Parenting questions

[Marilyn. 340]

1. There are many reasons why some women choose not to breastfeed. I could be that they are not producing sufficient milk or they are on medication.

not producing milk is not a choice, neither is a medication they really have to take. i'm talking they can breastfeed, nothing stips them and they choose not to.

still not selfish or bad...

[Cacerez 19]

Not a huge fan of the choices.

#1 - Working mothers sometimes cannot breastfeed as pumping often times is not enough or the baby won't take a bottle of pumped milk. I plan on being a working mother and I am not sure what I am going to do. I would like to breastfeed but if I am unable due to circumstances then I am not going to view myself as selfish or as a bad mother.

#2 - 6 months or 6 weeks? I see both from you, but either way, that would be a decision my husband and I would make. Tough one...pray it doesn't happen!

#3 - I am neither a vegetarian nor a vegan. As to it being fair, as long as the parents ensure there is enough balance in their child's diet, I see nothing wrong with it. Frankly, if I had strong beliefs not to eat meat, I certainly wouldn't give it to my child. Same with any other belief. As they grow up, they can decide for themselves.

[mkg265 2]

1. Breast feeding has so many benefits including building immunity, bonding, and cost (its free) PLUS it speeds after baby weight loss!

2. IDK, I'd probably want my baby back. I KNOW my husband would want HIS child.

3. Aren't kids vegetarians anyway? All I remember eating was Mac and Cheese. Who didn't stop eating pork after watching Babe as a child? I have penicillin allergies (which are genetic) so I'd never give my child beef or cow's milk anyway for fear of a reaction.

[Marilyn. 340]

the question isn't whether or not breastfeeding is good for the baby or not.. the question is, "are mothers that choose not to breastfeed selfish or bad? "

[Eveline 9]

My friend chose not to breastfeed after an 8 week battle of trying to get her daughter latched on. She had enough milk but baby wasn't up for breastfeeding...there was just no way. She consulted several lactation consultants and went to LLL but it just didn't work. Now she's feeding her LO formula and they are a great team.

[Mina76 0]

1. There are many reasons why some women choose not to breastfeed. I could be that they are not producing sufficient milk or they are on medication.

not producing milk is not a choice, neither is a medication they really have to take. i'm talking they can breastfeed, nothing stips them and they choose not to.

still not selfish or bad...

There seems to be alot of stress on this one question of what makes a "selfish or bad" mother and I also have to agree with Marilyn that it makes her neither selfish or bad for not breastfeeding.

[childress_london 3]

1. A woman is not selfish or bad if she decides not to breastfeed. That is her body and her choice. It's not like we live in a world where women have 24/7 to spend with their children and can sit down and breast feed whenever the child needs it. It's just not a reasonable choice for many women. I breast fed both my babies. My first one I had to go back to work, and the breast feeding stopped shortly thereafter. I couldn't pump enough milk for the babysitter and my daughter decided one day she didn't want to breast feed anymore. I was very hurt. Breast fed my second for a year before I weened him. That time I was a stay at home mom and had the time to do it properly. I also had natural childbirth with both children, but again, that is a woman's choice and I don't consider her bad or selfish for not having natural childbirth. Mother's have enough to feel guilty over without having insignificant things added to their list. I did these things because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to in order to be a good mom.

2. I would want my biological baby back (who wouldn't?), but would be very sad over giving up the one I had bonded with. I think the other mother and I might have to stay in touch because she probably would have bonded to my child as well.

3. I'm not a nutritionist, but I'm not sure how healthy a vegan diet would be for a child. Children need a lot of nutrients that we can get along without as adults. However, I understand that if the parents are vegan and it is for ethical reasons, they would want their child to be also. I think in this case, they should do their research and talk to a nutritionist to be sure that it won't harm their baby. The baby's health is more important than any food issues the parents may have.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

1) No, I don't think she is selfish. Selfish to me would be that she constantly leaves the baby with others so she still go clubbing every night or has 8 kids on top of the 6 she already cannot provide for.

2) I'd want my bio baby back. 6 months is nothing. At after two years, the decision would be much harder.

3) I'd wonder about vegan, but vegetarian is definitely another 'whatever' choice.

[Eveline 9]

1) No, I don't think she is selfish. Selfish to me would be that she constantly leaves the baby with others so she still go clubbing every night or has 8 kids on top of the 6 she already cannot provide for.

Right...like that EVER happens

[Cacerez 19]

1) No, I don't think she is selfish. Selfish to me would be that she constantly leaves the baby with others so she still go clubbing every night or has 8 kids on top of the 6 she already cannot provide for.

2) I'd want my bio baby back. 6 months is nothing. At after two years, the decision would be much harder.

3) I'd wonder about vegan, but vegetarian is definitely another 'whatever' choice.

[rebeccajo 14]

Why would anyone think it is selfish or bad NOT to breastfeed?

Some women haven't enough milk. Some women have to return to work.

Whatever happened to people being able to exercise personal choice without other people labeling them?

[Melrose Plant 1]

OK, I'm not going to answer any of the questions because Nos. 1 & 3 are somewhat loaded, and No. 2 is something that I don't think I could possibly answer in the abstract.

What I would like to say about No. 1 is that in the modern USA, everything is stacked against the mom who wants to breastfeed. Oh, everyone mouths the words, "Breast is best." No one takes any real steps to insure that your baby really winds up at the breast.

When you're in the pre-natal stage, remember what you saw everywhere in the doctor's office? Similac brochures, free Enfamil calendar/planners, and a multitude of other things that subliminally sell formula. You see this for at least 7 months. It seems normal and harmless. It's only the beginning.

Unless your hospital is incredibly progressive and has a legal staff that isn't really nervous about everything, lol, YOU, and I mean you New Mothers collectively, and YOU specifically Nessa, YOU will be bombarded with people trying to get you to make bad decisions just hours after birth. And that's if your baby decides to be cooperative and just latch right on. Which he or she probably won't. The baby will probably be crying. It may well be the middle of the night. There will be no lactation consultant there until morning. The floor nurse will try to help you, but may likely fail. She may get you a breast pump, which is fine, but you ain't going to get colostrum out even with a hospital grade pump. Only your baby can get it out.

After all that, the floor nurse will then say, "Well, the baby needs to eat something...." I don't have to tell you what arguments you'll have to get into after that, when you're completely exhausted right after giving birth. If you give in even once, it's a very difficult downhill slide to stop from there.

It may even be hospital policy that the baby needs to be fed every 3 hours, waking or sleeping. That is total BS. A baby is born with 3-5 days worth of glucose stores, and needs nothing but colostrum during that time. And guess what happens in 3-5 days? Yes, Virginia, Mama's milk comes in. Amazing, isn't it? But be aware that YOU might have to sign a WAIVER to get them to leave Nature to Do what Nature is Supposed to Do.

Are you getting the picture? So no, I'm guessing formula-feeding mothers are not selfish, who can be that strong against this entrenched, institutionalized push to formula-feed? It's absolutely amazing that ANY babies ever get breastfed at all. There's a good reason right there to have your baby at home. At least you'll be let alone.

Good luck Nessa, I sure hope the hospital staff doesn't mess with you the way they messed with us. Mai was physically exhausted from childbirth, I was mentally exhausted from constantly arguing with doctors and nurses. I pray that you have the strength and single-mindedness of purpose to accomplish your goals.

[*julez* 124]

I don't think a woman is selfish or a bad mother if she chooses not to breast feed, though she might be physically capable of doing so. For example, with my first son, he refused to latch on, after 4 weeks of consultants and sleepless nights, I switched to bottled formula and we were both happier. With my second son, he was in the NICU for the first two weeks of his life, on oxygen, so although I was producing milk, he was fed intavenously for a while, and then with bottles as I couldn't be there 24/7.

With my third child, a daughter, I chose to bottle feed from the start. I'd had 2 babies in a row where the first few weeks of their lives were really stressful and I just wanted to enjoy being with my daughter.

I have no regrets. All three of my children have been remarkably healthy (aside from my middles son's health problems at birth - he was fine from the day I brought him home) and are extremely intelligent. They are now 13, 11 and 9.

There are many reasons why a milk-producing mother may choose not to breast feed and it's really no one's business why, or worse yet, no one else's place to judge. So before you are quick to jusdge someone as selfish, or bad, try to keep in mind that you may not know the whole story.

P.S. I'd want my bio kid back. And Not sure about the whole vegetarian / vegan thing - while it's not my bag, I don't know enough about it's pros/cons to make that call. And, as Lal pointed out, these parents are doing what they believe is best for their children.

[Eveline 9]

OK, I'm not going to answer any of the questions because Nos. 1 & 3 are somewhat loaded, and No. 2 is something that I don't think I could possibly answer in the abstract.

What I would like to say about No. 1 is that in the modern USA, everything is stacked against the mom who wants to breastfeed. Oh, everyone mouths the words, "Breast is best." No one takes any real steps to insure that your baby really winds up at the breast.

When you're in the pre-natal stage, remember what you saw everywhere in the doctor's office? Similac brochures, free Enfamil calendar/planners, and a multitude of other things that subliminally sell formula. You see this for at least 7 months. It seems normal and harmless. It's only the beginning.

Unless your hospital is incredibly progressive and has a legal staff that isn't really nervous about everything, lol, YOU, and I mean you New Mothers collectively, and YOU specifically Nessa, YOU will be bombarded with people trying to get you to make bad decisions just hours after birth. And that's if your baby decides to be cooperative and just latch right on. Which he or she probably won't. The baby will probably be crying. It may well be the middle of the night. There will be no lactation consultant there until morning. The floor nurse will try to help you, but may likely fail. She may get you a breast pump, which is fine, but you ain't going to get colostrum out even with a hospital grade pump. Only your baby can get it out.

After all that, the floor nurse will then say, "Well, the baby needs to eat something...." I don't have to tell you what arguments you'll have to get into after that, when you're completely exhausted right after giving birth. If you give in even once, it's a very difficult downhill slide to stop from there.

It may even be hospital policy that the baby needs to be fed every 3 hours, waking or sleeping. That is total BS. A baby is born with 3-5 days worth of glucose stores, and needs nothing but colostrum during that time. And guess what happens in 3-5 days? Yes, Virginia, Mama's milk comes in. Amazing, isn't it? But be aware that YOU might have to sign a WAIVER to get them to leave Nature to Do what Nature is Supposed to Do.

Are you getting the picture? So no, I'm guessing formula-feeding mothers are not selfish, who can be that strong against this entrenched, institutionalized push to formula-feed? It's absolutely amazing that ANY babies ever get breastfed at all. There's a good reason right there to have your baby at home. At least you'll be let alone.

Good luck Nessa, I sure hope the hospital staff doesn't mess with you the way they messed with us. Mai was physically exhausted from childbirth, I was mentally exhausted from constantly arguing with doctors and nurses. I pray that you have the strength and single-mindedness of purpose to accomplish your goals.

A M E N

I couldn't agree with you more.

[Nessa 23]

ok i was obviously not very clear in my first question, since I keep getting all the alternative answers. The mother can breastfeed. there's no special circumstances stopping her. she has milk. She has time. She isn't on medication. She simply choose not to because she doen't feel like.

If there was a special circumstance like the ones mentioned above, the answer would probably be different. At least mine. If she can't, then there's no way it's the mother's fault or she can be called selfish or a bad mother.