How do you maintain your Long Distance Relationship?

[geezer 1]

I agree with most of the other posts. We text exery day, chat a couple of times a week depending on where I'm at and I always try to call them on Sunday afternoon there, its kind of a family ritual which I think is good to have.

But the biggest thing that keeps our marriage strong is that I travel there as often as I can and I stay for as long as I can. If possible I'd recommend you go there as much as you can although I know this is not an option for everybody.

[taj'samericanwife 0]

how is yahoo better than skype?

[alex and astrid 38]

When Alex and I are apart we text each other good morning and good night, we take turns calling each other, we send care packages for special occasions or no reason at all....We video chat as well so we can see each other. Being able to see each other makes the distance hurt less, for sure. I also find that keeping yourself busy helps make time go by quicker. Its hard not to dwell on being apart but making sure you are occupied helps!

Good luck on your journey!

[Rose-Romagnoli 0]

ABENITEZ, yes--being positive is a major factor. I have gone into some of our conversations irritated and it never resulted in a good communication session (though we talk until it is resolved). You mentioned that you complain to him that you are at times lonely. The solution is to find a hobby instead of giving him a sense of insecurity. Lonely equals potential to seek comfort from the point of view of a man.

It might seem too girly at first but scrapbooking is a great way to do something productive while serving a purpose of documenting your journey together. If proof of relationship is needed, you can use it!

Fill your time at home. when you go shopping, fantasize about how you want to transform your house and buy things here and there that will compliment your lifestyles together. For example: Benito is Italian but loves Asian culture. On my kitchen bar is a glass bottle of peperoncini, a little Calabrese pot of hot pepper sauce that his mother made, a pretty little vat of spicy olive oil that we bought together, and a thriving bamboo plant.

If you surround yourself with things that make you calm and happy, it is not a chore to stay at home in your off-time. Redesign your home to reflect your melding of cultures and individual likes. Browse the local thrift stores! I found a ceramic hand painted kitchen pot coaster that reads "Benedetto Pomodoro". Something so bland and innocent has a special meaning to us because my husband's name Benito is derived from Benedetto and means "well-spoken". He studies english and therefore we were able to communicate well on our first meeting. So the humble little coaster that I bought for 99 cents is a source of a shared smile for us, and has a meaning beyond just the paint.

Distance requires ingenuity. Allowing weaknesses such as boredom and lonliness act doubly against you. Go to Michael's Craft store and fantasize!

[adiiann 163]

Most of us here have long distance relationship. Three years ago, before I took the risk to become his girlfriend, I asked myself if I could cope up with our long distance relationship. But then, I have so much feelings for him that every time we talked, I couldn't explain the happiness I felt. I'm afraid to give up the feelings that I'm having and I'm afraid too that I couldn't feel that kind of happiness from other man. I decided to take the risk of loving him. So, our love story begun.

Along with our relationship, we agreed to become honest and patient to each other and our situation. It works for us. We never miss telling each other on how our everyday life going on. We speak out our feelings, whatever it is, whether so in love, happy, mad, upset or sad. We have our own principles and beliefs, and we respect it. We did have fighting as well as arguments. But, we make it sure that it won't last for one day. We say sorry for each other, if we know we did mistake or hurt each others feelings because too much pride always ruin relationship. Sometimes, we asked permission from each other if it is needed. Like when I wanted to hang out with my friends at night, or out of town. After I tell him what's going on that, I will asked him if he will allow me, then I will go. And vice versa, he asked me too.

We never let a day pass without talking to each other, whatever means of communication. That is why we both have high bills of cellphone.

[ABENITEZ 0]

Yes, I deffinetely need to work on the patience. We have other problems besides the distance. The only ppl that know are his mom and one of his brothers, they were at the wedding with 3 of his friends...thats it...imagine how thats gonna look to the immigration officers Its a long story why he cant tell his dad right now, but basically he had a stroke and things are kind of stressful for their family in Pak so we thought it best to keep in secret til he gets his visa approved. I donno how were gonna explain this in the interview, but all we can do is be honest I guess. Anyways I want to travel to see him buy my god it takes more than a day and $1800 to fly over there, not to mention taking time off work and finding a sitter for my kid. Either way i'm convinced I'll make it back there probably will go for the interview. Anyways, thanks alot, I can see I'm not the only one struggling with this... Ur all so kind and I wouldn't know what i wud do without the support, info, and feedback I get fromVJ. Thank u alll!!!!

[ghomnet 1]

Ok, so this might be a bit off topic, but are any of you struggling the way we are? Our entire relationship was long distance and it was always a struggle. I thought after we got married n got the papers rollin that things would get better. For like a month after we got married we were doing great but now its back to fighting all the time. It is purely stress from living apart, its not that we dont love eachother or get along, but when ur so far, even if u do trust ur spouse, theres a feeling of insecurity. We probably have at least a year of this and I neeeeed advise???

i had the same problem. It seems we started to fight about everything. It is kind of scary cause you start to think maybe it is not working out. but then i notice all we did was talk about how we missed each other and the paper work delay, in fact we were constantly reminding ourself of our loneliness. So the trick is start a online relationship. Watch T.V. shows on u tube together then talk about it. Talk about current events what ever you do do not let your self notice or talk about negative things. Talking every once in a while is nice too. Do the chat thing. i chat with her twice a day some time for an hour other times for more if we have lots to say.

[geezer 1]

You might sign up at FareCompare.com for their low fare alerts. I would think you could get flights for less than $1000.00 with a little flexibility and planning. There are also sites such as flyertalk.com that list low airfare deals and have good information on how to get the lowest fare.

[Rose-Romagnoli 0]

As for being married without EVERYONE knowing, do NOT worry about immigration. Document your relationship and respond rationally IF they ask if his family knows. I am sure that they have seen a traditions conflict before.

Your steadfast commitment to your marriage will be obvious if you mean it. You guys are adults and in the end the opinion of the family means VERY LITTLE. Focus on you guys, not on whether they know, accept, ect.

International relationships are bound to have social barriers. I am divorced with a child, which makes for a very unacceptable spouse in southern Italy. I just happened to fall in love with a southern Italian man with "kind of" divorced parents. The church will not grant annullment to them, even after his mother has 18 and 21 year old sons with her companion. Our current marriage is not a public affair. His sister and mother know. the rest of the family knows of our intention to marry in Italy in the next 2 years. We are equally dedicated to each other and that is what counts for our future. Does that make sense?

[FCH 1]

all my relationships were long distance. but this one was the worst and best.

worst cos its the farthest. im in the PI and he's in the US.

worst cos traveling is soooooooo expensive and we can only get off work once a year.

best cos its still working out good despite the minuses.

we got skype. recently i got vonage. theres always yahoo messenger.

long distance relationships are always thought to be no good.

trust. communication. understanding. patience. commitment. respect.

any relationship will end if you have none of those.

this is my bf's first long distance relationship and weve been together for 4 years. and he always said that he wouldnt date anyone with a different zip code or if the drive to her house took more than an hour. lol.

well how about not another zip code but another country code?

and the drive meant a trip to the airport and a plane ride.

we only see each other once a year and take turns visiting.

it aint easy being away.

so trust - thats a given. any relationship will suffer without it.

communication - another given. we email each other, text each other, chat, calls - every single day. im not even gonna start on when he was deployed. holy #######!

understanding - ya takes a lotta effort. putting yourself in his place and vice versa. being fair. being selfless. sooo freakin hard but hey it works!

patience - this word will really shake the sanity out of you. like when your upset - people say count 1 to a million. i say - count a million and then recount.

commitment - staying strong. and no promises. but just being there for each other. no expectations. just keep working on staying together.

respect - now this is my favorite. cos all of the above mentioned dont mean a damn if there is no respect. respect for opinions, for different cultures, family and upbringing. respect for each others friends, respect to also have at least your own life too. respect your differences.

takes a lotta work to be zip codes away.

but who am i to talk - weve had huge and scary fights. harsh words. painful issues.

were not perfect. and s**t happens. but if you want it to work - you will make it work!

cos after giving space and time and analyzing it - we still miss each other in the end. and the fight was just probably stress from no sex. lol. man i dont know.

but i do know that if you pray real hard and ask God to bless your relationship and safeguard it... cherish your relationship (well you prayed hard for it, why not do your part and make sure that blessing is kept intact?)

oh and dont take anything for granted.

and dont let the phonebills scare you. lol. well i know we are.

good luck.

Edited February 1, 2009 by PrettyFlower

[shani_77 0]

Yes, I deffinetely need to work on the patience. We have other problems besides the distance. The only ppl that know are his mom and one of his brothers, they were at the wedding with 3 of his friends...thats it...imagine how thats gonna look to the immigration officers Its a long story why he cant tell his dad right now, but basically he had a stroke and things are kind of stressful for their family in Pak so we thought it best to keep in secret til he gets his visa approved. I donno how were gonna explain this in the interview, but all we can do is be honest I guess. Anyways I want to travel to see him buy my god it takes more than a day and $1800 to fly over there, not to mention taking time off work and finding a sitter for my kid. Either way i'm convinced I'll make it back there probably will go for the interview. Anyways, thanks alot, I can see I'm not the only one struggling with this... Ur all so kind and I wouldn't know what i wud do without the support, info, and feedback I get fromVJ. Thank u alll!!!!

oh please!! Why are u making your case suspicious??? Please do not tell them at the interview that his father does not know unless they ask you. His mother and other family memebers were there, so tell them about that. And, please visit him if u can because he can not come here, but u can always go there. Is your case stuck in the embassy?? could u update your timeline?? Good luck!!!!

[ABENITEZ 0]

As for being married without EVERYONE knowing, do NOT worry about immigration. Document your relationship and respond rationally IF they ask if his family knows. I am sure that they have seen a traditions conflict before.

Your steadfast commitment to your marriage will be obvious if you mean it. You guys are adults and in the end the opinion of the family means VERY LITTLE. Focus on you guys, not on whether they know, accept, ect.

International relationships are bound to have social barriers. I am divorced with a child, which makes for a very unacceptable spouse in southern Italy. I just happened to fall in love with a southern Italian man with "kind of" divorced parents. The church will not grant annullment to them, even after his mother has 18 and 21 year old sons with her companion. Our current marriage is not a public affair. His sister and mother know. the rest of the family knows of our intention to marry in Italy in the next 2 years. We are equally dedicated to each other and that is what counts for our future. Does that make sense?

Wow, this one made tears fill my eyes lol. Some one else divorced with a kid, u must understand. U know, my ex-husband was from mexico and he got his residency through me as well... omg i have to stop thinking abt all this or I will jinx myself straight into a refusal!

[faryan 4]

you are definitely not alone in this, dear

LDR is difficult even to the most patient of people, and my husband and i are quite patient people. somewhat. all my previous rships were LDRs, so i guess im accustomed with spending occasions alone.. me and husband are best friends to start with, and as our rship grew and more defined (esp after marriage) we make do with being online all the time with each other, him at work and home, me too. i guess it helps that we both have very good internet connection. even when my internet is down, i will bring the laptop to a place with wi-fi, or go to the internet cafe... sometimes we dont really talk much coz we are online together all our waking hours, but its nice knowing that my other half is at the end of the line.. even so, fights are normal.. i get upset very often, and its usually due to the stress of this visa journey and feeling isolated as most newlyweds i know get to start off their married life under the same roof and fights over other stuff... lawyer and papers irritates the hell out of me, and i get agitated thinking re the upcoming interview... culture is another thing, not that we fight over it, just that i realised that we have been able to communicate openly and discuss things.. while we have very different culture, we found that we have similar values, so that make things easier and not the kind of things we fight about (that is me shouting at him).

Other than keeping the line of communication open, you have to remember to take care of yourself and your child also.. Don't need to add to your SO's worries re you (and he shouldnt do that to you too..) So make sure you take care of your health, go and pamper yourself once a while... My husband feels better when I go out for dinner/lunch with friends and family, go do what i like such as massage or movies.. He always ask if I've read anything new, coz he knows I love books.. And sometimes he'll send books off Amazon.com to me.. Its important that while you miss him a lot, you demonstrate that you can function okay and life goes on.. the visa wait thing is temporary and soon you will be together..

[ABENITEZ 0]

Yes, I deffinetely need to work on the patience. We have other problems besides the distance. The only ppl that know are his mom and one of his brothers, they were at the wedding with 3 of his friends...thats it...imagine how thats gonna look to the immigration officers Its a long story why he cant tell his dad right now, but basically he had a stroke and things are kind of stressful for their family in Pak so we thought it best to keep in secret til he gets his visa approved. I donno how were gonna explain this in the interview, but all we can do is be honest I guess. Anyways I want to travel to see him buy my god it takes more than a day and $1800 to fly over there, not to mention taking time off work and finding a sitter for my kid. Either way i'm convinced I'll make it back there probably will go for the interview. Anyways, thanks alot, I can see I'm not the only one struggling with this... Ur all so kind and I wouldn't know what i wud do without the support, info, and feedback I get fromVJ. Thank u alll!!!!

oh please!! Why are u making your case suspicious??? Please do not tell them at the interview that his father does not know unless they ask you. His mother and other family memebers were there, so tell them about that. And, please visit him if u can because he can not come here, but u can always go there. Is your case stuck in the embassy?? could u update your timeline?? Good luck!!!!

My case is only at USCIS, we just filed in December...

[faryan 4]

Yes, I deffinetely need to work on the patience. We have other problems besides the distance. The only ppl that know are his mom and one of his brothers, they were at the wedding with 3 of his friends...thats it...imagine how thats gonna look to the immigration officers Its a long story why he cant tell his dad right now, but basically he had a stroke and things are kind of stressful for their family in Pak so we thought it best to keep in secret til he gets his visa approved. I donno how were gonna explain this in the interview, but all we can do is be honest I guess. Anyways I want to travel to see him buy my god it takes more than a day and $1800 to fly over there, not to mention taking time off work and finding a sitter for my kid. Either way i'm convinced I'll make it back there probably will go for the interview. Anyways, thanks alot, I can see I'm not the only one struggling with this... Ur all so kind and I wouldn't know what i wud do without the support, info, and feedback I get fromVJ. Thank u alll!!!!

oh please!! Why are u making your case suspicious??? Please do not tell them at the interview that his father does not know unless they ask you. His mother and other family memebers were there, so tell them about that. And, please visit him if u can because he can not come here, but u can always go there. Is your case stuck in the embassy?? could u update your timeline?? Good luck!!!!

My case is only at USCIS, we just filed in December...

Your Mother in law and brother in law and his friends were at your wedding, that is good enough