Accused of rape

[gimygirl 0]

well im glad you found the man of your dreams ... best of luck!

[milestogo 0]

Many of these types of accusations ARE false. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? I applaud her for using her judgement and not jumping to the negative conclusion. It seems if I want to ruin a life in most of your eyes all I have to do is ACCUSE someone of a terrible crime.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Many of these types of accusations ARE false.

This fact comes from where?

We could say most women will never report this kind of incident, and some that do back out because of the embarassment factor. I am not saying this man is guilty, but I refuse to agree that the woman is a "crazy liar" either. Two sides to every story, and no one knows the truth but the two persons involved! Since one is unable to defend herself all you have is what someone else assumes, so it is a two way street can't say he is innocent, and you can't say she is a liar.

The OP points out "he isn't the type", my question is what is the type? A Priest wouldn't fit my type as child molesters and rapists but hey it happens quite often. Rapists range from a wide variety of social backgrounds, just because we love someone doesn't make them an innocent party. I would guess you could find plenty of people out there that would never think a family member would molest their child, but that happens too!

A big problem with battered and abused women, with a policeman standing in front of her witnessing her bruises and pain she may well press charges, but then later back down because she no longer has the protection to follow through. Does this make the person doing the abuse all of the sudden innocent because the woman is to fearful to follow through?

Personally it would have been a red flag for me from the start, but hey to each his own, I wish the OP a happy life and an easy journey if this is what she wants.

B

[TracyTN 237]

Nat, I sure am sorry that you didn't expect to get the responses that you did. But I can't fathom how you thought that a topic like this wouldn't envoke strong reactions about your well being. Just boggles the mind.

At any rate, you're very set on this relationship, so I hope it turns out how you think it will.

[Girona40 0]

False Accusations

For those of you that believe women DO NOT make false accusations of sexual misconduct, or believe that women are not capable of lying about such things, perhaps a little light reading will help you realise that is not always the case.

I hope it all goes well, Nat, and that you and your fiance are very happy.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

False Accusations

For those of you that believe women DO NOT make false accusations of sexual misconduct, or believe that women are not capable of lying about such things, perhaps a little light reading will help you realise that is not always the case.

I hope it all goes well, Nat, and that you and your fiance are very happy.

Can't find a post that states women don't lie, but then men lie too.

8% false accusations doesn't impress me much, 92% truthful accusations and factoring in all of the cases that go unreported my guess is rape is a huge problem vs the few women stupid enough to make false accusations to get even with a man.

B

[zethris 0]

OK NOW;

I have NOT asked anyone to judge the man I love!

I KNOW he NEVER raped anyone.And he told me about this story right after we met so I knew it all the time.

I HAVE BEEN raped twice and by God I know Jim is NOT the type of guy who would ever rape someone.

He is the most gentle and loving man I know.He takes my son who's got ADHD and is really difficult to deal with the way he is and doesn't treat anyone badly.

This "woman" was simply pissed off at Jim for NOT doing anything anymore after he told her he didn't want to see her anymore.And then she turned around claiming he raped her and on top of that that she was pregnant.

Now how come there's no child????? How come she never sued for child support?????? How come she never showed up in court???? How come there was no medical evidence that she WAS raped???

Sorry people but I KNOW my man and I kow for reason that I surley wont discuss here that he would never rape anyone and never did.

I know exactly what I'm getting myself into with that man and I know he's the best thing that ever happened to me and my son!!!!!!

I love him with all my heart and so does my 5 year old.

As for losing his job,

his BOSS told me it had nothing to do with his work performance,they simply didn't have enough work anymore and since he was the last one hired he was the first one to go.

Cable and DSL,oh well....he's a man and after all it's HIS money.

And as for him chatting with other women,hey as long as he's just TALKING who cares????

It's MY life and I love him and I know he loves me so why is it that people think they have the right to judge someone they don't even know???????????

I asked a simple question regarding the new I 129 F form that's all.

I don't want nor do I need someone to lecture me !

Thanks to the few that didn't and just gave me advice!

NAT

All I asked is that you not judge HER. Unless you were in the room you have no idea what happened. You know one half of the story and I doubt very seriously whether he would confess to you if indeed he had raped her. You are living in a fantasy world and if you don't want others to judge you or your SO then you certainly do not need to pass judgement on the girl who claimed she was raped. You not only asked advice but made statements against the other party. It sounds like this guy is Mr. Perfect and you might just be a bit desperate. Yeah, right.

LS

Well lets be more realistic folks, rape victims, while even well intentioned, tend to have "tendancies" that we would consider a malfunction. Ultimatly misery loves company. Nothing against you Nat, thats not the intention here. But the odds are against you. Yet, you are still free (thank heavans you are still alive) to make choices. There is no need for judgement, nor looking to find forms of judgement to "prove your case" and vindicate ignoring what you know deep down inside as possible red flags.

Do as you will. But as a community of many who has seen much, there is a set pattern that many of us see. We want to be your friend. To be honest, by the fact we know you exist, there is a great ammount of love we have for you. We want you to be great!

So please just take the comments by those of us who have less tact (including me) as just fair warnings. Please evaluate your life and your situation very carefully. Questioning your love, and your partner is NOT a bad thing! It is very wise to constantly question it so that you can be absolutely sure up until the minute you are scheduled to tie the know that he/she is the safest choice to lift you up and build you up the rest of your life. This social taboo of questioning "love" and other such nonsense is a totaly vile tradition and leads to many battered spouses, beaten children, and divorce when "the real person comes out" after the papers are signed and the doors are closed.

I hope and pray that you are humble enough to just give it a try and put aside being caught up in this long moment and avoiding some critical questions that should be asked, and more time spent to know this person.

Edited June 17, 2006 by zethris

[aussiewench 9]

O Gosh I just read the new I 129F form.......

OK here's the story,

my boyfriend has been accused of raping some girl years ago,from what I know she pressed charges against him but she never showed up in court and the case was dismissed.He was not convicted or anything.The woman was nothing but a liar and did this to him oput of God knows what reasons.

Now my question is what would he have to put in? Does all this effect him since there has never been a conviction?????????

Nat

Nat

The form is asking if any convictions. If there was no conviction then one would not have to include it.

If there had been a conviction he would have to check the appropriate box listed and obtain the police and court records.

All the best to you.

Lorelle

[Abena 0]

Nat,

You seem to be satisfied with who your fiance is, and frankly that's what's important in your relationship with him. Not what other people speculate about him. He's obviously not perfect, but who is?

People can get very mean when relationships don't work out or expectations are not met, and try many schemes to destroy each other. It's not new! Like advised, get the police record to give yourself the confirmation you need, and try to get through this process and smoothly as you can.

Hang in there, and all the best.

[Chuckles 0]

False Accusations

For those of you that believe women DO NOT make false accusations of sexual misconduct, or believe that women are not capable of lying about such things, perhaps a little light reading will help you realise that is not always the case.

I hope it all goes well, Nat, and that you and your fiance are very happy.

Can't find a post that states women don't lie, but then men lie too.

8% false accusations doesn't impress me much, 92% truthful accusations and factoring in all of the cases that go unreported my guess is rape is a huge problem vs the few women stupid enough to make false accusations to get even with a man.

B

In fairness, that number is estimated at 60% by that study. If that is the case, it sounds like a serious problem to me.

"The McDowell team did in fact address these questions in follow-up studies. They recruited independent reviewers who were given 25 criteria derived from the profiles of the women who openly admitted making a false allegation. If all three reviewers agreed that the rape allegation was false, it was then listed by that description. The result: 60% of the accusations were identified as false. McDowell also took his study outside the military by examining police files from a major midwestern and a southwestern city. He found that the finding of 60% held (Farrell, 1993, pp. 321-329)."

Edited June 17, 2006 by Chuckles

[Jenn! 918]

To the OP, I agree with everyone who said that since this was not a conviction it should have no bearing on your case. I was as surprised as you were at the reactions you got here. I don't know your back story, but what reason should you have to doubt your fiance? Good luck to you.

I just thought I'd mention the Duke rape case here.....Is there anyone who thinks that that wasn't a false accusation??? I do believe it happens all the time.

[Chuckles 0]

To the OP, I agree with everyone who said that since this was not a conviction it should have no bearing on your case. I was as surprised as you were at the reactions you got here. I don't know your back story, but what reason should you have to doubt your fiance? Good luck to you.

I just thought I'd mention the Duke rape case here.....Is there anyone who thinks that that wasn't a false accusation??? I do believe it happens all the time.

The Duke case is strange. If it was completely false, I would have thought she would have confessed by now because all the press coverage. Anyway, what were those boys doing with a stripper in a bathroom? Somehow I think they are guilty of at least major stupidity.

[meauxna 15]

Just because....

I know someone who just completed his trial on 3 sexual assault charges (incl rape) this week.

Not Guilty on al three charges.

The story was *totally* trumped up as a revenge tactic by the woman (an ex co worker of his). The DA, bless his heart, gave her the benefit of the doubt and went ahead with the paperthin case.

When I first heard he was arrested, I figured he did it. I learned a lot about that process over this past year. False accusations do happen.

[Chuckles 0]

I really want to resist adding this, cause I know it will get flamed, but I feel I have to.

Men and women have a problem with jealousy. It is equal. However, there are women out there who will take advantage of the court systems to lash out at a former lover. The laws and the court systems are set up to be sensitive to women. I'm not saying they should not be that way, I'm saying there are women who use this to seriously hurt a man, and its not fair. I'm suprised there are many people out there who will not acknowledge this.

Rape is serious, and like the case meauxna talks about, prosecuters are hesitant to disregard any case. To me, this is an issue men have to deal with that tends to get swept under the carpet.

[Jenn! 918]

I really want to resist adding this, cause I know it will get flamed, but I feel I have to.

Men and women have a problem with jealousy. It is equal. However, there are women out there who will take advantage of the court systems to lash out at a former lover. The laws and the court systems are set up to be sensitive to women. I'm not saying they should not be that way, I'm saying there are women who use this to seriously hurt a man, and its not fair. I'm suprised there are many people out there who will not acknowledge this.

Rape is serious, and like the case meauxna talks about, prosecuters are hesitant to disregard any case. To me, this is an issue men have to deal with that tends to get swept under the carpet.

Add sexual harassment to that too.... Or really any crime where it's just one person's word against another's...

Edited June 17, 2006 by jenn3539