How do you maintain your Long Distance Relationship?

[paul. 0]

Great thread, great tips from everyone. It's hard being apart from the one you have pledged to be with forever. All my tips have already been mentioned and I need to use some of them myself, as we fight a lot about nothing too, it's just one of those things with this whole immigration situation. I call it "marking time", because time moves on but our relationship is still in the same phase. So you end up having the same argument quite a few times over, groundhog day style!

One good thing though, if you can get through this together, you can get through anything together! Good luck!

[Kevin & Maria 0]

I just want to share on how Kevin and me work on our relationship, keep it exciting, and fun. Communication is one of the keys. Having God as the center in our lives, faith, prayers, and positive outlooks really played vital roles to us; and have helped us strengthen our love and devotion.

Well this is what we are everyday:

When I wake up, and after praying, I call him to say good morning to him (he installed a VOIP phone in my PC when he was here, so it's free for me to call anywhere in the US and anytime at no cost at all, and vice-versa). So he's the first person I hear in the mornings. Since I don't work, and per his request that I don't to have time to be with him, so I get all the time to talk to him either on Yahoo, Skype, Live, you name it. We make sure we're always on web cams, too.

The moment he gets home from work, he buzzes me right away, and we'll turn on our speakers and cams. Sometimes he brings his laptop at the kitchen and sees him cook (sometimes I teach him how to cook. Since I eat rice a lot, he's gotten a rice cooker, too!), eat, wash the dishes, etc. We even do exercises together, me in my room, and him at his room with our cams on for us to see and either of us can tune in to our workout music. We also watch movies/ tv together. He puts his cam on the tv/ monitor screen with the high volume for me to hear. Whatever he does, shower, bathing, etc. I get to see him. I know this sounds too cheesy but I'm truly amazed with this. It makes me feel so much a part of his life and that I was just around him.

When he's sleeping, his cam is still turns on and I get to see him in bed and even hears his snore. Before he sleeps, we pray to thank God for everything and ask help from him to always strengthen our love, our relationship and for my visa, etc. I wake him up at 5:30-6am for him to prepare to work. We only logs out when he goes to work. On his day offs, he gets to see me sleep, too.

I get to talk to his kids, friends, and his family especially his mom, and vice-versa. They all know me, and my family, friends, relatives here know him, too.

Aside from talking and seeing each other online, we also write sweet emails to each other, send e-cards, send letters, cards/ stuffs via airmail, send latest pictures every now and then, and Kevin sends me flowers with or without occasions. We play games online, sing karaoke together online (there were even times that I sing a karaoke in our living room, and he sees me through my cam, and hears me through the speakers), share jokes, laugh a lot, and even cry, share problems and help each other, so we're there for each other through thick and thin. While he's at work, he texts me sometimes, or calls me. I do the same when I'm away from the pc. It's truly amazing on how we're able to have this kind of relationship. We're totally one!

Well, I am basically jealous and insecure, and same thing with him, but I haven't felt that anymore with him because I feel like I know his every move and whereabouts, and he is to me as well. We surprise each other even with simple ways, and we always make sure we fix petty quarrels (we seldom do because there's no reason to be) right away. We are so like-minded and we always jive on almost everything. You really need to trust each other; you really just have to.

Well that's it! I hope things will be ok with you and your honey soon!

God bless you.

Edited February 1, 2009 by Kevin & Maria

[sasha414 0]

my husband and i talk everyday. if not for yahoo, i dont know how i would survive not seeing him for so long. the thought of talking to him each day is whats keeping me going.

[KikuyuLove 0]

Again, I would agree with this being one of the best threads on VJ!

I generally agree that good quality SMS and voice communication several times on a daily basis is the best way to help maintain a long-distance relationship. We have found that occasionally, we should take a comms break for a couple of days a month and go out with friends (she does girls night and I boys night) that way we can also maintain our network of friends and not live alone in the pressure cooker of wishing while we wait for the approval process. In addition to our greater understanding of each other has smooth out and made things better. We have reduced fights to talk-able disagreements that are usually just communication misunderstandings. Quite frankly, the cultural words and the different use of English has set off more skirmishes than I can count not to mention bad phone lines. We have put a policy in place to call back if the line is not absolutely clear and to never put into writing anything in anger. Most importantly, keep talking until we find a solution. (Thank God for Skype! we have the world record of 34 straight hours for a very emotional and transitional conversation).

We are more in love each day and are hoping and praying things will begin moving in the next few weeks in VT per their original web post.

Finally, if at all possible, try to see each other in person for a week or two as often as possible. We spent 2 weeks together at Christmas (our first one together) and it has gone a long way in releasing stress and allowing us to float and firm up plans. We had planned to do a lot of things but spent 95% of our time loving and talking with each other alone. Just build upon everything you two found in each other and keep a positive outlook together.

[♥Stiggy♥ 0]

Sorry to hear things arent going so well.

We talk A LOT a day. Im a stay at Home mom, so my schedule is really open for the most part on when we can talk around his work schedule.

Usually at lunch we talk everyday on the phone for 2-3 hours. Then again late evening for a couple hours on the phone (he uses skype in/out), then it miagrate to getting on skype, and turning on the webcam just before bed, while in bed, and I lay the laptop on my nightstand while we talk till I fall asleep Cheezy,I know... but it works for us

Then while at work we send a few emails here and there, and a couple text msg's on his days off

Edited February 1, 2009 by ♥Stiggy♥

[rrobin 2]

Ok, so this might be a bit off topic, but are any of you struggling the way we are? Our entire relationship was long distance and it was always a struggle. I thought after we got married n got the papers rollin that things would get better. For like a month after we got married we were doing great but now its back to fighting all the time. It is purely stress from living apart, its not that we dont love eachother or get along, but when ur so far, even if u do trust ur spouse, theres a feeling of insecurity. We probably have at least a year of this and I neeeeed advise???

Reading between the lines from your posts, it looks are you are having your doubts about the marriage you got into.

Look, having cold feet, anxiety, a bit of buyer's remorse, or even a doubt or two is very common when you get close to getting married but in your case it is lasting a lot longer only because you are not together. Just calm down, if you love each other everything else will work out eventually. These social and cultural barriers seem very intimidating but if you two work as a team, they can be surmounted.

Your situation may seem a bit unusual (especially for you) but there is nothing that immigration officers have not seen.

In Pakistani culture arranged marriage is a norm and if parents are somehow left out of this decision it can result is a backlash from family and friends, but remember there is nothing wrong in what you two are doing.

Edited February 1, 2009 by rrobin

[Bern. 3]

Right now, we just have to send e-mails and talk on the phone ever so often. And next month he's going overseas to Kuwait for a year, so it'll probably be strict e-mail and maybe Skype. I miss him dearly but what can you do, he's worth it to me and I'm worth it to him.