Parenting questions

[*julez* 124]

I had the exact opposite when I had my children, especially with my 1st & 3rd. I was incredibly pressured to breast feed. With my first it didn't bother me so much, because that was what I wanted. When, after 4 frustrating weeks of him not latching on, pumping until my nipples bled so theat I could finger feed him with a syringe and tube, I made the decision to stop. The phonecalls from that lactation consultant were brutal. She stopped by my house unannouced to try to talk me out of bottle feeding. It was ridiculous.

With my daughter, I knew ahead of time I didn't want to breastfeed, based on my reasons as I described in my post above. The nurses all harrassed me about it and kept sending in the lactation consultants to pressure me further. They took ages to finally bring me a bottle. It really pissed me off.

[chri'stina 190]

#1- I am not going to judge, especially now after having a baby and knowing how hard b-feeding is. I think breastmilk is best but sometimes it's not so easy to actually accomplish as many have stated. People have different reasons. I had a good friend who chose not to even try breastfeeding, her mother didn't either so it was a family type of feeling passed down. I did go "hmmm" a little in the past but I am not going to judge that when I have seen her kids grow up fine and now have my own baby experience. Thinking of the problems I had with b-feeding and thinking of a future baby, knowing I will probably have to go through those issues again, stresses me out to think about it. I found it all to be extremely stressful.

#2-(stealing Childress_London's answer cuz I like it) I would want my biological baby back (who wouldn't?), but would be very sad over giving up the one I had bonded with. I think the other mother and I might have to stay in touch because she probably would have bonded to my child as well.

#3-I think it's ok as long as the parents are supplementing the nutrition to cover every needed vitamin/protein, which may be lacking in certain diet choices. The vegan thing is so hard IMO, vegetarian is not that hard. Though I think at some point the child needs to be able to choose whether they still want to be a vegetarian or not, not forced. That's just my opinion. My husband is a vegetarian but we are not making Kavi be a vegetarian b/c of that. Kavi can decide when he is older if he wants to be one like daddy or not.

[Marilyn. 340]

#1- I am not going to judge, especially now after having a baby and knowing how hard b-feeding is. I think breastmilk is best but sometimes it's not so easy to actually accomplish as many have stated. People have different reasons. I had a good friend who chose not to even try breastfeeding, her mother didn't either so it was a family type of feeling passed down. I did go "hmmm" a little in the past but I am not going to judge that when I have seen her kids grow up fine and now have my own baby experience. Thinking of the problems I had with b-feeding and thinking of a future baby, knowing I will probably have to go through those issues again, stresses me out to think about it. I found it all to be extremely stressful.

exactly why had more stress to a mother by making them think that if they don't breastfeed they are selfish or bad...

when I was pregnant I told my doctor and some other people that I didn't want to breastfeed and they all tried to talk me out of it.... I did end up pumping after my son was born premature because they said that was the best thing for a preemie baby but it was an awful experience.. I felt like a cow hooked to a milking machine

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Situation # 2:

You just had a baby. The hospital mix-up and give you another baby. You raise thise baby for 6 months when they call you telling he/she's not your baby. Would you...

Discuss.

My answer for one is yes for both. I will be breastfeeding, btw.

My answer for 2: i'd want my biological baby.

My answer for 3: No.

Agree with all of Nessa's responses.

On #3, I have huge issues. I think that even if YOU choose to be vegetarian or macrobiotic vegan and whatnot; your CHILD did not choose to. Give them an opportunity to savor the world; and they can decide for themselves later on.

[Mononoke28 135]

#1. NONE. My sister and I were not breastfed and we've always been very healthy (knock on wood). And after seeing the hell my sister went through breastfeeding my niece during the first 3 months I'm choosing not to breastfeed my child if I ever have one. I think the only problem I will have would be telling the nurse that since they are worse than telemarketers who call late at night, trying to get you to breastfeed. They're borderline pests.

#2. I don't care and haven't thought about it.

#3. I'm not a vegan nor a vegetarian but I've never really understood how it works nor do I care to find out. But I think most of them are responsible enough to know how to get protein and essential vitamins and minerals from different food products to teach their children how to eat like them. But if all they're going to do is feed them junk food just to avoid meat products, then yeah they're extremely irresponsible.

Diana

[Melrose Plant 1]

ok i was obviously not very clear in my first question, since I keep getting all the alternative answers. The mother can breastfeed. there's no special circumstances stopping her. she has milk. She has time. She isn't on medication. She simply choose not to because she doen't feel like.

If there was a special circumstance like the ones mentioned above, the answer would probably be different. At least mine. If she can't, then there's no way it's the mother's fault or she can be called selfish or a bad mother.

I'm still not sure I could go so far as calling such a mother "selfish," but I really don't think you can separate out the mainstream culture from the individual decision.

You see, we have this attitude that mother's milk is the ideal food for baby. No one will argue with that. The problem is, we all know that is it quite possible to get by quite well in life with something less than ideal. Ideally, I would have a brand new minivan to drive and could afford to put gas in it. I get by on a several year old compact car, and it's just fine.

If we saw breastfeeding as normal, and anything else as being inferior or harmful, then and only then could you possibly say that formula feeding mothers who don't even want to try are selfish. But we as a society just don't see it that way. Breastfeeding is kind of like extra credit in our collective eyes. I don't think you can make this as simple as you're trying to make it.

[Ontarkie 14,306]

I don't think that mothers who chose not to breast feed just because are bad or selfish, its alot more work to bottle feed a baby then it is to lift your shirt. I bottle fed my oldest (a number of reasons) and breast fed the other 3 and i would never bottle feed again too much dang work lol

#2 If found out early on that i didnt have my own baby would want my bio baby back, years later i'm not sure how i would handle it.

#3 i think this is one of those things new parents have to be careful of, with proper education you can have a healthy baby growing up vegan and stuff but the problem is that most of us see and hear in the news is the parents who have no clue how to to make sure their young baby/child gets all of what they need when most adults dont rat a proper vegan/vegitarian meal.

Wanted to add I never had a lactation consultent come to me at home or in the hospital just the nurse who was assigned to me and she was great. Never was pressured once to feed by bottle or breast although they did like to do the every 3-4 hours for bottle feeding

Edited February 9, 2009 by Ontarkie

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Breastmilk is the best thing you can give your baby and one of the healthiest choices for the mother too, but choosing not to doesn't make someone a bad mother or selfish. Mother's should be encouraged to breastfeed, but they shouldn't feel any negative outside pressure to use formula or breastfeed...ultimately they have to decide what works best for their situation.

[rebeccajo 14]

Women ARE pressured to breast feed and they ARE made to feel guilty about choosing not to breastfeed. And it's doctors, nurses and hospital staff that sometimes levy the guilt.

I disagree with any categorical statement that breastmilk is best. That's bunk if the mother hasn't any.

When I was born (the 50's) it was considered low-class to breastfeed your child. Somewhere during the 'hippie era' it became the thing to do because of the 'naturalness' of it.

Frankly, I think it became popular because it was FREE.

If a woman wants to breastfeed and she can, then let her. If she doesn't, then so what?

I really don't think it's anybody's business except the Mother.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Women ARE pressured to breast feed and they ARE made to feel guilty about choosing not to breastfeed. And it's doctors, nurses and hospital staff that sometimes levy the guilt.

I disagree with any categorical statement that breastmilk is best. That's bunk if the mother hasn't any.

When I was born (the 50's) it was considered low-class to breastfeed your child. Somewhere during the 'hippie era' it became the thing to do because of the 'naturalness' of it.

Frankly, I think it became popular because it was FREE.

If a woman wants to breastfeed and she can, then let her. If she doesn't, then so what?

I really don't think it's anybody's business except the Mother.

RJ,

Just like other health related issues (high cholesterol, hypertension, diabetes, etc), the health profession has an obligation to give their expert advice when it comes to our personal health choices. If a particular nurse or doctor harangues a mother into breastfeeding, then I agree, that's not beneficial to the child or mother. The research and evidence is clear though that breast milk is the best a baby can have, however, that doesn't mean that formula isn't very good for a baby or even very close to being like breast milk. There is a plethora of knowledge about nutrition and parents are advised by health professionals about all kinds of nutritional choices they make. I don't think parents should ever feel pressured by health professionals any more than what gets thrown at them by the food companies and their advertising, often aimed at the children.

[rebeccajo 14]

Women ARE pressured to breast feed and they ARE made to feel guilty about choosing not to breastfeed. And it's doctors, nurses and hospital staff that sometimes levy the guilt.

I disagree with any categorical statement that breastmilk is best. That's bunk if the mother hasn't any.

When I was born (the 50's) it was considered low-class to breastfeed your child. Somewhere during the 'hippie era' it became the thing to do because of the 'naturalness' of it.

Frankly, I think it became popular because it was FREE.

If a woman wants to breastfeed and she can, then let her. If she doesn't, then so what?

I really don't think it's anybody's business except the Mother.

RJ,

Just like other health related issues (high cholesterol, hypertension, diabetes, etc), the health profession has an obligation to give their expert advice when it comes to our personal health choices. If a particular nurse or doctor harangues a mother into breastfeeding, then I agree, that's not beneficial to the child or mother. The research and evidence is clear though that breast milk is the best a baby can have, however, that doesn't mean that formula isn't very good for a baby or even very close to being like breast milk. There is a plethora of knowledge about nutrition and parents are advised by health professionals about all kinds of nutritional choices they make. I don't think parents should ever feel pressured by health professionals any more than what gets thrown at them by the food companies and their advertising, often aimed at the children.

Yeah, and I remember when everybody was telling us that eggs were the worst thing we could eat.

That has now changed.

You know something I have wondered? Why are there so many cases of ADHD nowadays? When I was a kid, there weren't children getting out of their seats, wandering the halls, etc. with the excuse of ADHD. Many people say it's because of the foods we eat and the preservatives in them.

If that is the case, then why in the heck is breastmilk such a fabulous alternative over bottle feeding?

[Eveline 9]

Women ARE pressured to breast feed and they ARE made to feel guilty about choosing not to breastfeed. And it's doctors, nurses and hospital staff that sometimes levy the guilt.

I disagree with any categorical statement that breastmilk is best. That's bunk if the mother hasn't any.

When I was born (the 50's) it was considered low-class to breastfeed your child. Somewhere during the 'hippie era' it became the thing to do because of the 'naturalness' of it.

Frankly, I think it became popular because it was FREE.

If a woman wants to breastfeed and she can, then let her. If she doesn't, then so what?

I really don't think it's anybody's business except the Mother.

I disagree...I think it is popular because it is natural...what do you think our ancestors back in the caves ate?? They didn't have enfamil lipil ALA whatever and they didn't care if you are mainstream or not when you breastfeed.

Also, the body is a great filter and it is still proven that breastmilk is best, even though you breathe in all those fumes out there. Formula is sent through all kinds of containers and pipes so it is by no means cleaner or healthier than breastmilk.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Yeah, and I remember when everybody was telling us that eggs were the worst thing we could eat.

That has now changed.

You know something I have wondered? Why are there so many cases of ADHD nowadays? When I was a kid, there weren't children getting out of their seats, wandering the halls, etc. with the excuse of ADHD. Many people say it's because of the foods we eat and the preservatives in them.

If that is the case, then why in the heck is breastmilk such a fabulous alternative over bottle feeding?

I'm not too familiar with any research into the causes of ADHD, but if there is evidence that it's coming from chemicals in the food we eat, then wouldn't those chemicals also be present in baby formula as well as breast milk?

I think it's worthing noting that the baby formula industry was over $3 billion almost a decade ago. Those companies have representatives getting doctors and hospitals to carry their product. You have to admit they have a financial incentive to get more mother's to choose bottle feeding over breast feeding, no matter how good their intentions are in producing and supplying a very good product.

[rebeccajo 14]

Yeah, and I remember when everybody was telling us that eggs were the worst thing we could eat.

That has now changed.

You know something I have wondered? Why are there so many cases of ADHD nowadays? When I was a kid, there weren't children getting out of their seats, wandering the halls, etc. with the excuse of ADHD. Many people say it's because of the foods we eat and the preservatives in them.

If that is the case, then why in the heck is breastmilk such a fabulous alternative over bottle feeding?

I'm not too familiar with any research into the causes of ADHD, but if there is evidence that it's coming from chemicals in the food we eat, then wouldn't those chemicals also be present in baby formula as well as breast milk?

I think it's worthing noting that the baby formula industry was over $3 billion almost a decade ago. Those companies have representatives getting doctors and hospitals to carry their product. You have to admit they have a financial incentive to get more mother's to choose bottle feeding over breast feeding, no matter how good their intentions are in producing and supplying a very good product.

I'm just saying if it's in food additives, then it's in mothers milk.

And regarding free samples, my doctor NEVER gave me a formula sample.

And the hospital only gave me one because i made it clear that was what was happening at our house.

Edited February 10, 2009 by rebeccajo

[GiGii 4]

Breast feeding is best for the baby. It's sad when the mom doesn't want to try long or hard enough. I understand after birth you are all exhausted, but its your baby, aren't you supposed to do everything in your will to give it the best? 9 months of pain, a couple extra days trying to feed won't kill anyone.

Breast milk has many nutritional benefits that formula's try to duplicate, but can't. Take a formula, even with Liptin (for better brian/eye development), right there on the bottle there is a statement that compares it to mother's milk, and shows its only like 30% less nutritional. Nice advertising for one. But then again it shows you breast milk is not duplicatable.

Studies show, that breastfed babies develop mentally quicker, are smarter throughout life, stronger overall.

About the ADHD, yes more kids are weird now, however I believe it has to do with all the chemically engineered food we consume as a society. In parts of the world where organic/natural food is more prevalent, you dont have many ADHD kids. Also in the US, they are quicker to mislabel misbehaving kids as ADHD, pop them a pill and say they'll be fixed. Sometimes parents don't devote enough time to raise & discipline kids appropriately and like to blame "the times" or "society" or whatever for the problems.

Isn't it odd, that when mothers used to stay home with the kids (meaning not working), raise them, feed the family with foods from scratch, we didnt have all this drama that goes on in families? I think the lack of the mother at home has a huge impact on kids.

BTW - I want my bio baby back, and no vegan/vegitarian diet for my kid. He'll eat what I do.