SAWASDEE 3 (2009 Thai thread restarted)

[daboyz 36]

OK new question.

My fiancee was in Roi Et and started pricing picture shops (2 Thai dresses, one outfit for me) and the lowest she could find ONLY TO TAKE PHOTOS was 8,000 BAHT!

.......

Feeling very frustrated.

Got touched 2/3, 2/4, 2/5, 2/6 but no NOA2 YET!

Hi hyena.

My suggestion: chill. Take a deep breath. relax. It's all gonna work out. In a few months when you're in the US with your fiance, you'll look back on this as just a case of bridegroom nerves

We had our "engagement ceremony" or "Buddhist wedding ceremony" or whatever you want to call it, in Bangkok in September. (My gal comes from BKK, not upcountry). We did NOT register at amphur, hence the K-1 approach is perfectly valid, we are NOT married. I'm assuming you are planning to do same. Nonetheless, I've been advised, and would suggest to you, do NOT bring this up as a topic of conversation at the interview. If asked, I'm instructing my honey to tell the truth. No lies. But no need to bring it up.

As to cost, our ceremony cost about 60,000 Baht. That included meal, service, etc. for ~80 guests, monks, including feeding of monks, and all ceremonial stuff. Dowry extra, photos extra. She had a makeup artist come to do her hair, makeup, etc. I think that was about 2-3000, as I recall. We went with traditional Thai silk clothes, a matching gold dress for her, and gold suit for me. It was custom tailored for us and we had the option to rent it and return it for about 5000B, or keep it for 7500B. She wanted to rent, I said for that price differential we should hang onto it as a keepsake. I hope to use them in our small civil marriage ceremony in the US.

So, I think based on that, 8000B to rent the clothes, esp. if they are off the rack and were not tailored for you - that sounds expensive. But since you refer to it as "picture shops", if it includes photos, maybe that's reasonable. (Why do you want photos in a shop? Aren't photos at the ceremony enough?)

About money, you write: "I have to have x amount in my accounts for the interview".

Why? You need to have bank statements for the interview. Not necessarily cash on hand. I'm buying a house. I sent my honey bank statements that include the funds I'm using for my downpayment. By next week when I close, those funds won't be in my account, they will be in my equity in the house. I don't see any problem with that. The statements are still recent and go to show my financial health. I think you can do the same - if you need the money for something (e.g. wedding ceremony), just make sure you have statements from before you make the withdrawal.

Good luck. And remember, deep breaths.

Thank you for your post. Yes many of your assumptions are correct. I have no idea why she wants to use a shop. Likely because her house is more of a barn and there's no nice place to take pics (although i think outside is nice). She said "everybody" does the professional photos, etc. I'm just burt out worrying about what everybody wants, opinions, etc. The saving face thing is opposite to the Buddhism i know...just burnt on it all. The waiting is taking a toll, also. Yesterday she recited everything I'd done wrong in out entire relationship. I asked her if she was trying to sabotage it or what's the deal but she went on for 2 hours. At this point, I could get that from anyone...farang or Thai. I'm taking a break from it all and no worrying anymore. If what I have/don't have is/is not enough, it's not my problem; it's not meant to be. If it works, great. So much cultural difference that's taking too much of a toll on waiting for something that may not happen....ugh!

Throw a big party at 13 coins. Get a Karaoke room. Buy some food, whiskey and soda, and be done with it.

I'm not footing the bill to bus 30-40 people down to BKK plus hotels, etc. She's been married before; re thinking sinsod, etc (i understand pre-marrieds don't do sin sod). never talked about money so much in my life. #######...just rethinking everything

Figure out what you are TOTALLY comfortable spending on the ceremony and let them adjust to it. We didn't have a ceremony in Thailand and spent very little on our wedding here in the states. My wife and her family never once hinted at this being a problem. I was always up front about what I was comfortable with, what I was not comfortable with, and I think they were very aware of the score going in. We'll be heading back to Thailand in June, for the first time since our wedding, and I plan on throwing a party.

Daboyz - 13 coins, karaoke, food, whiskey, and soda sounds like a plan. Thanks.

Good Luck,

Dvd

It's actually pretty cool. You can fit like 20 people in those rooms, and it's very inexpensive. Everyone always had a good time when we did that.

[Thai family 0]

OK new question.

My fiancee was in Roi Et and started pricing picture shops (2 Thai dresses, one outfit for me) and the lowest she could find ONLY TO TAKE PHOTOS was 8,000 BAHT!

.......

Feeling very frustrated.

Got touched 2/3, 2/4, 2/5, 2/6 but no NOA2 YET!

Hi hyena.

My suggestion: chill. Take a deep breath. relax. It's all gonna work out. In a few months when you're in the US with your fiance, you'll look back on this as just a case of bridegroom nerves

We had our "engagement ceremony" or "Buddhist wedding ceremony" or whatever you want to call it, in Bangkok in September. (My gal comes from BKK, not upcountry). We did NOT register at amphur, hence the K-1 approach is perfectly valid, we are NOT married. I'm assuming you are planning to do same. Nonetheless, I've been advised, and would suggest to you, do NOT bring this up as a topic of conversation at the interview. If asked, I'm instructing my honey to tell the truth. No lies. But no need to bring it up.

As to cost, our ceremony cost about 60,000 Baht. That included meal, service, etc. for ~80 guests, monks, including feeding of monks, and all ceremonial stuff. Dowry extra, photos extra. She had a makeup artist come to do her hair, makeup, etc. I think that was about 2-3000, as I recall. We went with traditional Thai silk clothes, a matching gold dress for her, and gold suit for me. It was custom tailored for us and we had the option to rent it and return it for about 5000B, or keep it for 7500B. She wanted to rent, I said for that price differential we should hang onto it as a keepsake. I hope to use them in our small civil marriage ceremony in the US.

So, I think based on that, 8000B to rent the clothes, esp. if they are off the rack and were not tailored for you - that sounds expensive. But since you refer to it as "picture shops", if it includes photos, maybe that's reasonable. (Why do you want photos in a shop? Aren't photos at the ceremony enough?)

About money, you write: "I have to have x amount in my accounts for the interview".

Why? You need to have bank statements for the interview. Not necessarily cash on hand. I'm buying a house. I sent my honey bank statements that include the funds I'm using for my downpayment. By next week when I close, those funds won't be in my account, they will be in my equity in the house. I don't see any problem with that. The statements are still recent and go to show my financial health. I think you can do the same - if you need the money for something (e.g. wedding ceremony), just make sure you have statements from before you make the withdrawal.

Good luck. And remember, deep breaths.

Thank you for your post. Yes many of your assumptions are correct. I have no idea why she wants to use a shop. Likely because her house is more of a barn and there's no nice place to take pics (although i think outside is nice). She said "everybody" does the professional photos, etc. I'm just burt out worrying about what everybody wants, opinions, etc. The saving face thing is opposite to the Buddhism i know...just burnt on it all. The waiting is taking a toll, also. Yesterday she recited everything I'd done wrong in out entire relationship. I asked her if she was trying to sabotage it or what's the deal but she went on for 2 hours. At this point, I could get that from anyone...farang or Thai. I'm taking a break from it all and no worrying anymore. If what I have/don't have is/is not enough, it's not my problem; it's not meant to be. If it works, great. So much cultural difference that's taking too much of a toll on waiting for something that may not happen....ugh!

Read the book Thai Fever. It was really helpful. My son devoured it. You can get it from your favorite online

retailer. One side of the page is in English and the other in Thai. You may already know about many of these issues in Thai/Farang relationships, but you might find some helpful insights. I don't know where he left it it. I wouldn't mind looking at it to see how I can better help my DIL adjust, particularly while he's away for three months.

Thai Mom

Thai Mom

[daboyz 36]

Another must read is Private Dancer.

http://www.amazon.com/Private-Dancer-Steph...r/dp/9810539169

Wish I had read it.

[dvddvd 0]

OK new question.

My fiancee was in Roi Et and started pricing picture shops (2 Thai dresses, one outfit for me) and the lowest she could find ONLY TO TAKE PHOTOS was 8,000 BAHT!

.......

Feeling very frustrated.

Got touched 2/3, 2/4, 2/5, 2/6 but no NOA2 YET!

Hi hyena.

My suggestion: chill. Take a deep breath. relax. It's all gonna work out. In a few months when you're in the US with your fiance, you'll look back on this as just a case of bridegroom nerves

We had our "engagement ceremony" or "Buddhist wedding ceremony" or whatever you want to call it, in Bangkok in September. (My gal comes from BKK, not upcountry). We did NOT register at amphur, hence the K-1 approach is perfectly valid, we are NOT married. I'm assuming you are planning to do same. Nonetheless, I've been advised, and would suggest to you, do NOT bring this up as a topic of conversation at the interview. If asked, I'm instructing my honey to tell the truth. No lies. But no need to bring it up.

As to cost, our ceremony cost about 60,000 Baht. That included meal, service, etc. for ~80 guests, monks, including feeding of monks, and all ceremonial stuff. Dowry extra, photos extra. She had a makeup artist come to do her hair, makeup, etc. I think that was about 2-3000, as I recall. We went with traditional Thai silk clothes, a matching gold dress for her, and gold suit for me. It was custom tailored for us and we had the option to rent it and return it for about 5000B, or keep it for 7500B. She wanted to rent, I said for that price differential we should hang onto it as a keepsake. I hope to use them in our small civil marriage ceremony in the US.

So, I think based on that, 8000B to rent the clothes, esp. if they are off the rack and were not tailored for you - that sounds expensive. But since you refer to it as "picture shops", if it includes photos, maybe that's reasonable. (Why do you want photos in a shop? Aren't photos at the ceremony enough?)

About money, you write: "I have to have x amount in my accounts for the interview".

Why? You need to have bank statements for the interview. Not necessarily cash on hand. I'm buying a house. I sent my honey bank statements that include the funds I'm using for my downpayment. By next week when I close, those funds won't be in my account, they will be in my equity in the house. I don't see any problem with that. The statements are still recent and go to show my financial health. I think you can do the same - if you need the money for something (e.g. wedding ceremony), just make sure you have statements from before you make the withdrawal.

Good luck. And remember, deep breaths.

Thank you for your post. Yes many of your assumptions are correct. I have no idea why she wants to use a shop. Likely because her house is more of a barn and there's no nice place to take pics (although i think outside is nice). She said "everybody" does the professional photos, etc. I'm just burt out worrying about what everybody wants, opinions, etc. The saving face thing is opposite to the Buddhism i know...just burnt on it all. The waiting is taking a toll, also. Yesterday she recited everything I'd done wrong in out entire relationship. I asked her if she was trying to sabotage it or what's the deal but she went on for 2 hours. At this point, I could get that from anyone...farang or Thai. I'm taking a break from it all and no worrying anymore. If what I have/don't have is/is not enough, it's not my problem; it's not meant to be. If it works, great. So much cultural difference that's taking too much of a toll on waiting for something that may not happen....ugh!

Throw a big party at 13 coins. Get a Karaoke room. Buy some food, whiskey and soda, and be done with it.

I'm not footing the bill to bus 30-40 people down to BKK plus hotels, etc. She's been married before; re thinking sinsod, etc (i understand pre-marrieds don't do sin sod). never talked about money so much in my life. #######...just rethinking everything

Figure out what you are TOTALLY comfortable spending on the ceremony and let them adjust to it. We didn't have a ceremony in Thailand and spent very little on our wedding here in the states. My wife and her family never once hinted at this being a problem. I was always up front about what I was comfortable with, what I was not comfortable with, and I think they were very aware of the score going in. We'll be heading back to Thailand in June, for the first time since our wedding, and I plan on throwing a party.

Daboyz - 13 coins, karaoke, food, whiskey, and soda sounds like a plan. Thanks.

Good Luck,

Dvd

It's actually pretty cool. You can fit like 20 people in those rooms, and it's very inexpensive. Everyone always had a good time when we did that.

Sounds great. I'll be running the idea past my wife later tonight.

Your wife has her interview later this month? Good luck to you guys.

dvd

[daboyz 36]

OK new question.

My fiancee was in Roi Et and started pricing picture shops (2 Thai dresses, one outfit for me) and the lowest she could find ONLY TO TAKE PHOTOS was 8,000 BAHT!

.......

Feeling very frustrated.

Got touched 2/3, 2/4, 2/5, 2/6 but no NOA2 YET!

Hi hyena.

My suggestion: chill. Take a deep breath. relax. It's all gonna work out. In a few months when you're in the US with your fiance, you'll look back on this as just a case of bridegroom nerves

We had our "engagement ceremony" or "Buddhist wedding ceremony" or whatever you want to call it, in Bangkok in September. (My gal comes from BKK, not upcountry). We did NOT register at amphur, hence the K-1 approach is perfectly valid, we are NOT married. I'm assuming you are planning to do same. Nonetheless, I've been advised, and would suggest to you, do NOT bring this up as a topic of conversation at the interview. If asked, I'm instructing my honey to tell the truth. No lies. But no need to bring it up.

As to cost, our ceremony cost about 60,000 Baht. That included meal, service, etc. for ~80 guests, monks, including feeding of monks, and all ceremonial stuff. Dowry extra, photos extra. She had a makeup artist come to do her hair, makeup, etc. I think that was about 2-3000, as I recall. We went with traditional Thai silk clothes, a matching gold dress for her, and gold suit for me. It was custom tailored for us and we had the option to rent it and return it for about 5000B, or keep it for 7500B. She wanted to rent, I said for that price differential we should hang onto it as a keepsake. I hope to use them in our small civil marriage ceremony in the US.

So, I think based on that, 8000B to rent the clothes, esp. if they are off the rack and were not tailored for you - that sounds expensive. But since you refer to it as "picture shops", if it includes photos, maybe that's reasonable. (Why do you want photos in a shop? Aren't photos at the ceremony enough?)

About money, you write: "I have to have x amount in my accounts for the interview".

Why? You need to have bank statements for the interview. Not necessarily cash on hand. I'm buying a house. I sent my honey bank statements that include the funds I'm using for my downpayment. By next week when I close, those funds won't be in my account, they will be in my equity in the house. I don't see any problem with that. The statements are still recent and go to show my financial health. I think you can do the same - if you need the money for something (e.g. wedding ceremony), just make sure you have statements from before you make the withdrawal.

Good luck. And remember, deep breaths.

Thank you for your post. Yes many of your assumptions are correct. I have no idea why she wants to use a shop. Likely because her house is more of a barn and there's no nice place to take pics (although i think outside is nice). She said "everybody" does the professional photos, etc. I'm just burt out worrying about what everybody wants, opinions, etc. The saving face thing is opposite to the Buddhism i know...just burnt on it all. The waiting is taking a toll, also. Yesterday she recited everything I'd done wrong in out entire relationship. I asked her if she was trying to sabotage it or what's the deal but she went on for 2 hours. At this point, I could get that from anyone...farang or Thai. I'm taking a break from it all and no worrying anymore. If what I have/don't have is/is not enough, it's not my problem; it's not meant to be. If it works, great. So much cultural difference that's taking too much of a toll on waiting for something that may not happen....ugh!

Throw a big party at 13 coins. Get a Karaoke room. Buy some food, whiskey and soda, and be done with it.

I'm not footing the bill to bus 30-40 people down to BKK plus hotels, etc. She's been married before; re thinking sinsod, etc (i understand pre-marrieds don't do sin sod). never talked about money so much in my life. #######...just rethinking everything

Figure out what you are TOTALLY comfortable spending on the ceremony and let them adjust to it. We didn't have a ceremony in Thailand and spent very little on our wedding here in the states. My wife and her family never once hinted at this being a problem. I was always up front about what I was comfortable with, what I was not comfortable with, and I think they were very aware of the score going in. We'll be heading back to Thailand in June, for the first time since our wedding, and I plan on throwing a party.

Daboyz - 13 coins, karaoke, food, whiskey, and soda sounds like a plan. Thanks.

Good Luck,

Dvd

It's actually pretty cool. You can fit like 20 people in those rooms, and it's very inexpensive. Everyone always had a good time when we did that.

Sounds great. I'll be running the idea past my wife later tonight.

Your wife has her interview later this month? Good luck to you guys.

dvd

Yep Feb. 23rd is her interview. I leave for Thailand Feb. 26. Went to look for my passport yesterday, can't find it. Of course I left my birth certificate in Thailand. So I'm scrambling now. I should have my B/C Friday, and the expedited passport is gonna cost me like $250. Never stops.

[scandal 951]

I think they have the same kinda places up-country. Probably cheaper.

The money thing is a pain. My first G/F bled me dry. At the end of it all, I ended up at Lat Phrao police station with a knife wound. Looking back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out with her, or I woulda never met my wife.

I never gave my wife's family 1 baht for sin sot. Maybe that makes me a bad farang, I don't know. Although when they need a few thousand baht my wife gives it to them from my account. It's never more than 3k baht or something like that. Usually 1k baht. Keep in mind, the starting salary for 4 year college graduate in Bangkok is 20k baht month. My wifes parents are rice farmers in Isaan.

I am actually going to stay in Si Sa Ket when I go to pick her up this time. Never been before, even though I lived in Thailand. I'm thinking I'll slip her mom 20k baht, and give her my wife's ATM card because it's cheaper to send money over there that way. Also, with the stipulation that she doesn't tell my wife's father or brother about it. Wife says they are gonna have a big party for me on my arrival. I'll probably pay for it in some way, which is actually fine with me. After reading on the stories on this site, it seems I am getting off light.

Back to the first girl, she totally took advantage of me. My farang friends in Bangkok all knew it, and didn't say anything. Even if they had, I wouldn't have listened. I am not saying you are in the same situation, but felt like I should relay a little of the 3 years I spent in Bangkok.

Wow! Seriously?? A Knife wound? I thought that stuff only happens in Dean Barrett novels? Glad it was apparently not serious.

My own view on Thai/Farang relationships is that they're like.... any other kind. Some are fabulous, made in heaven. Others are doomed from the outset. And others, well, they just limp along. Of course there's the culture gap and language gap. But I think that's not as big a deal as your basic male/female gap can be right here at home with an American spouse.

I'm just glad and thankful I found THE ONE. We clicked from first meeting, and have never looked back since. Never a shadow of doubt in 2 years of managing a long distance relationship. If I had any real doubts, I don't think I would have lasted this long. Nor would she.

hyena - based on your last posts, it seems like you don't have that certainty right now. If you're not 100% sure about her, about your ability to do the Thai/Farang relationship thing with all the 'family expectations' that may entail, perhaps you should really go slow. If your GF is giving you 2 hours of grief for "everything wrong with you", that could be a worrying sign about things to come. Then again, maybe you were just being obnoxious to her that day and rightly deserved her tirade? C'mon, 'fess up...

[daboyz 36]

I think they have the same kinda places up-country. Probably cheaper.

The money thing is a pain. My first G/F bled me dry. At the end of it all, I ended up at Lat Phrao police station with a knife wound. Looking back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out with her, or I woulda never met my wife.

I never gave my wife's family 1 baht for sin sot. Maybe that makes me a bad farang, I don't know. Although when they need a few thousand baht my wife gives it to them from my account. It's never more than 3k baht or something like that. Usually 1k baht. Keep in mind, the starting salary for 4 year college graduate in Bangkok is 20k baht month. My wifes parents are rice farmers in Isaan.

I am actually going to stay in Si Sa Ket when I go to pick her up this time. Never been before, even though I lived in Thailand. I'm thinking I'll slip her mom 20k baht, and give her my wife's ATM card because it's cheaper to send money over there that way. Also, with the stipulation that she doesn't tell my wife's father or brother about it. Wife says they are gonna have a big party for me on my arrival. I'll probably pay for it in some way, which is actually fine with me. After reading on the stories on this site, it seems I am getting off light.

Back to the first girl, she totally took advantage of me. My farang friends in Bangkok all knew it, and didn't say anything. Even if they had, I wouldn't have listened. I am not saying you are in the same situation, but felt like I should relay a little of the 3 years I spent in Bangkok.

Wow! Seriously?? A Knife wound? I thought that stuff only happens in Dean Barrett novels? Glad it was apparently not serious.

My own view on Thai/Farang relationships is that they're like.... any other kind. Some are fabulous, made in heaven. Others are doomed from the outset. And others, well, they just limp along. Of course there's the culture gap and language gap. But I think that's not as big a deal as your basic male/female gap can be right here at home with an American spouse.

I'm just glad and thankful I found THE ONE. We clicked from first meeting, and have never looked back since. Never a shadow of doubt in 2 years of managing a long distance relationship. If I had any real doubts, I don't think I would have lasted this long. Nor would she.

hyena - based on your last posts, it seems like you don't have that certainty right now. If you're not 100% sure about her, about your ability to do the Thai/Farang relationship thing with all the 'family expectations' that may entail, perhaps you should really go slow. If your GF is giving you 2 hours of grief for "everything wrong with you", that could be a worrying sign about things to come. Then again, maybe you were just being obnoxious to her that day and rightly deserved her tirade? C'mon, 'fess up...

Thai/farang relationships are totally different than farang/farang relationships. Not even close to being the same in my opinion. You are dealing with 2 peopls that grew up in totally different cultures, and allowances need to be made for that.

[mommymeow 0]

OK new question.

My fiancee was in Roi Et and started pricing picture shops (2 Thai dresses, one outfit for me) and the lowest she could find ONLY TO TAKE PHOTOS was 8,000 BAHT!

.......

Feeling very frustrated.

Got touched 2/3, 2/4, 2/5, 2/6 but no NOA2 YET!

Hi hyena.

My suggestion: chill. Take a deep breath. relax. It's all gonna work out. In a few months when you're in the US with your fiance, you'll look back on this as just a case of bridegroom nerves

We had our "engagement ceremony" or "Buddhist wedding ceremony" or whatever you want to call it, in Bangkok in September. (My gal comes from BKK, not upcountry). We did NOT register at amphur, hence the K-1 approach is perfectly valid, we are NOT married. I'm assuming you are planning to do same. Nonetheless, I've been advised, and would suggest to you, do NOT bring this up as a topic of conversation at the interview. If asked, I'm instructing my honey to tell the truth. No lies. But no need to bring it up.

As to cost, our ceremony cost about 60,000 Baht. That included meal, service, etc. for ~80 guests, monks, including feeding of monks, and all ceremonial stuff. Dowry extra, photos extra. She had a makeup artist come to do her hair, makeup, etc. I think that was about 2-3000, as I recall. We went with traditional Thai silk clothes, a matching gold dress for her, and gold suit for me. It was custom tailored for us and we had the option to rent it and return it for about 5000B, or keep it for 7500B. She wanted to rent, I said for that price differential we should hang onto it as a keepsake. I hope to use them in our small civil marriage ceremony in the US.

So, I think based on that, 8000B to rent the clothes, esp. if they are off the rack and were not tailored for you - that sounds expensive. But since you refer to it as "picture shops", if it includes photos, maybe that's reasonable. (Why do you want photos in a shop? Aren't photos at the ceremony enough?)

About money, you write: "I have to have x amount in my accounts for the interview".

Why? You need to have bank statements for the interview. Not necessarily cash on hand. I'm buying a house. I sent my honey bank statements that include the funds I'm using for my downpayment. By next week when I close, those funds won't be in my account, they will be in my equity in the house. I don't see any problem with that. The statements are still recent and go to show my financial health. I think you can do the same - if you need the money for something (e.g. wedding ceremony), just make sure you have statements from before you make the withdrawal.

Good luck. And remember, deep breaths.

Thank you for your post. Yes many of your assumptions are correct. I have no idea why she wants to use a shop. Likely because her house is more of a barn and there's no nice place to take pics (although i think outside is nice). She said "everybody" does the professional photos, etc. I'm just burt out worrying about what everybody wants, opinions, etc. The saving face thing is opposite to the Buddhism i know...just burnt on it all. The waiting is taking a toll, also. Yesterday she recited everything I'd done wrong in out entire relationship. I asked her if she was trying to sabotage it or what's the deal but she went on for 2 hours. At this point, I could get that from anyone...farang or Thai. I'm taking a break from it all and no worrying anymore. If what I have/don't have is/is not enough, it's not my problem; it's not meant to be. If it works, great. So much cultural difference that's taking too much of a toll on waiting for something that may not happen....ugh!

Throw a big party at 13 coins. Get a Karaoke room. Buy some food, whiskey and soda, and be done with it.

I'm not footing the bill to bus 30-40 people down to BKK plus hotels, etc. She's been married before; re thinking sinsod, etc (i understand pre-marrieds don't do sin sod). never talked about money so much in my life. #######...just rethinking everything

As for my case, we never have any sinsod, neither the wedding ceremony. We just went to the city hall in New York City, got married and a friend of his, who was our witness bought us the lunch after. That was all for us and my family never expect any sidsod at all.

[HYENA 4]

I think they have the same kinda places up-country. Probably cheaper.

The money thing is a pain. My first G/F bled me dry. At the end of it all, I ended up at Lat Phrao police station with a knife wound. Looking back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out with her, or I woulda never met my wife.

I never gave my wife's family 1 baht for sin sot. Maybe that makes me a bad farang, I don't know. Although when they need a few thousand baht my wife gives it to them from my account. It's never more than 3k baht or something like that. Usually 1k baht. Keep in mind, the starting salary for 4 year college graduate in Bangkok is 20k baht month. My wifes parents are rice farmers in Isaan.

I am actually going to stay in Si Sa Ket when I go to pick her up this time. Never been before, even though I lived in Thailand. I'm thinking I'll slip her mom 20k baht, and give her my wife's ATM card because it's cheaper to send money over there that way. Also, with the stipulation that she doesn't tell my wife's father or brother about it. Wife says they are gonna have a big party for me on my arrival. I'll probably pay for it in some way, which is actually fine with me. After reading on the stories on this site, it seems I am getting off light.

Back to the first girl, she totally took advantage of me. My farang friends in Bangkok all knew it, and didn't say anything. Even if they had, I wouldn't have listened. I am not saying you are in the same situation, but felt like I should relay a little of the 3 years I spent in Bangkok.

Wow! Seriously?? A Knife wound? I thought that stuff only happens in Dean Barrett novels? Glad it was apparently not serious.

My own view on Thai/Farang relationships is that they're like.... any other kind. Some are fabulous, made in heaven. Others are doomed from the outset. And others, well, they just limp along. Of course there's the culture gap and language gap. But I think that's not as big a deal as your basic male/female gap can be right here at home with an American spouse.

I'm just glad and thankful I found THE ONE. We clicked from first meeting, and have never looked back since. Never a shadow of doubt in 2 years of managing a long distance relationship. If I had any real doubts, I don't think I would have lasted this long. Nor would she.

hyena - based on your last posts, it seems like you don't have that certainty right now. If you're not 100% sure about her, about your ability to do the Thai/Farang relationship thing with all the 'family expectations' that may entail, perhaps you should really go slow. If your GF is giving you 2 hours of grief for "everything wrong with you", that could be a worrying sign about things to come. Then again, maybe you were just being obnoxious to her that day and rightly deserved her tirade? C'mon, 'fess up...

I'll fess up. I see a pattern; this time every month she does this but I can't endure this every month for years to come. To be honest, I did absolutely nothing. She started telling me her friend and my friend who just went there were kissing and her niece walked in and ran out embarrassed. I asked her the name of the person cause I didn't catch it and she refused to say it...it was strange but only after, I learned my friend had walked into the room. She blamed me telling him I was prying into his business or whatever...second time she got caught talking about him and blamed it on me. Not a big deal but I was quiet most of this conversation. Sure worrying about money, stuff I've said when I've been stressing about money and she started mentioning my past marriage, I must have rushed into it...my past gf, I must have rushed into it and we have nothing but problems and that maybe I rushed into this, too.

I stopped fighting...in the past, I agreed with her saying sure, maybe I rushed into it but I was committed and loved her, etc. It seemed she was trying to talk me out of it. I asked her what she wanted for her bday/v-day (same day) and she says Thais don't make a big deal and I've done enough already. I told her a little something would be in custom for me and I'd like to see her happy...she said she'd throw it int he trash. I asked her if she doesn't like romantic stuff...she says "Romantic is bagwaan" (romantic is a bunch of bs fake #######) basically. She's not bleeding me dry financially but the sin sod thing and wedding thing when at first it was one thing is growing out of my comfort zone because ego is big and I'm NOT an ego feeding person. I'd think Buddhism was the opposite of ego but somehow it got jaded terribly into a jealous, bigoted culture there. I did everything...stayed at their house, paid off debts for their neighbors feeding them at items they didn't have food, etc. I'm certain she's trying to sabotage it but at this point, I may just stop fighting it and agree with her I made a mistake and move on. I told her I didn't want kids...only after months along does she say she wants a kid and she can bring it to Thailand (like hell I'd let one of my kids live in an environment where 10 year olds are drinking booze and clepto maniacs with no focus on education).

So I'm supposed to build a house for her mom over time...I guess it makes sense cause they really are dirt poor (because every F*(&) person who marryies farang does it and ego and what people think, etc). Just sick and tired of ego feeding and lack of warmth from a would be spouse.

That's my fessing up. She has good qualities but I can't get her to see a therapist with me (which I think could help her see her past vs her actions now) which means no change and I'm not seeking to marry a lady with a muay thai man's heart.

[mommymeow 0]

I think they have the same kinda places up-country. Probably cheaper.

The money thing is a pain. My first G/F bled me dry. At the end of it all, I ended up at Lat Phrao police station with a knife wound. Looking back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out with her, or I woulda never met my wife.

I never gave my wife's family 1 baht for sin sot. Maybe that makes me a bad farang, I don't know. Although when they need a few thousand baht my wife gives it to them from my account. It's never more than 3k baht or something like that. Usually 1k baht. Keep in mind, the starting salary for 4 year college graduate in Bangkok is 20k baht month. My wifes parents are rice farmers in Isaan.

I am actually going to stay in Si Sa Ket when I go to pick her up this time. Never been before, even though I lived in Thailand. I'm thinking I'll slip her mom 20k baht, and give her my wife's ATM card because it's cheaper to send money over there that way. Also, with the stipulation that she doesn't tell my wife's father or brother about it. Wife says they are gonna have a big party for me on my arrival. I'll probably pay for it in some way, which is actually fine with me. After reading on the stories on this site, it seems I am getting off light.

Back to the first girl, she totally took advantage of me. My farang friends in Bangkok all knew it, and didn't say anything. Even if they had, I wouldn't have listened. I am not saying you are in the same situation, but felt like I should relay a little of the 3 years I spent in Bangkok.

Wow! Seriously?? A Knife wound? I thought that stuff only happens in Dean Barrett novels? Glad it was apparently not serious.

My own view on Thai/Farang relationships is that they're like.... any other kind. Some are fabulous, made in heaven. Others are doomed from the outset. And others, well, they just limp along. Of course there's the culture gap and language gap. But I think that's not as big a deal as your basic male/female gap can be right here at home with an American spouse.

I'm just glad and thankful I found THE ONE. We clicked from first meeting, and have never looked back since. Never a shadow of doubt in 2 years of managing a long distance relationship. If I had any real doubts, I don't think I would have lasted this long. Nor would she.

hyena - based on your last posts, it seems like you don't have that certainty right now. If you're not 100% sure about her, about your ability to do the Thai/Farang relationship thing with all the 'family expectations' that may entail, perhaps you should really go slow. If your GF is giving you 2 hours of grief for "everything wrong with you", that could be a worrying sign about things to come. Then again, maybe you were just being obnoxious to her that day and rightly deserved her tirade? C'mon, 'fess up...

I'll fess up. I see a pattern; this time every month she does this but I can't endure this every month for years to come. To be honest, I did absolutely nothing. She started telling me her friend and my friend who just went there were kissing and her niece walked in and ran out embarrassed. I asked her the name of the person cause I didn't catch it and she refused to say it...it was strange but only after, I learned my friend had walked into the room. She blamed me telling him I was prying into his business or whatever...second time she got caught talking about him and blamed it on me. Not a big deal but I was quiet most of this conversation. Sure worrying about money, stuff I've said when I've been stressing about money and she started mentioning my past marriage, I must have rushed into it...my past gf, I must have rushed into it and we have nothing but problems and that maybe I rushed into this, too.

I stopped fighting...in the past, I agreed with her saying sure, maybe I rushed into it but I was committed and loved her, etc. It seemed she was trying to talk me out of it. I asked her what she wanted for her bday/v-day (same day) and she says Thais don't make a big deal and I've done enough already. I told her a little something would be in custom for me and I'd like to see her happy...she said she'd throw it int he trash. I asked her if she doesn't like romantic stuff...she says "Romantic is bagwaan" (romantic is a bunch of bs fake #######) basically. She's not bleeding me dry financially but the sin sod thing and wedding thing when at first it was one thing is growing out of my comfort zone because ego is big and I'm NOT an ego feeding person. I'd think Buddhism was the opposite of ego but somehow it got jaded terribly into a jealous, bigoted culture there. I did everything...stayed at their house, paid off debts for their neighbors feeding them at items they didn't have food, etc. I'm certain she's trying to sabotage it but at this point, I may just stop fighting it and agree with her I made a mistake and move on. I told her I didn't want kids...only after months along does she say she wants a kid and she can bring it to Thailand (like hell I'd let one of my kids live in an environment where 10 year olds are drinking booze and clepto maniacs with no focus on education).

So I'm supposed to build a house for her mom over time...I guess it makes sense cause they really are dirt poor (because every F*(&) person who marryies farang does it and ego and what people think, etc). Just sick and tired of ego feeding and lack of warmth from a would be spouse.

That's my fessing up. She has good qualities but I can't get her to see a therapist with me (which I think could help her see her past vs her actions now) which means no change and I'm not seeking to marry a lady with a muay thai man's heart.

I know and understand what you are saying. I am a Thai person who married a farang's husband too. But serioulsy my family never ask any money and also the whole family as well.

You gonna marry one person, which is ur fiance, and not the whole family or any neighbors around her house. If they really expect the sid sod, just give them what you have, you don't have to be suffer by giving them in what you can't afford to do it.

[bill13060 0]

Yeah i get the feeling that Thai people try to stay in competition with the joneses if you know what i mean. My wife tells me that people where she lives ask her why she does not have alot of gold to wear around and her sister gives her carp because we have not built a house yet. so i tell her she should tell them that i have to work for a living and i have bills of my own to pay. sure i make good money but it all can't go to materialistic things just to show off. about the house i tell her that i just can't go to a bank and get a loan to build a house 3000 miles away in another country so we will have to save for it, might take a couple years but it'll get done sooner or later and she can tell her sister for me to eff off. also she expects me to take her and her family on a two day outing when i get there and i hope they don't expect to get off scot free because her sister and husband have good jobs too. i like most of her family and they work hard for the little money that they get but i can't stand the one sister because she seems like a money grubbing(you instert your favorite word here), and she would not have anything if the older sisters' husband didn't pay for her college.

My wife understands that money does not grow on trees but the peer pressure from her one sister and friends is a little annoying for me and i get the feeling they are not used to someone like me speaking my mind straight forward. i let them know early on that i would not take any carp.

Edited February 12, 2009 by will92104

[daboyz 36]

I think they have the same kinda places up-country. Probably cheaper.

The money thing is a pain. My first G/F bled me dry. At the end of it all, I ended up at Lat Phrao police station with a knife wound. Looking back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out with her, or I woulda never met my wife.

I never gave my wife's family 1 baht for sin sot. Maybe that makes me a bad farang, I don't know. Although when they need a few thousand baht my wife gives it to them from my account. It's never more than 3k baht or something like that. Usually 1k baht. Keep in mind, the starting salary for 4 year college graduate in Bangkok is 20k baht month. My wifes parents are rice farmers in Isaan.

I am actually going to stay in Si Sa Ket when I go to pick her up this time. Never been before, even though I lived in Thailand. I'm thinking I'll slip her mom 20k baht, and give her my wife's ATM card because it's cheaper to send money over there that way. Also, with the stipulation that she doesn't tell my wife's father or brother about it. Wife says they are gonna have a big party for me on my arrival. I'll probably pay for it in some way, which is actually fine with me. After reading on the stories on this site, it seems I am getting off light.

Back to the first girl, she totally took advantage of me. My farang friends in Bangkok all knew it, and didn't say anything. Even if they had, I wouldn't have listened. I am not saying you are in the same situation, but felt like I should relay a little of the 3 years I spent in Bangkok.

Wow! Seriously?? A Knife wound? I thought that stuff only happens in Dean Barrett novels? Glad it was apparently not serious.

My own view on Thai/Farang relationships is that they're like.... any other kind. Some are fabulous, made in heaven. Others are doomed from the outset. And others, well, they just limp along. Of course there's the culture gap and language gap. But I think that's not as big a deal as your basic male/female gap can be right here at home with an American spouse.

I'm just glad and thankful I found THE ONE. We clicked from first meeting, and have never looked back since. Never a shadow of doubt in 2 years of managing a long distance relationship. If I had any real doubts, I don't think I would have lasted this long. Nor would she.

hyena - based on your last posts, it seems like you don't have that certainty right now. If you're not 100% sure about her, about your ability to do the Thai/Farang relationship thing with all the 'family expectations' that may entail, perhaps you should really go slow. If your GF is giving you 2 hours of grief for "everything wrong with you", that could be a worrying sign about things to come. Then again, maybe you were just being obnoxious to her that day and rightly deserved her tirade? C'mon, 'fess up...

I'll fess up. I see a pattern; this time every month she does this but I can't endure this every month for years to come. To be honest, I did absolutely nothing. She started telling me her friend and my friend who just went there were kissing and her niece walked in and ran out embarrassed. I asked her the name of the person cause I didn't catch it and she refused to say it...it was strange but only after, I learned my friend had walked into the room. She blamed me telling him I was prying into his business or whatever...second time she got caught talking about him and blamed it on me. Not a big deal but I was quiet most of this conversation. Sure worrying about money, stuff I've said when I've been stressing about money and she started mentioning my past marriage, I must have rushed into it...my past gf, I must have rushed into it and we have nothing but problems and that maybe I rushed into this, too.

I stopped fighting...in the past, I agreed with her saying sure, maybe I rushed into it but I was committed and loved her, etc. It seemed she was trying to talk me out of it. I asked her what she wanted for her bday/v-day (same day) and she says Thais don't make a big deal and I've done enough already. I told her a little something would be in custom for me and I'd like to see her happy...she said she'd throw it int he trash. I asked her if she doesn't like romantic stuff...she says "Romantic is bagwaan" (romantic is a bunch of bs fake #######) basically. She's not bleeding me dry financially but the sin sod thing and wedding thing when at first it was one thing is growing out of my comfort zone because ego is big and I'm NOT an ego feeding person. I'd think Buddhism was the opposite of ego but somehow it got jaded terribly into a jealous, bigoted culture there. I did everything...stayed at their house, paid off debts for their neighbors feeding them at items they didn't have food, etc. I'm certain she's trying to sabotage it but at this point, I may just stop fighting it and agree with her I made a mistake and move on. I told her I didn't want kids...only after months along does she say she wants a kid and she can bring it to Thailand (like hell I'd let one of my kids live in an environment where 10 year olds are drinking booze and clepto maniacs with no focus on education).

So I'm supposed to build a house for her mom over time...I guess it makes sense cause they really are dirt poor (because every F*(&) person who marryies farang does it and ego and what people think, etc). Just sick and tired of ego feeding and lack of warmth from a would be spouse.

That's my fessing up. She has good qualities but I can't get her to see a therapist with me (which I think could help her see her past vs her actions now) which means no change and I'm not seeking to marry a lady with a muay thai man's heart.

I'm not going to give advice. That gets me in trouble.

My wife's family lives in Si Sa Ket. They have 7 Rai of rice fields. Which is 2.76 US Acres. They are dirt poor and have NEVER asked me for 1 baht. Her sister married a guy from England that I knew, who drank himself to death in Bangkok. I knew the guy, that's how I met my wife.

I know I'm going to take a pounding here, and that's fine. Maybe someone will get something out of it.

In between my first girl and my wife, I spent alot of time on Cowboy. I would help these girls write letters in English to whoever, because by that time, my Thai was functional.

I have seen it all. My father is in the hospital. My brother cracked up his motorbike. Our buffalo is sick. Whatever. Their purpose was to extract as much money as possible, as quickly as possible, from Farang men. They would write the same letters to 5 different farangs. Aussies, Brits, Americans, Dutch, you name it. It is the game. It's been going on for years, and it will continue to go on. Most of them had a Thai boyfriend or husband upcountry somewhere. Farang men like the fact that this beautiful Thai girl is paying all this attention to them. Hell, I loved it. At the end of the day, you are a walking ATM. It sucks. I went through it.

My advice. If you want to help them, give them the means to help themselves. Pay for some verifiable school. Something like that. You have all been to Thailand I'm sure. They lived there fine before they met you, and they will be fine after you are gone. Everyone wants to feel like they a rescuing someone from poverty, and doing the right thing. Having a beautiful girl to go with it doesn't hurt either. Things are not what they seem in Thailand alot of times.

If what you seek is a hot Thai girl, that is what you will get. Nothing more.

Most of the women in Thailand are very modest, and virtuous.

At some point you have to ask yourself, why did this hot young girl pick me? Was it my beer gut etc.? It's your wallet! These girls give the rest of the good ones a bad name.

I got lucky. I ended up unemployed in Bangkok. My wife supported me on 7k baht a month. It sucked, especially for her. She hung in there. She is a saint to me for doing that.

You can look up stickman bangkok on google, and see the real truth.

Like I said starting out, I will probably catch some kind of hell for posting this. But for all who come along later, I hope it gives them some insight.

Good luck to you all.

[mommymeow 0]

I think they have the same kinda places up-country. Probably cheaper.

The money thing is a pain. My first G/F bled me dry. At the end of it all, I ended up at Lat Phrao police station with a knife wound. Looking back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out with her, or I woulda never met my wife.

I never gave my wife's family 1 baht for sin sot. Maybe that makes me a bad farang, I don't know. Although when they need a few thousand baht my wife gives it to them from my account. It's never more than 3k baht or something like that. Usually 1k baht. Keep in mind, the starting salary for 4 year college graduate in Bangkok is 20k baht month. My wifes parents are rice farmers in Isaan.

I am actually going to stay in Si Sa Ket when I go to pick her up this time. Never been before, even though I lived in Thailand. I'm thinking I'll slip her mom 20k baht, and give her my wife's ATM card because it's cheaper to send money over there that way. Also, with the stipulation that she doesn't tell my wife's father or brother about it. Wife says they are gonna have a big party for me on my arrival. I'll probably pay for it in some way, which is actually fine with me. After reading on the stories on this site, it seems I am getting off light.

Back to the first girl, she totally took advantage of me. My farang friends in Bangkok all knew it, and didn't say anything. Even if they had, I wouldn't have listened. I am not saying you are in the same situation, but felt like I should relay a little of the 3 years I spent in Bangkok.

Wow! Seriously?? A Knife wound? I thought that stuff only happens in Dean Barrett novels? Glad it was apparently not serious.

My own view on Thai/Farang relationships is that they're like.... any other kind. Some are fabulous, made in heaven. Others are doomed from the outset. And others, well, they just limp along. Of course there's the culture gap and language gap. But I think that's not as big a deal as your basic male/female gap can be right here at home with an American spouse.

I'm just glad and thankful I found THE ONE. We clicked from first meeting, and have never looked back since. Never a shadow of doubt in 2 years of managing a long distance relationship. If I had any real doubts, I don't think I would have lasted this long. Nor would she.

hyena - based on your last posts, it seems like you don't have that certainty right now. If you're not 100% sure about her, about your ability to do the Thai/Farang relationship thing with all the 'family expectations' that may entail, perhaps you should really go slow. If your GF is giving you 2 hours of grief for "everything wrong with you", that could be a worrying sign about things to come. Then again, maybe you were just being obnoxious to her that day and rightly deserved her tirade? C'mon, 'fess up...

I'll fess up. I see a pattern; this time every month she does this but I can't endure this every month for years to come. To be honest, I did absolutely nothing. She started telling me her friend and my friend who just went there were kissing and her niece walked in and ran out embarrassed. I asked her the name of the person cause I didn't catch it and she refused to say it...it was strange but only after, I learned my friend had walked into the room. She blamed me telling him I was prying into his business or whatever...second time she got caught talking about him and blamed it on me. Not a big deal but I was quiet most of this conversation. Sure worrying about money, stuff I've said when I've been stressing about money and she started mentioning my past marriage, I must have rushed into it...my past gf, I must have rushed into it and we have nothing but problems and that maybe I rushed into this, too.

I stopped fighting...in the past, I agreed with her saying sure, maybe I rushed into it but I was committed and loved her, etc. It seemed she was trying to talk me out of it. I asked her what she wanted for her bday/v-day (same day) and she says Thais don't make a big deal and I've done enough already. I told her a little something would be in custom for me and I'd like to see her happy...she said she'd throw it int he trash. I asked her if she doesn't like romantic stuff...she says "Romantic is bagwaan" (romantic is a bunch of bs fake #######) basically. She's not bleeding me dry financially but the sin sod thing and wedding thing when at first it was one thing is growing out of my comfort zone because ego is big and I'm NOT an ego feeding person. I'd think Buddhism was the opposite of ego but somehow it got jaded terribly into a jealous, bigoted culture there. I did everything...stayed at their house, paid off debts for their neighbors feeding them at items they didn't have food, etc. I'm certain she's trying to sabotage it but at this point, I may just stop fighting it and agree with her I made a mistake and move on. I told her I didn't want kids...only after months along does she say she wants a kid and she can bring it to Thailand (like hell I'd let one of my kids live in an environment where 10 year olds are drinking booze and clepto maniacs with no focus on education).

So I'm supposed to build a house for her mom over time...I guess it makes sense cause they really are dirt poor (because every F*(&) person who marryies farang does it and ego and what people think, etc). Just sick and tired of ego feeding and lack of warmth from a would be spouse.

That's my fessing up. She has good qualities but I can't get her to see a therapist with me (which I think could help her see her past vs her actions now) which means no change and I'm not seeking to marry a lady with a muay thai man's heart.

I'm not going to give advice. That gets me in trouble.

My wife's family lives in Si Sa Ket. They have 7 Rai of rice fields. Which is 2.76 US Acres. They are dirt poor and have NEVER asked me for 1 baht. Her sister married a guy from England that I knew, who drank himself to death in Bangkok. I knew the guy, that's how I met my wife.

I know I'm going to take a pounding here, and that's fine. Maybe someone will get something out of it.

In between my first girl and my wife, I spent alot of time on Cowboy. I would help these girls write letters in English to whoever, because by that time, my Thai was functional.

I have seen it all. My father is in the hospital. My brother cracked up his motorbike. Our buffalo is sick. Whatever. Their purpose was to extract as much money as possible, as quickly as possible, from Farang men. They would write the same letters to 5 different farangs. Aussies, Brits, Americans, Dutch, you name it. It is the game. It's been going on for years, and it will continue to go on. Most of them had a Thai boyfriend or husband upcountry somewhere. Farang men like the fact that this beautiful Thai girl is paying all this attention to them. Hell, I loved it. At the end of the day, you are a walking ATM. It sucks. I went through it.

My advice. If you want to help them, give them the means to help themselves. Pay for some verifiable school. Something like that. You have all been to Thailand I'm sure. They lived there fine before they met you, and they will be fine after you are gone. Everyone wants to feel like they a rescuing someone from poverty, and doing the right thing. Having a beautiful girl to go with it doesn't hurt either. Things are not what they seem in Thailand alot of times.

If what you seek is a hot Thai girl, that is what you will get. Nothing more.

Most of the women in Thailand are very modest, and virtuous.

At some point you have to ask yourself, why did this hot young girl pick me? Was it my beer gut etc.? It's your wallet! These girls give the rest of the good ones a bad name.

I got lucky. I ended up unemployed in Bangkok. My wife supported me on 7k baht a month. It sucked, especially for her. She hung in there. She is a saint to me for doing that.

You can look up stickman bangkok on google, and see the real truth.

Like I said starting out, I will probably catch some kind of hell for posting this. But for all who come along later, I hope it gives them some insight.

Good luck to you all.

I second that. Very well said.

[bill13060 0]

I think they have the same kinda places up-country. Probably cheaper.

The money thing is a pain. My first G/F bled me dry. At the end of it all, I ended up at Lat Phrao police station with a knife wound. Looking back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out with her, or I woulda never met my wife.

I never gave my wife's family 1 baht for sin sot. Maybe that makes me a bad farang, I don't know. Although when they need a few thousand baht my wife gives it to them from my account. It's never more than 3k baht or something like that. Usually 1k baht. Keep in mind, the starting salary for 4 year college graduate in Bangkok is 20k baht month. My wifes parents are rice farmers in Isaan.

I am actually going to stay in Si Sa Ket when I go to pick her up this time. Never been before, even though I lived in Thailand. I'm thinking I'll slip her mom 20k baht, and give her my wife's ATM card because it's cheaper to send money over there that way. Also, with the stipulation that she doesn't tell my wife's father or brother about it. Wife says they are gonna have a big party for me on my arrival. I'll probably pay for it in some way, which is actually fine with me. After reading on the stories on this site, it seems I am getting off light.

Back to the first girl, she totally took advantage of me. My farang friends in Bangkok all knew it, and didn't say anything. Even if they had, I wouldn't have listened. I am not saying you are in the same situation, but felt like I should relay a little of the 3 years I spent in Bangkok.

Wow! Seriously?? A Knife wound? I thought that stuff only happens in Dean Barrett novels? Glad it was apparently not serious.

My own view on Thai/Farang relationships is that they're like.... any other kind. Some are fabulous, made in heaven. Others are doomed from the outset. And others, well, they just limp along. Of course there's the culture gap and language gap. But I think that's not as big a deal as your basic male/female gap can be right here at home with an American spouse.

I'm just glad and thankful I found THE ONE. We clicked from first meeting, and have never looked back since. Never a shadow of doubt in 2 years of managing a long distance relationship. If I had any real doubts, I don't think I would have lasted this long. Nor would she.

hyena - based on your last posts, it seems like you don't have that certainty right now. If you're not 100% sure about her, about your ability to do the Thai/Farang relationship thing with all the 'family expectations' that may entail, perhaps you should really go slow. If your GF is giving you 2 hours of grief for "everything wrong with you", that could be a worrying sign about things to come. Then again, maybe you were just being obnoxious to her that day and rightly deserved her tirade? C'mon, 'fess up...

I'll fess up. I see a pattern; this time every month she does this but I can't endure this every month for years to come. To be honest, I did absolutely nothing. She started telling me her friend and my friend who just went there were kissing and her niece walked in and ran out embarrassed. I asked her the name of the person cause I didn't catch it and she refused to say it...it was strange but only after, I learned my friend had walked into the room. She blamed me telling him I was prying into his business or whatever...second time she got caught talking about him and blamed it on me. Not a big deal but I was quiet most of this conversation. Sure worrying about money, stuff I've said when I've been stressing about money and she started mentioning my past marriage, I must have rushed into it...my past gf, I must have rushed into it and we have nothing but problems and that maybe I rushed into this, too.

I stopped fighting...in the past, I agreed with her saying sure, maybe I rushed into it but I was committed and loved her, etc. It seemed she was trying to talk me out of it. I asked her what she wanted for her bday/v-day (same day) and she says Thais don't make a big deal and I've done enough already. I told her a little something would be in custom for me and I'd like to see her happy...she said she'd throw it int he trash. I asked her if she doesn't like romantic stuff...she says "Romantic is bagwaan" (romantic is a bunch of bs fake #######) basically. She's not bleeding me dry financially but the sin sod thing and wedding thing when at first it was one thing is growing out of my comfort zone because ego is big and I'm NOT an ego feeding person. I'd think Buddhism was the opposite of ego but somehow it got jaded terribly into a jealous, bigoted culture there. I did everything...stayed at their house, paid off debts for their neighbors feeding them at items they didn't have food, etc. I'm certain she's trying to sabotage it but at this point, I may just stop fighting it and agree with her I made a mistake and move on. I told her I didn't want kids...only after months along does she say she wants a kid and she can bring it to Thailand (like hell I'd let one of my kids live in an environment where 10 year olds are drinking booze and clepto maniacs with no focus on education).

So I'm supposed to build a house for her mom over time...I guess it makes sense cause they really are dirt poor (because every F*(&) person who marryies farang does it and ego and what people think, etc). Just sick and tired of ego feeding and lack of warmth from a would be spouse.

That's my fessing up. She has good qualities but I can't get her to see a therapist with me (which I think could help her see her past vs her actions now) which means no change and I'm not seeking to marry a lady with a muay thai man's heart.

I'm not going to give advice. That gets me in trouble.

My wife's family lives in Si Sa Ket. They have 7 Rai of rice fields. Which is 2.76 US Acres. They are dirt poor and have NEVER asked me for 1 baht. Her sister married a guy from England that I knew, who drank himself to death in Bangkok. I knew the guy, that's how I met my wife.

I know I'm going to take a pounding here, and that's fine. Maybe someone will get something out of it.

In between my first girl and my wife, I spent alot of time on Cowboy. I would help these girls write letters in English to whoever, because by that time, my Thai was functional.

I have seen it all. My father is in the hospital. My brother cracked up his motorbike. Our buffalo is sick. Whatever. Their purpose was to extract as much money as possible, as quickly as possible, from Farang men. They would write the same letters to 5 different farangs. Aussies, Brits, Americans, Dutch, you name it. It is the game. It's been going on for years, and it will continue to go on. Most of them had a Thai boyfriend or husband upcountry somewhere. Farang men like the fact that this beautiful Thai girl is paying all this attention to them. Hell, I loved it. At the end of the day, you are a walking ATM. It sucks. I went through it.

My advice. If you want to help them, give them the means to help themselves. Pay for some verifiable school. Something like that. You have all been to Thailand I'm sure. They lived there fine before they met you, and they will be fine after you are gone. Everyone wants to feel like they a rescuing someone from poverty, and doing the right thing. Having a beautiful girl to go with it doesn't hurt either. Things are not what they seem in Thailand alot of times.

If what you seek is a hot Thai girl, that is what you will get. Nothing more.

Most of the women in Thailand are very modest, and virtuous.

At some point you have to ask yourself, why did this hot young girl pick me? Was it my beer gut etc.? It's your wallet! These girls give the rest of the good ones a bad name.

I got lucky. I ended up unemployed in Bangkok. My wife supported me on 7k baht a month. It sucked, especially for her. She hung in there. She is a saint to me for doing that.

You can look up stickman bangkok on google, and see the real truth.

Like I said starting out, I will probably catch some kind of hell for posting this. But for all who come along later, I hope it gives them some insight.

Good luck to you all.

I second that. Very well said.

that was very well put. i will add that if you are going to be going around with those kind of girls, you have to remember what your doing and keep your wits about you. It is true that those girls are only interested in what you have in your wallet. i have seen some really nice looking girls with the ugliest guys, and I'm not saying i'm a chip and dale or anything like that. I did the same between my ex-wife and before meeting my current wife. i traveled all over the world so i have seen alot(mostly the inside of the bars). finally had to get out of the bars to see the real world and then thats when i met my current wife. i learned that you really have to get to know somebody and be straight forward before making a commitment. Don't let the other person get the idea that you are somebody that you really aren't. i waited three years after meeting my wife before getting married again and thought about it really hard. this is in no way any advice coming from me, just my own experiances.

[mommymeow 0]

I think they have the same kinda places up-country. Probably cheaper.

The money thing is a pain. My first G/F bled me dry. At the end of it all, I ended up at Lat Phrao police station with a knife wound. Looking back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out with her, or I woulda never met my wife.

I never gave my wife's family 1 baht for sin sot. Maybe that makes me a bad farang, I don't know. Although when they need a few thousand baht my wife gives it to them from my account. It's never more than 3k baht or something like that. Usually 1k baht. Keep in mind, the starting salary for 4 year college graduate in Bangkok is 20k baht month. My wifes parents are rice farmers in Isaan.

I am actually going to stay in Si Sa Ket when I go to pick her up this time. Never been before, even though I lived in Thailand. I'm thinking I'll slip her mom 20k baht, and give her my wife's ATM card because it's cheaper to send money over there that way. Also, with the stipulation that she doesn't tell my wife's father or brother about it. Wife says they are gonna have a big party for me on my arrival. I'll probably pay for it in some way, which is actually fine with me. After reading on the stories on this site, it seems I am getting off light.

Back to the first girl, she totally took advantage of me. My farang friends in Bangkok all knew it, and didn't say anything. Even if they had, I wouldn't have listened. I am not saying you are in the same situation, but felt like I should relay a little of the 3 years I spent in Bangkok.

Wow! Seriously?? A Knife wound? I thought that stuff only happens in Dean Barrett novels? Glad it was apparently not serious.

My own view on Thai/Farang relationships is that they're like.... any other kind. Some are fabulous, made in heaven. Others are doomed from the outset. And others, well, they just limp along. Of course there's the culture gap and language gap. But I think that's not as big a deal as your basic male/female gap can be right here at home with an American spouse.

I'm just glad and thankful I found THE ONE. We clicked from first meeting, and have never looked back since. Never a shadow of doubt in 2 years of managing a long distance relationship. If I had any real doubts, I don't think I would have lasted this long. Nor would she.

hyena - based on your last posts, it seems like you don't have that certainty right now. If you're not 100% sure about her, about your ability to do the Thai/Farang relationship thing with all the 'family expectations' that may entail, perhaps you should really go slow. If your GF is giving you 2 hours of grief for "everything wrong with you", that could be a worrying sign about things to come. Then again, maybe you were just being obnoxious to her that day and rightly deserved her tirade? C'mon, 'fess up...

I'll fess up. I see a pattern; this time every month she does this but I can't endure this every month for years to come. To be honest, I did absolutely nothing. She started telling me her friend and my friend who just went there were kissing and her niece walked in and ran out embarrassed. I asked her the name of the person cause I didn't catch it and she refused to say it...it was strange but only after, I learned my friend had walked into the room. She blamed me telling him I was prying into his business or whatever...second time she got caught talking about him and blamed it on me. Not a big deal but I was quiet most of this conversation. Sure worrying about money, stuff I've said when I've been stressing about money and she started mentioning my past marriage, I must have rushed into it...my past gf, I must have rushed into it and we have nothing but problems and that maybe I rushed into this, too.

I stopped fighting...in the past, I agreed with her saying sure, maybe I rushed into it but I was committed and loved her, etc. It seemed she was trying to talk me out of it. I asked her what she wanted for her bday/v-day (same day) and she says Thais don't make a big deal and I've done enough already. I told her a little something would be in custom for me and I'd like to see her happy...she said she'd throw it int he trash. I asked her if she doesn't like romantic stuff...she says "Romantic is bagwaan" (romantic is a bunch of bs fake #######) basically. She's not bleeding me dry financially but the sin sod thing and wedding thing when at first it was one thing is growing out of my comfort zone because ego is big and I'm NOT an ego feeding person. I'd think Buddhism was the opposite of ego but somehow it got jaded terribly into a jealous, bigoted culture there. I did everything...stayed at their house, paid off debts for their neighbors feeding them at items they didn't have food, etc. I'm certain she's trying to sabotage it but at this point, I may just stop fighting it and agree with her I made a mistake and move on. I told her I didn't want kids...only after months along does she say she wants a kid and she can bring it to Thailand (like hell I'd let one of my kids live in an environment where 10 year olds are drinking booze and clepto maniacs with no focus on education).

So I'm supposed to build a house for her mom over time...I guess it makes sense cause they really are dirt poor (because every F*(&) person who marryies farang does it and ego and what people think, etc). Just sick and tired of ego feeding and lack of warmth from a would be spouse.

That's my fessing up. She has good qualities but I can't get her to see a therapist with me (which I think could help her see her past vs her actions now) which means no change and I'm not seeking to marry a lady with a muay thai man's heart.

I'm not going to give advice. That gets me in trouble.

My wife's family lives in Si Sa Ket. They have 7 Rai of rice fields. Which is 2.76 US Acres. They are dirt poor and have NEVER asked me for 1 baht. Her sister married a guy from England that I knew, who drank himself to death in Bangkok. I knew the guy, that's how I met my wife.

I know I'm going to take a pounding here, and that's fine. Maybe someone will get something out of it.

In between my first girl and my wife, I spent alot of time on Cowboy. I would help these girls write letters in English to whoever, because by that time, my Thai was functional.

I have seen it all. My father is in the hospital. My brother cracked up his motorbike. Our buffalo is sick. Whatever. Their purpose was to extract as much money as possible, as quickly as possible, from Farang men. They would write the same letters to 5 different farangs. Aussies, Brits, Americans, Dutch, you name it. It is the game. It's been going on for years, and it will continue to go on. Most of them had a Thai boyfriend or husband upcountry somewhere. Farang men like the fact that this beautiful Thai girl is paying all this attention to them. Hell, I loved it. At the end of the day, you are a walking ATM. It sucks. I went through it.

My advice. If you want to help them, give them the means to help themselves. Pay for some verifiable school. Something like that. You have all been to Thailand I'm sure. They lived there fine before they met you, and they will be fine after you are gone. Everyone wants to feel like they a rescuing someone from poverty, and doing the right thing. Having a beautiful girl to go with it doesn't hurt either. Things are not what they seem in Thailand alot of times.

If what you seek is a hot Thai girl, that is what you will get. Nothing more.

Most of the women in Thailand are very modest, and virtuous.

At some point you have to ask yourself, why did this hot young girl pick me? Was it my beer gut etc.? It's your wallet! These girls give the rest of the good ones a bad name.

I got lucky. I ended up unemployed in Bangkok. My wife supported me on 7k baht a month. It sucked, especially for her. She hung in there. She is a saint to me for doing that.

You can look up stickman bangkok on google, and see the real truth.

Like I said starting out, I will probably catch some kind of hell for posting this. But for all who come along later, I hope it gives them some insight.

Good luck to you all.

I second that. Very well said.

that was very well put. i will add that if you are going to be going around with those kind of girls, you have to remember what your doing and keep your wits about you. It is true that those girls are only interested in what you have in your wallet. i have seen some really nice looking girls with the ugliest guys, and I'm not saying i'm a chip and dale or anything like that. I did the same between my ex-wife and before meeting my current wife. i traveled all over the world so i have seen alot(mostly the inside of the bars). finally had to get out of the bars to see the real world and then thats when i met my current wife. i learned that you really have to get to know somebody and be straight forward before making a commitment. Don't let the other person get the idea that you are somebody that you really aren't. i waited three years after meeting my wife before getting married again and thought about it really hard. this is in no way any advice coming from me, just my own experiances.

I truely do agree with the fact that, both part need to be straight forward about themself before they really make any commitment. And for some fact, many people got to know each other online and having a long distant relationship, eventhough you might got to meet up in real but still you are still not truely know about how that person really is until you really spent amount of time with each other. I have nothing againts long distant relationship because I was doing the exact same thing with my own husband. It was kind hard when you really got to live together for real, there are alot more you need to learn about each other and there are alot of things you need to compromise and understanding in your relationship. Thai and Farang relationship isn't that easy becacuse both came from the different culture, religion and many more facts. You still have alot of works ahead of you.