His family is forcing him into wedding annulment, before AOS interview.

[forced-divorce 0]

Going to the interview as if you guys were happily married is, of course, committing fraud. People do it all the time, I'm sure. But without evidence of joint marital assets and other such items, the interviewer will have lots of questions about your mutual sincerity. These folks are usually good at spotting insincerity and half-truths. Unless a competent attorney can advise you otherwise, you don't have much of a chance of getting the AOS.

What you are saying is that if you had any other way to stay in the USA, you wouldn't be married. You weren't ready to marry. He didn't tell his parents and you didn't cohabitate after marriage. Based on your own statements, at the moment you don't have a bona fide marriage relationship. I'm not being judgmental. You asked for advice and I'm giving your my opinion about what the outcome of an AOS interview would be under your circumstances and warning you there's a possibility of a very bad result for you. You're in a very tight spot. Get legal advice to protect your future ability to enter the US, if possible.

I didn't say that. I loved him very much, I still do, and I married him because of that. I would never ever marry someone I didn't love because of status. You don't know me, and no one here does, so it may seem that way sometimes if I use the wrong words. What I think is that HE may not have married me now, if it wasn't the only way I could stay. I would have married him anyway, if he asked me to.

I never said you were judgmental, on the contrary - I super appreciate your answers! you seem to know what you're talking about. Based on what you said, maybe the best for me would be to withdraw the application and try to get an annulment myself instead of waiting for them to do it?

[forced-divorce 0]

What should I do? I don't want to leave the US. I married him because I loved him and wanted to be with him, not to get the green card!

Is there any way to still be able to get the green card if he is not willing to go to AOS interview with me?

You say you married him because you love him, yet you seem more worried about staying in the U.S. than you do working on your relationship with your husband and your in-laws. I'm not trying to be mean, but with those two sentences back to back it just seems a little strange.

okay okay... here come the accusations.

Look, as I said - you guys don't know me and you only have my words that may be interpreted in a different way than what I meant.

I will explain my story: I studied almost 10 years to be a good competitive professional and get where I wanted. I got here, which ended up being where I wanted when I finished my studies. I met my husband after a year here. I fell deeply in love despite the age difference. think about it - if my main interest was citizenship, I would have picked someone less complicated...

The thing is I have a life here now, and all my friends are here. I don't have a life back home anymore after almost 3 years here. You see, I am sad, yes, because I thought I had it all till last week: I had a great life where I married the man I love and am super happy with, and I had all my friends and soon a license to look for work and feel more fulfilled as I don't like staying at home.

Now, what is happening is: not only I am losing the man I love, but also I have to leave the life I made here. I have no life anywhere else anymore. Can you imagine the feeling? Not only going through a terrible break up, but also being thrown away from the country I considered mine. I can't deny, it would be better now to be only suffering about the break up part - which is excruciating and devastating enough by itself. Going through that, and also having to figure out how to start a new life from scratch somewhere else, is like beyond what I consider something that can be taken lightly.

I am suffering deeply, I am disappointed with him, and trying to deal with the pain, but I am also trying to find a way to suffer less. I don't deserve to suffer so much and go through all this. No one does, especially when they did all in good faith and love.

[forced-divorce 0]

Thanks. I just had a chat with him, where I poured my heart out, it was good for me.

He said they don't want to do anything bad against me. Let's hope that's true and it is what will happen. But then I don't see a way to do an annulment. An annulment is always a fault based thing, as far as I understand.

You have gotten some sound advise. I think the bottom line is you need a good lawyer.

I hope the annulment ends well for you both.

[forced-divorce 0]

Yeah exactly. I don't think I can afford one. I need to have some money to restart. Maybe I will check the charities. Do they only work for Christians, etc? I am not.

How does an annulment occur? do I have to "agree" with what they say? Of course I wouldn't agree if they made up things. so if I don't agree, what happens?

I think they would prefer an annulment to get his little son out of "trouble" sooner than later - and not have to wait 1 year or so... in NY I think you have to wait one year after being separated to be able to file for divorce.

He told me why they act like this. They think he shouldn't have such responsibility at this age, with someone much older.

I bet they would WANT me out of the country and far from his son actually...

thanks anyway.

Good luck in finding a good lawyer who doesn't cost you 2 arms and 2 legs....

If he filed for annulment you will have a limited time to respond (usually 20 days or so) then you need a divorce lawyer.

Before anything, get in contact with an experienced immigration lawyer to tell you what options you have.

I seriously doubt you will get a GC based on this marriage.

Why an annulment and not an uncontested divorce????

Ask him then try to have a meeting with his parents and have the conversations recorded without their knowledge!

(Get the inormation of why they act like this. Pretend that you don't have any idea, let them spill it out).

If they want to annul the marriage because they don't want you out of the country then is an act of abuse on their part.

The idea is that if you proof that you had marital relations after the wedding day, they won't be able to annul the marriage that easily without hard proof of your "fraud".

Try to get evidence of the fact that your intentions to be in this marriage and maintain it are based on love, nothing else and he / they are the one/ones that are pulling away and destroy the union.

Best of luck and

play smart.

[forced-divorce 0]

Most places in the US have a Legal Aid Society or its equivalent. If your finances qualify you for free legal representation, that's the place to turn. It's good, in your case, to get started right away. Forget anyone advising you to trap the parents or do something otherwise unlawful.

Thanks, I just checked them. Their local office here is by his parents house. Should I laugh or cry?

[pushbrk 13,116]

Going to the interview as if you guys were happily married is, of course, committing fraud. People do it all the time, I'm sure. But without evidence of joint marital assets and other such items, the interviewer will have lots of questions about your mutual sincerity. These folks are usually good at spotting insincerity and half-truths. Unless a competent attorney can advise you otherwise, you don't have much of a chance of getting the AOS.

What you are saying is that if you had any other way to stay in the USA, you wouldn't be married. You weren't ready to marry. He didn't tell his parents and you didn't cohabitate after marriage. Based on your own statements, at the moment you don't have a bona fide marriage relationship. I'm not being judgmental. You asked for advice and I'm giving your my opinion about what the outcome of an AOS interview would be under your circumstances and warning you there's a possibility of a very bad result for you. You're in a very tight spot. Get legal advice to protect your future ability to enter the US, if possible.

I didn't say that. I loved him very much, I still do, and I married him because of that. I would never ever marry someone I didn't love because of status. You don't know me, and no one here does, so it may seem that way sometimes if I use the wrong words. What I think is that HE may not have married me now, if it wasn't the only way I could stay. I would have married him anyway, if he asked me to.

I never said you were judgmental, on the contrary - I super appreciate your answers! you seem to know what you're talking about. Based on what you said, maybe the best for me would be to withdraw the application and try to get an annulment myself instead of waiting for them to do it?

You don't understand. I never questioned whether you loved him. I said you wouldn't be married at this time if you had a different way to stay in the USA. This is because HE would NOT have married you. NOT necessarily because he doesn't love you but because he wasn't ready to be your husband. "Love" is not the standard USCIS uses to evaluate a bona fide marriage relationship. Actually conducting the relationship like other people with bona fide relationships live, is the standard they use. "Love" in and of itself is not only not enough but isn't actually one of the requirements. An arranged marriage where loves comes later if ever, can still be bona fide. It's not that common in our culture but even in those relationship, the husband and wife cohabitate after marriage if they're in the same country.

A bona fide marriage consists of two people IN the marriage, not just one.

Edited February 10, 2009 by pushbrk

[MihaelaNYS 10]

Maybe I will check the charities.

- yes, they will help with the immigration issues (not divorce as far as I understand ...) which are your first step now: to find out your options.

How does an annulment occur? do I have to "agree" with what they say? Of course I wouldn't agree if they made up things. so if I don't agree, what happens?

- you will receive/be served with the complaint (allegations) and you will have 20 days or so to answer. Like in divorce proceedings, there are grounds for annulments (only a few) the only one that they will try (if so) will be fraud for immigration benefits. You have to answer to the complaint (usually people hire lawyers to do this). You can choose to deny the allegations. At that point it will be a contested annulment case (the same as a contested divorce; it can take years finalize). If he has a lawyer, you should get one too otherwise you will be directly dealing with his lawyer.

Try Legal Aid or pro bono attorneys (no fees).

You are innocent until proven guilty.

I think they would prefer an annulment to get his little son out of "trouble" sooner than later - and not have to wait 1 year or so...

- it doesnt matter what you think that they think ... they can file for annulment at any time and so do you for the divorce, only that, in NYS your only ground on a short term marriage would be cruel and inhuman treatment or adultery (the constructive abandonment needs to be 1 year... that means that if he abandoned you, you have to wait 12 mo. to be able to file for divorce. 11 months are not good enough... ).

He told me why they act like this.

- I know that they might have told you but the point is what you can prove.

They think he shouldn't have such responsibility at this age, with someone much older.

- ok. this is not ground for annulment so, they will try to stage you. Get evidence, record it.

I bet they would WANT me out of the country and far from his son actually...

- If you can get evidence supporting this, you might stand a chance to be able to defend yourself.

________________

You want to know the easyest or quickest way to get out of the marriage ? Uncontested divorce.

One spouse file for divorce and the other do not answer the allegations (but usually the parties agree upon this).

Or you can have a separation agreement - which is like a "deal" between the two of you and where it states that you will live separately (as if not married) for a year... (not recommended ).

________________

Talk to your husband and try to solve the situation in a friendly manner. If you get lawyers involved and he is not agreeable to what you want/need ... there is no end to the expense....

[forced-divorce 0]

You don't understand. I never questioned whether you loved him. I said you wouldn't be married at this time if you had a different way to stay in the USA. This is because HE would NOT have married you. NOT necessarily because he doesn't love you but because he wasn't ready to be your husband. "Love" is not the standard USCIS uses to evaluate a bona fide marriage relationship. Actually conducting the relationship like other people with bona fide relationships live, is the standard they use. "Love" in and of itself is not only not enough but isn't actually one of the requirements. An arranged marriage where loves comes later if ever, can still be bona fide. It's not that common in our culture but even in those relationship, the husband and wife cohabitate after marriage if they're in the same country.

A bona fide marriage consists of two people IN the marriage, not just one.

wow. I think you totally opened my eye now. I really did not think about it this way. I didn't think it was about living as expected by society. I thought it was about proving the love etc., and doing it through evidences.

[forced-divorce 0]

Maybe I will check the charities.

- yes, they will help with the immigration issues (not divorce as far as I understand ...) which are your first step now: to find out your options.

How does an annulment occur? do I have to "agree" with what they say? Of course I wouldn't agree if they made up things. so if I don't agree, what happens?

- you will receive/be served with the complaint (allegations) and you will have 20 days or so to answer. Like in divorce proceedings, there are grounds for annulments (only a few) the only one that they will try (if so) will be fraud for immigration benefits. You have to answer to the complaint (usually people hire lawyers to do this). You can choose to deny the allegations. At that point it will be a contested annulment case (the same as a contested divorce; it can take years finalize). If he has a lawyer, you should get one too otherwise you will be directly dealing with his lawyer.

Try Legal Aid or pro bono attorneys (no fees).

You are innocent until proven guilty.

I think they would prefer an annulment to get his little son out of "trouble" sooner than later - and not have to wait 1 year or so...

- it doesnt matter what you think that they think ... they can file for annulment at any time and so do you for the divorce, only that, in NYS your only ground on a short term marriage would be cruel and inhuman treatment or adultery (the constructive abandonment needs to be 1 year... that means that if he abandoned you, you have to wait 12 mo. to be able to file for divorce. 11 months are not good enough... ).

He told me why they act like this.

- I know that they might have told you but the point is what you can prove.

They think he shouldn't have such responsibility at this age, with someone much older.

- ok. this is not ground for annulment so, they will try to stage you. Get evidence, record it.

I bet they would WANT me out of the country and far from his son actually...

- If you can get evidence supporting this, you might stand a chance to be able to defend yourself.

________________

You want to know the easyest or quickest way to get out of the marriage ? Uncontested divorce.

One spouse file for divorce and the other do not answer the allegations (but usually the parties agree upon this).

Or you can have a separation agreement - which is like a "deal" between the two of you and where it states that you will live separately (as if not married) for a year... (not recommended ).

________________

Talk to your husband and try to solve the situation in a friendly manner. If you get lawyers involved and he is not agreeable to what you want/need ... there is no end to the expense....

Wow, annulment sound like more of a nightmare than divorce does. But divorce has the one year rule.

I believe they will want to work with me so we all find a less-terrible solution for us all.

But well, it's true... you never know what to expect. They already "took" him from me in quite a cruel way, so I should not be naive about how they might behave in the future if it's in their interest.

[pushbrk 13,116]

You don't understand. I never questioned whether you loved him. I said you wouldn't be married at this time if you had a different way to stay in the USA. This is because HE would NOT have married you. NOT necessarily because he doesn't love you but because he wasn't ready to be your husband. "Love" is not the standard USCIS uses to evaluate a bona fide marriage relationship. Actually conducting the relationship like other people with bona fide relationships live, is the standard they use. "Love" in and of itself is not only not enough but isn't actually one of the requirements. An arranged marriage where loves comes later if ever, can still be bona fide. It's not that common in our culture but even in those relationship, the husband and wife cohabitate after marriage if they're in the same country.

A bona fide marriage consists of two people IN the marriage, not just one.

wow. I think you totally opened my eye now. I really did not think about it this way. I didn't think it was about living as expected by society. I thought it was about proving the love etc., and doing it through evidences.

Lots of people who are in love are not married and lots of people in bona fide marriage relationships are not in love.

[forced-divorce 0]

Lots of people who are in love are not married and lots of people in bona fide marriage relationships are not in love.

Maybe I made a mistake at the whole way I looked at this from the beginning. It is not that much about love, and love by itself can't make a marriage work. May god help me now...

[scandal 951]

But does it work if you have proof or relationship-dating for one year? I have pictures, emails, phone calls, millions os pages of online chat...

Here's one part of your story that I don't understand. You say that you have pictures, emails, phone calls, millions of pages of online chat...

Well, for many of us on VJ we also have those things because we are maintaining long distance relationships with our loved ones in different countries. So those artifacts ARE our relationships until we can be reunited.

But it actually seems a bit odd that you would be relying upon that kind of evidence as your proof of bona fide relationship when you and your husband are not separated (from your story I gather you live in the same city in the US). I can certainly understand photos and phone calls, that's common enough for couples that live together. But "millions of pages of online chat"? Why ?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Lots of people who are in love are not married and lots of people in bona fide marriage relationships are not in love.

Maybe I made a mistake at the whole way I looked at this from the beginning. It is not that much about love, and love by itself can't make a marriage work. May god help me now...

so true

[MihaelaNYS 10]

Wow, annulment sound like more of a nightmare than divorce does. But divorce has the one year rule.

- No, divorce and annulments are the same: the result is ending the marriage (and splitting whatever is there to split - but is not your case...).

The grounds for each of them are different also, the consequences of getting an annulment might be disastrous for your AOS (immigration application).

Regarding the time: if any of them is contested can take forever (actually until one or both of the spouses are flat broke and cannot fight anymore or settle).

If is not contested/uncontested can take less time (depending on the court's calendar for uncontested cases).

And yes, on the ground of abandonment - it's one year minimum (... uhhh ... if you think about it, it takes 9 only months to have a baby).

I believe they will want to work with me so we all find a less-terrible solution for us all.

But well, it's true... you never know what to expect. They already "took" him from me in quite a cruel way, so I should not be naive about how they might behave in the future if it's in their interest.

- Let's cut to the chase. Who signed the affidavit of support for you ?

[CandyLovesAhmed 0]

annulment would make it like it never happend to begin with right?