lucky FEBRUARY 2009 FILERS

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

{hat on}

you are his best friend V, his confidant, his helpmate, his lover, his world. Friends come and go, but it's you he goes home to you .....

{hat off}

to come hehehehehehe

Edited September 4, 2009 by WhidbeyGirl

[vareska 3]

I really came to the right place looking for advice, didn't I?

I'll just keep you around for what you do best: drinking.

Your psych skills suck just as much as my listening skills, if not more ...

Good night, y'all

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

Night deary! I'll make it down there someday and we'll paint the town red.

[FEISAL 3]

Hahaha to all of those who got there visas congrats - now ur married

[Holliday 4]

Ladies,

How are you dealing with the fact that your husband is leaving everything and everyone back home? Do you feel the pressure that you have to make up to him all the people, places, memories... he is leaving behind? I am at the point that I can't even listen to him talk about everything he will miss back home, I just want him to be excited about HERE, and I know that's selfish, but I can't take iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

I am beginning to resent him every time he makes a big deal about him leaving, and that makes me sad...

I mean, I know it IS a big deal, but I am losing my mind...

Any advice is welcome

I can't help with that, because I'm on the other side of it. Well, I can let you know what I'M going through right now. Maybe that could be a little helpful? I don't know how much of it is similar to what your husband is going through, but some of it might be.

It SUCKS to be leaving everything one is familiar with. I'm only 26 (well almost 27), but I am very set in my ways. Everything I've ever known will be gone. All of my "comforts" will be gone. There are a lot of people that I'm used to seeing every day that I'm never going to see again. People that I care about - especially family - are going to die, and I'm not going to be there to say goodbye. I'm moving to a place where very few things make sense to me. Food that should be the same tastes weird. I'm not going to have a support system nearby at all, other than my husband. I'm going to have to re-learn lots of different things and I'm gonna feel either like a baby or an idiot... for example, banking in the U.S. makes no sense to me at all! Grocery stores are friggin WEIRD! All the brands I'm used to aren't available. You know the episode of the Simpsons where Mr. Burns is in the grocery store and he has a bottle in each hands and he keeps saying "ketchup... catsup... ketchup... catsup..." That's how I feel when I go to the grocery store there. There are lots of other things too... and I'm only moving from Canada! And on the surface, Canada and the U.S. are virtually the same! There are just so many little differences and it's really overwhelming. I imagine that it's way more difficult coming from an entirely different culture. Or maybe it's just difficult in a different way. I don't know. It just feels to me right now that all of the little differences are negative. Everything I'm used to is "right" and everything that's different is "wrong". That is my perception of things right now because I'm scared. It's really overwhelming! I think I'm a big sissy though.

All that being said, it is MY CHOICE to move. I'm doing it because I want to be with my husband, and that's the most important thing. And I know he'd do the same for me, but this is how we decided to do it for now, so we're stuck dealing with all the things that come with it. And it will be worth it. He'll have to listen to me whine (probably A LOT), and I'll have to do my best to adjust to my new life. I think my husband feels guilty for 'taking me away', and that results in him not doing the best job of comforting me when I'm upset about what I'm giving up, but he's trying. Sometimes he'll say stuff like "well I'll just move to Canada then", and that really doesn't help at all, because it doesn't make me feel any better right now, because that's not a solution for right now. But I guess there is no solution, and there are no magic words. I need him to be able to listen to me complain without making me feel bad that I'm complaining, and he's getting better at that. Even if in his head he's thinking 'oh just shut up already!' he doesn't show it. He lets me know that he appreciates so much what I'm giving up, and that he'll do everything possible to make the transition comfortable for me. He knows that I'll need to lean on him a lot, because for a while (probably a long while) he'll be the only one I have for that.

I'm trying to focus on the material positives as much as I can. For me it's mostly stupid stuff like well... there is a better selection of breakfast cereal in the U.S., so that's cool. Oh, and there is that channel that has Law & Order marathons almost daily! Everything is (or seems) waaaaay less expensive in the U.S. Um... I'll be allowed to have a radar detector! That will be neat! I've always wanted one but they aren't legal here. Actually, my husband has bought one for me for my birthday next week. Heheh. I'm excited for that.

I guess there's no actual advice there. Just a bunch of venting. But that's my perspective. I guess if I have any advice, it would be um... you're just gonna have to grin and bear it for a while, probably. You're going to have to listen to the same complaints over and over again and a lot of them might be irrational, and try to not show annoyance about it. Just know that it will get easier eventually. It's a process, I think. And also try to focus on the positive things, like being together finally, and having new adventures together and all of that good stuff. And also try to be really reassuring that you will help with the adjustment as much as you can. Oooohhh and if your husband is anything like me, sometimes it won't matter what you say because EVERYTHING will be the wrong thing. And at those times, maybe the best thing you can do is just not say anything and give him a hug, and then maybe vent about it here on the board. We're all in similar situations here and we can help each other, or at least try. So at least we have that.

I don't know if any of that makes sense. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep, so I'm not sure if my brain is working properly. Tonight is my last night of being alone and that's so freakin' cool! My husband will be here in 21 hours, and then on Saturday my Mom is having a big party for us with lots of family and some friends, and then next week we'll pack up all of my stuff. And then my Dad is going to help us move! It's so cool of him to do that. We plan to hit the road next Friday, and we should arrive in Tulsa on Saturday. Then Sunday for my birthday (if we're not horribly sick of driving) we're going to drive to some State Fair in Kansas and see lots of weird fried food on sticks, and we're gonna see Huey Lewis and the News! (Shut up! I know that's lame!! But it's also awesome because it's lame.) Man, I need to stop typing and start sleeping...

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

WOW Holliday GREAT! It's nice to hear from the other perspective.

OH and at the fair - get elephant ears and ........... darn it all whats it called????? It's batter cooked in oil and topped with strawberries and whip cream I'll think of it later.... anyways those are the two things I get every year at the fair!

Edited September 4, 2009 by WhidbeyGirl

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

Took a BIG risk and bought my husbands ticket home. It will only cost $100 to change it if need be so I guess it's not too big of a risk. I just REALLY want him to fly home with me on the same plane!

[MumtazG38 1]

I just REALLY want him to fly home with me on the same plane!

I can completely and totally relate to that!!!

[lixer 0]

Whhoooo Hooooo Sign in Failed!!

I guess my case will be completed next week!!

Edited September 4, 2009 by lixer

[estrella 14]

I can tell you about MY side too, I'm the wife, and I'm who moved to the States from Mexico wich is a lil' bit more different

I agree inmost of the things Holiday said, mu husband feels guilty for taking me away, so I feel kind of bad telling him I miss my friends or my family because he would be sad, as I told him the other day that we talked about it, 3 years ago when we started talking about getting married I had to ask myself 2 questions "What do I want" and "What am I willing to give up to get it" It thought about it and what i want is him and I'm willing to leave my life behind to have a life for him. I left some dreams in Mexico, like finish college in my dream college. But I have new dreams and we are accomplishing them together.

I come from a big city and here we live in a really small town, I'm used to being able to go anywhere I want without needing a car in here if you walk people look at you like if you are a bum or something like that. Language has been difficult for me too, my English is not that bad but there some words i don't pronounce correctly and my husband laughs he says is because he thinks is cute but it kinda bothers me sometimes because he doesn't speak Spanish and when he tries i don't laugh at him.

Sometimes i feel bad for missing my life in Mexico, I have a very close family in Mexico, I would see my whole family including cousins and uncles and my grannie every saturday and my husbands family don't have anything like that, so every Saturday i feel a lil' bit homesick but it gets better.

We'll get used to that, we may complain some in the meantime but we'll get used to living here. I've been living here for over a month and this feels like home already I get to speak spanish everytime we go to a mexican restaurant an when I call my mom.

Just have some patience and understandment, maybe your husband just wants to be able to talk about it without feeling bad about it

And just remember that just because he misses stuff back in his home country, doesn't mean he's not happy here with you, is normal to miss what you've known all your life.

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

Whhoooo Hooooo Sign in Failed!!

I guess my case will be completed next week!!

Congrats lixer!!!!

Maybe in time to still get an October interview???

Edited September 5, 2009 by WhidbeyGirl

[vareska 3]

WOW Holliday GREAT! It's nice to hear from the other perspective.

OH and at the fair - get elephant ears and ........... darn it all whats it called????? It's batter cooked in oil and topped with strawberries and whip cream I'll think of it later.... anyways those are the two things I get every year at the fair!

Funnel cake?

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

WOW Holliday GREAT! It's nice to hear from the other perspective.

OH and at the fair - get elephant ears and ........... darn it all whats it called????? It's batter cooked in oil and topped with strawberries and whip cream I'll think of it later.... anyways those are the two things I get every year at the fair!

Funnel cake?

Yes that's it!!! Thanks V.

[vareska 3]

No problem W

I actually never had one, was planning to take Kenan to the fair when he gets here so maybe I try one this year.

The year before last they had fried Coke, I stood in a line for an hour and I was so pissed when I saw what it actually was: small fried dough balls in a cup, and come Coke over it

How stupid was I to actually expect something better than that? fried Coke pfffft

I wonder what they'll fry this year?

[vareska 3]

Oh wow, time really flies by, it was actually in 2006 that they had fried coke. Wooow

Some other interesting fried foods at the State Fair of Texas, aka Fired Food Capital of Texas:

2005 Most Creative Viva Las Vegas Fried Ice Cream

2005 Best Taste Fried PB, Jelly and Banana Sandwich

2006 Most Creative Fried Coke

2006 Best Taste Fried Praline Perfection

2007 Most Creative Deep Fried Latte

2007 Best Taste Texas Fried Cookie Dough

2008 Most Creative Fried Banana Split

2008 Best Taste Chicken Fried Bacon