Thinking of Divorce

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Whatever rocks your boat sister, I am just not that quick to judge. We are only getting one side of the story - and I choose to believe half of it.

But you were quick to judge *Len*, quick to judge people for one line comments, quick to judge the OP as clingy.

theres always 3 sides...his,hers and the truth of course.

Everyone knows that people dont post the whole story on a public message board, ya go with whats presented and if you wanna help or bored..you pull out some more. Or, you just give their own opinions based on whats presented. Not everyone will agree.

t she said see has no intimate feelings for me and I should not be so attached to her and we can just live as roomates (while I pay for everything and reform her mother's home and pay for her daughters school and housing).

Sounds that she is using you for a green card. That is not a loving statement a wife should make IMHO.

If you are unhappy with the marriage, and she is not meeting you halfway, then divorce may be the only option.

Jesus!! Why does every immigrant who stops loving their USC spouse has to be in it for the green card. Quick to judge, eh?

And if they adjusted status, the USC cannot "ship her back". SHE is a person, you know? VJ sheesh.

It's not everytime, and that does get thrown around too much when things just dont work out

BUT, the fact that she told him "you shouldnt be so attached to me" is pretty telling

And I am thinking: if the guy is one of those clingy needy over-bearing men; she is just telling him to back off, and so would I.

I find it upsetting that people are so damn quick to jump the gun on someone we don't even know and immediately believe the OP.

did you miss the part about.."we should live as roommates?" Its one thing to say..i need some space dear...its another to say "i have no intimate feelings and we should live as roomates"

and you are upset at assumptions but you are making them as well.

and did you miss the part where english is not the wife's first language? Who knows what the wife said exactly? She could very well have meant 'I need some space dear' with her comment(s).

back up has arrived

[Bobby+Umit 161]

and did you miss the part where english is not the wife's first language? Who knows what the wife said exactly? She could very well have meant 'I need some space dear' with her comment(s).

Can't see that in the OP. As far as I know, she speaks perfect english.

[Minya's wife 25]

t she said see has no intimate feelings for me and I should not be so attached to her and we can just live as roomates (while I pay for everything and reform her mother's home and pay for her daughters school and housing).

Sounds that she is using you for a green card. That is not a loving statement a wife should make IMHO.

If you are unhappy with the marriage, and she is not meeting you halfway, then divorce may be the only option.

Jesus!! Why does every immigrant who stops loving their USC spouse has to be in it for the green card. Quick to judge, eh?

And if they adjusted status, the USC cannot "ship her back". SHE is a person, you know? VJ sheesh.

It's not everytime, and that does get thrown around too much when things just dont work out

BUT, the fact that she told him "you shouldnt be so attached to me" is pretty telling

And I am thinking: if the guy is one of those clingy needy over-bearing men; she is just telling him to back off, and so would I.

I find it upsetting that people are so damn quick to jump the gun on someone we don't even know and immediately believe the OP.

did you miss the part about.."we should live as roommates?" Its one thing to say..i need some space dear...its another to say "i have no intimate feelings and we should live as roomates"

and you are upset at assumptions but you are making them as well.

and did you miss the part where english is not the wife's first language? Who knows what the wife said exactly? She could very well have meant 'I need some space dear' with her comment(s).

back up has arrived

[Noivo007 0]

Thanks all for the quick reply. The story is long and sorted but yes I am a fool for love and really don't much care what her motives are. I like her as a person. We just don't mix as well as we had hoped. I believe she came here for love. We met through friends of mine.

After the 3 month k-1 period here in the states, and a few arguments, she may have done it for convenience. We met 7 years ago with a long gap including us getting serious once she was pregnant. I was nuts for her baby but she could not leave the dad. These stories get long and its impossible to give an accurate picture unless you are a Pulitzer prize winner which i am not. I would love her to have the best chance to change her live.

She thinks she is the type who needs to be alone with her and her daughter. She didn't have to tell me that. And it was me who suggested the roommates thing first. I was willing to do anything to make her happy. Its just that the roommates situation is hard when I still get on her nerves hahah.

Anyway, my main thing is how long will this relationship have to last for her to get on her feet and GC. How does doing it as a separated couple work? I still want the best for her and her daughter. I would love for to go home and forget about the US. Maybe that will be the case. She really misses home.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

She can only adjust status based on her marriage to you; and this has to be a bona fide marriage for which you need to present proof. These are dangerous waters, so be careful.

[Noivo007 0]

and did you miss the part where english is not the wife's first language? Who knows what the wife said exactly? She could very well have meant 'I need some space dear' with her comment(s).

Can't see that in the OP. As far as I know, she speaks perfect english.

Thanks for giving the benefit of the doubt. She doesn't speak English yet . I believe the comment meant 1) you need more wood in the fire so to speak (there are things that I don't "do" for her anymore, but I have been working on) and also 2) because of our situation, there wont be any huggy kissy cause a) I am not really into that and anyway B) 1 is making a) even worse.

[Minya's wife 25]

You're trying to write a book rather than giving facts. You married within the 90 days allotted on her K-1, and now what? Has the I-485 been filed for her and the child?

[aljhel 0]

I'd buy here a ticket back to her country, report her to ICE for immigration fraud so she couldn't come back

Make a statement of what happened and whats going on and document.

buy her a ticket, pack her stuff while she is away, tell her what's up when you get to the airport

[Minya's wife 25]

I'd buy here a ticket back to her country, report her to ICE for immigration fraud so she couldn't come back

Make a statement of what happened and whats going on and document.

Aaaawheeeallll, did you read the whole thread? Your comment is so not on topic, or helpful.

[dxt7339 1]

t she said see has no intimate feelings for me and I should not be so attached to her and we can just live as roomates (while I pay for everything and reform her mother's home and pay for her daughters school and housing).

Sounds that she is using you for a green card. That is not a loving statement a wife should make IMHO.

If you are unhappy with the marriage, and she is not meeting you halfway, then divorce may be the only option.

Jesus!! Why does every immigrant who stops loving their USC spouse has to be in it for the green card. Quick to judge, eh?

And if they adjusted status, the USC cannot "ship her back". SHE is a person, you know? VJ sheesh.

Whether sge is in it for the green card or not, she is not into this marriqage. She wants to live as roommates, while he foots the bill. This is not love or marriage. He should get out of this as soon as possible.

[Noivo007 0]

You're trying to write a book rather than giving facts. You married within the 90 days allotted on her K-1, and now what? Has the I-485 been filed for her and the child?

Thanks for getting me focused. Sorry about the book, flushing out my thoughts before I act or overact unwisely. I don't like the fact of giving up on a marriage.

Fact- We got married on K-1 within 90 days

Fact- I Have yet to send in the I-485

I would like to consider separating before divorce

Fact - I am would like to know if anyone has experience with this type of marriage.

Fact - I have 2 American friends married for 10 years. They lived separately, one in the east coast and the other in the west coast for 8 years. When they moved in together, the got divorced within 2 years. I view my marriage as bonifide as their marriage.

Fact - She asked me if I would consider living separately as a married couple in HER country. (her mom lives seperately from her new boyfriend because they couldn't live well together)

Edited February 21, 2009 by Noivo007

[Noivo007 0]

maybe try marriage counseling, and talk less.

simple is sometimes best. funny though a friend of mine did the same thing, (both of them are brazilian and were living here). He told me, save the 100 bucks, I will tell you what the counseler told me, "buy her a plane ticket"

Edited February 21, 2009 by Noivo007

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Good that you ask for facts.

FACT- If you have not adjusted status; once her visa expires she will be out of status and subject to deportation.

FACT- a bona fide marriage for the purposes of immigration where you both live in the US requires common residence. So no, living apart does not cut it in your specific case.

FACT- I also know a lot -well, some- academic couples who live/teach in different states and remain married. But their marriages are not an issue since they are US citizens.

FACT- it does not matter what counts as marriage in her country. what matters are the rules clearly laid out by USCIS.

Best of luck.

[Noivo007 0]

It believe that after the conditional residency, you can live separately, but in order to have the conditions removed you most show proof of a bona fide marriage by sharing property or having a child. Any info on this?

Edited February 21, 2009 by Noivo007

[diadromous mermaid 36]

It believe that after the conditional residency, you can live separately, but in order to have the conditions removed you most show proof of a bona fide marriage by sharing property or having a child. Any info on this?

After an alien has acquired PR, yes, separation does not preclude the alien's ability to remove conditions jointly with his or her USC spouse. Of course, the alien must be able to demonstrate that the marriage was bona fide, and one of the criteria used to help to establish that is a child born of the marriage. Not born outside of the marriage. But that is just one piece of evidence.