How do you maintain your Long Distance Relationship?

[ABENITEZ 0]

Ok, so this might be a bit off topic, but are any of you struggling the way we are? Our entire relationship was long distance and it was always a struggle. I thought after we got married n got the papers rollin that things would get better. For like a month after we got married we were doing great but now its back to fighting all the time. It is purely stress from living apart, its not that we dont love eachother or get along, but when ur so far, even if u do trust ur spouse, theres a feeling of insecurity. We probably have at least a year of this and I neeeeed advise???

[VerGo 0]

Ok, so this might be a bit off topic, but are any of you struggling the way we are? Our entire relationship was long distance and it was always a struggle. I thought after we got married n got the papers rollin that things would get better. For like a month after we got married we were doing great but now its back to fighting all the time. It is purely stress from living apart, its not that we dont love eachother or get along, but when ur so far, even if u do trust ur spouse, theres a feeling of insecurity. We probably have at least a year of this and I neeeeed advise???

It's definitely hard, but I will tell you how my husband and I manage it.. We talk on yahoo messenger with cam and voicechat, and now we have discovered that Skype has higher quality camera and voice, so we use that. You can buy skype credit to call your spouse on the phone from the internet too, but we just both get online and it's free. I write him letters and send him little packages for holidays or when I think he needs a little lift in spirit. I pray for him and with him on the phone, and I try to put my own feelings aside sometimes and try to be cheerful. We talk about memories and excitement for the future together. It takes a conscious effort to always be in a good mood when you talk but it helps both of you be in a good mood. I dunno if this helps, but it's what we do.

[Shad and Dani 3]

You might be experiencing some sexual frustration as well. See how far you can get your SO to go on the webcam Any kind of intimacy is good.

[ABENITEZ 0]

You might be experiencing some sexual frustration as well. See how far you can get your SO to go on the webcam Any kind of intimacy is good.

hmmmm, I don't think thats the problem at all, actually sex is the last thing I long for with him!

[winifredbee 1]

Skype calls with video and without, email with photos, and I kicked down for a few visits.

[Liam and Kara 6]

well-Liam and I are in constant contact. If people didn't know better, they'd never know he was on the other side of the world. I wake up to a good morning text message. He phones me before lunch every single day at work. Throughout the day we email each other. He works "night" shift in Scotland so he texts me that he's on his way to work. We speak to each other on the phone during his breaks until I go to sleep. We make certain to schedule a few hours of webcam "alone" time with each other as often as possible usually every weekend. We ARE each others best friend. He is my life.

Kara

BTW--you'll get there-of course it's not easy--but it's worth it.

[Rose-Romagnoli 0]

Skype!

We have a very set schedule and talk on Skype every day. Benito knows that I have my son to take care of and no social network. There is no "going out" with the girls or coworkers and such, so he has very little to worry about.

Since having visited here for 40 days, he saw my work, my routine, my town, he met all of my friends (they are Italian students or nationals all with families,). Now we both know in person each other's daily life routine, so when I say I am going to visit my horses he can visualize what I am doing and the people I may be in contact with.

This was the biggest "calming effect" of our relationship--seeing in person each other's routines. Before, I had been to Italy 5 times and I had no problem with the distance. He was very nervous about every little thing, if someone talked to me, if my students looked at my behind when we did physical training. We used to fight like cats about dumb little things; he would be nervous about me going to inspect my (American) students' rooms at the barracks when I tried to explain to him that students generally have a bit of fear of their instructors and we are not FRIENDLY. Now that he has been here it is much better!

Other than Skype, we found that text messages throughout the day help tremendously. Even going to Walmart, it gives him a warm fuzzy to know that I am out and about. Having a social life of NIL is natural for me, so that is a big plus for him as well LOL.

[ABENITEZ 0]

Skype calls with video and without, email with photos, and I kicked down for a few visits.

Skype, yahoo, msn, been there done it all, after so long that just doesn't cut it anymore. Time difference doesn't allow us to spend any time together online anyways. I just find myself blaming him for this mess were in, even though I know its not his fault. His family isn't even aware were married so hes like hiding that fact from his dad and its just all depressing and messy and I donnooo what to doooo

[Loolie 56]

we did what vergo did too...me and my husband talked online for almost 2 years in yahoo messenger and just last december we discovered skype...hehehehhe. we text each other everyday too. you just need to communicate coz that will kill the sadness of being apart from each other..and as much as you can avoid to have arguments..that wont really help at all..especially when your apart ooohhhh that will be hard to handle you know.

just keep the love, the passion and the fire between the two of you. hehehhe.

God bless you all.

[ABENITEZ 0]

Skype!

We have a very set schedule and talk on Skype every day. Benito knows that I have my son to take care of and no social network. There is no "going out" with the girls or coworkers and such, so he has very little to worry about.

Since having visited here for 40 days, he saw my work, my routine, my town, he met all of my friends (they are Italian students or nationals all with families,). Now we both know in person each other's daily life routine, so when I say I am going to visit my horses he can visualize what I am doing and the people I may be in contact with.

This was the biggest "calming effect" of our relationship--seeing in person each other's routines. Before, I had been to Italy 5 times and I had no problem with the distance. He was very nervous about every little thing, if someone talked to me, if my students looked at my behind when we did physical training. We used to fight like cats about dumb little things; he would be nervous about me going to inspect my (American) students' rooms at the barracks when I tried to explain to him that students generally have a bit of fear of their instructors and we are not FRIENDLY. Now that he has been here it is much better!

Other than Skype, we found that text messages throughout the day help tremendously. Even going to Walmart, it gives him a warm fuzzy to know that I am out and about. Having a social life of NIL is natural for me, so that is a big plus for him as well LOL.

Yeah I basically don't go out at all either. I stopped the whole drinking scene and I have a son as well so I don't go out but its like i have few friends, so im always buggin him cuz im lonely and..... uff I must sound like such a freakin dork

we did what vergo did too...me and my husband talked online for almost 2 years in yahoo messenger and just last december we discovered skype...hehehehhe. we text each other everyday too. you just need to communicate coz that will kill the sadness of being apart from each other..and as much as you can avoid to have arguments..that wont really help at all..especially when your apart ooohhhh that will be hard to handle you know.

just keep the love, the passion and the fire between the two of you. hehehhe.

God bless you all.

thnx alotzzz for ur kind wordz. I'm off now but feel free to repliezzz cuz I'll be back, bless all!

[frali 2]

Why has he hidden it from his parents? Isn't that a bad thing. Specially in Pakistani culture...

[VerGo 0]

Why has he hidden it from his parents? Isn't that a bad thing. Specially in Pakistani culture...

Yeah I was wondering the same thing.. kind of a red flag to me. My husband would shout out on the rooftops about us.

[johndecka 0]

Ok, so this might be a bit off topic, but are any of you struggling the way we are? Our entire relationship was long distance and it was always a struggle. I thought after we got married n got the papers rollin that things would get better. For like a month after we got married we were doing great but now its back to fighting all the time. It is purely stress from living apart, its not that we dont love eachother or get along, but when ur so far, even if u do trust ur spouse, theres a feeling of insecurity. We probably have at least a year of this and I neeeeed advise???

I know what you mean.

well, sometimes seeing n hearning ur spouse on web came came make you more sad and depress and frustrated.

Coz so closer, yet so far .

write mail and send it by the post at least twice a month to each other.

It may be slower than email but for u n ur spouse could really feel the warmness of much love n feelings.

I dont meant u shouldnt use email,when using email try to write 4-5 times aweek.

it could bring smile n curious n excited her ur spouse to open email everytime log in.

And also Have and find urself for the Hobby of ur own.

find the sports or reading. Coz i know the more u think abt ur spouse, more u will feel down n depressed.

[pushbrk 13,123]

Skype calls with video and without, email with photos, and I kicked down for a few visits.

Skype, yahoo, msn, been there done it all, after so long that just doesn't cut it anymore. Time difference doesn't allow us to spend any time together online anyways. I just find myself blaming him for this mess were in, even though I know its not his fault. His family isn't even aware were married so hes like hiding that fact from his dad and its just all depressing and messy and I donnooo what to doooo

First off, get control of yourself. If you have a bona fide relationship you made the decisions together. If you know what you're doing is hurting your relationship, stop it and do something else instead. Discuss how your interactions are harming your relationship and make a plan together to change how you interact.

If you were together would you still be blaming him that you have to leave before the visa is in hand? Behaving responsibly starts inside your own head.

[GraceandMercy 0]

Hello Abenitez,

my thoughts to you is to make a conscience effort at thinking positive when any negative thoughts come into your mind. When we as women are separated from our spouses, its normal to feel insecure at times. Counter that feeling by remembering, HE chose YOU over any other woman that was available to him. YOU deserve him, HE married you, and HE loves YOU. This is what I remind myself of when insecurity starts to consume my thoughts.

In regards to the fighting, just know that disagreements will arise in any marriage, but we must be careful on how we go about resolving them. We must think before we speak (especially in times of disagreement). Words hurt and once they come out of our mouth, it is too late to take them back. A woman's challenge is to per-fect her listening skills. Most women love to talk. A great exercise is to repeat what your husband said (this shows him you are listening) and then respond. Sometimes questions should not be answered immediately, sometimes we need to take a few minutes to gather our thoughts and then respond. Sometimes, we may even need to think it over for a day, sleep on it and then come back with an answer. How we learn to communicate with our spouses is the key to limiting the number of disagreements/fights in the marriage. I have a husband that refuses to argue/fight with me. This is good because it forces me to per-fect my communication skills with him.

Like VerGo said in her reply, we also spend quality time on the phone and yahoo chat w/cam whenever possible. Another thing that helps us is, we are both busy people with work and extracurricular activities. The days go by much faster if you are physically doing other things. I volunteer at church and I also have a part-time business that I make extra income from. I recently came up with an idea to make small video clips (with my digital camera) and upload them online for my husband to view. I have also made friends with members on VJ who spouses are in Ghana and we chat online and talk on the phone as well. I have become very close with a few of them. I fill my days with things I enjoy doing. I don't allow myself to become stagnant in life because I am apart from my spouse. With all of this going on, my husband and I have some very interesting conversations when we talk.

You and I both filed I-130 petitions around the same time, so my wait will be just as long as yours (you are not alone). Do yourself a favor and find a hobby or volunteer in the community and make a difference in someone else's life in the process of making the best out of the long distance relationship you have to maintain at the moment.

I hope this helps.

MosesAngelJ

Ok, so this might be a bit off topic, but are any of you struggling the way we are? Our entire relationship was long distance and it was always a struggle. I thought after we got married n got the papers rollin that things would get better. For like a month after we got married we were doing great but now its back to fighting all the time. It is purely stress from living apart, its not that we dont love eachother or get along, but when ur so far, even if u do trust ur spouse, theres a feeling of insecurity. We probably have at least a year of this and I neeeeed advise???