For the Ladies- Too Funny!

[Gemma12nel 1]

>Ones for the ladies,

> >

> > One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his

> >Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to

> >me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

> >

> > "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

> >

> > He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

> >

> > And they say blondes are dumb...

> >

> > A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you

>the

>

> >happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

> >

> > "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he

>stepped

> >out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if

>I

>

> >mowed the lawn like this?"

> >

> > "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

> >

> > He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said -

>That's

>

> >a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and

> >fart.

> >

> > Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

> > A: A rumor

> >

> > A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th

> >wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and

> >said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have

> >one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

> >

> > Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

> >

> > The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

> >Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

> >

> > A PRAYER....

> >

> >

> > Dear Lord,

> >

> > I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

> >

> > Love to forgive him;

> >

> > And Patience for his moods.

> >

> > Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

> >

> > I'll beat him to death.

> >

> >

> >

> > AMEN

> >

> > Q: Why do little boys whine?

> > A: They are practicing to be men.

> >

> > Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

> > A: Trustworthy.

> >

> > Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath

> >and calling your name?

> > A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

> >

> > Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after

>mating?

> > A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

> >

> > Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

> > A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

> >

> > Q: What is the difference between men and women?

> > A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants

> >every woman to satisfy his one need.

> >

> > Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

> > A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

[Bootylicious!! 2]

[almaty 19]

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