Yardies at home and Farrin (part13)

[JOURNEE1125 0]

I am phenonminal Hot Legz

I return to the states this coming monday. So that is exciting. Everything here in Negril is on the up. Contrary to what some people may think or have told Spring Break has been very busy so I have had a good time. I finally got my internet connection so I guess I am excited about my simple pleasures

[JOURNEE1125 0]

My guy recently paid 150 us for 5 vaccines at mobayhope, plus a tip 'to make it good'...whatever the going bribery charge is. The police records cost $100 us. I never believe in the set fee...it is all subject to change ..and who's asking.

If anyone needs a great place to stay close to Mobay airport...my friend in Coral Garden has a villa up on the hill, awesome views, safe...3 gen of women, cooking up the best homestyle , very reasonable rates for both rooms in the main house and a single studio apt/kitchenette. These people are GREAT and can take great care of both short or longer visits. Hit me up for details if you like.

ya know this economy is hitting Jamaica real hard, and i get lots of requests to help out. i'm almost about to change my number ...but waiting to get this interview passage to go thru, then many changes ahead. But how do you deal with the money requests...or bring this/that for everyone...and those you haven't met yet!!!

Oh, i'm dying for some spooning........

Hi Culture.

I dont think anyone here is better equipped to answer this question than me. I visit my SO every month in Negril SINCE APRIL 2007. (I have the passport to prove it) And the way I deal with request is I say NO!!!!

First of all you have to pay for what they are asking for.(mOST OF THE PEOPLE ASKING WILL PROMISE TO PAY "you back", can someone please start a forum on how many people recieved their money back !!! I can wait!)

Then you have to pay the cost of your checked baggage. If you get "Caught up" in customs you could be responsible for paying duty! And above all you will never be able to keep up with the request! Each time you bring a requested item. YOU WILL HAVE MORE DAYUM REQUEST!

The man that sells chicken in town in Negril told my SO to ask me to bring him a microwave!!! My SO told him NOT "go to hell" But go to Sav! Sav La mAR THAT IS , BIG STORES WITH CHEAPPER ######! LMAO

Seriously though. Apply a level of common sense. If you are the type of woman who bought alot things for you last relationship in the states. And you are still "NOT HAPPLY INVOLVED WITH THAT PERSON". Then understand that saying "No will kill this relationship, If it is ment to be"

I challenge some of the ladies to eliminate the monitary investments, gifts, and treats of the relationships for 60 days and see if the relationship is still so happy or even exsistent.

Remember ladies we can only be "USED" if we allow ourselves to be "USED UP"

[JOURNEE1125 0]

Hi Culture. (i EDITED MY LAST REPLY SORRY)

I dont think anyone here is better equipped to answer this question than me. I visit my SO every month in Negril SINCE APRIL 2007. (I have the passport to prove it) And the way I deal with request is I say NO!!!!

First of all, you have to pay for what they are asking for.(MOST OF THE PEOPLE ASKING WILL PROMISE TO PAY "you back"), can someone please start a forum on how many people recieved their money back !!! I can wait!)

Then you have to pay the cost of your checked baggage AND POSSIBLE OVER WEIGHT.

If you get "Caught up" in customs you could be responsible for paying duty!

And above all you will never be able to keep up with the request!

Each time you bring a requested item. YOU WILL HAVE MORE DAYUM REQUEST!

Example!

The man that sells chicken in town in Negril told my SO to ask me to bring him a microwave!!! My SO told him NOT "go to hell" But go to Sav! Sav La mAR THAT IS , BIG STORES WITH CHEAPPER ######! LMAO

Rember ladies: What you start doing in the begining of the relationship , you will be expected to continue! (That also applies to lowering your standards! If you lowered them to get Him you have to keep your standards low to KEEP HIM! So if you thought it was cute to "Smoke a little with him on the beach. Lets see how your "Non Smoking Azz" is going to like it when he lands in the States and is Smoking like a chimney in yo house or "Fireing up in front of yo mama/ friends/ coworkers ect) lmao

Seriously though. Apply a level of common sense. If you are the type of woman who bought alot things for your last relationship in the states. And you are still "NOT HAPPLY INVOLVED WITH THAT PERSON". Dont waste your money trying to buy this one!

Understand that saying "No will kill this relationship, If it is ment to be"

I challenge some of the ladies to eliminate the monitary investments, CARS, gifts, and treats of the relationships for 60 days and see if the relationship is still so happy or even exsistent.

Remember ladies we can only be "USED" if we allow ourselves to be "USED UP"

[Ellsinlove 2]

Ells,

DOn't bee foolish...keep ur eyes opened..i'm not saying this is a redflag or he's using u..BUT he needs to be showing an effort! It seems he's buying the $100 credits to satisfy his calling to u for the moment..do not feel it necessary to be the one keeping communication opened both ways..if u can call and it's cheaper..u do just that..call when u can...he always new he made little money..that's not new..how was he surviving before? How long have u known him Ells?

Speak Preacher!! Ells, basically what she is saying is use the same common sense with a long distance relationship with a Jamaican man as you would with an American Man! If you take away the accent, the beach and the curry chicken . THEY ALL THE SAME MEN!!! LMAO

Hi guys, Just doing my weekly "catch up" take care!

Jai

Yes, you ladies are right. I may need to take a hard stance with him. If we run out of digicel minutes on this plan, I'm thinking we'll just have to go several days without speaking. Perhaps that will finally motivate him to get a chip like I've been requesting. He just doesn't get it that if he spends a little extra one time, it'll pay off later. Instead, he'll blow through several hundred in credits because he wants to call every day rather than forking over $1000 to get to talk much MUCH longer.

And I know he was surviving however he could before and that's why I refuse to be his 'western union mama' for any reason other than taking care of this visa business. I figure if he got by before me, he just has to get by now without my help. He doesn't ask and I don't offer. But sometimes when it comes to some of these other issues, we have a struggle. The one good thing he did this week on his own was get passport photos for this visa business he has to take care of next week. So, I am glad about that but I just wish he'd go get than damn chip and do MORE for his part!

I've known him since Nov 07....not long compared to some but I did take my time with all of this and really thought long and hard before undertaking this process. The one thing about having a mostly phone relationship is that you can't get distracted by the 'other' stuff and you have to focus on issues and your values and what matters to you both and how you'll resolve things.

[JOURNEE1125 0]

You have some good points. Continue to take your time. And Listen to your instincts. Unless you are completly crazy (some of us here are even if its just a little) you will hear the right thing to do. And after you listen long enuff you will be able to use your " Real Eyez" and realize if this is what is "Good" not just to you "BUT Good For YOU! If its him "Live Long Prosper and create small "Jamericans" and if not!

Thro his back to the beach and keep it pushing on to the next best thing!

The Lord Blessed you enough to meet this guy and experiance some happiness and if you follow his will he will Bless you with a bigger better one !

I am sleep now so my "Hoperah Hour" Jamaican Style is over

Chat wit you later

Jai

[jawi876 2]

Yes, you ladies are right. I may need to take a hard stance with him. If we run out of digicel minutes on this plan, I'm thinking we'll just have to go several days without speaking. Perhaps that will finally motivate him to get a chip like I've been requesting. He just doesn't get it that if he spends a little extra one time, it'll pay off later. Instead, he'll blow through several hundred in credits because he wants to call every day rather than forking over $1000 to get to talk much MUCH longer.

And I know he was surviving however he could before and that's why I refuse to be his 'western union mama' for any reason other than taking care of this visa business. I figure if he got by before me, he just has to get by now without my help. He doesn't ask and I don't offer. But sometimes when it comes to some of these other issues, we have a struggle. The one good thing he did this week on his own was get passport photos for this visa business he has to take care of next week. So, I am glad about that but I just wish he'd go get than damn chip and do MORE for his part!

I've known him since Nov 07....not long compared to some but I did take my time with all of this and really thought long and hard before undertaking this process. The one thing about having a mostly phone relationship is that you can't get distracted by the 'other' stuff and you have to focus on issues and your values and what matters to you both and how you'll resolve things.

Sorry Ells...but that is not necessarily true. The only distraction that is eliminated by a phone relationship is actual sexual intercourse. There is a lot of non-verbal communication that is missed with phone conversations. A lot can be discerned from non-verbal communication, and we don't have that luxury most times. Therefore, words without action are simply that...words. Buying a $100 credit from your last $150 is making an effort. However, buying $100 digicel credit to say "Babes call mi back nuh credit dun"...is by no means effort or equal contribution. He is simply saving much of the card balance for local calls later. I also know from my own cheap experiences trying to call my kids that $100 JA (ask me why I was determined not to buy higher denominations...LOL) will not get a long phone call back to the States. You may get 10-15 minutes using the entire credit. Lets call a spade a spade for real for real.

Unfortunately, you can "talk" until you are blue in the face about problem resolution, values and matters of priority but until you see those words in action...bank on the very real fact that you do not know your man. Every couple in an LDR or any marriage that didn't involve a period of "shacking" will have a period of adjustment and re-learning how to run their household...no matter what was discussed previously. If you don't believe this, then you are fooling yourself and in for a lot of disappointments initially.

Not directed at you Ells or any one person on this thread...just an observations that makes me sad

I find it sad and disheartening that some of the women on this thread find it necessary to list disclaimers against "potential red flags" (ie...I've known him xyz amount of time, I prayed and asked God about this relationship and if this was the best step for me...I NEVER send money to my man or his family, I only stay at his place in Jamaica or I've met his entire family and for the most part they love me...etc. etc.)

I would feel so much better if we could just stand behind the merit of our relationships period...without validating that we are well aware and avoiding the "normal" perceived pit falls of a Jamaican LDR. Every woman is blessed with intuition, and the only time we start giving disclaimers when discussing the relationship is when we feel something in our gut is off (my observations and opinion). If you feel something is off...it usually is. Now, if you decide to overlook, store it away for future use, pick your battles, or address the discomfort is entirely up to you and your partner. A good healthy and fulfilling relationship doesn't need a defense attorney...it will be reflected as such (even with normal relationship issues).

All this to say...nobody on this board or in your off board relationships can tell you what is real or fake in your relationship. Your intuition told you long before you typed the first disclaimer IMO. People are going to think what they want to think regardless.

If you were in a non-LDR relationship, would you immediately start a conversation with "Now I know I have only been with Jimmy for a little less than a year...but I have thought long and hard about this relationship and us going to the next level. I don't give him money/gifts and he never asks for anything either. We talk all the time about our values and goals and we really know each other pretty well now?"

Nope...you would just say "Girl...Jimmy asked me to move in with him the other day. I'm thinking about going for it...life is short so...hell...why not? I found this nice _____ (fill in the blank) for him too at xyz store...you think he will like it?"...and keep it moving. Am I right or wrong?

Damn this insomnia. LOL

[jawi876 2]

Hi Culture. (i EDITED MY LAST REPLY SORRY)

I dont think anyone here is better equipped to answer this question than me. I visit my SO every month in Negril SINCE APRIL 2007. (I have the passport to prove it) And the way I deal with request is I say NO!!!!

First of all, you have to pay for what they are asking for.(MOST OF THE PEOPLE ASKING WILL PROMISE TO PAY "you back"), can someone please start a forum on how many people recieved their money back !!! I can wait!)

Then you have to pay the cost of your checked baggage AND POSSIBLE OVER WEIGHT.

If you get "Caught up" in customs you could be responsible for paying duty!

And above all you will never be able to keep up with the request!

Each time you bring a requested item. YOU WILL HAVE MORE DAYUM REQUEST!

Example!

The man that sells chicken in town in Negril told my SO to ask me to bring him a microwave!!! My SO told him NOT "go to hell" But go to Sav! Sav La mAR THAT IS , BIG STORES WITH CHEAPPER ######! LMAO

Rember ladies: What you start doing in the begining of the relationship , you will be expected to continue! (That also applies to lowering your standards! If you lowered them to get Him you have to keep your standards low to KEEP HIM! So if you thought it was cute to "Smoke a little with him on the beach. Lets see how your "Non Smoking Azz" is going to like it when he lands in the States and is Smoking like a chimney in yo house or "Fireing up in front of yo mama/ friends/ coworkers ect) lmao

Seriously though. Apply a level of common sense. If you are the type of woman who bought alot things for your last relationship in the states. And you are still "NOT HAPPLY INVOLVED WITH THAT PERSON". Dont waste your money trying to buy this one!

Understand that saying "No will kill this relationship, If it is ment to be"

I challenge some of the ladies to eliminate the monitary investments, CARS, gifts, and treats of the relationships for 60 days and see if the relationship is still so happy or even exsistent.

Remember ladies we can only be "USED" if we allow ourselves to be "USED UP"

Some could say that your "monthly" visits are monetary investments and a way (even if temporarily and you stay with him at his home) for him to have an improved quality of life. A lot of the men in Jamaica don't eat as well until their lady comes in town and goes grocery shopping...some don't even get to watch TV until their wifey tells him the hotel room number. Some don't even have the $$ to attend a party at M'ville...the Jungle...Alfreds...xyz until wifey comes in town...and when they go to local street dance dem a beg and look a drink.

I just think that we put entirely too much weight on whether or not we provide money or gifts to our men as to whether it is a real relationship or not. There are SO many other ways a man can use a woman without ever touching her wallet/purse/bank account. If he is that type of man...trust me you are not going to be his only source of income anyway. He can and will wait you and your purse strings out if he feels that you are going to eventually be that cash cow. If a gigalo can marry a woman that he doesn't love and wait for over two years for a greencard...60 days without pay will not faze him really. The gig game is sooo much bigger than that. Now, this is not to say that the stories won't get more deseparate or outlandish...but just to say it is by far not the only way to avoid an opportunist.

The only red flags you need to heed are those that hit your gut...it makes you have bubble guts or want to vomit...ladies just start trusting your instinct and natural God given gift of women's intuition. It will never fail you unless you stifle it.

[sus 70]

Morning all!

I agree with some of what has been said last night - But not all. I think that all too often we jump to defend ourselves if we have helped our SO - because too many people assume too fast that it is all about the money. In my mind, the key to it is - are you doing something for someone that you would not normally do? If your SO was in the states and needed money for something, would you give it to him? There are times where I have definitely helped DJ - Such as sending the money to pay for his doctor so that he could go to a private doctor with his eye - Because ultimately, this is the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with - It was more important to me that he got the best medical care that he could get than it was who paid for it. There are also other times where I don't come out of my pocket at all, because he has extra money - he was upset the other day because he got pulled over for speeding, had $4000 in his pocket, and had to pay $3000 to avoid the ticket, basically leaving him with no money, since he had to go to Ochi and needed gas in the car - My response? Oh well -shouldn't have been speeding!

In a relationship, you hold each other down through the good and the bad - That's what being in the commitment is about - Only you, your SO, and God alone can judge what happens in the relationship, no one else. It's one thing if EVERY time you talk it's a request for money, a need for X, etc... but you have to weigh your priorities and trust your gut as to what is right for you. And, in response to the requests to bring things for people - I have bought stuff that people asked me for - and been paid for it when I got there - but if I had done that, and not been given the money when I reached - good luck getting me to do anything again.

Ells - In the particular situation you are describing - I wouldn't read so much into it. I understand that getting a second phone card is important to you - But from what you have posted - he made less money in his last pay, has living expenses, and still got the pictures that he needs taken - sounds to me like he is prioritizing and budgeting his money - the extra that he could spare from his last pay went to the pictures. While the extra SIM is important - he didn't have the extra this time - wait and see what he does next time he gets paid.

[Ryon4life 0]

The only red flags you need to heed are those that hit your gut...it makes you have bubble guts or want to vomit...ladies just start trusting your instinct and natural God given gift of women's intuition. It will never fail you unless you stifle it.

i love beautiful words

good morning VJ

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Some could say that your "monthly" visits are monetary investments and a way (even if temporarily and you stay with him at his home) for him to have an improved quality of life. A lot of the men in Jamaica don't eat as well until their lady comes in town and goes grocery shopping...some don't even get to watch TV until their wifey tells him the hotel room number. Some don't even have the $$ to attend a party at M'ville...the Jungle...Alfreds...xyz until wifey comes in town...and when they go to local street dance dem a beg and look a drink.

I just think that we put entirely too much weight on whether or not we provide money or gifts to our men as to whether it is a real relationship or not. There are SO many other ways a man can use a woman without ever touching her wallet/purse/bank account. If he is that type of man...trust me you are not going to be his only source of income anyway. He can and will wait you and your purse strings out if he feels that you are going to eventually be that cash cow. If a gigalo can marry a woman that he doesn't love and wait for over two years for a greencard...60 days without pay will not faze him really. The gig game is sooo much bigger than that. Now, this is not to say that the stories won't get more deseparate or outlandish...but just to say it is by far not the only way to avoid an opportunist.

The only red flags you need to heed are those that hit your gut...it makes you have bubble guts or want to vomit...ladies just start trusting your instinct and natural God given gift of women's intuition. It will never fail you unless you stifle it.

AMEN...and remove the BLINDERS!

[justucia 0]

In my mind, the key to it is - are you doing something for someone that you would not normally do? If your SO was in the states and needed money for something, would you give it to him?

very true

i am not able to place words with thoughts/feelings this morning- ive typed-erased-typed-erased

sus, you stated this thought for me, thanks lol

jawi876~ dropping some knowledge

[sus 70]

very true

i am not able to place words with thoughts/feelings this morning- ive typed-erased-typed-erased

sus, you stated this thought for me, thanks lol

jawi876~ dropping some knowledge

LOL, Justucia - have some coffee!

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Morning all!

I agree with some of what has been said last night - But not all. I think that all too often we jump to defend ourselves if we have helped our SO - because too many people assume too fast that it is all about the money. In my mind, the key to it is - are you doing something for someone that you would not normally do? If your SO was in the states and needed money for something, would you give it to him? There are times where I have definitely helped DJ - Such as sending the money to pay for his doctor so that he could go to a private doctor with his eye - Because ultimately, this is the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with - It was more important to me that he got the best medical care that he could get than it was who paid for it. There are also other times where I don't come out of my pocket at all, because he has extra money - he was upset the other day because he got pulled over for speeding, had $4000 in his pocket, and had to pay $3000 to avoid the ticket, basically leaving him with no money, since he had to go to Ochi and needed gas in the car - My response? Oh well -shouldn't have been speeding!

In a relationship, you hold each other down through the good and the bad - That's what being in the commitment is about - Only you, your SO, and God alone can judge what happens in the relationship, no one else. It's one thing if EVERY time you talk it's a request for money, a need for X, etc... but you have to weigh your priorities and trust your gut as to what is right for you. And, in response to the requests to bring things for people - I have bought stuff that people asked me for - and been paid for it when I got there - but if I had done that, and not been given the money when I reached - good luck getting me to do anything again.

Ells - In the particular situation you are describing - I wouldn't read so much into it. I understand that getting a second phone card is important to you - But from what you have posted - he made less money in his last pay, has living expenses, and still got the pictures that he needs taken - sounds to me like he is prioritizing and budgeting his money - the extra that he could spare from his last pay went to the pictures. While the extra SIM is important - he didn't have the extra this time - wait and see what he does next time he gets paid.

Sus;

I would have responded the same wah...but since you know I'm crazy, I would have said...DAT A NO MY RASS PROBLEM!

[sus 70]

Sus;

I would have responded the same wah...but since you know I'm crazy, I would have said...DAT A NO MY RASS PROBLEM!

Basically what I said, lol -

[justucia 0]

LOL, Justucia - have some coffee!

drool