How do you maintain your Long Distance Relationship?

[ABENITEZ 0]

Seriously, I didn't expect such an overwhelming response. All of this advise from ppl I dont even know or see. I cannot even think of good enough words to thank u all!

[GJen 9]

Skype calls with video and without, email with photos, and I kicked down for a few visits.

Skype, yahoo, msn, been there done it all, after so long that just doesn't cut it anymore. Time difference doesn't allow us to spend any time together online anyways. I just find myself blaming him for this mess were in, even though I know its not his fault. His family isn't even aware were married so hes like hiding that fact from his dad and its just all depressing and messy and I donnooo what to doooo

First off, get control of yourself. If you have a bona fide relationship you made the decisions together. If you know what you're doing is hurting your relationship, stop it and do something else instead. Discuss how your interactions are harming your relationship and make a plan together to change how you interact.

If you were together would you still be blaming him that you have to leave before the visa is in hand? Behaving responsibly starts inside your own head.

Well said!

[ArubaDolphin 0]

Hi Everyone

We used skype but not to often anymore

we sms everyday to each other

but we discovered call Centric with favorite from t-mobile

I pay for a US number @6 dollars a month and i can get unlimited incoming calls

we bought an adapter so it is connected to a regular phone through VOIP system

he has this number in his favorites to he can call me and receive call from that number for freee

we can spend hours on the phone normally

i call him at .02 dollar cents a minute I hang up he calls me back it's all free

no computer need to be on

[KeyserandMe 0]

Ok, so this might be a bit off topic, but are any of you struggling the way we are? Our entire relationship was long distance and it was always a struggle. I thought after we got married n got the papers rollin that things would get better. For like a month after we got married we were doing great but now its back to fighting all the time. It is purely stress from living apart, its not that we dont love eachother or get along, but when ur so far, even if u do trust ur spouse, theres a feeling of insecurity. We probably have at least a year of this and I neeeeed advise???

Well, This is exactly how I feel and more or less what is going on with us as well.

[ArubaDolphin 0]

KEYSERand ME

In my experience

we fought in the beginning then it went away and now we fight again some time stress gets a hold of yo

for us right now it's we barely get to talk to each other 20 min a day and it takes 21 hours plus between these

not something we where use to before

so its hard to adapt

we spend the 1st year of our relationship together in Aruba

then he had to go back and so that was hard

then i spend 2 months with him to set up where we will live, where our apartment is now he is there alone

i miss being home, that is my home

then 1/2 into process we got into a stress situation again a turnaround

then it went back to ok

now we are at it again because of the hours of work and now with getting the NOA2 the stress of not really having time to make sure we have all our ducks in a row

for the paperwork

Talk it out that is all i can say, Good luck

[KeyserandMe 0]

KEYSERand ME

In my experience

we fought in the beginning then it went away and now we fight again some time stress gets a hold of yo

for us right now it's we barely get to talk to each other 20 min a day and it takes 21 hours plus between these

not something we where use to before

so its hard to adapt

we spend the 1st year of our relationship together in Aruba

then he had to go back and so that was hard

then i spend 2 months with him to set up where we will live, where our apartment is now he is there alone

i miss being home, that is my home

then 1/2 into process we got into a stress situation again a turnaround

then it went back to ok

now we are at it again because of the hours of work and now with getting the NOA2 the stress of not really having time to make sure we have all our ducks in a row

for the paperwork

Talk it out that is all i can say, Good luck

Thank you for the advise! Like many people on this site this long distance relationship thing is really hard. I never really thought of how difficult it would be to be away from you other half. I just pray to God that he helps us with our process and relationship so that we can be together soon and have a successful and happy marriage, like he intends it to be!

[Mrs. Diaz 1]

Ok, so this might be a bit off topic, but are any of you struggling the way we are? Our entire relationship was long distance and it was always a struggle. I thought after we got married n got the papers rollin that things would get better. For like a month after we got married we were doing great but now its back to fighting all the time. It is purely stress from living apart, its not that we dont love eachother or get along, but when ur so far, even if u do trust ur spouse, theres a feeling of insecurity. We probably have at least a year of this and I neeeeed advise???

I understand that you feel like your relationship is a struggle some days. I used to feel that way too.... But I can tell you this... It will get better! A lot better. Me and my husband met while I was vacationing in the US 3 years ago. I had to go back home after spending only 1 week with him....(I met him on the last week I was over there!) We knew that things were going to be hard... And we really didn't know much about each other... All we knew was that we really felt for each other and that we could not just let each other go without trying. So we started dating..... The first 6-8 months was not always easy, but not so bad that we wanted to break things off! So we went ahead and got married.... Everything changed after that. He have met all my friends, family, co-workers etc...

We have lived together in my apt as married couple(all this before we got married) But what really changed everything was the marriage itself. We trust each other 100% and the stupid arguments/fights that we used to have doesn't happen anymore.... We have the BEST relationship! He is my best friend and lover... Everything! We have changed so much and everything is for the better... We talk about that a lot. And we both agree on that it is mostly cuz we are husband and wife now. Marrying someone is a huge thing and that's when you know that what you have is for real, not some game that you're playing!

I know for sure that things will get better between you two if you only give it a chance! Don't start a fight the minute you get on the phone/online etc. Maybe you should do what me and my husband did... We wrote this thing together "Our beautiful love story", it took about 3 days. What we did was that we decided on a "topic" for each day that we would write about. We started out with "the first time I saw you".... So I wrote down my thoughts and feelings about this moment. And he wrote his.... 3 days later we had our story in a folder on our comps. It was a great feeling reading his thoughts and feelings about me and the things that we had been been doing for the past 6 months or so... I still read this "story" some times and it puts a big smile on my face every time... After we had finished this little project we felt so blessed for finding each other. We realized how lucky we are to have each other! Things like this might seem silly to some, but it really makes a difference. Another thing you can do is try not to talk to each other in a couple of days.... Or will that make things worse? How about if you do some shopping online together? Like picking out things that you want to get for your first place together.... If you can't get online at the same time to do this, you can send him pictures and ask what he thinks about this and that... You need to do things "together", like you were living together. Watch the same movies and talk about them etc. There is so many things that you can do to make a long distance relationship a lot easier. If you can't find a way to do so, maybe you are not meant to be? How will things get once you live together in the US? I'm sure you can find a way out of this!! Don't give up!

[taj'samericanwife 0]

Hi Everyone

We used skype but not to often anymore

we sms everyday to each other

but we discovered call Centric with favorite from t-mobile

I pay for a US number @6 dollars a month and i can get unlimited incoming calls

we bought an adapter so it is connected to a regular phone through VOIP system

he has this number in his favorites to he can call me and receive call from that number for freee

we can spend hours on the phone normally

i call him at .02 dollar cents a minute I hang up he calls me back it's all free

no computer need to be on

can you explain more about this program? some people use magic jack and others vonage...what is this one?

[Desire019 0]

Deff SKype.

Its the way to go. I use it daily, it has a great picture and sound quality and its cheap. I mean yea what does a messinger have to do with your relationship.. You's be surprised. The more you talk the closer you get. Me and my husband dated for 6 years before we got married, and out relationship was nothing but fightsNot anymore tho... Since we got married we had to fnd and easier way to stay conected and ofcourse something more economic than my usual $600-700 cell phone bill. Every time i talk to him i miss him more, and like all of you guys we have our ups and downs but every time we get mad at each other i dont wanna live anymore. Its hard, we all know but you have to be patient and soon we will be with our loved ones. Talk to them as much as you can, tell them anything.. call them just because, call them just to tell them you love them.Just keeping in touch with them will bring you closer. Keep your relationships/marriage alive. LEts show everyone that we can do it. The distance dont matter, love is what counts...

[ArubaDolphin 0]

The web site is callcentric.com

it's like vonage but cheaper

you have to buy a box voip adapter it is called that is not locked to any system like vonage

Lynksys P2P works great

you plug the Network cable into the box and plug in a regular phone

follow instruction on the site

apply for the service on the site

or you can both have one and call in network calls for free

[ArubaDolphin 0]

For free sms i use also gmail.com account to send sms to him and he replies, bad site no log on your side of the sms

www.twitter. com works great too

what you are doing you can send him, bare in mind you want to lock it so other don't read your postings

i can see his twitts online, in the us he gets him to his cell, he has unlimited sms so he doesn't get charged

and international sms to my cell in aruba are $0.20 a piece

[MsMariah 0]

Really, this is one of the best threads ever on VJ. It's nice to hear about the sweet things, and also reassuring that everyone has moments of stress, fighting, and doubts. Sometimes it's easy to imagine that everyone else has the perfect relationship and yours must be wrong. But all and all, with the lines of communication still open, and the remembrance of what commited you to your spouse to begin with, combined with a little hope should help us outlive the distance and seperation.

It's very important in our relation to contact every day, he likes me to wake him up for work, and I like him to call me and put me to bed during his first break. And then we try to do video/voice chat on msn every day, but some days work schedules don't allow... somedays I have blamed him, but it always feel horrible to hold a grudge against him and I just can't feel better until we talk. That's how it's been when we had a horrible fight and did the pride thing...of you must contact me first. Anyway, I'd just like to thank all the people who shared their successes, it's really lovely to hear about all the real love going on around here

Peace,

Mariah

Also, my husband had to fight his father hard, and after that, when his family was still surprised that I really came to marry him as we agreed, his father tried to .... kick him out of the family home. Luckily, his father couldn't hold his grudge against him too long. Finally, his father said he thinks I'm a pretty nice girl, but quickly added that I could be his daughter if I prayed..... which ..... is a long shot for me to get into a religion again. But anyway, good luck. Things will work out exactly as they are supposed to.

[GJen 9]

Hi, this is Gabriel. Well I thought it was just us, but now I see it happens to everyone, we also fight a lot and sometimes over the dumbest things ever! so this is what we do when we fight, and I guess it kind of works out for us

First... dont go to bed till you talk things over --- dont keep things inside, open up because sooner or later they will come out in a different fight and make it even worse (if you know what I mean) -- sometimes it is good to just leave and talk after a few minutes of breathing in and out, I've said so many mean things when I've been upset so it's better wait until things cool off and you are back into ur sense and can actually talk without being hurtful and be able to thnk things through...!

About trusting your spouse... aaah that's something hard for me.. I do love my girlfriend and I do trust her !!! but when I hear some guy's name I just freak out and I can't help it, I don't know WHy and I can't comprehend why it happens but it does happen! counting to 10 and then thinking SHE Loves me, helps me to calm myself down... hahah I have told my girlfriend sometimes I wish I could put her in a box so nobody can hit on her haha (that's jsut a joke I'm not a psycho!)

NOw something that help us to get closer to each other is finding things to do together, such as reading a book, watching a movie together (we play the movie at the same time and then we watch it while we're on the phone and we make comments about it, it's actually fun), we also play games like pool, we TALK a lot on the phone, we dont like talking on the computer cuz We are SICK of being in front of computers, so I call her using this plan to call to the USA with Multiphone, it costs me $41 a month and I can talk as long as I want for a whole month, so I can spend hours on the phone! I know Multiphone is in other countries so you should check out their plans, I think it's great cuz you dont ahve to worry about minutes!

And one last thing!!! Always keep in mind that this hard time you guys are going through is gonna pass, and when you finally are together, it's gonna last forever!!!!

After the storm always the calm comes

Ok, so this might be a bit off topic, but are any of you struggling the way we are? Our entire relationship was long distance and it was always a struggle. I thought after we got married n got the papers rollin that things would get better. For like a month after we got married we were doing great but now its back to fighting all the time. It is purely stress from living apart, its not that we dont love eachother or get along, but when ur so far, even if u do trust ur spouse, theres a feeling of insecurity. We probably have at least a year of this and I neeeeed advise???

[JSVP08 3]

communication....communication....communication....no matter how bad it is...sort it out before you hang up- like what me and my habibi discussed, whether its good or bad we need to communicate everything because for now thats the only way that binds and holds us.....till then.

its difficult enough to be separated much more when there are issues kept hangin' - so it is very important to clear the path before one goes off the line- so to speak.

also, keep hold of what brought you together in the first place. Love- and the great mem'ries or happiness you have derived from each other. It will draw you back into wanting this relationship to work and gives you the needed strength to cope with that urge and need to be with each other.

man!! its a long hard road ahead just for the waiting alone....but if you both want this to be a success, difficult but its possible.

[savina 0]

Hey i agree with all the replies people have posted below.I guess the insecurity feelin is there coz he has not told his family.Not sure what the reason is but when both families know about the couple then it gets easier and i have gone through that phase as well.

Also talk everyday, yahoo chat,yahoo calling and text each other on cellfone in case of different time zones.Am in India and my Husband is in US.So coz of different time zones I would set an alarm and wake up and call him or we would chat online and webcam is also very useful coz tehn you get to see each other.Like the new haircut,if you have lost weight,something new that you have shopped for and you wear it and show it to him etc.

Send cards ecards as well as post stuff its like a surprise for the other person when its a secret and suddenly they receive mail.Trust is very very important.Since its long distance you just cannot nistrust each other.Dont talk about issues that may lead into a fight or argument.One person has to be the more understanding and patient one to avoid any fights.Talk about stuff in a mature and understanding manner.

Be positive always and pray and just count days till you are finally together:)

All the best I hope and pray you guys get more stronger and patient.