*Baby Corner*

[chri'stina 190]

I know when you are pregnant and near the end it's not fun to read stressful stories about birth.

But something that I think I wish I would have heard more of and heard hardly anything about was the emotions after having the baby. And then finding out most women I know went through it but you tend to forget about it.(I know I have talked about this before.)

I was on an emotional roller coaster for 3 weeks after the c-section. With my really long labor, being sent home from the hospital twice even though I was in severe labor pain, and ending up with a c-section and having b-feeding problems all added to the overwhelming feeling of brand new motherhood to me. And I am usually known as a level headed person, have never had depression issues before. I was very calm and level headed during my really long labor, and when preparing for the c-section. It was days later that my emotions went crazy and I felt very overwhelmed with caring for a new baby, trying to b-feed, and healing from a c-section. I felt like a failure in some ways too. I Cried every day at some point and I am sure much of it is also due to lack of sleep. I'm not saying this to scare new moms but to let you know what is NORMAL to feel!! Your hormones are going to be out of whack. I am sure not every new mom feels this way but many I have talked to did but you forget about it usually since it doesn't last long for most. At about the 3 week post partum mark, I felt like a large weight was lifted off of my shoulders and everything looked brighter again. I was still tired and learning, but was me again!! It has so much to do with hormones after birth!

[Staashi 371]

It was days later that my emotions went crazy and I felt very overwhelmed with caring for a new baby, trying to b-feed, and healing from a c-section. I felt like a failure in some ways too.

OMG, Stina - that is so true. Those first few weeks are the hardest. I couldn't breastfeed as Enzo wouldn't latch on, and I was trying to pump and heal from the c-section. My boobs were leaking allover the place and I had my husband and MIL trying to help Enzo latch on. Take it from me, nothing as degrading as having your MIL try to manipulate your ####### so that your baby will latch on. Everyone was grabbing at me - lactation consultants, nurses, etc...I even broke down at the breastfeeding support group. Where they told me I wasn't allowed to be there because my baby wouldn't latch on. B!tches!!! It was just a Mongolian sized clusterfvck. Furthermore, I felt so disconnected from my son (and actually did until my MIL left last week) because of the stress. I thought it was just me - and that isn't the truth. Amen!

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Yes, the feeling of failure is overwhelming Specially I think of all the things we did to try to have a normal birth: doing a 12 class long course on childbirth, going with a birthing center instead of a hospital (which we payed out of pocket because it was not covered by our insurance...) all that, to end up with a csection

and poor Justin is so upset and feels so terrible, because basically he feels he was trained to be the labor coach and cheer me on through the pain, and he feels that he failed to put a stop to it earlier and spare me the pain. One of the first things he told me after the surgery was "I'm so sorry, I'm never ever putting you through that again" - Basically he feels responsible But I was under the same mindset, when things were really rough I kept hoping that it was only the famous transition phase and it would soon be over and we could move on to pushing, how were we supposed to know that things were not going to work out?

Saludos,

Caro

[Staashi 371]

Yes, the feeling of failure is overwhelming Specially I think of all the things we did to try to have a normal birth: doing a 12 class long course on childbirth, going with a birthing center instead of a hospital (which we payed out of pocket because it was not covered by our insurance...) all that, to end up with a csection

and poor Justin is so upset and feels so terrible, because basically he feels he was trained to be the labor coach and cheer me on through the pain, and he feels that he failed to put a stop to it earlier and spare me the pain. One of the first things he told me after the surgery was "I'm so sorry, I'm never ever putting you through that again" - Basically he feels responsible But I was under the same mindset, when things were really rough I kept hoping that it was only the famous transition phase and it would soon be over and we could move on to pushing, how were we supposed to know that things were not going to work out?

Saludos,

Caro

Sister, you give the big J a huge hug from me and Tavo - Tavo felt the same. Poor Tavo just was so broken hearted to have watched me suffer so much and there was nothing that could be done until I could get the epidural. I swear, with that bolded point, he said the same thing.

Know this - you two are not failures - you just have a son who had his own birth plan. And a beautiful one at that. Oh how very Argentine of him to have such a different opinion.

[Nessa 23]

your big boy is adorable. so cute

[chnst 6]

Caro: congratulations!!! So happy you have your baby! He is perfect and you look great!

Sorry things didn't go as planned and that he was so large and you're so short. haha, it should be other way around... mother natures fault. But I hope you recover soon, figure out breastfeeding- don't be afraid to ask for help- it is harder than you think, but it is do-able. congratulations!

And please don't feel guilty. As much as we do prepare for childbirth with all the birth plans, classes and stuff it is not entirely in your hands what's going to happen. I'm sure if Ben was a 6lb baby I wouldn't have broken my pelvis in the process of pushing him out, but tough luck... We are lucky enough to have enough knowledge and resources to get a healthy mom and baby out of a bad situation when 100 years ago no one knows what could have happened. This can happen to anyone, prepared or not.

It is unfortunate to end up with a larger baby when you're rather delicate but it happens everyday and thank God that there are hospitals who can help you out of that situation. I understand your feelings, and it is normal to feel sad and guilty about the outcome but just think that what matters most is that the two of you have a beautiful healthy baby and you are there to take care of him.

[Ban Hammer 13,445]

Yes, the feeling of failure is overwhelming Specially I think of all the things we did to try to have a normal birth: doing a 12 class long course on childbirth, going with a birthing center instead of a hospital (which we payed out of pocket because it was not covered by our insurance...) all that, to end up with a csection

and poor Justin is so upset and feels so terrible, because basically he feels he was trained to be the labor coach and cheer me on through the pain, and he feels that he failed to put a stop to it earlier and spare me the pain. One of the first things he told me after the surgery was "I'm so sorry, I'm never ever putting you through that again" - Basically he feels responsible But I was under the same mindset, when things were really rough I kept hoping that it was only the famous transition phase and it would soon be over and we could move on to pushing, how were we supposed to know that things were not going to work out?

Saludos,

Caro

there is no failure, you two have a beautiful baby boy

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Thanks guys! I feel a lot better knowing that we're not the only ones that have these feelings after going through a csection - Thanks Christina for bringing it up

And thanks for all the nice comments about Sebas - I agree he's a keeper

Saludos,

Caro

[Staashi 371]

Thanks guys! I feel a lot better knowing that we're not the only ones that have these feelings after going through a csection - Thanks Christina for bringing it up

And thanks for all the nice comments about Sebas - I agree he's a keeper

Saludos,

Caro

Remember this Caro, the c-section saves lives - not only the baby's but the mother's too...it is there for a reason and it has been around since ancient Egypt. Nothing is wrong with it and I wish that so many women would give up putting this terrible stigma around it. For those of us that HAD to have one, we are not failures, we just had to bring the baby or babies out via a different route.

[caybee 21]

Caro, I also know what that disappointment feels like. I had the previa, and it resolved. He was breech for a while, and that resolved. He dropped somewhat. One doctor thought I could manage a vaginal if he was under ten pounds. So I thought our chances were decent, but after being in labor all day and pushing for a while, my doctor said there was just no way Rayan would fit through, just like with your Sebas. It's not the way we wanted it, but I'm so grateful we had that option, or he'd still be in there! You did everything right. You took such good care of him before birth and did everything you could to prepare for his birthday, and now you have such a beautiful baby to love. He's just gorgeous. As everyone else mentioned, I also had some teary days in the beginning, but it got better once we fell into something like a routine, my confidence increased, and the pain subsided. I wish you a speedy recovery and many happy if somewhat sleepless days ahead.

[Eveline 9]

@Caro: Sebas is such a cutie. I saw the pictures and he looks like a 2 month old..so big. Congratulations again.

When you get over the scar pain and have a routine down with Sebas, maybe you can join your local ICAN chapter. They help with support for women who had c/s. Also, MOTHERING.com is a good forum to just get your pain out. Lots of support there. I just remember me and everybody telling me "Just be happy you have a healthy baby"...well. I was always happy to have a happy healthy baby but I felt betrayed of a birth experience. It's like running a marathon and breaking your ankle 500 feet before the finish line. You work toward birth for nine months and then it doesn't happen. I was glad that Adam and I were alright but about 2 months after the c/s I started getting that feeling of having missed out on something and even feeling jealous toward women who had their babies vaginally. A lot of women feel that way and there's a website from a German artist about c/s 'art'...If you feel like it click on it but it is VERY disturbing pictures about c/s. The artist had to have a repeat c/s as she couldn't find an OB to support her with a VBAC. She was so frustrated and put her frustration, anger, fear etc. in pictures...I cry everytime I see the pics. http://cesarean-art.com/html/frames/framesetall.htm

[caybee 21]

I have a breastfeeding question. I plan to return to work part-time on October 5th, but I need to attend some software training next Tuesday and Wednesday. On Tuesday, I'll be away from home for 5.5 hours, but on Wednesday, I'll need to be gone for 9 hours, which will potentially be the longest I've gone without nursing Rayan. There will be an hour break in the middle on Wednesday, and I've written to my supervisor to see how firm that break is likely to be because I'd like a family member to bring Rayan to me to nurse him if possible. But if the time isn't certain, I'm going to pump instead. Worst case, if I have to go 9 hours without nursing him, am I likely to run into problems getting him to latch when I get home that night? He'll be six weeks old, and he's been moving back and forth between bottle and breast pretty easily, although he only gets one bottle maybe every third day. He's been a little fussy lately and breaking his latch more frequently, although he's still nursing frequently and appears to be getting plenty, but this is such a balancing act, and I don't want to throw him off.

[Eveline 9]

@Caybee: I can only say it from what my experience with my kids was and I don't think I would have run into a problem of them not latching on. I think they would have been very exciting to smell mommy again...eager to latch and nurse. My bitter 'fear' would have been leaking and how the babysitter who takes care of them that day, can comfort them best to keep them calm and happy. I hope that you have the opportunity to nurse him instead of just pumping but even if you would have to do that, I think he'd still latch on. Good luck and have fun back at work.

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

Good luck going back to work Caybee.

[Nessa 23]

@caybee: I can't bf for over 10 hours on week days because of work. at first Ben was latching, but nowadays it's very difficult. i believe it's because my milk supply is low. so i only bf him in the morning when i usually have a lot of milk because i pump around 7pm then i sleep then after 12 hours i have enough milk. but it's not easy. i believe if your milk supply is high, you won't have a problem. i'd start giving him a couple bottles in the afternoon to get him ready for it.

Edited September 18, 2009 by Nessa