Friday Joke time!

[Gemma12nel 1]

They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to10 inches of snow

>today You must park your car on the even- numbered side of the street,

>so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her

>car.

>

>

>A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer

>says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park

>your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can

>get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

>

>The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer

>says "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..."

>Then the power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset, and with a

>worried look on her face she says, Honey, I don't know what to do.

>Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get

>through?"

>

>With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are

>married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says... "Why don't you just leave it

>in the garage this time?

>A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed

>home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

>

>"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely

>stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her

>body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

>

>God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure

>enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,

>awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed

>their lunches, Drove them to school, and stopped at the bank to make a

>deposit, went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries,

>Paid the bills and balanced the chequebook.

>

>Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry,

>vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

>

>Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on

>the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organised to do

>their homework.

>

>Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

>

>At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded

>the chops and snapped fresh beans for dinner.

>After dinner, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry,

>bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and,

>though

>his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to

>make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

>The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,

>"Lord,

>I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being

>able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

>The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned

>your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

>You'll just have to wait nine months, though.

>You got pregnant last night."

>

>Voted Women's Favourite Email of the Year

Only at Wal-Mart

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him," My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and Epson Salt. Aisle 8) And avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks...Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe begins wondering if the computer can be fooled. He mixes some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

[almaty 19]

[sntoria 0]