His family is forcing him into wedding annulment, before AOS interview.

[crazyinEgypt 0]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this.

[forced-divorce 0]

I should have used the word "could" rather than "would", but I still think that the circumstances that have brought her to this difficult place are quite understandable and not all that uncommon. The issue then becomes how to articulate it and whether that could improve her chances of remaining in the USA.

First, there are many factors that can come into play in a family's acceptance of a partner. Most especially in a family that is from a different socio-economic level than the new spouse. I don;t find it at all odd that a family can place pressure upon their son to change the course he has chosen. Whether he capitulates to such pressure is his decision alone, and from what I am reading, he has allowed that to occur without really understanding what consequences that has on his wife. We don't know what his parents have hung over his head to cause him to shift his views, and perhaps he has to grapple with that and make a decision as wo what is more important to him.

A forbidden love affair, that has consummated in marriage, against the pressures placed upon them by family members if presented as such, goes to demonstrating that the bond between the two was greater than one of convenience. It can explain why they resided in separate abodes after exchaning marriage vows. His decision to capitulate to the familial pressure and choose to terminate a marriage is unfortunate at this juncture, I'll admit, but if he's willing to stall the divorce, attend the interview, and vouch for the bonafide nature of their marriage, however frowned upon it is from his family, until she has acquired her AOS, all may not be lost.

I might be going down the path less travelled here, but the fact that the husband was concealing the marriage would work to her favour in proving the bonafides.

Really? How so?

Thank you, mermaid. Somehow I have the feeling you understand me a lot. You probably been through similar things.

We indeed have a bond that is quite incredible. That's why I am so shocked that he gave up.

My husband is only six years younger than I am, but we got married the year he turned twenty. I can't say he's mature about everything, but he certainly is an adult capable of making his own decisions. The first time I visited him, they 'sensed' something going on between us, although it isn't as if we were hiding it. They spent the better part of the next few months trying to tell him how it was a bad idea to be involved with me. But he was adult enough to say that this was what he wanted, and he was going to follow through with it.

They weren't happy in the beginning, but they accepted it, and me. We get along okay at this point and my family loves him. I guess I just wanted to say that a guy around that age can handle the burden/responsibility of being married and dealing with immigration issues, and a guy around that age can also be a man and stand up against his parents wishes if they don't agree with him. It sounds to me like your husband isn't really a man yet... and it's probably best to just let it go.

I envy you. I thought this was going to happen to me, too. We said in the beginning that I was only 6 older than him, and they accepted. I think they stopped accepting when they found out my real age by mistake.

Unless the family is holding a gun to his head, they are not forcing him to do anything. What ever he is doing, he is doing voluntarily.

You married a little boy...he is not capable of being an adult. Mommy/Daddy are mor important/influential in his life right now. Accept it and get on with your life.

I don't totally agree. Psychological pressure can be almost as strong as holding a gun at someone's head. I tell you this, because something happened that night. My love changed his mind and attitude towards me completely. It seems like he's another person. I have a feeling they said it's either her or us. He said that he owed his mom "everything". Man.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this.

Thank you I appreciate it.

Edited February 12, 2009 by forced-divorce

[Wes and Shiela 2]

I think you guys are a little hard on this 22 year old guy and his family. It’s easy to see how they could think that FD is just looking for a green card. The circumstances and her comments certainly could be viewed to point in that direction.

And let’s not forget that for FD to get this green card, a 10 year Affidavit of Support has to be completed by her husband, and FD doesn’t even have a job, or any future prospects. So, his marrying her is more than just an act of love to help her stay in the US, it’s a ten-year commitment to support her. And even though FD never said what her “husband” did for a living, there’s a big chance that his parents might have to co-sponsor the affidavit of support, putting them on the hook for helping out their son’s new “wife”, as well.

Some of the comments here make it sound like the husband’s family is being unreasonable. IMO, they are just looking out for what’s best for their young, naïve (i.e., first love / older woman), son which is what every family should be doing.

The OP should be trying to find another way to rectify her immigration status, as opposed to playing this game of “GOTCHA” with her “husband” and his family. USCIS will see right through this at the AOS interview.

[forced-divorce 0]

You can say whatever you want, but I married him because I love him. He also loved me and wanted me to stay, and that's why we did it. And who said they think I am looking for a green card? That's not the issue at all.

I have a very fancy profession and a resume that people envy, and will get a job in a minute when the economy gets better. Meanwhile, the plan for when I got a greencard, was to work in whatever I can find. I am ONLY not working because I didn't get an EAD yet. I am NOT looking for no one to support me as you imply. You are having misconceptions, as his parents probably are.

Of course we did not ask his parents to co-sign anything. And I have too much dignity and pride and would leave the country if I couldn't support myself. I don't need anyone's money. I have been here for months now supporting myself without a job and haven't asked no one for a penny, am living on my savings from when I worked.

They can look out for their son. I understand any parents would. But as they don't know me that well, they probably are being unfair and thinking the same things you are.

Yeah, sure they are looking out for what is best for their son. But I was too. What makes you think that I wouldn't be the best for them??? I love him, I always supported him, and I have no dark secret wishes towards him.

You are talking like all conservative people. I mean, good accepting families accept sons and partners even when they're gay... And I don't think it's the parents right to separate people like they did. That's my opinion. Maybe I am too romantic. I tried to part and couldn't cause he was all I ever looked for in a man.

I think you guys are a little hard on this 22 year old guy and his family. It’s easy to see how they could think that FD is just looking for a green card. The circumstances and her comments certainly could be viewed to point in that direction.

And let’s not forget that for FD to get this green card, a 10 year Affidavit of Support has to be completed by her husband, and FD doesn’t even have a job, or any future prospects. So, his marrying her is more than just an act of love to help her stay in the US, it’s a ten-year commitment to support her. And even though FD never said what her “husband” did for a living, there’s a big chance that his parents might have to co-sponsor the affidavit of support, putting them on the hook for helping out their son’s new “wife”, as well.

Some of the comments here make it sound like the husband’s family is being unreasonable. IMO, they are just looking out for what’s best for their young, naïve (i.e., first love / older woman), son which is what every family should be doing.

The OP should be trying to find another way to rectify her immigration status, as opposed to playing this game of “GOTCHA” with her “husband” and his family. USCIS will see right through this at the AOS interview.

[forced-divorce 0]

Thank you guys for all the support you gave me.

I came here for hearing good supportive words, but people have prejudice and unfortunately I heard also some accusations.

I decided to leave. I am withdrawing my application today. I lost the man I love and now I have to restart my life and pack the life I had for the last years. No one deserves to go through something like this.

I wish his family could see that we had a strong love and support us. It is too sad they couldn't and succeeded in separating us. I know it will hurt for a long time, but I should be strong now.

[Minya's wife 25]

And let's not forget that for FD to get this green card, a 10 year Affidavit of Support has to be completed by her husband, and FD doesn't even have a job, or any future prospects. So, his marrying her is more than just an act of love to help her stay in the US, it's a ten-year commitment to support her. And even though FD never said what her "husband" did for a living, there's a big chance that his parents might have to co-sponsor the affidavit of support, putting them on the hook for helping out their son's new "wife", as well.

No, it is not a 10 year Affidavit of Support, and stating such a thing can be misleading. The I-864 is a binding agreement between the Sponsor and the US government, stating that the Sponsor is liable (i.e. is responsible to pay back the cost) if the beneficiary avails himself/herself to Means Tested Public Benefits.

These include: Food Stamps, Supplemental Security Income, Medicaid, Temp Assitance for Needy Families, and State Child health Insurance Program. MTPB does not include: Emergency Medicaid, School lunches, Immunizations and treatment for communicable diseases, student assistance to attend college, job training programs, etc.

The sponsorship obligation continues until the sponsored alien naturalizes, has worked or can be credited with 40 quarters of work(10 years), leaves the United States permanently, or dies.

Judging by all that the OP has stated, she has no intention of availing herself to MTPB. Of course one has no way to look into the future, and state this with any certainty, but by all she's stated she seems to be a career woman with a proven work record, I highly doubt that given an employment authorization she'd use food stamps to feed herself.

Some of the comments here make it sound like the husband's family is being unreasonable. IMO, they are just looking out for what's best for their young, naïve (i.e., first love / older woman), son which is what every family should be doing.

In part you're right, a family should look out for the best interests of their offspring...but if said offspring was man enough to get married, IMO the family needs to back off and allow him to figure out his course in life without their pressure. He may be younger, but in the eyes of the law he is an adult and made an adult decision by marrying. The parents are being unreasonable in thinking that they can sweep in and seek an annulment of the marriage.

Why is this young man just 'naive' for falling in love and marrying this older woman, but OP is playing a game if she tries to save the marriage?

Immigration implications of this situation aside....this meddling family should be careful. Their precious child may, at some distant future time, turn around and blame them for their love induce interference.

-P

[forced-divorce 0]

In part you're right, a family should look out for the best interests of their offspring...but if said offspring was man enough to get married, IMO the family needs to back off and allow him to figure out his course in life without their pressure. He may be younger, but in the eyes of the law he is an adult and made an adult decision by marrying. The parents are being unreasonable in thinking that they can sweep in and seek an annulment of the marriage.

Why is this young man just 'naive' for falling in love and marrying this older woman, but OP is playing a game if she tries to save the marriage?"

THANK YOU.

And you are absolutely right - I am a career woman and that's why a super powerful firm brought me to the US. Accusing me of secretly wanting to be a financial burden on their family hurts. That, besides of accusing me of having a green card as a main interest. Man, people can be mean.

Immigration implications of this situation aside....this meddling family should be careful. Their precious child may, at some distant future time, turn around and blame them for their love induce interference.

-P

I have been thinking about what you said lately. I would be so mad at my parents if they did something like this. Parents can express their opinion, but shouldn't psychologically force anyone to do anything.

Edited February 12, 2009 by forced-divorce

[sereia 0]

Thank you guys for all the support you gave me.

I came here for hearing good supportive words, but people have prejudice and unfortunately I heard also some accusations.

I decided to leave. I am withdrawing my application today. I lost the man I love and now I have to restart my life and pack the life I had for the last years. No one deserves to go through something like this.

I wish his family could see that we had a strong love and support us. It is too sad they couldn't and succeeded in separating us. I know it will hurt for a long time, but I should be strong now.

VJ is a tough place. You would think people would be more supportive but it turns out a lot of people here like to accuse and be unfriendly. But there are some great members here that are supportive and extremely helpful. I hope that you got the advice you were looking for. I know it's hard, but I think you are making the right decision by going home. If you choose to try to come back someday you can come on your own hopefully without your fate resting in someone else's hands. I wish you the best!

[Cham 3]

I think you guys are a little hard on this 22 year old guy and his family. It’s easy to see how they could think that FD is just looking for a green card. The circumstances and her comments certainly could be viewed to point in that direction.

And let’s not forget that for FD to get this green card, a 10 year Affidavit of Support has to be completed by her husband, and FD doesn’t even have a job, or any future prospects. So, his marrying her is more than just an act of love to help her stay in the US, it’s a ten-year commitment to support her. And even though FD never said what her “husband” did for a living, there’s a big chance that his parents might have to co-sponsor the affidavit of support, putting them on the hook for helping out their son’s new “wife”, as well.

Some of the comments here make it sound like the husband’s family is being unreasonable. IMO, they are just looking out for what’s best for their young, naïve (i.e., first love / older woman), son which is what every family should be doing.

The OP should be trying to find another way to rectify her immigration status, as opposed to playing this game of “GOTCHA” with her “husband” and his family. USCIS will see right through this at the AOS interview.

There is a BIG difference from looking out for him to controlling his life. Trust me I know I been there with my mom and dad. They tried it even into my 30s. My fiancé family tried that with him as well and he told them that he will not be kissing their butts anymore.

The YM has to STAND his ground and let his parents know that he is capable of handling his own ISSUES. He is not a child anymore so he needs to GROW UP. Mommy and daddy need to learn to take the ####### out of his mouth and let him make his OWN choices.

Some families can be HIGHLY controlling through physiological and mental abuse.

To the OP I am SO sorry you have to go through this..you are in my thoughts!

Edited February 12, 2009 by Cham

[Kez/JWolf 6]

We do not know what the OP's husband has told his parents for all we know he wanted to help his friend stay in the US, so they got married then he thought OH $HIT what have I done!!!! he could have gone to his family for help and they are now helping him to get out of something he should not have done.

If the OP and her husband had a relationship before they got married was it a public relationship or was it just something that they hid from everyone?

The OP said she had lied about her age to his family and they "found out" by accident. It is no wonder his family are trying to protect him, if you can lie to them about your age you must have felt it was not right to be with such a young man and now his family are left wondering what else you have lied about, not only to them but to their son.

Yes his family should stand back and let him live the life he has made for himself, but we do not know what he has told them incomparison to what he has told his wife.

The OP is going to have to accept that he did not love her the same as she loved him. It is now time to pack-up and go home, the divorce will happen and the AOS will be abandoned and if down the road a few years the OP want to come back to the US to work or whatever then she will be free to apply for whatever visa is needed to allow her to enter.

[Wes and Shiela 2]

It was certainly not my intention to insult you. And I never said that you got married for the green card. I said it was easy to infer that from your story and your comments.

You’ve only been married for 2 months, and it’s already not going well. Yet, from your comments, you are basing your entire immigration future on trying to use your marriage for AOS, a marriage which isn’t working out. You need to develop a new plan.

I have no idea what your original intentions were. If you say it was true love, so be it. But you’ve said yourself that if it wasn’t for your immigration problems, you wouldn’t have married so soon. And the timing reflects that the green card, while maybe not the main factor, was a great BIG factor in the timing of the marriage. 3 months ago you lose your H1-B job, 2 months ago you get married, and instantly after that you apply for AOS. USCIS always cast a skeptical eye, and the circumstance of your relationship as well as the timeline of this immigration journey is going to jump out at them as potentially fraudulent!

You and others seem to imply that his parents are "meddling" and only out to interfere with your immigration plans. From what I’ve read, they are doing what they feel is in the best interest of their son. And that’s when I read it from your perspective! Who know what other information they are basing their actual decisions on!

However much you may disagree, a 22 y.o. can (and should) still be able to realize that his parents have a little more worldly knowledge than him or her, and can still listen to their advice. And just because he listens and heeds that advice, doesn't make him "still a child", or immature!

There’s nothing wrong with his parents explaining to their son the worst case scenario, and advising him. Just because they don’t bury their head in the sand and and blindly accept every choice their "adult" child make, does not make them "conservatives", over-bearing or controlling.

As far as "Minya’s wife" is concerned, the title of the document is Affidavit of Support, and is binding for 10 years! How is calling it an "Affidavit of Support" misleading???

While I’m sure the intentions fo the OP are to not ever need MTPB, she won't get AOS without her husband as the sponsor, and the document is binding on that sponsor for 10 years! No one ever intends to have bad luck, but it happens all the time. And if it comes down to it, the OP still needs to eat and live, and I'm sure will do whatever is needed.

Now I’m insulted. I’ve never been called a "conservative" in my life! Don’t hang that label on me!

Edited February 12, 2009 by Wes and Shiela

[marieke 1]

I am curious: Will I have problems in the future to get any kind of immigration benefits because all this is happening? What it depends on, for me to have trouble? Problems in the future are mostly by denied applications, or does it also depend on divorce result even if application is withdrawn?

Hypothetic future:

1) I come back after the economy recovers and am able to get a job and working visa. Will I have problems getting a working visa if my divorce ends with a nasty ground?

2) I come back after the economy recovers and am able to get a job and working visa. I meet another USC. Will I have problem adjusting status?

In my head, this is directly tied to whether I withdraw my application now with USCIS or not. If I withdraw, and don't get denied, I believe all will be fine in the end, correct? (granted divorce won't end nasty. or do the divorce results don't matter if I withdraw my application now?)

Better try to go sleep a bit more. I woke up at 4:30AM, I have been waking up after sleeping for 2 hours for the last week. I think my mind is processing all the pain and info and producing weird scary dreams cause I always wake up scared. I feel so weak and tired.

Dont start asking theese questions now. You are not divorced and still in love with him. I doubt you can get another visa, but im no expert.

I lived away from home for 5 years and moved back. Its hard, but you will be okay. You will have more friend and family to be with than you think. It might give you some rest and think of your next step. Where are you from?

[marieke 1]

I am curious: Will I have problems in the future to get any kind of immigration benefits because all this is happening? What it depends on, for me to have trouble? Problems in the future are mostly by denied applications, or does it also depend on divorce result even if application is withdrawn?

Hypothetic future:

1) I come back after the economy recovers and am able to get a job and working visa. Will I have problems getting a working visa if my divorce ends with a nasty ground?

2) I come back after the economy recovers and am able to get a job and working visa. I meet another USC. Will I have problem adjusting status?

In my head, this is directly tied to whether I withdraw my application now with USCIS or not. If I withdraw, and don't get denied, I believe all will be fine in the end, correct? (granted divorce won't end nasty. or do the divorce results don't matter if I withdraw my application now?)

Better try to go sleep a bit more. I woke up at 4:30AM, I have been waking up after sleeping for 2 hours for the last week. I think my mind is processing all the pain and info and producing weird scary dreams cause I always wake up scared. I feel so weak and tired.

Edited February 12, 2009 by marieke

[Old Dominion 26]

Returning home for now is probably the best solution, so long as you are confident that the divorce will take care of itself and his parents won't try to make it appear as if you were some villain. As smart as you seem to be, getting another visa to come here shouldn't be that difficult. Good luck!

[luckytxn 2,265]

Trust me. We will not always be supportive here if we feel something is fishy. Seems some think we should always be supportive of anyone that comes here. That is not going to happen. Now I feel for you and all but there is nothing to do about it. You married a kid that can't make up his own mind right now. There are also things we are reading between the lines here.