Thinking of Divorce

[Marc & Solika 1]

t she said see has no intimate feelings for me and I should not be so attached to her and we can just live as roomates (while I pay for everything and reform her mother's home and pay for her daughters school and housing).

Sounds that she is using you for a green card. That is not a loving statement a wife should make IMHO.

If you are unhappy with the marriage, and she is not meeting you halfway, then divorce may be the only option.

Jesus!! Why does every immigrant who stops loving their USC spouse has to be in it for the green card. Quick to judge, eh?

And if they adjusted status, the USC cannot "ship her back". SHE is a person, you know? VJ sheesh.

Either way, no matter what, when this happens, it usually seems kind of "fishy". Why go though all this to be together and then just change your mind?? Interesting. I tend to agree, possibly just wanted a visa.

[Old Dominion 26]

We love each other but apparently, I get on her nerves too much. I am the sponsor and really don't want to mess up her opportunity to study here and help out her family. Any ideas on how to make this work? If I am unhappy because she is upset all the time, is it worth four years of sticking it out.

Do I give her time to say her fairwells to class mates or give her like 2 days to pack and be on her way?

Should I get her a ticket and then let her know when she gets home that it is one way? hehe a bit mean eh? I just don't want a week of moping or arguing while she waits for her plane.

Are there ways to seperate and / or possibly let her live abroad and get this done without too much pain.

Mind you I still love her and wish she was the one but she said see has no intimate feelings for me and I should not be so attached to her and we can just live as roomates (while I pay for everything and reform her mother's home and pay for her daughters school and housing).

I take it you have been married only a few months? If so, this is the terrible adjustment time for both of you, especially her. Think over this situation for another month, give her the space she seems to want, and see if you can develop a stronger relationship without drowning her with attention. Don't send out any more cash until she discusses it with you -- discussion, meaning a two-way conversation over where this is all going.

[Noivo007 0]

We love each other but apparently, I get on her nerves too much. I am the sponsor and really don't want to mess up her opportunity to study here and help out her family. Any ideas on how to make this work? If I am unhappy because she is upset all the time, is it worth four years of sticking it out.

Do I give her time to say her fairwells to class mates or give her like 2 days to pack and be on her way?

Should I get her a ticket and then let her know when she gets home that it is one way? hehe a bit mean eh? I just don't want a week of moping or arguing while she waits for her plane.

Are there ways to seperate and / or possibly let her live abroad and get this done without too much pain.

Mind you I still love her and wish she was the one but she said see has no intimate feelings for me and I should not be so attached to her and we can just live as roomates (while I pay for everything and reform her mother's home and pay for her daughters school and housing).

I take it you have been married only a few months? If so, this is the terrible adjustment time for both of you, especially her. Think over this situation for another month, give her the space she seems to want, and see if you can develop a stronger relationship without drowning her with attention. Don't send out any more cash until she discusses it with you -- discussion, meaning a two-way conversation over where this is all going.

yes its about 3 months and there are lots of reasons that her expectations have not been met. Her getting work, learning English, seeing her daughter, us moving etc, etc. But yeah we need to talk. In terms of what was said, hey people say things. Even if they mean it, they have other feelings that may not have been said. Her cousin flip flops about her husband every week, from loving him like no other and then wishing she can leave him.

[Ladylethal 12]

From what I gather you know she just wants the GC and you're willing to help. Isn't the OP also incurring in fraud by going into an AOS for a "roomate" he knows won't stay married to him? If anyone else sees it this way I'd think it's not in our position to give advice to help fraud cases.

[Old Dominion 26]

We love each other but apparently, I get on her nerves too much. I am the sponsor and really don't want to mess up her opportunity to study here and help out her family. Any ideas on how to make this work? If I am unhappy because she is upset all the time, is it worth four years of sticking it out.

Do I give her time to say her fairwells to class mates or give her like 2 days to pack and be on her way?

Should I get her a ticket and then let her know when she gets home that it is one way? hehe a bit mean eh? I just don't want a week of moping or arguing while she waits for her plane.

Are there ways to seperate and / or possibly let her live abroad and get this done without too much pain.

Mind you I still love her and wish she was the one but she said see has no intimate feelings for me and I should not be so attached to her and we can just live as roomates (while I pay for everything and reform her mother's home and pay for her daughters school and housing).

I take it you have been married only a few months? If so, this is the terrible adjustment time for both of you, especially her. Think over this situation for another month, give her the space she seems to want, and see if you can develop a stronger relationship without drowning her with attention. Don't send out any more cash until she discusses it with you -- discussion, meaning a two-way conversation over where this is all going.

yes its about 3 months and there are lots of reasons that her expectations have not been met. Her getting work, learning English, seeing her daughter, us moving etc, etc. But yeah we need to talk. In terms of what was said, hey people say things. Even if they mean it, they have other feelings that may not have been said. Her cousin flip flops about her husband every week, from loving him like no other and then wishing she can leave him.

It's part of the adjustment process, and it's also not unusual for a sponsor to think sometimes that it's all about the green card. Maybe you can help her rewrite her expectations to fit reality -- that it's not all a bed of roses for either of you.

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

I'll be the first to tell you it's not always easy with the culture shock...and even a complete way at looking at things and problems..

Two people from different parts of the world sounds like a dream come true but it's really more work and heartache then you can imagine, is it worth it..YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Is it easy..HELL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

She needs to grow up and realize this..or she is just looking for the easy way out...

People also need to realize it's not easy here in the states..We work very hard to have the things we have..it's not the Golden Mountain they heard about, It's about hard work..just to survive..

My new wife loves being close...it's me thats not use to it , so I've learned to let the wall fall and open myself up.. it was well worth it

[Mikkel 0]

We love each other but apparently, I get on her nerves too much. I am the sponsor and really don't want to mess up her opportunity to study here and help out her family. Any ideas on how to make this work? If I am unhappy because she is upset all the time, is it worth four years of sticking it out.

Do I give her time to say her fairwells to class mates or give her like 2 days to pack and be on her way?

Should I get her a ticket and then let her know when she gets home that it is one way? hehe a bit mean eh? I just don't want a week of moping or arguing while she waits for her plane.

Are there ways to seperate and / or possibly let her live abroad and get this done without too much pain.

Mind you I still love her and wish she was the one but she said see has no intimate feelings for me and I should not be so attached to her and we can just live as roomates (while I pay for everything and reform her mother's home and pay for her daughters school and housing).

She has no intimate feelings for you, she doesn't appreciate your attachmet to her, you get on her nerves, she doesn't want your affection, but she still wants you to pick up her and her family's tabs and sponsor her citizenship illegally under false pretence, and you still say that she loves you?

You put heart, money and effort into being with her, and this is how she repays you? If her only interest was love, she'd be back with her family now. Why support her personal agendas if they do not involve you anymore? It sounds like all she's interested in is using you. Ask her when she wants to leave, and book a ticket for her right away.

[Old Dominion 26]

Only the OP knows what's best. They just need to confront and discuss the elephant in their living room before he spends any more hard-earned money on her behalf. That is the only weapon at his disposal, to help her get her stuff together.

[Noivo007 0]

My family wants me to try counseling and more time. All PM's suggest to let it go. Thanks all, PM's are appreciated.