Yardies at home and Farrin (part13)

[JOURNEE1125 0]

I guess I am just wishing. I am afraid it is going to hurt.

[jawi876 2]

sus.. this rings true w/ ur man, ur relative, american , jamaican WHATEVER.. limits must be set, we must love ourselves more than we love our relationship..

i gave my 2 cents at the beginning so i won't rehash.. as usual, i say just expect the same things u would expect ur husband to do here.. worse economy or not, would u take care of ur american husband just cuz he works at mcdonalds and u are a dr.. some women would and if so, more power to u! but if not, us don't have to do it for u jamaican husband either..

jawi on the note about listing things to defend ur relationship.. altho i may do it more internally and not post for advice, thats is my thinking process.. i do it for EVERYTHING not just my relationship w/ RG, relationships w/ americans, decisions on what church i should join (still havent joined anywhere, its been 6 mnths UGH), what my kids should do for the weekend lol ANYTHING

i am very analytical and i am constantly sizing up my options.. thinking about the consequences of each..pondering. ive been told i am too cautious but hey..

i am just saying that sometimes listing attributes such as "ive known him this long, or he doesn't ask for money, or he buys min to talk to me" is just our way of sizing him up..no different than when u are thinking about a serious relationship here u might say "well he is nice to my kids, at least he have a job, he spends all his free time w/ me" some of us are that crazy heehee..

u said it urself, ldr = u don't know the man as well as u could, so no matter how much u believe that man love u (and Lord knows i believe RG does) there is still that level of anxiety.. is it a red flag not necessarily, again like u said, i am following my gut instincts and so far even w/ the anxiety, things are pointing UP..

Oh okay...I understand. I didn't think of that last night. My heart just felt really heavy because I just feel that we definitely should be more understanding of these LDRs because we are all going through the same thing in some way or another and none of us should have to feel like we have to defend our relationship here on VJ.

On the point in bold, I don't think that is very realistic for A LOT of the women on here...myself included. I also don't think alot of women would still be in the LDRs if they honestly felt like he would be able to contribute the same monetary amounts as she does. But, I have never been a woman that judged a man's worth by the size of his wallet or what he was able to do for me. My mother raised me and my sister to be very independent. No, I'm not taking care of any man regardless of where he lives or comes from. But, I also understand the limits on my man's wallet so I don't sweat small stuff like Sus said.

I think you know if you are getting played or hustled...whether you choose to ignore it is up to you.

Excellent and fair point JAWI,

We all invest something, time, food, money, physical, patience. But it is when it becomes an Issue or situation that the person should be concerned. Everyone has the one last straw!

Just keep your eyes opend and stay focused on what You feel You Deserve!

Exactly! That's what I was trying to convey last night in my response to you.

Hey ladies, wha gwaan?

interesting topic.....LOL... Journee if you flinging stones can you FLING SOME MIDOL my way cause for the last week i dont know whether to or or i absolutely hate being so not in control of my emotions, but this month is particularly rough....

The st Johns wort, aint working, i think im gonna have to double up, or find something stronger.....

.....like ganja, or crack or alcohol ( SIGH) ( j/k)

I know I say this all the time...but you are a natural nut...from the day you were born. LOL LOL LOL Weren't you just swearing by the virtues of St. Johns wort last month this time? LAWD!!!!

Quana:

i agree w/ u jawi.. if someone trying to get here on a visa KNOWS that u have a problem w/ men asking for money then he wont ask and will try to show himself honorable in that area.. BELIEVE me i used to ponder that one day and night..

Exactly if you tell him what your red flags are...he will avoid those red flags...for a while at least.

Jamerican:

Well, he just sent a message....Honey I failed... Then he called to say they barely even asked him 4 questions....it wasnt a good fit. They needed farm workers and he works in an office situation. I am a true beleiver that everything happens for a reason and thus...something better is awaiting him and we will make it through this journey...pinching penny's!

Just feel bad cause he is feeling beaten down..... Chearleader Moira to the rescue...ra ra ra!!!

Awww...I'm so sorry Jamerican. You are right everything happens for a reason and in its own time. I know that sounds so cliche sometimes. A was under the impression that he would go to Canada and be able to move us into a bigger house on his earnings. He even went as far as to ask me how would I like our room to be built and what he wanted it to be. That bubble burst very quickly after the first week of working in -30 degree temps. LOL With God's continued blessings, maybe one day we will have our dream bedroom.

I'm still trying to get prego and no luck yet. I'm disappointed every month

Ok, Wakey about this post...Chica, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remember...we are on HIS time...not him on OURS!! Try not to be disappointed every month...gosh that must kill a little piece of you inside. It hurt mine just to read it!

I so know how you feel! Just chalk it up to ...'Well, G-d has something else planned for me this month!' He ALWAYS has a bigger plan in mind for us...but we just can't see the full 100 yet! Just trust in him and YOUR MONTH...or nine months as the case may be will come!!

Stay blessed,

Gill

Thanks Gill. I know it hurts baby sis...but trust God and His infinite Wisdom and time. I love you.

Ja Honey

jUST tAK it ez!

It will all work. The beauty of being a woman is we are allowed to be emotional! Society has somewhat taken that from us and marked it as being a ###### or crazy. But we are emotional we just have to know when to eloquently apply it. I am emotional as hell. I apply it when I want and as much as I want . Hell I guess I am crazy! lmao

I am just defensive by nature. Sometimes emailing and cyber chatting can come off as harsh and that was not my intention. But as a jamaican child told me. "Mi na leave mi head at home wit mi mudda". I can think for my self. And at times people will say things in a "round about" way. So I may have to throw some dayum stones back.

And if they dont hit "Your Windown/ or Bust your head". Dont worry yourself!

Even if I am wrong in how I understood the reply, I will still defend my positon!

And I am still humming Jilly from Philly

There was nothing "round about" in my response...regardless of what someone may say in PM to you. I am going to always stand by what I feel and be true to myself first. I don't have to do PM chat to say what I feel. Nor, do I need someone to "ruffle my feathers" so I can laughingly "act crazy." Somebody may see this as me arguing with you...but I don't. I think we are have a healthy exchange of ideas. I hope from my heart that I get to know you better, and that we become fast friends.

In bold, I thought the same EXACT thing when you posted about how to determine if your man is using you. I felt it was judgemental based on your own experiences and your statement that noone was more qualified than you to speak on the subject matter. However, there are many women going through the very thing you posted whether they ever post or not. I just wanted us ALL (me included) to stop judging each other and our relationships based on what would be breaking points for us individually. Every person and couple is different. FOR EXAMPLE: you may never date a man that can't provide for you financially or at least equally. However, there may be another woman here that was beat and controlled for years by a man that provided financially and all she wants is a man that supports her emotionally and lovingly. Does that mean she is being used by the new man? Nope...means that they reached their own compromise for what works in their relationship.

So if your position is to call me a hater...so be it. I have had worse said...and probably will long after I leave this Earth. Much respect and love to you same way ((((Journee)))

Honestly Jawi, I am not offended. I play alot and I was laughing at it all. I recieved ALOTT of pm referencing it and that is the reason for some of my board responses.

I am self employed and I am able to take "some" of my work with me. I have an excellent team that works with me in the states and we hold each other down when we are away. 2 of the ladies that work with me have SO's who live outside of the US. I just know that MY Sweetie is worth it. And he helps me tremendously.

I am on the board quite a bit I just dont post this much .LMAO

Really? Wow.

No octomom for me but I'm good with 2!!

What? Cause you think I'm going to babysit huh?

Shem, thanks for sending me that diet,,,, as you can see today the diet is shot to hell ... i did good last night though

hopefully tomorrow will be a better day ( )

Think about that dress when you get ready to kill your diet. You have a dress to stay in remember. Now, you need to do about 900 sit ups to combat what you just did missy.

Now it's my turn to agree with Jawi - preach on, sista!

I thought that was what I was conveying last night. I guess I should just stop posting huh? But, I won't. LMAO

[Ellsinlove 2]

Poopy darn! I just missed the pre-sale for Ben Harper @ the Fillmore on May 27! I was 20 minutes too late to score even ONE ticket! Well, as everyone on here always says, God has a different plan. Maybe this means I'll be in Jamaica on that date at my mister's interview!

[wakeywakeup 1]

Jawi my dear sis..you knoa yi babysit days soon come!!

What is this Igor's list in your siggy??

[dillon 6]

Hi Everyone! WOW!! Full House. Welcome back Dillon I am going back to catch up and then be back to chat with whomever is still around. See ya!

Hi Shaunsgal! We should meet up soon.

[Tosh Love 77]

Just an FYI for anyone traveling from or by of of STL. Worryfree has rt tickets for $219 3 hr non stop!

http://www.worryfreevacations.com/specials...?originCode=STL

AMEN to that! That is the only way I was able to survive my LDR with Shaun. 3 and a half hours and I am in Montego Bay! and sometimes the price was as low as 180.00

Edited March 25, 2009 by Shaunsgal

[Ellsinlove 2]

They have that beach bag in Bed, bath and beyond - saw it the other day

Hey, the one they have there is $10 cheaper than the 'brand name' one!

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.as...amp;RN=127&

Bed, Bath and Beyond makes me drool!

[jawi876 2]

Wakey, TYPEEOO posted a website called hourglassangel, where you can buy something to give you a coke bottle shape, so i guess i will be on there also....hahahaha

those things look so neat, but a girdle pains me so bad.. i don't think i could do it.. a friend of mine wears them faithfully.. she say, when she take it off di men be like LOL very deceiving LOL

Jawi my dear sis..you knoa yi babysit days soon come!!

What is this Igor's list in your siggy??

Uh-uh...I'm just going to sit and drool right along with them. LOL. Igor's list is just another way to keep from putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger waiting for USCIS to make a damn decision. It's a little feel good counter to see your name move ever so slightly up the list. *sigh*

Hi Everyone! WOW!! Full House. Welcome back Dillon I am going back to catch up and then be back to chat with whomever is still around. See ya!

Hi Shaunsgal! We should meet up soon.

Congrats again Dill. Do you mind if I link you offline?

Just an FYI for anyone traveling from or by of of STL. Worryfree has rt tickets for $219 3 hr non stop!

http://www.worryfreevacations.com/specials...?originCode=STL

AMEN to that! That is the only way I was able to survive my LDR with Shaun. 3 and a half hours and I am in Montego Bay! and sometimes the price was as low as 180.00

mumbling and cussing under my breath with righteous jealousy. *&&))*__#$#$jouofu34@@@!

[wakeywakeup 1]

Oh okay...I understand. I didn't think of that last night. My heart just felt really heavy because I just feel that we definitely should be more understanding of these LDRs because we are all going through the same thing in some way or another and none of us should have to feel like we have to defend our relationship here on VJ.

On the point in bold, I don't think that is very realistic for A LOT of the women on here...myself included. I also don't think alot of women would still be in the LDRs if they honestly felt like he would be able to contribute the same monetary amounts as she does. But, I have never been a woman that judged a man's worth by the size of his wallet or what he was able to do for me. My mother raised me and my sister to be very independent. No, I'm not taking care of any man regardless of where he lives or comes from. But, I also understand the limits on my man's wallet so I don't sweat small stuff like Sus said.

I think you know if you are getting played or hustled...whether you choose to ignore it is up to you.

Man I totally agree with this..each person decides when enough is enough for them and has to have a healthy balance in relationships!

[jawi876 2]

quana nothing worse than a girdle that squeezes the fat to the top, then you looking all sleek till you sit down and once you do sit you cant breathe cause all the fat is pushed up under your chin cutting off your air...LOL

can't do girdles. put one on once for a wedding and took it off in the limo before getting to the church. I got out of the limo and put the bottom part of my dress on. I damn near suffocated my hips I felt so much better.

yuh see it!!! mi cyaan manage, they say those all over ones are better but i just have to let that back fat and that belly hang LOL im too scared to try again LOL

Lawny I did this at work once. I went commando the rest of the day...PLLLEAAAUUUUSSSEEE!!! Quana I can't manage them either. I'm even afraid to purchase Spanx. I will just have to deal with having two booties...one in back and one in front. LMAO

[wakeywakeup 1]

quana nothing worse than a girdle that squeezes the fat to the top, then you looking all sleek till you sit down and once you do sit you cant breathe cause all the fat is pushed up under your chin cutting off your air...LOL

can't do girdles. put one on once for a wedding and took it off in the limo before getting to the church. I got out of the limo and put the bottom part of my dress on. I damn near suffocated my hips I felt so much better.

yuh see it!!! mi cyaan manage, they say those all over ones are better but i just have to let that back fat and that belly hang LOL im too scared to try again LOL

Lawny I did this at work once. I went commando the rest of the day...PLLLEAAAUUUUSSSEEE!!! Quana I can't manage them either. I'm even afraid to purchase Spanx. I will just have to deal with having two booties...one in back and one in front. LMAO

Pain is good.. Girdles are wonderful!

[jawi876 2]

quana nothing worse than a girdle that squeezes the fat to the top, then you looking all sleek till you sit down and once you do sit you cant breathe cause all the fat is pushed up under your chin cutting off your air...LOL

can't do girdles. put one on once for a wedding and took it off in the limo before getting to the church. I got out of the limo and put the bottom part of my dress on. I damn near suffocated my hips I felt so much better.

yuh see it!!! mi cyaan manage, they say those all over ones are better but i just have to let that back fat and that belly hang LOL im too scared to try again LOL

Lawny I did this at work once. I went commando the rest of the day...PLLLEAAAUUUUSSSEEE!!! Quana I can't manage them either. I'm even afraid to purchase Spanx. I will just have to deal with having two booties...one in back and one in front. LMAO

Pain is good.. Girdles are wonderful!

Nuh uh! Pain is not good. People looking at me will just have to wonder if I'm part kangaroo because of the big old pouch in the front.

[phillyfashionista 8]

Well, he just sent a message....Honey I failed... Then he called to say they barely even asked him 4 questions....it wasnt a good fit. They needed farm workers and he works in an office situation. I am a true beleiver that everything happens for a reason and thus...something better is awaiting him and we will make it through this journey...pinching penny's!

Just feel bad cause he is feeling beaten down..... Chearleader Moira to the rescue...ra ra ra!!!!

Moira I am so sorry to hear this, I know he is disappointed, but don't despair everything happens for a reason. When the Creator closes one door he opens a Window

Ok...Kashi cannot wait for warm weather..hehehee..he keeps making plans on what we're gonna do on that wkend and this wken..I AM SOO FRUSTRATED WITH THIS DAMN COLD WEATHER!! today is not so bad though..but mi tired a it

Add me to that list... although you guys are ahead of us. When I was in NYC I saw FLOWERS coming up! I still have snowbanks...

Add me too I am in need of the sun! Dang you have snowbanks? Sorry

where is philly at ????( looking around)

well not only have i shot FATSMASH To hell today with TACO bell, now im eating a walnut marshmallow fudge caramel drizzled brownie, with a huge cup of coffee, while i chill at Borders and do ppwk just to get out the office from the phones ringing and the crazy people for a minute.

Lawny far as them booty exercises, thats too much work, mi knoa haf time for all that, im just gonna invest in some booty pads like everyone else...LOL

14 days JA Soon come... beer belly, muffin top and ALL !!!

LOL Hey JA HOney

I was in a meeting mi deh ya, girl you so crazy with the muffin top and booty pads HUSH you making me choke on my juice What happened to us Fat Smashing I have to get you motivated

Wakey, stay strong girl, baby soon come, when the time is right.

Moira, send mr reid some encouragement from da yardies dem..

quana, you can have all the extra bosoms i got in exchange for a batty...LOL

nothing cute about safety pinning your blouses if they gap cause your boobs, if you buy extra large they too big,, in church singing in the choir and notice the deacons on the front pews eyeballing you with they ol nasty tails and notice your top has popped a button loose, nah sir, no fun at all...lol

Octupulets @ Wakey

LOL I feel you I am in the same boat I have 46 DDDs used ot be 48DDD before I lost weight an I damn near kill myself exercising sports bra or not!

Hey ladies, for those of you who can pull off the shorter dress styles, check this out. I saw the link yesterday from another Jamaica friend who swears by them and has three she takes on her trips there.

http://www.thesaress.com/

These are nice Ells I may have to cop one of these

Ells did you notice the chic in the link you can see her ribs, now yeah her dress looks amazing on her skinny azz, what would it look like on a FLUFFY chic?? im pretty sure not like that

quana nothing worse than a girdle that squeezes the fat to the top, then you looking all sleek till you sit down and once you do sit you cant breathe cause all the fat is pushed up under your chin cutting off your air...LOL

JA Honey HUSH :rofl: You trying to take Lawny's spot making me laugh so hard my belly hurts :rofl:

[Tosh Love 77]

Than you so much JAWI for this quote:

FOR EXAMPLE: you may never date a man that can't provide for you financially or at least equally. However, there may be another woman here that was beat and controlled for years by a man that provided financially and all she wants is a man that supports her emotionally and lovingly. Does that mean she is being used by the new man? Nope...means that they reached their own compromise for what works in their relationship.

I was beginning to feel so guilty because I did not necessary agree that if you contribute more financially than your SO then he does not love you. I am by no means a rich person, but financial independence is not on my top ten list of what I need from my partner. Everyone looks for something different from their partner. This is not a one-size-fits all world where a plus b always equals c. This is just my humble opinion!

Edited March 25, 2009 by Shaunsgal

[culture1 0]

Wow...it's hard to stay on top on this thread.....so much to talk about!! my home computer is broke, so this is my only work time to peek in.

even though i don't chime in much, i just want you all to know how helpful all this is...just knowing that others are going thru these issues....LDR's...its a real blessing

Dillon....looking forward to hearing about your interview.

me...still waiting, no news, cept they finally emailed me back with " no, no further information needed. no date of interview to report"....at least it was an answer.

My SO......he works when he can...i work 40-50 hours /week...so if i need to help out, i do...but it's not too often that he asks. I've never had anyone support me, don't plan to support anyone but me.....BUT, plans and reality don't mesh. And yep, trust your guts, ladies...........love can be blind, but my guts never lie.

Ells...you in bay area? let's get together!

Love to all....Culture1