How hard was it for your spouse to learn English? How did you help?

[Caladan 19]

If there is a university in your area that has a lot of international graduate students, check for "language tables." through the international office. Quite often the spouses of students have weak English, and there are groups, usually over lunch, where they'll meet and speak only English. It's nice for forcing communication, because it's in an atmosphere where everyone is learning, so people don't feel self-conscious about mistakes.

And sometimes you can find a language table exchange; the foreigner helps a grad student or undergraduate by having a Russian (or whatever)-only hour on Tuesdays, and in exchange the student meets for an English-only hour with the foreigner.

It's not going to replace language instruction at home or immersion, but it's good to have a way to practice the language that isn't always with one's spouse.

[Dave-n-Oksana 49]

Her Daughter is very fluent and is helping her, but there are just some things that should be said in private

How old is this daughter? Not to be out of line, but most high school girls nowadays could teach their mothers a few new words, both in English and Russian! Maybe the mom isn't asking the daughter for help, not to protect the daughter's delicate sensibilities, but rather, her own!

Her Daughter is 18 and I have no doubt she could teach us both a few new words. But I think it is more fun to learn these words with my fiance when we are alone under the guise of private lessons

[Brad and Vika 129]

Ahhhh yeah, the infamous "documentary." Shame about that really. These women would really benefit from something that gives them an idea of what they're getting into. That bit of docudrama (I'm sure we're talking about the same one) does nothing but scare the hell out of them, which of course was the intention.

I put up some post-it notes around the house, but eventually wasn't even looking at them, so just took them down. I think just making an hour a day to study works better.

Dialogue is the most helpful thing for me. It was a real pain to find some one to practice with before Vika got here though. When I study vocabulary and know she will be using the words soon, I tend to work better with them. We take this VERY slowly, because as a certified geezer I have limited RAM space - but it is working. Pofteritsya medlena pajalsta!

[slim 1,533]

The message was pretty clear: Fat, lazy, American dudes are stealing our wimmin and then either making them slaves or killing them. I would be surprised if your wife hasn't seen it, Slim.

I wouldn't be surprised if my wife made it. Fat, lazy, American dude - that pretty much sums it up right there. She says I brought her here to help me pay my bills... she's still alive though, so what's she complaining about?

Do you guys ever notice when you see the "mail order bride" horror stories there was the one chick that was killed out there in Oregon and then there was the chick with the "I swear I'm not a lesbo" lawyer who was getting pimped out in Jersey? Other than that, there really aren't too many other stories out there. Plus, like I tell my wife, the one that was killed was from Kazakhstan, the other was from Ukraine. What the heck are you worried about, Miss Russia? I'm the one that should be worried! You hear a lot of stories about Americans being killed by Russian mafia. Not so much the other way around..... hmmm.

because as a certified geezer I have limited RAM space - but it is working. Pofteritsya medlena pajalsta!

My wife tells me I have too many programs running at once. Especially that one that's always looking for "new updates." She put some kind of firewall on me now though.

[Danno 1,228]

I have not seen that movie, neither has the wife.

As paranoid as Russian chicks can be (my wife only mildly so), I am rather glad I don't have to

disprove anything... especially since I put on 15 or so lbs since she got here and work is slow... she might think I am evolving into this fat-lazy guy.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I think we get all the stories about the crazy, money hungry, green card grabbing, foreign brides here - while they get the other side of the coin - stories about the loony, smelly, predatory, perverted old American guys with no social skills or ambition. Both are pretty funny to listen to, but not so funny when seen up close.

Edited February 19, 2009 by Brad and Vika

[slim 1,533]

Hans Reiser - He was convicted in

Just read that story. At the very end, it reports that he is "recovering after being beaten by several prisoners." San Quentin sounds like a pretty rough place.

I don't understand why these guys kill their wives here in the States. Why not do it somewhere else, like back home? I know the forensics dept. in rurual Russia isn't operating on the same budget the Oakland P.D. is. I guess "crimes of passion" aren't really thought out too well, but come on, burying the body 1/2 mile from your own house? And renting a car while driving your mom's car around because yours is getting the passenger seat all fixed up?

There was no real evidence anywehre in this case. Everything was circumstantial. There was a whole lot of circumstantial, though!

[Brad and Vika 129]

Hans Reiser - He was convicted in

Just read that story. At the very end, it reports that he is "recovering after being beaten by several prisoners." San Quentin sounds like a pretty rough place.

I don't understand why these guys kill their wives here in the States. Why not do it somewhere else, like back home? I know the forensics dept. in rurual Russia isn't operating on the same budget the Oakland P.D. is. I guess "crimes of passion" aren't really thought out too well, but come on, burying the body 1/2 mile from your own house? And renting a car while driving your mom's car around because yours is getting the passenger seat all fixed up?

There was no real evidence anywehre in this case. Everything was circumstantial. There was a whole lot of circumstantial, though!

C'mon man! Where is your sense of sport? It takes real stones to do the deed in your home, knowing that CSI is going to put you under a microscope later (see what I did right there? ). Of course if he had any panache, he would have put the body under the shed in back of his house too. The crazier it looks, the less likely he is to be convicted. Ask any defense lawyer.

[slim 1,533]

I still can't believe these guys killed their wives in the States, especially when they lived so close to Mexico. Just a quick trip across the border..... back online before dinner!

[Brad and Vika 129]

I still can't believe these guys killed their wives in the States, especially when they lived so close to Mexico. Just a quick trip across the border..... back online before dinner!

I think those of us that have thought this through enough to make such suggestions are scaring the other posters away Theory and conjecture only here guys....heh...

[Brad and Vika 129]

Even Mexico's too much work.

On a completely unrelated and off-topic subject, there are abandoned mine shafts in Colorado that hasn't seen the light of day or a human being in many, many decades. Some of them go straight down for thousands of feet, and there are literally hundreds of them. If you were to, say, drop a...um...quarter in one of those shafts, I doubt anyone in your lifetime would find it.

Mwahaha Colorado and Mexico are about the same distance for me, but I will keep that in mind if I ever have a quarter to get rid of

Mox, given your backstory, one wonders if you are still taking Russian lessons, and what your future plans are? I would have continued studying the lingo and traveling to Eastern Europe even if I hadn't met Vika. Your post suggest the same sort of thing, no?

[R de la R 2]

Hubby is now attending free ESL classes at the local community adult school. Today he said his major problem is he can't figure out what his fellow classmates are saying in English because they all have such heavy accents. He's affraid he'll end up speaking English with a Chinese accent .

[Brad and Vika 129]

Absolutely let us know. Share the love bro'

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

Hello! This question is for those of you who brought over a spouse who didn't know that much English. For those of you who have spouses that already spoke good English--that is really great! My husband only speaks a little English, and as we are planning on moving to the U.S. this summer (as long as the interview goes well!) I am getting worried and trying to figure out what to do to help him maximize the rest of his time here before he gets thrown in the deep end.

One of our problems is that I speak fluent Russian, so that's how we usually communicate. I know I need to speak more English to him, but after work, studies, etc. it's hard when you just want to talk about how your day went without explaining every second word.

That said, I do help him with his English. We bought books with exercises and explanations, I also found online English activities. But it's very hard for him. Unlike me, he is not a very language-oriented person, so although he is really motivated and is really trying, it's frustrating me that the process is moving so slowly.

He has tried two different English courses (in so-called "English schools"), but they both turned out to be a joke. Different teachers all the time, no grammar explanations, no coherent order, just skipping around from one topic to another, without explaining or repeating anything. It would be great to work with a private teacher, but the going rate in Moscow seems to be a minimum of $50 an hour, and we unfortunately can't afford that.

So, do any of you have any suggestions?

I would assume that once we move he will improve much more quickly, since he will be surrounded by English all the time (there is not a big Russian community in my area). And I will also look for some courses once we are there.

I am worried that it will be very hard in the beginning, especially to find a job.

What are your experiences with this?

Alla spoke English a bit. I had to speak slowly and clearly and use "small words" when we first met. Even when she first arrived here. She enrolled in an English as Second Language program a few days after arriving, within a week added a second class to her schedule and within a month a third class. She will now be starting her first full time, regular university courses in March to begin her pursuit of a teaching certification. She has improved dramatically.

I help her with her homework every night and before bed we study lists of new words, over and over until she has all of them on a page, then we add a new page. I also read her "fairy tales" from children's books, sounds stupid but is a big help, she watches movies in English with English subtitles. I have taught her all sorts of little "ditties" to improve her speaking..."Sally sells seashells by the seashore..." etc. Her favorite is "itsy bitsy spider..." which she will suddenly start reciting almost at any moment...It is quiet and dark we are almost asleep and I will hear her whispering "the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout..." LOL Whenever we go somewhere or do something new, she writes an "essay" about it and I review it and make corrections. I also give her "situations" and ask her to write a story based on that. Such as "Umberto, I love you and really want to marry you but my parents will never allow it because....." then she gets very creative in her story.

As far as the job situation, she has been frustrated with the type of work she has had, she is highly educated in Russian and wants to be a teacher here someday.

[slim 1,533]

I think those of us that have thought this through enough to make such suggestions are scaring the other posters away

If you think I'm scary, you should hear some of the stuff my wife comes up with!

Theory and conjecture only here guys....heh...

I do the "quotation fingers" when I'm out talking with my buddies about "hypothetical" situations. I also have a very nice "Patriot Act disclaimer" that I use when talking on the mobile about various topics or when flag words "accidentally" come up.

"The person or persons involved in this conversation are not, nor have ever been, members of a group or organization aimed at the violent overthrow of the United States Government, it's affiliates, allies or associates. This conversation is for entertainment purposes only and should not be........ blah, blah, blah."

It amazes me that folks are so paranoid nowadays that you can't even discuss things like fields of fire, distance to target, escape routes, choke points, etc., without them getting their panties in a bunch.

If you really wanna raise some eyebrows, start talking about the "blast radius" of a certain point and don't forget to throw in things like man-portable, vehicle-borne, etc. There's nothing like sipping fine champagne at a hoity-toity five star and engaging in a "hypothetical" about the effects of a vehicle-borne device from the parking garage directly below. Folks think that if they've heard it on CNN or Fox once or twice, it must be "bad." Amateurs.