SAWASDEE 3 (2009 Thai thread restarted)

[louisthani 0]

Yeah but I happend to go to QBar before, one of my ex gf took me there just for drinks but we both felt it was overpriced and atleast I was lucky to transfer my drink coupons to appetizer coupons, no need for extra drink. But there seems to be a reasonable priced hotel accross the street, Le Fenix. Well I would only pay 15 dollars a night with my airline employee discount, so I often stayed at Le Fenix even I had to go often to Pakkret or other areas of BKK to hangout with my friends. Most of my discounts often were closer to the downtown, yet most of my social life was in the suburbs. but I would also stay with my ex gf at her apartment too.

There are good girls and bad girls everywhere in the world. But I would say I had more joys, pains, and happiness with Thai girls than here in the US

My friends would take me to discos like CM2 (so so) RCA Flix (I liked it cause I could go in free) etc... and some nice dinner places like BSC. Never got chance to check Santika before it burned down.

Edited September 12, 2009 by louisthani

[toma1 10]

Q-bar has good music and DJs for sure, but my wife (girlfriend at the time) never would go with me. She finally told me that it was because there were "too many prostitutes there". Apparently another Western guy took her there once before. Her friends all asked her, "Are you really going to Q-bar?" It was almost scandalous. And sure enough, she had several farang ask her, "hey honey, how much?" That was her one and only visit. I can't even get her to go to Phuket because the rude farang will actually walk up and ask for sex. She just avoids it... and in her own country, too. And yet so many farang have the nerve to talk about "Thai women".

If anyone wants to see some of the better clubs in Thailand--where normal Thai's go with their friends--get in a Taxi and tell them to take you to "RCA" (Royal City Avenue). They have some fantastic clubs on that street, and nary a prostitute in the entire area. You can buy a bottle of JW Black Label for around $45-$50--a fantastic price for a club--and most of them will store it for you when you are ready to go so that you can make multiple trips to that club and keep using that same bottle. As Louis mentioned, there is no cover.

Yeah but I happend to go to QBar before, one of my ex gf took me there just for drinks but we both felt it was overpriced and atleast I was lucky to transfer my drink coupons to appetizer coupons, no need for extra drink. But there seems to be a reasonable priced hotel accross the street, Le Fenix. Well I would only pay 15 dollars a night with my airline employee discount, so I often stayed at Le Fenix even I had to go often to Pakkret or other areas of BKK to hangout with my friends. Most of my discounts often were closer to the downtown, yet most of my social life was in the suburbs. but I would also stay with my ex gf at her apartment too.

There are good girls and bad girls everywhere in the world. But I would say I had more joys, pains, and happiness with Thai girls than here in the US

My friends would take me to discos like CM2 (so so) RCA Flix (I liked it cause I could go in free) etc... and some nice dinner places like BSC. Never got chance to check Santika before it burned down.

[HYENA 4]

agreed with your comments; points well taken

Edited September 13, 2009 by HYENA

[HYENA 4]

Yes it is all about patience and love, the only exceptions might be scamming where girl pretends everything and uses you to come to the country. gotta watch for that, but its hard to watch for it if you love her and feel trust is present between each other

guess I write too much. The "friend" I saw on FB after 22 years so no I didn't know his whole situation that's just the little he told me; I'm sure there was much more to it but I wasn't about to ask.

Maybe I vented too much here and got crabby amidst my stop drinking/smoking (which was not easy) but I'm all done. I definitely don't vent like that to her so please forgive me. If you don't smoke, don't start! It's hell getting off them like a demon inside you trying to kill you before it leaves and you're reaching for something you can't have. I told her it wasn't fair to her I did and she didn't so I had to stop...for me also and for spiritual reasons...just clean it all out and be done. I just feel I'm in a pressure cooker and about to fall apart with no job and she wants a job now and almost seems angry, doesn't believe me she can't yet and she reminds me (Mr. No job who's about to lose everything) she wants a house in Thailand and a car...in Thailand. I've never been without a job in my life. She is angry I seemed to have come down with the non pig flu (high fever, etc...apparently pig flu I had last month has no cross immunity so here I go again)! She told me to go to the doc but she doesn't understand no insurance, no job, no doc and it's only the flu. I'm sure there's some communication gap where she thinks I'm full of excuses not to work and pretending to be sick? I dunno but her reaction is opposite what i'd think as I knew her before.

I just can't keep up with what she wants, trying to keep my own head above water and overall I'm worried. I have listened to all of you; critical or not. THanks for taking the time. I'm not perfect; just not used to someone being angry for things out of my control, we both likely assume too much and this no job ####### is killing me. Her demands for large items abroad sickens me and worries me, as well.

Oh well, she's got the door locked upstairs so I'm on the couch; I thought we had a great day, too.

[BishopMnA 0]

Yes it is all about patience and love, the only exceptions might be scamming where girl pretends everything and uses you to come to the country. gotta watch for that, but its hard to watch for it if you love her and feel trust is present between each other

guess I write too much. The "friend" I saw on FB after 22 years so no I didn't know his whole situation that's just the little he told me; I'm sure there was much more to it but I wasn't about to ask.

Maybe I vented too much here and got crabby amidst my stop drinking/smoking (which was not easy) but I'm all done. I definitely don't vent like that to her so please forgive me. If you don't smoke, don't start! It's hell getting off them like a demon inside you trying to kill you before it leaves and you're reaching for something you can't have. I told her it wasn't fair to her I did and she didn't so I had to stop...for me also and for spiritual reasons...just clean it all out and be done. I just feel I'm in a pressure cooker and about to fall apart with no job and she wants a job now and almost seems angry, doesn't believe me she can't yet and she reminds me (Mr. No job who's about to lose everything) she wants a house in Thailand and a car...in Thailand. I've never been without a job in my life. She is angry I seemed to have come down with the non pig flu (high fever, etc...apparently pig flu I had last month has no cross immunity so here I go again)! She told me to go to the doc but she doesn't understand no insurance, no job, no doc and it's only the flu. I'm sure there's some communication gap where she thinks I'm full of excuses not to work and pretending to be sick? I dunno but her reaction is opposite what i'd think as I knew her before.

I just can't keep up with what she wants, trying to keep my own head above water and overall I'm worried. I have listened to all of you; critical or not. THanks for taking the time. I'm not perfect; just not used to someone being angry for things out of my control, we both likely assume too much and this no job ####### is killing me. Her demands for large items abroad sickens me and worries me, as well.

Oh well, she's got the door locked upstairs so I'm on the couch; I thought we had a great day, too.

Blessings to you Brother Hyena

Good luck with the quitting of the vices...my friend is also doing the same thing and it is rough on him too...but...its the right move in his case

Good luck with the job hunting...that is difficult. What field are you looking in?

I imagine you are correct that, even though you communicate with your wife, she won't really understand the job/insurance/doctor connection. When my wife first moved here, she caught pneumonia (never breathed winter air before living in Detroit that first winter), and she had a 'rude awakening' to our entire medical process. She recovered fine, but compared to the medical system of Thailand, it seem very 'difficult' for her to understand why people don't just go to the doctor anytime they want. She also couldn't understand why she couldn't just to a pharmacy and get medice, without needing to see a doctor first to get a prescription...that is also not the Thai way. I'm sure your wife doesn't understand any of that after being in the USA for a short time...and quite honestly it is difficult to explain...

Nonetheless, you are the man and she is here because you are the man, so you have to find a way, or her first memories of her time in the USA will be bitter. However, losing everything is not that important, that just means that you have a fresh start (been there/done that...like most people have...)...so find a way to make this experience turn back into a sweet success for her...and do that by starting from the heart...not from the 'pressure cooker' you're currently in.

For me, I pray alot...give it a shot...since you mentioned the spiritual aspect...

Peace,

MarkNAam

[toma1 10]

For me, I pray alot...give it a shot...since you mentioned the spiritual aspect...

I looked at your profile. You seem to be overtly Christian, and I'm guessing your wife is or was Buddhist.

How did you deal with that issue?

I'm non-religious, so it was not a problem for us, but it has been an issue for some of my wife's friends here.

[toma1 10]

guess I write too much. The "friend" I saw on FB after 22 years so no I didn't know his whole situation that's just the little he told me; I'm sure there was much more to it but I wasn't about to ask.

Maybe I vented too much here and got crabby amidst my stop drinking/smoking (which was not easy) but I'm all done. I definitely don't vent like that to her so please forgive me. If you don't smoke, don't start! It's hell getting off them like a demon inside you trying to kill you before it leaves and you're reaching for something you can't have. I told her it wasn't fair to her I did and she didn't so I had to stop...for me also and for spiritual reasons...just clean it all out and be done. I just feel I'm in a pressure cooker and about to fall apart with no job and she wants a job now and almost seems angry, doesn't believe me she can't yet and she reminds me (Mr. No job who's about to lose everything) she wants a house in Thailand and a car...in Thailand. I've never been without a job in my life. She is angry I seemed to have come down with the non pig flu (high fever, etc...apparently pig flu I had last month has no cross immunity so here I go again)! She told me to go to the doc but she doesn't understand no insurance, no job, no doc and it's only the flu. I'm sure there's some communication gap where she thinks I'm full of excuses not to work and pretending to be sick? I dunno but her reaction is opposite what i'd think as I knew her before.

I just can't keep up with what she wants, trying to keep my own head above water and overall I'm worried. I have listened to all of you; critical or not. THanks for taking the time. I'm not perfect; just not used to someone being angry for things out of my control, we both likely assume too much and this no job ####### is killing me. Her demands for large items abroad sickens me and worries me, as well.

Oh well, she's got the door locked upstairs so I'm on the couch; I thought we had a great day, too.

If this is truly a balanced perspective, then yeah, it doesn't sound good. But only you know that.

My wife (AND I) also want to get a condo in Bangkok for investment purposes as well as to have somewhere to stay in Sukhumvit. (She already owned a house and a car there long before I met her, but its not convenient to where I typically work.) But it was my idea and we both want that.

There are a lot of unanswered questions in your post:

Why does your wife want a house and car in Thailand? There could be a million reasons... many good.

What did she do for work before you met? Can she do that here?

You said, "her reaction is opposite what i'd think as I knew her before". How long did you know her? Was she a gentle lamb for 3 years and now is not? That could be homesickness.

The last sentence, in my mind, is the worst one: "she's got the door locked upstairs so I'm on the couch". I'm not sure what to say about that, but it's not a healthy sign for any marriage, let alone newlyweds.

[BishopMnA 0]

For me, I pray alot...give it a shot...since you mentioned the spiritual aspect...

I looked at your profile. You seem to be overtly Christian, and I'm guessing your wife is or was Buddhist.

How did you deal with that issue?

I'm non-religious, so it was not a problem for us, but it has been an issue for some of my wife's friends here.

Hey Brother toma1,

My wife and I are both life long Catholics...so we never had any difficulties...and her entire family is Catholic as well.

Catholics tend to be ecumenical, and my wife and I happen to be extremely ecumenical and realize that there are nuggets of truth in all religions, and therefore all religions are deserving of respect. So, for us, it was not difficult to be Catholics in Thailand and therefore I never really had to deal with that issue. However, I can imagine that it would be difficult for a Buddhist to move to America...we tend to be less gracious that our Thai counterparts (at times...)

Peace to you and your wife,

MarkNAAm

[Mountain Climber 186]

Yes it is all about patience and love, the only exceptions might be scamming where girl pretends everything and uses you to come to the country. gotta watch for that, but its hard to watch for it if you love her and feel trust is present between each other

guess I write too much. The "friend" I saw on FB after 22 years so no I didn't know his whole situation that's just the little he told me; I'm sure there was much more to it but I wasn't about to ask.

Maybe I vented too much here and got crabby amidst my stop drinking/smoking (which was not easy) but I'm all done. I definitely don't vent like that to her so please forgive me. If you don't smoke, don't start! It's hell getting off them like a demon inside you trying to kill you before it leaves and you're reaching for something you can't have. I told her it wasn't fair to her I did and she didn't so I had to stop...for me also and for spiritual reasons...just clean it all out and be done. I just feel I'm in a pressure cooker and about to fall apart with no job and she wants a job now and almost seems angry, doesn't believe me she can't yet and she reminds me (Mr. No job who's about to lose everything) she wants a house in Thailand and a car...in Thailand. I've never been without a job in my life. She is angry I seemed to have come down with the non pig flu (high fever, etc...apparently pig flu I had last month has no cross immunity so here I go again)! She told me to go to the doc but she doesn't understand no insurance, no job, no doc and it's only the flu. I'm sure there's some communication gap where she thinks I'm full of excuses not to work and pretending to be sick? I dunno but her reaction is opposite what i'd think as I knew her before.

I just can't keep up with what she wants, trying to keep my own head above water and overall I'm worried. I have listened to all of you; critical or not. THanks for taking the time. I'm not perfect; just not used to someone being angry for things out of my control, we both likely assume too much and this no job ####### is killing me. Her demands for large items abroad sickens me and worries me, as well.

Oh well, she's got the door locked upstairs so I'm on the couch; I thought we had a great day, too.

Hey Hyena,

I am no doctor but I believe her anger has nothing to do with you but everything to do with being in a totally new environment. Her anxiety level is very intense right now because she is missing her home and family. I am sure she is frustrated because she is not in control of her life like when she was in Thailand. Unfortunately for you her frustration is coming out in the form of anger.

My wife experienced a lot of frustration for the first few months when she first arrived here. It was not an easy time for either of us but we both knew we loved each other and that things would get better in time. She has been here for about 1 year and 8 months now; has a job; is in school; has her own car; speaks great English and is thriving. She loves her new life! I could not ask for a better wife or friend!

Hang in there. Your best allies are time, patience, understanding and love.

Edited September 13, 2009 by Mountain Climber

[louisthani 0]

Well I was previously in Aircraft maintenance (yes I had an aviation management bachelors prior to that) at the time we were getting married and bringing her to US, she boasted to her family and friends that I was an Engineer and made lots of money (no idea where she was getting this, I was not sending her money and I made it straightforward that I had debt, she didnt or must have not known what debt was???). And things went downhill when she realized none of this was true and she had to work, she was dreaming of a BMW and all kinds of luxuries and very dissappointed that it was not a reality. Well we became incompatible anyway and divorced. (real reason was she was extremely violent with everyone around her in the US including her coworkers and me) Even the police had to come to get her off of me. She had 30 days to leave the country after divorce, but I guess she stayed because it seems she is some accountant for the state government 4 years later and still retains my last name I never got anything back from immigration and I had never filed for AOS when she came on her K3, you have 2 years to do it, but it was over in 1 year so I never bothered and did nothing else since we divorced 1 year from entry and rule was 30 days to leave US. But yes my case is very rare and isolated.

[toma1 10]

Hey Brother toma1,

My wife and I are both life long Catholics...so we never had any difficulties...and her entire family is Catholic as well.

Catholics tend to be ecumenical, and my wife and I happen to be extremely ecumenical and realize that there are nuggets of truth in all religions, and therefore all religions are deserving of respect. So, for us, it was not difficult to be Catholics in Thailand and therefore I never really had to deal with that issue. However, I can imagine that it would be difficult for a Buddhist to move to America...we tend to be less gracious that our Thai counterparts (at times...)

Peace to you and your wife,

MarkNAAm

IC, that's great for you two! My best friend is Catholic, and super-ecumenical as well. But most Catholics I know are also not very religious, so I wrongly assumed you to be evangelical. My wife has one friend in particular that feels (what word is just short of "forced" or "compelled", maybe "very strongly pressured" would be correct) to be a member of their husband's evangelical church and are not happy with that aspect of their lives so I wondered about your situation.

My wife is Buddhist, but not strongly so, so we have no religious issues whatsoever. We go to the Thai temple 3-4 times per year. Even if she was a strong Buddhist, it would probably not have been an issue. Which is a welcome change from my ex- who was also a fan of compulsory religion.

[toma1 10]

Well I was previously in Aircraft maintenance (yes I had an aviation management bachelors prior to that) at the time we were getting married and bringing her to US, she boasted to her family and friends that I was an Engineer and made lots of money (no idea where she was getting this, I was not sending her money and I made it straightforward that I had debt, she didnt or must have not known what debt was???). And things went downhill when she realized none of this was true and she had to work, she was dreaming of a BMW and all kinds of luxuries and very dissappointed that it was not a reality. Well we became incompatible anyway and divorced. (real reason was she was extremely violent with everyone around her in the US including her coworkers and me) Even the police had to come to get her off of me. She had 30 days to leave the country after divorce, but I guess she stayed because it seems she is some accountant for the state government 4 years later and still retains my last name I never got anything back from immigration and I had never filed for AOS when she came on her K3, you have 2 years to do it, but it was over in 1 year so I never bothered and did nothing else since we divorced 1 year from entry and rule was 30 days to leave US. But yes my case is very rare and isolated.

Wow... that sucks. The most spoiled girl I ever dated was a professor. I later found out that she was the daughter of a provincial governor. I thought she was wonderfully funny and articulate, but she did act a bit spoiled in "life". When she got mad at her boss, she just wouldn't turn up for work for three days. I said, "won't they fire you?", and of course the answer was, "they can't fire me..."

[HYENA 4]

Thanks for all your responses. I'm Christian, she's Buddhist...even did a nun stint before coming here for good luck. I, too believe all religions have good. Buddhists (how they are in...say Laos) behave more like pre-Byzantine Christians before we burned everyone at the stake and the inquisitions and evils associated with Christianity now (don't get me started) LOL

Something rang and I guess it was there but I needed to read it. She IS going through a lot and the year and a half before we'd break up monthly for 2 days like clock work. I put 2 and 2 together and learned to give her a free pass and ignore it....mai penrai and that made the difference. It could be a little of that but timing is off right now so I'm going with the culture shock thing.

I think it's hard for her to live here, have ac and heat while her family is practically camping out in Isaan. She did beautician stuff before...and worked for McDonalds for a couple months...it was cheaper for her not to work cause of transportation and very low pay at McD's there and for 17 years before she worked in a sweat shop 18 hours a day 6/wk

I'm sure she's lonely, hates answering to family and friends asking "does he have a job yet?" etc, etc... so she's avoiding calling them.

I'm sure she feels she's in a pressure cooker wanting to help out, frustrated she can't work yet and we're in limbo. I have no idea what to do...have enough for marriage but AOS before 3 months (that's the next step, right?) is over a grand so I gotta wait on that. We wanted a nice, pretty wedding but I'm completely screwed jobwise...never been without one in my life.

I haven't reacted, been polite and pleasant...asked her why the door was locked "because I didn't want to see anyone" she said. Oh well...that's life. what can I do?

Edited September 14, 2009 by HYENA

[toma1 10]

I'm sure she feels she's in a pressure cooker wanting to help out, frustrated she can't work yet and we're in limbo. I have no idea what to do...have enough for marriage but AOS before 3 months (that's the next step, right?) is over a grand so I gotta wait on that. We wanted a nice, pretty wedding but I'm completely screwed jobwise...never been without one in my life.

You're not married yet? So you didn't file your AOS? If not, you may ALSO need a cosponsor in addition to the $1000, because you have to meet some pretty serious income requirements to file the AOS paperwork.

[BishopMnA 0]

Hey Brother toma1,

My wife and I are both life long Catholics...so we never had any difficulties...and her entire family is Catholic as well.

Catholics tend to be ecumenical, and my wife and I happen to be extremely ecumenical and realize that there are nuggets of truth in all religions, and therefore all religions are deserving of respect. So, for us, it was not difficult to be Catholics in Thailand and therefore I never really had to deal with that issue. However, I can imagine that it would be difficult for a Buddhist to move to America...we tend to be less gracious that our Thai counterparts (at times...)

Peace to you and your wife,

MarkNAAm

IC, that's great for you two! My best friend is Catholic, and super-ecumenical as well. But most Catholics I know are also not very religious, so I wrongly assumed you to be evangelical. My wife has one friend in particular that feels (what word is just short of "forced" or "compelled", maybe "very strongly pressured" would be correct) to be a member of their husband's evangelical church and are not happy with that aspect of their lives so I wondered about your situation.

My wife is Buddhist, but not strongly so, so we have no religious issues whatsoever. We go to the Thai temple 3-4 times per year. Even if she was a strong Buddhist, it would probably not have been an issue. Which is a welcome change from my ex- who was also a fan of compulsory religion.

Of course I am evangelical, that comes along with being a practicing Catholic. The difference is that as an ecumenical Catholic, I prefer to evangelize following the model of Saint Francis of Assisi. Saint Francis stated, “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.” I (just personally) find this method so much more efficient for opening up considerate inter-religious dialogue than being a ‘bible banger’ and spreading fear about Christianity through condemnation. You won't find me on a street corner with a bullhorn

Oh yes…even though my wife is Catholic we still go to the Buddhist temples! As a Thai person, she grew up in the Buddhist school system and the temple is just a part of their life. As you well know, the entire Thai community revolves around the temple life. I love going to the temples…never pass one up. I love discussing faith with all religions. Actually, it is pretty easy to be a Catholic and talk faith with other religions…where I have the most difficult time is when I try to talk faith with other Christian sects…<sigh>…I just don’t dig all the fire and brimstone…or the literal (compulsary...as you said) approach to faith…I think that is what you’re getting from your friend…

Its good that you respect your wife’s faith…perhaps you can pick up on it more in the future…that would be good for the family.

Peace,

M&A