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Do you have no children but you are engaged to or married to someone with a child/children?

By JODO in General Polls

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Did you marry/or will you marry into a ready-made family  

19 members have voted

  1. 1. By getting married to the person with children do you believe that you made the right decision?

    • Yes, things are not perfect,but I am happy with my choice
      5
    • No, I am not happy with my decision and the instant stepmother/stepfather role is more difficult than I imagined
      4
    • If you have to ask, don't do it!
      6
    • It is OK to ask,but be sure that you are willing to "adopt" his kids as your own
      2
    • Eventually I had a child of my own and I am happy with my decision
      1
    • I chose not to have a child of my own,but I am still happy with my decision
      1
    • 0

23 posts in this topic

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*Snowdrop* Proficient

*Snowdrop*   604

Posted
Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: United Kingdom
 Timeline
Posted

It's never going to be easy but it can be wonderful. That doesn't mean you won't find some things very difficult particularly financial equality in this type of relationship.

BEFORE you get married talk about - and try to reach an agreement on...

- who is paying for what/what shared income will be used on his/her children (think ahead to school fees, college funds, weddings, big gifts like a car etc)

- how much time you will spend as a family and how much time you will have as a couple on your own

- how to solve family disagreements

- how much of a say you will have over household matters involving the children

- whether you will have more children together and how to introduce this into the existing family

- how to deal with ex's and the wider family structure like grandparents, step-grandparents, ex-in-law grandparents

Even if you have a perfect step-relationship before marriage, this may feel different after tying the know - particularly in a long distance relationship where you haven't all lived together under one roof. Don't just assume everything will be okay. It's much better to at least start to address these issues before they come up. It's also nice to ask the children (if they are old enough) if they have any concerns or worries or questions.

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Emancipation Mentor

Emancipation   2

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
 Timeline
Posted

Ahh yes... the biggest issue for us is the financial one, and the fact that the ex-factor will always be there. Hubby's children don't live with us, but we are in constant contact with the kids and hubby travels frequently to be with them. Because of their age they are too little to come be with us, but hopefully that will happen this summer.

It's a challenge but I wouldn't change a thing.. I'm grateful that the relationship between hubby & his ex is a cooperative one and that we all seem to have our place to fit.

I am not a step mum; however.. not at heart.. I just want to be another person who loves on these kids.. they have a great mum, they don't need another one.

AOS:

2007-02-22: Sent AOS /EAD

2007-03-06 : NOA1 AOS /EAD

2007-03-28: Transferred to CSC

2007-05-17: EAD Card Production Ordered

2007-05-21: I485 Approved

2007-05-24: EAD Card Received

2007-06-01: Green Card Received!!

Removal of Conditions:

2009-02-27: Sent I-751

2009-03-07: NOA I-751

2009-03-31: Biometrics Appt. Hartford

2009-07-21: Touched (first time since biometrics) Perhaps address change?

2009-07-28: Approved at VSC

2009-08-25: Received card in the mail

Naturalization

2012-08-20: Submitted N-400

2013-01-18: Became Citizen

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Nagishkaw Grand Master

Nagishkaw   510

Posted
Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: Egypt
 Timeline
Posted

Have you been to the party store this morning?? :lol:

Don't just open your mouth and prove yourself a fool....put it in writing.

It gets harder the more you know. Because the more you find out, the uglier everything seems.

kodasmall3.jpg

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ArubaDolphin Rising Star

ArubaDolphin   0

Posted
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Aruba
 Timeline
Posted
It's never going to be easy but it can be wonderful. That doesn't mean you won't find some things very difficult particularly financial equality in this type of relationship.

BEFORE you get married talk about - and try to reach an agreement on...

- who is paying for what/what shared income will be used on his/her children (think ahead to school fees, college funds, weddings, big gifts like a car etc)

- how much time you will spend as a family and how much time you will have as a couple on your own

- how to solve family disagreements

- how much of a say you will have over household matters involving the children

- whether you will have more children together and how to introduce this into the existing family

- how to deal with ex's and the wider family structure like grandparents, step-grandparents, ex-in-law grandparents

Even if you have a perfect step-relationship before marriage, this may feel different after tying the know - particularly in a long distance relationship where you haven't all lived together under one roof. Don't just assume everything will be okay. It's much better to at least start to address these issues before they come up. It's also nice to ask the children (if they are old enough) if they have any concerns or worries or questions.

I totally agree!!!!

especially If they has an ex that will do anything to get her/him back!

an1cCnE0f--0410MDAwMTg3NHN8MDAwMDEzZGF8Q2l2aWwgTWFycmllZA.gifas1cCx0-M3-0410MDM3ODEwc3wzNzcyNHN8Q2h1cmNoIFdlZGRpbmc.gif

an1cCsA-M000410MzAwMjY1MGp8NDc0Mjk2bGF8U3RhcnRlZCBWaXNhIFByb2Nlc3M.gif

03/02 Received NVC

04/02 Case Number

05/02 DS-3032 Gen

06/02 DS-3032 email

09/02 Received DS-3032&I-864 Bill

10/02 Pay I-864

11/02 AOS bill PAID

11/02 IV Bill Gen

11/02 Pay IV

11/02 IV Bill PAID

26/02 Mail AOS&IV Package

Stuck at NVC :-(

10/3 Medical PASSED!

11/3 AVR states IV paid (1 month after it got paid)

K-3:

04/02 At NVC

05/02 Left NVC

At Embassy, DHL 9 FEB

19/02 Embassy gave me apt for K-3

31/03 Interview Date

K-3 In HAND!!!!!

04/04/09 POE: ARUBA

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JSVP08 Community Regular

JSVP08   3

Posted
Filed: Lift. Cond. (pnd) Country: Philippines
 Timeline
Posted
I don't like any of these poll choices. :angry:

Didn't you create them?

Yes :huh:

:lol:

K1 Visa

01-31-2009 I-129F to USCIS-CSC

02-19-2009 NOA1

03-24-2009 NOA2

06-21-2009 Medical(The Polyclinic, Dubai UAE)

06-28-2009 Interview @ USE AD (approved)

07-01-2009 Visa ready for pick up @ USE AD

07-07-2009 went to pick up my visa (ready 2 fly)

=

09-11-2009 POE-SFO(no questions asked,just a reminder 2 get marry within 90 days)

=

09-28-2009 applied for SSN at Sac., Ca(no hassle)

10-05-2009 received SSN card on mail

11-04-2009 applied for marriage license @ Sacramento County, Ca

11-18-2009 married (marriage certificate on hand-same day)

11-25-2009 I-693 signed by CS(MMR-$70, Vericella-$70, I-693 Form- $15)

=

12-23-2009 mailed AOS to USCIS, Chicago Lockbox (FedEx)

12-28-2009 recvd by USCIS

01-04-2010 check cashed by USCIS

01-08-2010 received NOA1 (I-797C) for I-485, I-765 and I-131

01-11-2010 recvd ASC Appointment Notice for Biometrics

01-25-2010 Biometrics Appointment- West Sac, CA

**alls well @ Biometrics-less than 20 mins.

03-04-2010 recvd notice for AOS interview date

03-04-2010 EAD card production ordered (online notice)

03-08-2010 AP (I-512L) approved-recvd in mail (dated 3/2/10)

03-11-2010 EAD recvd on mail

04-06-2010 AOS interview, APPROVED! Bye USCIS til 2012- Sac, CA

04-15-2010 GC Welcome letter received fr mail

04-16-2010 GC recvd on the mail (Yiihaa!!!)

=

03-08-2012 ROC I-751 mailed to CSC via USPS Priority Mail

03-12-2012 ROC recvd by CSC

03-12-2012 NOA1 (revd on mail 03/19/12)

03-15-2012 ROC check cashed

"Thank you to God and to VJ"

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MissDinaDee Explorer

MissDinaDee   8

Posted
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Canada
 Timeline
Posted

My fiance has two kids (female 17 & male 11)... His son lives with him full time and we have had our fair share of growing pains but all in all its good. I get along with both of their mothers very well and we do a lot of holidays and birthdays all together. Its NOT conventional at all but it works for us. Its best for the kids and they are happier for it.

Isma hit the nail on the head and made some very valid points... It all takes time and you will find a groove!

qSIFm7.png

USCIS: 175 Days

NVC: 41 Days

NOA1 to Interview: 265 Days

Interview: 20 March 2012 - APPROVED

NVC for Montreal Beneficiaries – Electronic Processing and New Online Forms Guide by Saylin

Please edit your timeline in your profile so you can help others learn how long each step of this process takes. Thanks!

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  • 4 weeks later...
Mina76 Experienced

Mina76   0

Posted
Filed: Country: Turkey
 Timeline
Posted
" Dont do it".

RUN

NO AMOUNT OF LOVE CAN MAKE THIS WORK UNLESS EVERYONE WANTS IT TO WORK

With all humor aside, I have to agree with Debra on this sensitive issue that....NO AMOUNT OF LOVE CAN MAKE THIS WORK UNLESS EVERYONE WANTS IT TO WORK

1803363hy9lzatt1e.gif avatar_ani_050.gifSOON TO BE HAPPILY DIVORCED! avatar_ani_052.gif 1803363hy9lzatt1e.gif

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