Is it possible to keep the K-1 process a secret from my parents while I'm living with them?

[GJen 9]

Yes

Thanks!

Edited January 31, 2009 by GJen

[GJen 9]

I'm not sure that I have direct answer for you original quesion and I apologize in advance for the indirect response

...but I can tell you, being a 'crazy person' myself, I had planned to not officially tell anyone that we were engaged until he got here (aside from my parents and some close friends---i REALLY needed/need their support), and it just didn't happen.

Why? Because, although I know I was the favorite topic of family gatherings and high school friend reunions for a loong time, now, that we are within a couple weeks of him finally! getting here (interview Feb 13), after nearly 2 years, people are finally used to the idea and somewhat ready for it. Whereas, if I had just been like 'surprise here he is, and we are getting married in 3 months!' I think that would have been much harder. Just because in that case, I would have been bringing him into a situation that he would not feel welcome, along with the culture shock, missing his family, and language barriers he is already gauranteed to experience.

I'm not saying that everything will be perfect, but as it is, my skeptical family and friends have had over a year to 'get used to the idea' and have witnessed our dedication as they watch us struggle through this K-1 process (I've been giving milestone updates). This has given them the chance accept our relationship as valid on their own terms. Obviously, it is not about them, but they are a part of my life and I would love for them to be a part of my fiance's life as well.

As I said, this does not answer your question. I just thought I would share my own experience of 'deciding to tell or not, ' well, this process makes you feel alone and alienated as it is, and in end when it came to included those who were skeptical (although it was hard), I'm glad I did.

Thanks! I appreciate your advice! As much as I would love to tell them, we're going to need to go ahead and start the process to show them that we're serious about this. They definitely won't be shocked about hearing we're getting married (they already know we plan to do that) they'll just be shocked that we're so prepared and ready to make it happen, which I think will be a good kind of shock.

[caybee 21]

What can I(Jen, USC) do to make sure nothing would be sent to my current address so as not to risk them finding out before I tell them?

Take the mail key from ur parents.

Make sure u the only one who checks the mailpox all the time.

Hope this gave u some idea.

Well there isn't a key, just the mailbox. I was wondering if it was possible for me to use a P.O. box and if so, how would I make sure nothing was sent to this address?

~Jen, USC

I was living with my sister during the process. I used a PO box for everything on the forms except where it asked for an actual physical address (I don't remember which form that was). Nothing was ever sent to the physical address. We continued to use the PO box after my husband arrived, even after we moved into our own place. Never had a problem. Good luck.

[caybee 21]

As much as I would love to tell them, we're going to need to go ahead and start the process to show them that we're serious about this. They definitely won't be shocked about hearing we're getting married (they already know we plan to do that) they'll just be shocked that we're so prepared and ready to make it happen, which I think will be a good kind of shock.

I kept my own cards hidden for a while, and I do think that seeing how prepared we were did help people close to me accept our decision when the time came. It's different for everyone though. Only you know your family dynamic.

[caybee 21]

Never mind. Already covered well.

Edited January 31, 2009 by caybee

[ghomnet 1]

What can I(Jen, USC) do to make sure nothing would be sent to my current address so as not to risk them finding out before I tell them?

get a P.O. Box

[Ken1 0]

Hello,

First and foremost, good luck with everything!

I have one thought that's a bit off subject, but related and perhaps something you should consider.

As you're living with your parents, this leads me to think that you don't earn a lot of money (perhaps are in school). If this is the case, and you don't earn above 125% the poverty level for two people (you and your fiance), you will need a co-sponsor for your affidavit of support. You don't need to show any of this until your interview, but I believe you can't get a K-1 visa unless you can prove that you meet the income requirements (either alone or with your co-sponsor). If this is the case, you will need your parents to serve as co-sponsors and they will need to know and sign the required documents, thus you will need to talk with them before the interview to work this out.

Good luck!

[faryan 4]

Just want to say all the best My hubby's older brother also kept it a secret from everyone in the family when he filed K1 visa for his Singaporean then-gf now-wife.. When she arrived, he just introduced her to everyone and told them they are getting married.. The family accepted it with open arms as far as i know.. I guess my BIL was shy coz he and wife met while playing online games many years ago.. Altho, if they are on VJ, they will find that they are not the only couples who met that way Anyways, even my hubby and myself kept it under wraps until we are prepared with our wedding plans somewhat.. Just that K1 is out of the question for me vis a vis my family.. Hubby and his own brother just found out that their other halves are neighbours (im malaysian, SIL singaporean) until they got married . Maybe the youngest brother might marry a Thai.. haha.. but that remains unseen as he is still very young

Yep, I'd say get one of those mailboxes in town like Pushbrk says.. He always has good ideas

Good luck, and much happiness and strength to you

[inGODShands 0]

Why on Earth would you want to keep it from them? You're gonna eventually marry this guy. I would just be open with them about it. It's not so bad once you get it out in the open. When I first told my parents about our relationship I thought they'd freak & take a while to accept it, but to my surprise... their initial reaction was the EXACT OPPOSITE! They LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE my fiance! They have been nothing but supportive of our relationship since they found out! God bless them! I know it seems difficult just thinking about HOW you should go about doing it, but once you get it out in the open... things will be sooooooooooooo much better! I wish you the best of luck & ALL the happiness in the world! God bless!

What can I(Jen, USC) do to make sure nothing would be sent to my current address so as not to risk them finding out before I tell them?

[Danu 19]

I guess it all depends on your parents though. I told mine, and in a way I almost wish I didnt sometimes as they go back and forth between being happy for me and asking why we didnt do something different instead of deciding to get married. I know they are just concerned because I have been hurt before and they are under the impression that you can't get to know someone unless you spend a lot...LOT of time in person with them, when we know that a lot of us have better relationships with our SO's because we need to communicate to make the LD thing work out. All my best to you! I hope when they do find out that they are more happy then concerned, but no matter what they say, follow your heart and know they mean the best for you.

[GJen 9]

Why on Earth would you want to keep it from them? You're gonna eventually marry this guy. I would just be open with them about it. It's not so bad once you get it out in the open. When I first told my parents about our relationship I thought they'd freak & take a while to accept it, but to my surprise... their initial reaction was the EXACT OPPOSITE! They LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE my fiance! They have been nothing but supportive of our relationship since they found out! God bless them! I know it seems difficult just thinking about HOW you should go about doing it, but once you get it out in the open... things will be sooooooooooooo much better! I wish you the best of luck & ALL the happiness in the world! God bless!

What can I(Jen, USC) do to make sure nothing would be sent to my current address so as not to risk them finding out before I tell them?

They know all about our relationship. They've talked to him and seen pictures of him, everything short of meeting him in person (though we tried and were rejected the Tourist Visa). We've been exclusive for over 3 and a half years and already know we plan on getting married. So it's not like it would be coming out of the blue or anything. I just... I'm sure they'd come to me a million reasons not to, one of them being we're "rushing into things" (still no idea how they could consider 3 and a half years "rushing"..) I just think it would be nice if they met him and saw that he's more than just my cell phone or my laptop, he's my future. What better way to do that than by us announcing it together?

~Jen,USC

Edited February 1, 2009 by GJen

[GJen 9]

Hi everyone

This is Gabriel (beneficiary) , We both wish we could tell them, but our situation makes it difficult. Danu you are right when you say "they think you dont get to know someone unless you spend a lot of time with them", being in a long distance relationship taught me that you can actually learn a lot about someone, even though you are miles away, but that's something her parents dont understand and they see our relationship as a fantasy, which is frustrating . I think one thing that makes this difficult for them to accept it is the fact that they don't know me yet, sometimes we email back and forth but that's it -- that's the difference between my family and hers, my girlfriend has been here before and my family knows her and loves her a lot and it was pretty easy for them to accept it (they also thought it was a fantasy before they met her ) so I think ME being able to go there and talk to them face to face about our future will show them that this is real and this is something we can carry out and that they have nothing to worry about. So we have thought this through and we do know why we are not telling them yet! and well nobody knows my future in-laws better than my girlfriend so I guess that's why we decided not to tell them YET.... maybe after they meet me they will realize they love me and accept me in their family with open arms

So we'll go with the UPS Mailbox, and I'll just pray it all works out perfectly..

Thank y'all for your answers they are really helpful!....

Good luck

I guess it all depends on your parents though. I told mine, and in a way I almost wish I didnt sometimes as they go back and forth between being happy for me and asking why we didnt do something different instead of deciding to get married. I know they are just concerned because I have been hurt before and they are under the impression that you can't get to know someone unless you spend a lot...LOT of time in person with them, when we know that a lot of us have better relationships with our SO's because we need to communicate to make the LD thing work out. All my best to you! I hope when they do find out that they are more happy then concerned, but no matter what they say, follow your heart and know they mean the best for you.

Edited February 1, 2009 by GJen

[Jasman0717 9]

Its possible but why

[Sinergy 3]

Hello,

First and foremost, good luck with everything!

I have one thought that's a bit off subject, but related and perhaps something you should consider.

As you're living with your parents, this leads me to think that you don't earn a lot of money (perhaps are in school). If this is the case, and you don't earn above 125% the poverty level for two people (you and your fiance), you will need a co-sponsor for your affidavit of support. You don't need to show any of this until your interview, but I believe you can't get a K-1 visa unless you can prove that you meet the income requirements (either alone or with your co-sponsor). If this is the case, you will need your parents to serve as co-sponsors and they will need to know and sign the required documents, thus you will need to talk with them before the interview to work this out.

Good luck!

Just bc she lives with her parents doesnt mean she doesnt have money and is below the poverty line. IMO

[Melrose Plant 1]

I also dreaded the thought of telling my dad about Mai. I thought Mom would be more understanding, but I think they were both really suspicious of the whole thing until I went over there and met her in person. Then I suggested that they and my sister and her husband come over for our wedding 5 months later. That was a great idea for the families to meet. Now they love her as their own daughter.

OK, so I have Ward and June as parents. But I understand your angst.