Is abuse ever OK in a relationship?

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Yes.

Yes. No.

Matthew 18: 21 and 22.

Good question.

Hey, I looked up those Bible verses and I'm just not getting it. I did note that Matt. 22 : Says to love thy neighbor as thyself, so are we talking forgiveness here? So if said abuser has abused someone repeatedly and not shown one iota of remorse, why should his victim be so forgiving?

To forgive is divine, no doubt. But, an abusive relationship is not what God wants for our life

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

God does not want women in an abusive relationship, no good father would

1 Peter 3:7 (Contemporary English Version)

7If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor, because she isn't as strong as you are, and she shares with you in the gift of life. Then nothing will stand in the way of your prayers.

Saludos,

Caro

[JODO 2]

Yes.

Yes. No.

Matthew 18: 21 and 22.

Good question.

Hey, I looked up those Bible verses and I'm just not getting it. I did note that Matt. 22 : Says to love thy neighbor as thyself, so are we talking forgiveness here? So if said abuser has abused someone repeatedly and not shown one iota of remorse, why should his victim be so forgiving?

To forgive is divine, no doubt. But, an abusive relationship is not what God wants for our life

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

God does not want women in an abusive relationship, no good father would

1 Peter 3:7 (Contemporary English Version)

7If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor, because she isn't as strong as you are, and she shares with you in the gift of life. Then nothing will stand in the way of your prayers.

Saludos,

Caro

Thank you for posting that. I totally agree. God does not want us in abusive, unhealthy relationships. I don't think any relationship that is abusive and unhealthy is of God. Bless you Caro.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

God Bless you too Jodo! (And sister Nagi!)

Caro

Edited February 18, 2009 by JVKn'CVO

[Nagishkaw 510]

I agree. God does not want us living like doormats, however it is best to forgive the abuser for your own health's sake. Forgiveness does not mean you have to stay with that person.

[Mina76 0]

No man or woman has the right to abuse another person, mentally or physically. Abuse it not a cultural thing it is a control thing and it should never be tolerated in any way.

Anyone in that situation should get out and get help to keep themselves safe.

Exactly!!!

[JODO 2]

I agree. God does not want us living like doormats, however it is best to forgive the abuser for your own health's sake. Forgiveness does not mean you have to stay with that person.

You have a point and forgiveness can play a constructive role here. A person can eat themselves away with anger and so I think for the abused to move on, perhaps forgiveness may be in order down the road. Now, what I would have a problem with is the abused forgiving the abuser , while still being under the same roof as the abuser and continuing to take beatings and the abused has never once had any consequences for their actions.

[Caladan 19]

No, abuse is never okay.

It may have a cultural explanation. It does not have a cultural justification.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Love Edited February 18, 2009 by Far2Long

[allousa 1]

I agree. God does not want us living like doormats, however it is best to forgive the abuser for your own health's sake. Forgiveness does not mean you have to stay with that person.

I do agree with you that forgiveness can be healthy....in my opinion, that should be the last order of business and should come after the abused has dealt with a multitude of emotions first. I also think the abused must forgive THEMSELVES. TOO many times I have seen women blame themselves for all of the abuse and the situation.

I'll be honest in that I have yet to forgive the person in my situation, but it doesn't bother me that I haven't. He's in prison...where he should be.

[crazyinEgypt 0]

Abuse is not ok in any form. Although it may be a cultural thing, you cannot convince me that people that abuse honestly think it's the right thing to do. Men aren't that dumb. Woman for that matter too!

[amal 4]

I had a big post typed up and it's gone *sniff*

It's so easy to say "I'd pack up and leave the FIRST time it ever happened to me". The first time it happens..you're in such a state of shock that you think to yourself..ok...this will never happen again or I'm leaving. Then it goes for a year or so really well until 1 day it happens again and you say to yourself...once in 1 year...that's not abuse. It continues on until you come to the point where you don't want to give up on everything you sacrificed for ur marriage (not just you..everybody involved) so you try to fix whatever is wrong on ur own.... You don't want to give up. You love this person more than life itself so you don't want to let them go. They are always so sorry afterwards and it is so sincere that you really believe they are sorry. This is what keeps you hanging on.

Yes, they CAN in fact, love you....but be abusive as well. Just coz they love you doesn't mean they don't have a problem with violence or anger. I lived through that when my first husband couldn't control his moods and started hitting both myself and my son. He was taking an over the counter medication for energy and it screwed him upppp! By the time we figured out what the problem was...it was too late to fix it. He loved me but couldn't control himself when he got mad. After he was off the medication...he tried very hard to get me back ...he cried, begged, apologised..everything imaginable.... but I was done.

It's hard to leave when it happens to you. It's not acceptable for any type of abuse for any reason. That's true! But abuse runs so very deep.... well..I don't wanna get in to that here....

[allousa 1]

Amal, I truly do stand in awe of the women that carry the strength you do! I really do!

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

Can abuse ever mean the abuser loves the abused?

Can abuse be cultural? And if so is that an excuse or a reason?

Can abuse ever be put behind in a relationship after one time? How about after the 20th time?

Lastly if you know someone who was ever abused, can you share how this person was able to free him or herself from the situation?

Personally I was never hit by my parents, so I'll be damned at 30 years old , if I'd take a beating from a man. Thank God I have never been in that situation, but I like to believe that I would not tolerate one second of abuse. I remember the priest asking during our pre-marital counseling, if there was ever a reason for divorce? And I replied, yes abuse and cheating. So, he asked again, to which I gave the same reply. Then he paused and by this time my now former husband was pinching me on the leg and I said, I know what you mean, but that is just what I believe. Needless to say, as we were getting into the car, I looked up at his window and he was giving me a dirty look .

Caveat: I do not know anyone's personal situation on VJ. This is not about any particular member on VJ. This is more of a "general" type thread.

Here's one to think about. We were talking about Rhiana and her bf. Hubby says, what did SHE do? I'm like what do you mean SHE? Why do you think the woman is always the problem?? He says she probably pushed him to do it. I say you are crazy. Hitting is never right. He is always saying the man is probably being pushed, which we all know is bs. I tell him you get arrested for that ####### here. Anyway, my two cents. BTW, no he has never hit me. He would be singing soprano if he did. hee hee And, yeah, I do think part of it is cultural in that the woman is thought of as second class citizen.

[childress_london 3]

Can abuse ever mean the abuser loves the abused?

Can abuse be cultural? And if so is that an excuse or a reason?

Can abuse ever be put behind in a relationship after one time? How about after the 20th time?

Lastly if you know someone who was ever abused, can you share how this person was able to free him or herself from the situation?

Personally I was never hit by my parents, so I'll be damned at 30 years old , if I'd take a beating from a man. Thank God I have never been in that situation, but I like to believe that I would not tolerate one second of abuse. I remember the priest asking during our pre-marital counseling, if there was ever a reason for divorce? And I replied, yes abuse and cheating. So, he asked again, to which I gave the same reply. Then he paused and by this time my now former husband was pinching me on the leg and I said, I know what you mean, but that is just what I believe. Needless to say, as we were getting into the car, I looked up at his window and he was giving me a dirty look .

Caveat: I do not know anyone's personal situation on VJ. This is not about any particular member on VJ. This is more of a "general" type thread.

Here's one to think about. We were talking about Rhiana and her bf. Hubby says, what did SHE do? I'm like what do you mean SHE? Why do you think the woman is always the problem?? He says she probably pushed him to do it. I say you are crazy. Hitting is never right. He is always saying the man is probably being pushed, which we all know is bs. I tell him you get arrested for that ####### here. Anyway, my two cents. BTW, no he has never hit me. He would be singing soprano if he did. hee hee And, yeah, I do think part of it is cultural in that the woman is thought of as second class citizen.

Yes, in some countries, it is legal to hit your wife and nobody bats an eye over it. So, sometimes they have to be educated that in the U.S., this is illegal and not tolerated.

[Nourddine4Ever 0]

I also believe that abuse in any form is uncalled for no matter what anyone has done! Abuse is NOT the answer to anything! I was emotionally abused by my parents and by my now EX-husband! When I would tell my father how my ex was treating me he would say o its just normal martial conflicts! How is that so when your husband keeps your from working having friends or even being able to see family. My whole life has been messed up from this! It took guts to get a divorce from my ex but I did it! Everyone said o u wont do it!! Well I did and now all them people say they are proud of me... I told them well aren't you the same one saying I wouldn't divorce him! Do I seem that stupid to live my whole life with someone who doesn't give a rats a** about me. Anyway this is just my life (WAS) my life! I now have a car and a job! As a few of my friends I haven managed to hang onto say "My clipped wings have now grown"! I feel for anyone who has ever been abused! There is more to my story A LOT more... If ya wanna know ask if you like!!

Brittany