Stopped cooking for my husband!

[sereia 0]

HAHA SAME thing happened to us. In Morocco they would INSIST I do not help them clean. I could occassionally help her prepare the veggies or bread, but definitely not clean. No laundry even! My husband would run around the house doing it all alongside his mother.

Come to the US? I did 90% of everything. Hmmph!

[rclouse 0]

You should start making other dishes, like spaghetti with Italian sausage, or pork chops. Tell him if he doesn't like (or accept) your cooking then he should cook for himself.

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

You know what is soooo weird....When I lived in Iran, I would do things to help his mother around the house (like vacuum, clean the floors, hose down the patio and garden)....My husband would exclaim, "it makes me uncomfortable to see you work, please let me help you..." And when his mother went away for a few days to visit relatives, my husband would enlist his brothers to clean up the place before she came home.

These tendencies have completely disappeared.

I think some guys feel like they've bought a maid when they get married instead of found a life-partner.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

How's the strike going? And where are you going for six week or was it six months?

[beejay 123]

we decided to do 3 accounts... one joint for the house bills and things (most of our money) the other two one for me and one just for him for whatever we want to do.

I suggested a % of our income so say 60% goes into the joint account and the remaining 40 is our own. Than again he did just get here so we'll see how that goes insha'allah

good luck

This is what my husband and I have done for a little over a year now. I didn't like the idea of us needing to ask each other for 'permission' to buy the little extra things that we may want. The separate accounts solves that and then we have a main account for our general expenses, bills, etc. It has worked quite nicely.

You know what is soooo weird....When I lived in Iran, I would do things to help his mother around the house (like vacuum, clean the floors, hose down the patio and garden)....My husband would exclaim, "it makes me uncomfortable to see you work, please let me help you..." And when his mother went away for a few days to visit relatives, my husband would enlist his brothers to clean up the place before she came home.

These tendencies have completely disappeared.

When we visit the Philippines my husband likes to try and do everything for me. When we lived in Dubai we divided things pretty evenly, maybe it was something about it being neutral territory for both of us. Not only did we share the chores and cooking but who would take on certain tasks such as getting cable in our apartment (him because it was mostly Filipinos working there) or applying for a gym membership (me because it was a lot of Europeans). I knew that when we came here he was going to rely on me a lot more and I was absolutely willing to do that up to a point. He came here to live, not to visit after all. He's definitely gotten the hang of a lot of things but there are still systems and procedures here that are unfamiliar to him that I still try and help with. He still cooks and cleans as much as he use to though I realize this isn't the same situation as you and every couple needs to figure out their own way through the transition but I hope that you are able to reach an understanding without having to compromise yourself.

[Cheryl & Medo 3]

Medo and I have joint accounts. He knows how pricey things are here. And he dose help with the house work but not as much as I would like. I have been teaching him about the checking account and he is even learning how to make them out and pay the the bills. Then when the bank statement comes he wants to see copys of his checks he wrote. Just to see his name on there. He also cooks for the two of us. He is one mean grilling machine. I really dont have any complaintes yet.

[doodlebugg 10]

Medo and I have joint accounts. He knows how pricey things are here. And he dose help with the house work but not as much as I would like. I have been teaching him about the checking account and he is even learning how to make them out and pay the the bills. Then when the bank statement comes he wants to see copys of his checks he wrote. Just to see his name on there. He also cooks for the two of us. He is one mean grilling machine. I really dont have any complaintes yet.

Usama tried to cook on the grill this summer but now he only cooks his own stuff because he likes everything welldone and thinks medium rare (pink in the middle) is bad for you. In the winter on Wednesdays when I work late he cooks fatah, though I'm starting to get sick of it. He knows how to cook that and beef liver (blech) so when I'm not in the mood for it I just pick up a couple of chicken kabob salads. YUM. I haven't done a stitch of laundry since I had my tubes reversed so that's a good thing and on Wednesdays if he's got the day off I come home to a clean house that smells like lemon pledge.

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Medo and I have joint accounts. He knows how pricey things are here. And he dose help with the house work but not as much as I would like. I have been teaching him about the checking account and he is even learning how to make them out and pay the the bills. Then when the bank statement comes he wants to see copys of his checks he wrote. Just to see his name on there. He also cooks for the two of us. He is one mean grilling machine. I really dont have any complaintes yet.

Usama tried to cook on the grill this summer but now he only cooks his own stuff because he likes everything welldone and thinks medium rare (pink in the middle) is bad for you. In the winter on Wednesdays when I work late he cooks fatah, though I'm starting to get sick of it. He knows how to cook that and beef liver (blech) so when I'm not in the mood for it I just pick up a couple of chicken kabob salads. YUM. I haven't done a stitch of laundry since I had my tubes reversed so that's a good thing and on Wednesdays if he's got the day off I come home to a clean house that smells like lemon pledge.

Wael is the same! When we go out for dinner his steak is like WELL DONE or he gets this look of

"i'm going to throw up"! Thank God i'm a vegetarian...I have no probs with how "my" meat is cooked.

When I cook steaks or roast, etc, sometimes I think it would be better if I just bought some jerky.

[Robina 0]

That's hilarious, but I am glad you are cooking and eating once again. Do you live with him part of the year and in your home country part of the time? I didn't quite understand that part of the story. This was interesting reading. I think Zia and I will have to have some more in depth discussions about how we will handle some of these potential issues.

When my husband got a job, I suggest we open a joint household account in which both of us contribute X amount of dollars to pay the rent, electric, telephone, internet and food. My husband said no. He prefered both of us to buy food and put all receipts in a jar. After a month, we would tally the amount both us spent and one would pay the other according to who spent more (to make it 50/50).

I did not like this idea. It was more like college room-mates than how a husband and wife should be. I told him so. However, I went along with his method.

Low and behold, a few weeks ago, we tallied up the receipts (for 6 weeks or so of food). I spent $350.00 and he spent $190.00. So he owed me money for the difference. He then said, "I can not participate in this because I have a bad ecomony." This is because he just bought a truck and PREFERED to pay TO LARGE LUMP SUMS OF CASH rather than a longer, less burdensome 6-8 month payment plan.

This really irked me. The reason my food bill is higher is because when I shop for food, I buy basic ingrediants to cook home-cooked meals, usually 4 or 5 servings worth (FOR HIS BENEFIT). Cheaper cuts of meat, like pot roast, value pack chicken thighs, herbs, stock veggies, etc. (make tarragon mushroom chicken soup, beef stew, pot pies) I am also the one who does 90% of the heavy cleaning. So I know when we need dish soap, cloth detergent, A-jax, sponges, etc. Whenever he goes shopping he buys (milk, cereal, dates, eggs, cup of noodles -THAT'S IT!).

Well, I decided if he can't "participate" because of "his economy," neither could I. So I stopped all shopping and cooking. I refuse to even eat with him. And I will eat the food he brings home. So I have been living on cereal and cup of noodles off and on. But mostly eating at work.

He finally asked me, "aren't you going to cook anymore or eat anymore?"

[teenutty 0]

Medo and I have joint accounts. He knows how pricey things are here. And he dose help with the house work but not as much as I would like. I have been teaching him about the checking account and he is even learning how to make them out and pay the the bills. Then when the bank statement comes he wants to see copys of his checks he wrote. Just to see his name on there. He also cooks for the two of us. He is one mean grilling machine. I really dont have any complaintes yet.

Usama tried to cook on the grill this summer but now he only cooks his own stuff because he likes everything welldone and thinks medium rare (pink in the middle) is bad for you. In the winter on Wednesdays when I work late he cooks fatah, though I'm starting to get sick of it. He knows how to cook that and beef liver (blech) so when I'm not in the mood for it I just pick up a couple of chicken kabob salads. YUM. I haven't done a stitch of laundry since I had my tubes reversed so that's a good thing and on Wednesdays if he's got the day off I come home to a clean house that smells like lemon pledge.

Wael is the same! When we go out for dinner his steak is like WELL DONE or he gets this look of

"i'm going to throw up"! Thank God i'm a vegetarian...I have no probs with how "my" meat is cooked.

When I cook steaks or roast, etc, sometimes I think it would be better if I just bought some jerky.

My husband does not mind eating "medium well" (with a little pink)...How strange!

[teenutty 0]

I'm American and live in USA. But in 2004 I took some time off from work and travelled, that is when I met my husband. Was living in Iran (husband's country) for a while in his country. Then came back and we both live here after he got his visa.

I am sure you and Zia will have a lot of discussions because living here is not the same as there.

That's hilarious, but I am glad you are cooking and eating once again. Do you live with him part of the year and in your home country part of the time? I didn't quite understand that part of the story. This was interesting reading. I think Zia and I will have to have some more in depth discussions about how we will handle some of these potential issues.

[Jenn! 918]

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[amal 4]

YAYYYYYYYYY JENN! !!!! This is why we keep you around...lol! j/k of course

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

Posts removed.

i thought i was seeing stuff disappear when i refreshed the page.

[nunyab 0]

i missed something again dang it