeing everything through someone else's eyes!

[slim 1,525]

Damn it slim that was not the kind of advice I was hoping for. just kidding. Thanks for the suggestions.

Lucky for me my house looks exactly what a guy who lives by himself should look like and she'll have plenty of opportunities to change that as well. As interior decorating isn't exactly high on my priority list.

Now if I could just figure out what to do with all of my time while waiting for the visa process.

Now if I could just figure out what to do with all of my time while waiting for the visa process.

While you're waiting, get a Russian tutor and learn some Russian. Some on this forum are going to tell you it's unnecessary, but IMHO it's very necessary. You're not only marrying a Russian woman, but you're marrying her family. Very likely some of her family will not speak a lick of English. So when you head back to the old country to visit, it's going to be real handy to be able to at least know enough to say a few things to them. At the very least they'll be impressed.

And seriously, get a tutor or take a class. CD's and software ain't gonna cut it (see my rant on Rosetta Stone in another thread).

Good advice about learning and improving speaking Russian. Since you have a period to wait for the visa approval use the time to prepare for her. Clean up the house and paint if necessary. I left a few rooms to paint with her so that she would have some input into her new home. Start making room for her in closets and drawers because even if she doesn't bring a lot of clothes, you will be buying her new ones.

Find stores that carry Russian products. It might even be a significant drive for you, but the opportunity for her to find products she recognizes is important. Most likely she will have an opportunity to speak Russian with the people at the store and that will help to relax her too.

Make plans to bring her to many places in the beginning. She will want to get to know her way around so you will be taking walks after she arrives. Make her comfortable in her surroundings. Remember this is a total different place from where she is from. Don't assume that she will naturally think everything here is great.

Most important, give her time to adjust to the time differences. This can take a minimum of two weeks and as long as six months for her to feel "like herself".

Buy products that she will need like hair dryer, curling iron, brushes and a small amount of feminine products. You will probably buy the wrong ones but it is the thought that counts.

If you can manage it, take some time off from work. She has made this decision because of you. Show her that you want to be with her. And let your love grow. This is a significant choice she has made, so don't assume everything will be great. Be aware of complaints as they can grow into problems.

Learn patience, show love and respect, do what you say, be honest and let time handle the rest.

Definitely, keep your high-speed Internet subscription paid in full! It's important that your new spouse will have freedom to communicate and keep up on the news in his/her native language. My husband's absolute favorite thing to do is to just sit in the car and go on long drives to new places with me. Make sure you show her a lot of new places; explore! Do little things, like notice which foods she likes, and buy her treats when you go to the store. On other shopping topics, I would say my husband has at least tripled or quadrupled his wardrobe in the last eight months. He just can't get over the price of brand-name jeans here, or the low prices of other clothes like t-shirts, even. You're going to have a lot of fun seeing everything through someone else's eyes!

[slim 1,525]

Lucky for me my house looks exactly what a guy who lives by himself should look like and she'll have plenty of opportunities to change that as well. As interior decorating isn't exactly high on my priority list.

No matter how you decorate, she'll want to change it up to her style.

Now if I could just figure out what to do with all of my time while waiting for the visa process.

Find a girlfriend. It'll keep you sharp for once your fiancee arrives. Also, work as much as possible and save as much money as possible. You think a girlfriend is expensive.... wait til you get married!

While you're waiting, get a Russian tutor and learn some Russian. Some on this forum are going to tell you it's unnecessary, but IMHO it's very necessary. You're not only marrying a Russian woman, but you're marrying her family. Very likely some of her family will not speak a lick of English. So when you head back to the old country to visit, it's going to be real handy to be able to at least know enough to say a few things to them. At the very least they'll be impressed.

I would say this is 50/50 based on the probability of your return to the motherland any time soon and your direct involvement with her family. I haven't been back to Russia since 2005 and haven't talked to her family in the slightest. However, I'm the type of guy that can't stand hearing people talk and having no idea what they're saying so I know enough to get by. (And get me into trouble!) I would suggest as mox says above, get a tutor or take a class or something. You'll still have communications problems (because she's a woman) but at least you won't hear the "you don't understand" or "tee nee panemayesh" because you will understand, you just might not agree. (Which strangely enough, in womanese, not agreeing also means you don't understand.)

Good advice about learning and improving speaking Russian. Since you have a period to wait for the visa approval use the time to prepare for her. Clean up the house and paint if necessary. I left a few rooms to paint with her so that she would have some input into her new home. Start making room for her in closets and drawers because even if she doesn't bring a lot of clothes, you will be buying her new ones.

My wife brought a bag of clothes, a bag of books, and a bag of shoes and shampoo. There was more than enough room for all her ####### in the one dresser I had empty for her. Since we live in a small apartment I didn't really have things all "ready" for her. She did want to buy some new clothes though and we did go shopping. However, since she didn't bring any money with her, there was still plenty of room in the closet once we got back home. (Still is!)

Find stores that carry Russian products. It might even be a significant drive for you, but the opportunity for her to find products she recognizes is important. Most likely she will have an opportunity to speak Russian with the people at the store and that will help to relax her too.

This is a great tip. But, like above, make sure she knows that products in the U.S. cost money. They weren't free like everything was back home.

Make plans to bring her to many places in the beginning. She will want to get to know her way around so you will be taking walks after she arrives. Make her comfortable in her surroundings. Remember this is a total different place from where she is from. Don't assume that she will naturally think everything here is great.

Great post!

Most important, give her time to adjust to the time differences. This can take a minimum of two weeks and as long as six months for her to feel "like herself".

I'm still waiting....

Buy products that she will need like hair dryer, curling iron, brushes and a small amount of feminine products. You will probably buy the wrong ones but it is the thought that counts.

The thought counts but no matter what you think (or pay) whatever you get will not be as good as the ones she left in Russia.

If you can manage it, take some time off from work. She has made this decision because of you. Show her that you want to be with her. And let your love grow. This is a significant choice she has made, so don't assume everything will be great. Be aware of complaints as they can grow into problems.

Learn patience, show love and respect, do what you say, be honest and let time handle the rest.

My previous posts may seem negative in nature (or sarcastic..... or spot-on! for those already a few years down the road!) but they're somewhat serious. Sure, I'm ranting a little, but as said in the post right above... give it time. It will work out. Obviously there's something there and it will be rough and even downright difficult at times. But, if you both "have a patience" and work through it, it will be worth it. (I hope.... still hoping here....)

Definitely, keep your high-speed Internet subscription paid in full! It's important that your new spouse will have freedom to communicate and keep up on the news in his/her native language. My husband's absolute favorite thing to do is to just sit in the car and go on long drives to new places with me. Make sure you show her a lot of new places; explore! Do little things, like notice which foods she likes, and buy her treats when you go to the store. On other shopping topics, I would say my husband has at least tripled or quadrupled his wardrobe in the last eight months. He just can't get over the price of brand-name jeans here, or the low prices of other clothes like t-shirts, even. You're going to have a lot of fun seeing everything through someone else's eyes!

All that is well and good for a man. However, for a woman, when you buy "little treats" it means diamonds and other expensive things. When you say "long trips" it means to the Caribbean, and last but not least, doubling or tripling a wardrobe for a woman is done in places like bebe, bebe sport, saks 5th avenue, macy's, etc.

You AWs with RM have life by the balls! Literally!

[slim 1,525]

sticky keys

Edited February 26, 2009 by slim

[mox 298]

sticky keys

TMI, slim. TMI.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Good advice about taking her around, and introducing her around. Also finding a Russian store, internet/tv subscriptions are good. Lots of phone cards and LOADS of patience are a must. Vika has been introduced to most of my family at this point, and that meant a great deal to her.

[slim 1,525]

I'll add another on the patience!

[Brad and Vika 129]

I'll add another on the patience!

Absolutely. It catches me by surprise occasionally when Vika does something goofy like mixing laundry, or insisting that she MUST have six new PINs for calling Ukraine (not five, not seven), and gets a little hysterical when things go wrong. She projects such an image of confidence most of the time that I forget how new and strange things are.

We had lunch at Subway a couple of days ago for example, and as most of you know things move quite fast in Subway at lunchtime. Vika was bewildered by the process and the menu, although her English is very good. I was very surprised (although in retrospect I shouldn't have been) that she was unable to keep up, and took lots of time to explain the process to her after the fact (sweetie, don't tell them what vegetables you want until the sandwich is out of the warmer and in front of the kid). She was unhappy with the experience - and it had nothing to do with the food. I am learning to do a slow ten-count in these situations, and I try to slow the bus down so she can ride too, rather than making her run behind. It is a constant challenge, but I know that in time she will be driving any way - so ruslaptis (relax)!