Husband's Change of Temper and Attitude Since Marriage

[JSVP08 3]

With all do respect; There is two sides to every story. Why are you airing your dirty laudry as this to perfect strangers and to the entire world? This isn't the Jerry Springer Show here. Your matter is very personal and I am sure your husabnd would really be upset to learn you have posted his and your personal business. You really need to read some books or gain some maturity, for you are handling this in the wrong direction and arena. If you need assistance for visajourney directly related matters and open forum light and airy and innocent matters, we join you there. But your matter is so completely personal. For you to even seek anyones advise here on your marital problems brings up warning lights, red flags and big concerns to your motive and rational. What exactly do you expect from perfect strangers here on VJ? What guidance do you want from a stranger here? Who are we to tell you or your husband how to handle marital issues? Good luck and keep it behind closed doors or with your immediate and trusting family by flesh and blood or marriage.

She came on VJ for support and guidance. Not to get your opinion. If you have any support or suggestion for her offer it otherwise stay out of this thread. For you to judge somebody so harshly brings up some of your character traits too.

danielparul- u rock!

[Sailor Moon 2]

I hope our issues would be and could be resolved soon but it is good to plan for the worst.

Would I be barred from traveling to the US in the future either of work or pleasure if I give up in my AOS now? I have a 10-year tourist visa that is valid until 2012. My former employer offered me a position in the New York branch before (but my husband said he would not wait for me until I get that job, which was about 6 months) so I gave up the work opportunity. If I go back home and they offer me the job again, would I have any problem getting a work visa?

I WOULD ONLY SAY THIS, OLD HABBITS DIE HARD,HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.. WALK WAY FROM HIM AND U WILL BE HAPPIAR ANYWHERE ELS

[sara..... 371]

i have not taken time to look thru all the answers to ur post, but one thing i did notice u stated is that he talks down to his parents for the lack of English ability or something similar to that.

if u look at the way a man treats his mother and sisters u have a pretty good idea of how he is going to treat you.

i am sure there are a few cases were that does not apply as in abuse cases or something but for the most part if he is not respectful to his mother and sisters he most likely will not be to u either

i will add u to my prayers i hope it works out what ever way is best for u

sara

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Do you have an EAD yet? Also, if you do not, please know that to work for your husband, albeit on the side, is not authorized. If it is his suggestion, it sounds very much like you are being used and abused.

What a wonderful and supportive group this is! While I am very excited and grateful to have found this forum, I am sorry to have to share some unpleasant experiences with my husband since we got married Please feel free to let me know what you think.

I am here for six months now and I am awaiting my green card approval. I remain without a job as I do not want to break any laws and am living on my savings from my former job in my home country. I noticed my husband starts losing temper very easily. Something as small as I could not hear him well and asked him to repeat twice could trigger his short temper. We had a small argument on the street tonight. I said we can talk tomorrow and it is cold. It was 1:30 am. He stopped me on the street and demanded to finish the conversation before we went somewhere warm. I told him I was very cold and he said he does not care. He also said if I talked one more word, he would throw me out on the street and I will be going home. I at times feel that this is getting abusive. I would constantly watch what I say and sometimes had rather not to say a word so to avoid conflicts.

These are only two of the many incidents that happened in the past 6 months. There are plenty more. I am not sure what I should do now. I love him and want to understand what is going on. When I told him I am upset about this and I miss home, he said I need a therapist. He would not ask me why I am upset at all. He also picked on my English accent all the time and when I did not speak right, he lost patience and said how come I cannot speak a word correctly as I spent enough time here - 6 months!

What should I do?

[clairehair 0]

This would be true under any other circumstances but the internet feels very anonymous and its not uncommon for people to do this sort of thing. Secondly, if there is going to be anyone who understands her situation it will be a forum of people who have either undergone immigration based on marriage to an American or are about to. We are a group of people she can identify with and lastly, she sounds pretty desperate and is finding comfort and support where ever she can. Of course we do not know the whole story and have not heard his side but if she is indeed with a controlling unsupportive man and has no family or friends available there to talk to she is probably feeling isolated and lonely and has few of the options that most of us have for support when faced with this sort of problem. Marital problems are bad enough without having them in a country where you have no one , they speak a different language and you know nothing about that country works. If it were me I would take help where ever it was offered , even if on a public forum.

With all do respect; There is two sides to every story. Why are you airing your dirty laundry of your marital problems to perfect strangers here and to the entire world? This isn't the Jerry Springer Show here. Your matter is very personal and I am sure your husabnd would really be upset to learn you have posted his and your personal business. You really need to read some books or gain some maturity, for you are handling this in the wrong direction and arena. If you need assistance for visajourney directly related matters and open forum light and airy and innocent matters, we join you there. But your matter is so completely personal. For you to even seek anyones advise here on your marital problems buts up warning, redflags and big concerns to your motive and rational. What exactly do you expect from perfect strangers here on VJ. What guidance do you want from a stranger here? Who are we to tell you or your husband how to handle marital issues? Good luck and keep it behind closed doors or with your immediate and trusting family by flesh and blood or marriage.

What a wonderful and supportive group this is! While I am very excited and grateful to have found this forum, I am sorry to have to share some unpleasant experiences with my husband since we got married Please feel free to let me know what you think.

I am here for six months now and I am awaiting my green card approval. I remain without a job as I do not want to break any laws and am living on my savings from my former job in my home country. I noticed my husband starts losing temper very easily. Something as small as I could not hear him well and asked him to repeat twice could trigger his short temper. We had a small argument on the street tonight. I said we can talk tomorrow and it is cold. It was 1:30 am. He stopped me on the street and demanded to finish the conversation before we went somewhere warm. I told him I was very cold and he said he does not care. He also said if I talked one more word, he would throw me out on the street and I will be going home. I at times feel that this is getting abusive. I would constantly watch what I say and sometimes had rather not to say a word so to avoid conflicts.

These are only two of the many incidents that happened in the past 6 months. There are plenty more. I am not sure what I should do now. I love him and want to understand what is going on. When I told him I am upset about this and I miss home, he said I need a therapist. He would not ask me why I am upset at all. He also picked on my English accent all the time and when I did not speak right, he lost patience and said how come I cannot speak a word correctly as I spent enough time here - 6 months!

What should I do?

[PhiLandShiR 18]

You sound quite patient to me, but from a male perspective let me say that there is no excuse for threatening a woman that way IMO.

Got that right!!!

Phil

[Nagishkaw 510]

With all do respect; There is two sides to every story. Why are you airing your dirty laudry as this to perfect strangers and to the entire world? This isn't the Jerry Springer Show here. Your matter is very personal and I am sure your husabnd would really be upset to learn you have posted his and your personal business. You really need to read some books or gain some maturity, for you are handling this in the wrong direction and arena. If you need assistance for visajourney directly related matters and open forum light and airy and innocent matters, we join you there. But your matter is so completely personal. For you to even seek anyones advise here on your marital problems brings up warning lights, red flags and big concerns to your motive and rational. What exactly do you expect from perfect strangers here on VJ? What guidance do you want from a stranger here? Who are we to tell you or your husband how to handle marital issues? Good luck and keep it behind closed doors or with your immediate and trusting family by flesh and blood or marriage.

What a wonderful and supportive group this is! While I am very excited and grateful to have found this forum, I am sorry to have to share some unpleasant experiences with my husband since we got married Please feel free to let me know what you think.

I am here for six months now and I am awaiting my green card approval. I remain without a job as I do not want to break any laws and am living on my savings from my former job in my home country. I noticed my husband starts losing temper very easily. Something as small as I could not hear him well and asked him to repeat twice could trigger his short temper. We had a small argument on the street tonight. I said we can talk tomorrow and it is cold. It was 1:30 am. He stopped me on the street and demanded to finish the conversation before we went somewhere warm. I told him I was very cold and he said he does not care. He also said if I talked one more word, he would throw me out on the street and I will be going home. I at times feel that this is getting abusive. I would constantly watch what I say and sometimes had rather not to say a word so to avoid conflicts.

These are only two of the many incidents that happened in the past 6 months. There are plenty more. I am not sure what I should do now. I love him and want to understand what is going on. When I told him I am upset about this and I miss home, he said I need a therapist. He would not ask me why I am upset at all. He also picked on my English accent all the time and when I did not speak right, he lost patience and said how come I cannot speak a word correctly as I spent enough time here - 6 months!

What should I do?

Sounds like you have already considered that you might not live forever, at least in your current form. You've seriously contemplated the possibility that you may not turn out to be the most accomplished or most envied or most anythinged person in history. Arn't these shocking wake-up calls enough?

[sam808 0]

I can feel you. I think we are both in the same situation. Except that I haven't started applying for my change of status yet.

What a wonderful and supportive group this is! While I am very excited and grateful to have found this forum, I am sorry to have to share some unpleasant experiences with my husband since we got married Please feel free to let me know what you think.

I am here for six months now and I am awaiting my green card approval. I remain without a job as I do not want to break any laws and am living on my savings from my former job in my home country. I noticed my husband starts losing temper very easily. Something as small as I could not hear him well and asked him to repeat twice could trigger his short temper. We had a small argument on the street tonight. I said we can talk tomorrow and it is cold. It was 1:30 am. He stopped me on the street and demanded to finish the conversation before we went somewhere warm. I told him I was very cold and he said he does not care. He also said if I talked one more word, he would throw me out on the street and I will be going home. I at times feel that this is getting abusive. I would constantly watch what I say and sometimes had rather not to say a word so to avoid conflicts.

These are only two of the many incidents that happened in the past 6 months. There are plenty more. I am not sure what I should do now. I love him and want to understand what is going on. When I told him I am upset about this and I miss home, he said I need a therapist. He would not ask me why I am upset at all. He also picked on my English accent all the time and when I did not speak right, he lost patience and said how come I cannot speak a word correctly as I spent enough time here - 6 months!

What should I do?

[sasha414 0]

there's nothing wrong with coming to the forum and sharing your problem, if i were in your place, i would do the same rather than worrying my family about it. trust me i know how you feel Hana. i was once in a relationship with a man who would scream at me at the slightest thing . even if i didnt hear him well , if the computer connections were slow or if i answered "ok" when he wanted me to say "yes", it would trigger screaming from him. it reached a point when i would tremble at the very thought of making a mistake and eventually i had to dump him, thank God we were not married yet. Hana, you sound like a very smart woman and you have your whole life ahead of you if you make the right choices. i hope everything is going well for you now dear, you deserve better.

[idocare 3]

Hello,

So sorry to hear about your recent discovery of your husbands behavior towards you. Like someone mentioned earlier; maybe you should pack up and go back to your country to be close to your family and friends. Your saying that the man that married you is now being so evil towards you so why are you looking to stay in this country when u only came here to be with him?( Or was it that u got a work visa to enter this country but then decided to marry)

Congrats on finding a safe haven place, but do u really need them ?

For americans bringing aliens here; this is a perfect example of what could happen to you. You can bring someone here that you barely know and they can drive u crazy then blame you for treating them bad. I frequently mentioned that the Americans should go then their spouse;s country first for an extended p0eriod of time, Really get to spend time with them.

Please everyone remember that smilin faces tell lies. Stop and take time too kow your spouse.

[bulaklak 0]

[BSK7275 0]

sad to hear these things keep happening to many of us.

[Mrs.J06 4]

We may only get your side of the story, but from what you describe he sounds like a jerk.

He has no right to treat you like this, it's very low for a native speaker to make fun of your accent - how is his Chinese coming along? And if you miss home you need a therapist? Come on... do you really want to spend the rest of your life with such a person?

I would make sure to have your immigration status sorted out and then leave - he's not worth it!

[M.O 6]

Yes, we get along at work.

My feeling and observation is he is too self-centered to be with anybody or make anybody his priority even once in a blue moon, except his patients. He is in the medical field. He is nothing like how he behaves at work in person with his family and me. He never truly consider other people's existence. He can walk into family dinner for being 2 hours late with no shame consistently and he would not stop talking even everybody on the table asks him to stop. He loves to have things his way without realizing it. He in turn accuses other people as stubborn to cut him off and not compromising.

He could be very cold emotionally but also could be demanding and needy. I also am exploring other freelance opportunities on the side so last Saturday I wanted to do some work on my own. He was not happy about it and confronted me, "what is so urgent?", "what is there to do?" and did not respect that I do want to embark on something on my own. I would think normal loving people would be supportive of each other. He could also suddenly be very passionate but the basis is everything has to be of his convenience first. He did not help me at all in my petitions. He said it is my job and it is my issue. I also paid for my own petitions. I thought it was both people's business.

As time goes by, I sometimes get impatient and frustrated myself and talk back. This is not a good direction but it is very hard to swallow everything in. Even if we finally have peaceful discussions, all the blame is on me. He would label me as an introvert (which I tend to be quieter), slow, stupid, cannot multitask, I am none of those things at least not before I moved here. I feel very beat up every day.

Now I am looking for the strength to walk out.

i would tell u to leave...He sound like a jerk, i wouldnt take it...You are not worse than him, ur a human as he is and u dont need to take all this...specially u paid for everything and he said that your business?!? what in the world? if u love me u gonna help me cos u want me near u ,so its our business not just mine...

Anyway good luck hope u solve it somehow

[M.O 6]

With all do respect; There is two sides to every story. Why are you airing your dirty laudry as this to perfect strangers and to the entire world? This isn't the Jerry Springer Show here. Your matter is very personal and I am sure your husabnd would really be upset to learn you have posted his and your personal business. You really need to read some books or gain some maturity, for you are handling this in the wrong direction and arena. If you need assistance for visajourney directly related matters and open forum light and airy and innocent matters, we join you there. But your matter is so completely personal. For you to even seek anyones advise here on your marital problems brings up warning lights, red flags and big concerns to your motive and rational. What exactly do you expect from perfect strangers here on VJ? What guidance do you want from a stranger here? Who are we to tell you or your husband how to handle marital issues? Good luck and keep it behind closed doors or with your immediate and trusting family by flesh and blood or marriage.

What a wonderful and supportive group this is! While I am very excited and grateful to have found this forum, I am sorry to have to share some unpleasant experiences with my husband since we got married Please feel free to let me know what you think.

I am here for six months now and I am awaiting my green card approval. I remain without a job as I do not want to break any laws and am living on my savings from my former job in my home country. I noticed my husband starts losing temper very easily. Something as small as I could not hear him well and asked him to repeat twice could trigger his short temper. We had a small argument on the street tonight. I said we can talk tomorrow and it is cold. It was 1:30 am. He stopped me on the street and demanded to finish the conversation before we went somewhere warm. I told him I was very cold and he said he does not care. He also said if I talked one more word, he would throw me out on the street and I will be going home. I at times feel that this is getting abusive. I would constantly watch what I say and sometimes had rather not to say a word so to avoid conflicts.

These are only two of the many incidents that happened in the past 6 months. There are plenty more. I am not sure what I should do now. I love him and want to understand what is going on. When I told him I am upset about this and I miss home, he said I need a therapist. He would not ask me why I am upset at all. He also picked on my English accent all the time and when I did not speak right, he lost patience and said how come I cannot speak a word correctly as I spent enough time here - 6 months!

What should I do?

Lisa Momeny ur rude ..u dont wanna read dont ,just go on with your life...