His family is forcing him into wedding annulment, before AOS interview.

[MsZ 6]

The marriage was so real he had to hide it from the people who are most important in his life... proven by the fact that once the people who were most important in his life found out, he wanted out of the marriage... Nah. I don't see how this would work in her favor especially if she knew about it the entire time, which it seems like she did.

Diadromous, I don't believe that she is the one who was being deceptive or fraudulent but it would be a really hard sell to prove otherwise.

[Old Dominion 26]

Thanks Old Dominion,

I just called them and unfortunately they only have immigration lawyers once a month and they are booked for the 18th.

They said I could come and see if someone didn't show up... I will. But no guarantees.

They set up an appointment for me on 3/18, but that's a week after my supposed interview... I don't even know if I'll be here.

I am so depressed today.

Let us know how your meeting with the Legal Aid folks turned out.

Seems as if you also have a domestic relatiions situation that a divorce lawyer needs to advise you on. See if you can get an earlier appt. with one of those specialists.

[forced-divorce 0]

Thank you for your answer.

Maybe he made it more complicated than it should be. But I know he did what he could do so we could be together. I am disappointed on how things turned out, but I will have to live with that.

I would never ever do anything against him. He's great and I am sorry he couldn't stand by me for his parents.

Regarding the naive part... I saw it was complicated, of course - I tried to break up several times and he convinced me we were too good together to break up... and I was in love, and when you're in love you think that things will turn out right. He said he would move soon, he was just waiting for the right opportunity to introduce his parents to me. And he did it, before it all happened and then he did move in. I know the whole thing was not easy for him, so I gave him time to adjust... he was doing all the things he promised, at his pace.

With or without a divorce or annulment, I don't see how you can adjust status and not be seen as being in a fraudulent relationship. You've never really lived as man and wife. He didn't want his parents to know you were married and when they found out, he caved to whatever it is they have over him. It is unlikely that he married you for any other reason than to provide you a legal means of staying here. The sad thing is that it is HIM who made the relationship a sham, not you. At the same time, to ask him to change his mind would be to continue living the lie. And that isn't good for either of you.

I know you want to stay in the US, but it would seem to me that it is him who perpetuated fraud and perhaps a good lawyer could make a case for that. You acted in good faith. He did not.

At the same time, you are obviously an adult. Could you not see the problem in marrying a 22 YO who does not move in with you when you get married? Didn't that cause problems in the relationship? Didn't you realize that he was not as married as you were? Either you are very naive or perhaps you too wanted this to last until you got your green card. Those are the questions immigration will attempt to sort out. And I suspect that you're going to be on the losing end.

Get a lawyer. Talk to your employer, too. Maybe they can try to help. I really don't know.

[MsZ 6]

I think the right time to get things straightened out is *prior* to marriage and not after. The time for him to figure out how to handle the family was before he offered to marry. It is a shame that you didn't require that his situation be settled before you agreed to marry him.

[HannahP 119]

Still confused, but also drunk.

So you can't get AOS. It's not likely to happen, at all. Even if you could fraudulently continue with the marriage, they'll want more proof and if you can't give 'em that....you'll never survive the interview.

HOW you divorce really doesn't matter and it'll probably not affect your chances of getting into the US should you be sponsored on a work or student visa..

[childress_london 3]

Your chances of staying in the U.S. sounds slim to none. The best you can do now is try to get a lawyer so you come out OK in the divorce and start making your plans for the move back to your country.

[Cham 3]

Dont blame his parents. He is an adult and he knows how to be honest with them and say no. I am with someone who is 21 years younger and his parents know EVERYTHING about me and our marriage.

They may not like it but its HIS business..time he grew up

your better off without him:( best wishes

Edited February 11, 2009 by Cham

[forced-divorce 0]

good to hear this, thanks.

see, I know it can work even with the age difference.

it is my guy who I thought was mature and apparently is not.

too disappointing.

Dont blame his parents. He is an adult and he knows how to be honest with them and say no. I am with someone who is 21 years younger and his parents know EVERYTHING about me and our marriage.

They may not like it but its HIS business..time he grew up

your better off without him:( best wishes

[sereia 0]

Sorry it's so rough on you... I wish you the best of luck in the future! My advice would be to go home and reapply with another type of visa if you really want to come back in the future.

[Caladan 19]

Just to clear up some misconceptions, it is not fraudulent to marry an alien so that they have the right to remain living in the USA, as long as that immigration benefit is NOT the only reason for the marriage to have occured. Having read this discourse, I don't get that sense at all.

OP, withdrawing a pending application to adjust status will have little or no impact on any future attempt to visit the USA on a working visa. Remaining 180 days or more beyond the period of authorised status, could impact that ability.

I might be going down the path less travelled here, but the fact that the husband was concealing the marriage would work to her favour in proving the bonafides.

With or without a divorce or annulment, I don't see how you can adjust status and not be seen as being in a fraudulent relationship. You've never really lived as man and wife. He didn't want his parents to know you were married and when they found out, he caved to whatever it is they have over him. It is unlikely that he married you for any other reason than to provide you a legal means of staying here. The sad thing is that it is HIM who made the relationship a sham, not you. At the same time, to ask him to change his mind would be to continue living the lie. And that isn't good for either of you.

I know you want to stay in the US, but it would seem to me that it is him who perpetuated fraud and perhaps a good lawyer could make a case for that. You acted in good faith. He did not.

At the same time, you are obviously an adult. Could you not see the problem in marrying a 22 YO who does not move in with you when you get married? Didn't that cause problems in the relationship? Didn't you realize that he was not as married as you were? Either you are very naive or perhaps you too wanted this to last until you got your green card. Those are the questions immigration will attempt to sort out. And I suspect that you're going to be on the losing end.

Get a lawyer. Talk to your employer, too. Maybe they can try to help. I really don't know.

I want to thumbs-up this. I have plenty of friends where the *timing* of their marriage was influenced by immigration law. In all cases they're bonafide relationships, and they would have been married eventually anyway. But the timing often coincides with someone finishing up a degree program (or getting accepted to one), or losing a job that carried H1-B status, etc. That's completely okay as long as the immigration benefit isn't the *ONLY* reason and the relationship is otherwise bonafide.

[forced-divorce 0]

Thank you Sereia. You are very nice and thanks for the good timing... I just came back from some errands, and found myself crying in the middle of the street. Good think it's kind of a sunny day and I had sun glasses on - no one noticed.

Sorry it's so rough on you... I wish you the best of luck in the future! My advice would be to go home and reapply with another type of visa if you really want to come back in the future.

[forced-divorce 0]

I want to thumbs-up this. I have plenty of friends where the *timing* of their marriage was influenced by immigration law. In all cases they're bonafide relationships, and they would have been married eventually anyway. But the timing often coincides with someone finishing up a degree program (or getting accepted to one), or losing a job that carried H1-B status, etc. That's completely okay as long as the immigration benefit isn't the *ONLY* reason and the relationship is otherwise bonafide.

Well honestly, I do believe our relationship was bonafide till all this happened. We were trying to work things out. Things were getting solved as possible. Maybe not immigration-bonafide, but in my heart it was.

I can't really blame him. He's really too young. Who am I to judge what someone is able to do or not? I obviously would have acted different - my parents don't rule my life and never had. I think he just freaked out when the parents found out. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Honestly, I look at least 10 years younger and no one would say anything about my age unless they saw a document. And that's what happened, by mistake. It unraveled some family issues there, it seems. Man, if it was my family, they would be so understanding. They met my guy and loved him.

Apparently his parents felt betrayed by him and thought he was naive for being with someone much older. The problem is it seems like he started to agree with them. I think they must have used some terror strategies to make him see it was a big mistake that could mess his life.

I wish there was a way back, I can't stop crying, because I love him. But the thought of having to restart somewhere else after making a life here is also terrifying right now. I'm a wreck.

I want to thank all of you who tried to help me.

you hdid help me go through these terrible days and gave me some reality check, too.

thank you. thank you.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I should have used the word "could" rather than "would", but I still think that the circumstances that have brought her to this difficult place are quite understandable and not all that uncommon. The issue then becomes how to articulate it and whether that could improve her chances of remaining in the USA.

First, there are many factors that can come into play in a family's acceptance of a partner. Most especially in a family that is from a different socio-economic level than the new spouse. I don;t find it at all odd that a family can place pressure upon their son to change the course he has chosen. Whether he capitulates to such pressure is his decision alone, and from what I am reading, he has allowed that to occur without really understanding what consequences that has on his wife. We don't know what his parents have hung over his head to cause him to shift his views, and perhaps he has to grapple with that and make a decision as wo what is more important to him.

A forbidden love affair, that has consummated in marriage, against the pressures placed upon them by family members if presented as such, goes to demonstrating that the bond between the two was greater than one of convenience. It can explain why they resided in separate abodes after exchaning marriage vows. His decision to capitulate to the familial pressure and choose to terminate a marriage is unfortunate at this juncture, I'll admit, but if he's willing to stall the divorce, attend the interview, and vouch for the bonafide nature of their marriage, however frowned upon it is from his family, until she has acquired her AOS, all may not be lost.

I might be going down the path less travelled here, but the fact that the husband was concealing the marriage would work to her favour in proving the bonafides.

Really? How so?

[Arazia 0]

My husband is only six years younger than I am, but we got married the year he turned twenty. I can't say he's mature about everything, but he certainly is an adult capable of making his own decisions. The first time I visited him, they 'sensed' something going on between us, although it isn't as if we were hiding it. They spent the better part of the next few months trying to tell him how it was a bad idea to be involved with me. But he was adult enough to say that this was what he wanted, and he was going to follow through with it.

They weren't happy in the beginning, but they accepted it, and me. We get along okay at this point and my family loves him. I guess I just wanted to say that a guy around that age can handle the burden/responsibility of being married and dealing with immigration issues, and a guy around that age can also be a man and stand up against his parents wishes if they don't agree with him. It sounds to me like your husband isn't really a man yet... and it's probably best to just let it go.

[desert_fox 32]

Unless the family is holding a gun to his head, they are not forcing him to do anything. What ever he is doing, he is doing voluntarily.

You married a little boy...he is not capable of being an adult. Mommy/Daddy are mor important/influential in his life right now. Accept it and get on with your life.