How long....to all the ladies w/beneficiary hubby

[morocco4ever 63]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but for me, unless the couple needs the extra income just to make ends meet, then forcing one's spouse to clean toilets just to show initiative is rather degrading.

If the question is one of survival, then yes, any job should be taken immediately.

Yeah, let him stay home and clean your own toilets.

[Imua 0]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but for me, unless the couple needs the extra income just to make ends meet, then forcing one's spouse to clean toilets just to show initiative is rather degrading.

If the question is one of survival, then yes, any job should be taken immediately.

I am living in one of the most expensive cities in the US on a librarian's salary. People in their 50s still live with roommates here because rent is easily more than $1000-1200 for a 'cheap' apartment. We will need two incomes just to make ends meet if we ever want to have our own apartment let alone send money back to Nepal. I have 2 master's degrees but if I needed to clean toilets to pay the bills, I would suck it up and do it. I would never 'force' my husband to do anything but if he wants us to have a decent life without having to ask my roommate to leave any time we want privacy(as will be the case when he gets here) and maintenance work was the only job available, I would hope he would take it - I would. If we are entering into a depression in the near future then a lot of us will be grateful to have any job, education and sense of entitlement be damned.

[Nagishkaw 510]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but for me, unless the couple needs the extra income just to make ends meet, then forcing one's spouse to clean toilets just to show initiative is rather degrading.

If the question is one of survival, then yes, any job should be taken immediately.

Yeah, let him stay home and clean your own toilets.

Sounds like good advice!

[Nothing1234 2]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but for me, unless the couple needs the extra income just to make ends meet, then forcing one's spouse to clean toilets just to show initiative is rather degrading.

If the question is one of survival, then yes, any job should be taken immediately.

Yeah, let him stay home and clean your own toilets.

Sounds like good advice!

I like that idea.... Nothing wrong with having clean toilets and dinner ready when you come home!

My hubby is actually a clean freak...so I have lucked out. We share the household things laundry he washes/dries and I fold/put away, cleaning, etc....plus he is taking care of two babies at home. God love him...I know I would go nutzo after a bit. Plus he teaches classes at night....so our schedule works for us. Thank god

[childress_london 3]

I don't know about someone new to this country, but I was laid off from work a few years ago. It took me 6 months of sending out endless resume's and applications EVERY WEEK before I finally found a job BELOW my education and experience. I have sinced then had to work my way back up! So I say, if your husband is at least actively searching, don't expect a miracle, especially now with companies laying off employees left and right.

Oh, and I had to relocate too. I wasn't just applying in my city. I was applying all over my state and even in other states.

Edited January 29, 2009 by childress_london

[teenutty 0]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but for me, unless the couple needs the extra income just to make ends meet, then forcing one's spouse to clean toilets just to show initiative is rather degrading.

If the question is one of survival, then yes, any job should be taken immediately.

I am living in one of the most expensive cities in the US on a librarian's salary. People in their 50s still live with roommates here because rent is easily more than $1000-1200 for a 'cheap' apartment. We will need two incomes just to make ends meet if we ever want to have our own apartment let alone send money back to Nepal. I have 2 master's degrees but if I needed to clean toilets to pay the bills, I would suck it up and do it. I would never 'force' my husband to do anything but if he wants us to have a decent life without having to ask my roommate to leave any time we want privacy(as will be the case when he gets here) and maintenance work was the only job available, I would hope he would take it - I would. If we are entering into a depression in the near future then a lot of us will be grateful to have any job, education and sense of entitlement be damned.

Dear Pattu Rani:

First of all, your husband comes from a culture where a lot of people living in small, confined places would be acceptable. In fact, he may enjoy it.

In my first marriage (to a Tibetan), I moved from Boston just for the fact the rents were so high. I just knew we could not make it as a couple there financially. So I moved to Portland, Oregon.

You may want to consider relocating to a place where the rents are cheaper.

[Sandrila 1]

hello jello and welcome

well my husband was very lucky that after 2 months of arriving he got a job.

I was concerned about this too mainly because he has no real job history over there, as you may know the times are extremely difficult in Morocco and add the fact that I didnt know how he enthusiastic and serious he would be about working since he really never worked over there.

I worked for a security company and they knew my husband was coming and would need a job.

My boss told me without a ? he would hire him and so when the green card came 6 weeks after arriving here my boss kept his word.

I went there because i knew it wouldnt be degrading work. I knew he would get a little more than minimum wage and I knew it was an easy "in"

due to the hard times I knew finding a job would be extremely difficult

I figured that because he had no work history to show on paper he wouldnt stand out as a candidate

I worried that if he got a job he may not adjust well not having money skills or exact english grammar and dialect to associate with people

the job he has now is not perfect but just good enough to get a paycheck, make him feel productive and like he is contributing and it will start him with a base history to move on to the next job

I am proud of him and he is doing an excellent job with what he is doing. Perfect! and better than any candidate I had seen walking in and out of that company!

As for any man not willing to pull his weight...no tolerance. We all gotta work to make a livin and us women should not make it easy for ANY man to be lazy and unproductive especially when they have a family to care for!

Hugs Zawji!

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

I am posting in MENA cuz I like how you guys share ur opions no matter what, you guys are real not fake. Ok I would like your honest opinion : How long do you think you should give your non-usc spouse till he finds a job after he gets his work auth?

It doesnt matter just any job just to help out and pull his weight, even if its at Wendys or just SOMETHING???

Take into consideration the economy , time for adjusting to US, and "culture shock"

how long? A few months, 6 months , a year or two years?????????????????

What if your man shows no initiative? What do you do without sounding like a nag? I know every situation is different, but I have been seeing a lot of things lateley even in my own life and I just want to know your thoughts, thanks so much!

Jelloshotgirl

MIne applied lots of places. I helped him get job at grocery store. Two weeks later he quit cuz he didn't like it and they told him, "Do this, do that." He now works in his field, but IMO he's basically lazy. They all say they will do any kind of work when they get here, but he wouldn't even mow the yard or help at the house. Still doesn't....

[merijan 0]

My husband found a job in his field within 5 months of arriving here. However it was considered a temporary job and in Ocotber they laid him off. They really liked him there and only let him go because of the Corporate office not wanting them to hire perm. right now. This was in October. He has applied so many places , so many resumes and no response. He has experience in other fields but still nothing as of yet. Its hard out there.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

I am posting in MENA cuz I like how you guys share ur opions no matter what, you guys are real not fake. Ok I would like your honest opinion : How long do you think you should give your non-usc spouse till he finds a job after he gets his work auth?

It doesnt matter just any job just to help out and pull his weight, even if its at Wendys or just SOMETHING???

Take into consideration the economy , time for adjusting to US, and "culture shock"

how long? A few months, 6 months , a year or two years?????????????????

What if your man shows no initiative? What do you do without sounding like a nag? I know every situation is different, but I have been seeing a lot of things lateley even in my own life and I just want to know your thoughts, thanks so much!

Jelloshotgirl

Mine worked at a grocery store for 2 weeks and quit(with no other job) cuz they were "telling him to do this and do that." all say they will "work any job" but I think that is BS. I think from what I have seen, that most think that they should be able to buy a business and just sit back and have the money roll in. If that was the case, I would have MY own business...lol. My friends and I would work any job (and have) cuz of pride, but I haven't seen that in my hubby.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

Hey JSG,

Another 'alien' to MENA, eh??? Now you see why I like to come to this forum.

Has your hubby made contacts with the local Pinoy community? They might know of places that are hiring, even if it's casual restaurant grunt work for tips like someone else said, it's money and every little bit helps. If he shows up on time and does a good job hopefully he can use his boss as a reference when he applies for a better job - even volunteer work would qualify in this respect. I think a lack of references might hinder a lot of our guys' job searches so any ones he can get are valuable. I have noticed that at certain workplaces or types of jobs in NYC there are concentrations of certain ethnic groups - for example I see the delivery guys for the supermarkets, drug stores and Gracious Home on the UES all seem to be West African. I don't know if there is an agency that places them or if they find the jobs through word of mouth. I know there is a Nepali employment agency in Jackson Heights and maybe there is a Filipino one too in JH or Elmhurst - if there is a local pinoy newspaper that is a good place to look for agencies.

Even in this economy I would not accept any excuses if the guy has his EAD or GC and is not at least looking for work, even volunteering like I said is valuable and gets him in the habit of getting up and being somewhere on time. In this economy especially I don't think anyone can say a job is beneath them, especially if they have no references and no US work experience. I have told G he might have to clean toilets at the airport as his first job(my stepbrother actually did this when he was in college and he is a USC) but his job prospects will get better as he gets experience. I would be very pi$$ed at him if he does not at least make an effort once he has his GC.

So what do you do if they won't take any job cuz they don't pay enough? A person gets tired of fighting and then hearing it's her fault cuz she "pushes" him. Geeze...

[Aymsgirl 0]

I am posting in MENA cuz I like how you guys share ur opions no matter what, you guys are real not fake. Ok I would like your honest opinion : How long do you think you should give your non-usc spouse till he finds a job after he gets his work auth?

It doesnt matter just any job just to help out and pull his weight, even if its at Wendys or just SOMETHING???

Take into consideration the economy , time for adjusting to US, and "culture shock"

how long? A few months, 6 months , a year or two years?????????????????

What if your man shows no initiative? What do you do without sounding like a nag? I know every situation is different, but I have been seeing a lot of things lateley even in my own life and I just want to know your thoughts, thanks so much!

Jelloshotgirl

Mine worked at a grocery store for 2 weeks and quit(with no other job) cuz they were "telling him to do this and do that." all say they will "work any job" but I think that is BS. I think from what I have seen, that most think that they should be able to buy a business and just sit back and have the money roll in. If that was the case, I would have MY own business...lol. My friends and I would work any job (and have) cuz of pride, but I haven't seen that in my hubby.

Wow, that totally sucks!! My husband didn't give a ####### what he did as long as he was helping. That is what sucks for some people including Americans...some people out there will do any work for a paycheck as long as it is legal and others think they are owed something. My husband had only done attorney work all of his life and didn't care to get downright dirty and nasty in a warehouse or scrubbing freaking toilets as long as the bills were paid and his family had a roof over their head, clothes on their back and food on the table. Some men amaze me, women too. I'm sorry your husband is like this.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

I am posting in MENA cuz I like how you guys share ur opions no matter what, you guys are real not fake. Ok I would like your honest opinion : How long do you think you should give your non-usc spouse till he finds a job after he gets his work auth?

It doesnt matter just any job just to help out and pull his weight, even if its at Wendys or just SOMETHING???

Take into consideration the economy , time for adjusting to US, and "culture shock"

how long? A few months, 6 months , a year or two years?????????????????

What if your man shows no initiative? What do you do without sounding like a nag? I know every situation is different, but I have been seeing a lot of things lateley even in my own life and I just want to know your thoughts, thanks so much!

Jelloshotgirl

Mine worked at a grocery store for 2 weeks and quit(with no other job) cuz they were "telling him to do this and do that." all say they will "work any job" but I think that is BS. I think from what I have seen, that most think that they should be able to buy a business and just sit back and have the money roll in. If that was the case, I would have MY own business...lol. My friends and I would work any job (and have) cuz of pride, but I haven't seen that in my hubby.

Wow, that totally sucks!! My husband didn't give a ####### what he did as long as he was helping. That is what sucks for some people including Americans...some people out there will do any work for a paycheck as long as it is legal and others think they are owed something. My husband had only done attorney work all of his life and didn't care to get downright dirty and nasty in a warehouse or scrubbing freaking toilets as long as the bills were paid and his family had a roof over their head, clothes on their back and food on the table. Some men amaze me, women too. I'm sorry your husband is like this.

I think, for one thing, he knows I can pay the bills without his income. His friends have not found jobs yet, so he feels like if their wives support them, what's the problem? As for me, I would take anything to pull my weight. Maybe that is the problem, I am too nice. He says I want to "tell him what to do." Geeze, it gets tiring doing battle with a martyr!!

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

I am posting in MENA cuz I like how you guys share ur opions no matter what, you guys are real not fake. Ok I would like your honest opinion : How long do you think you should give your non-usc spouse till he finds a job after he gets his work auth?

It doesnt matter just any job just to help out and pull his weight, even if its at Wendys or just SOMETHING???

Take into consideration the economy , time for adjusting to US, and "culture shock"

how long? A few months, 6 months , a year or two years?????????????????

What if your man shows no initiative? What do you do without sounding like a nag? I know every situation is different, but I have been seeing a lot of things lateley even in my own life and I just want to know your thoughts, thanks so much!

Jelloshotgirl

Mine worked at a grocery store for 2 weeks and quit(with no other job) cuz they were "telling him to do this and do that." all say they will "work any job" but I think that is BS. I think from what I have seen, that most think that they should be able to buy a business and just sit back and have the money roll in. If that was the case, I would have MY own business...lol. My friends and I would work any job (and have) cuz of pride, but I haven't seen that in my hubby.

Wow, that totally sucks!! My husband didn't give a ####### what he did as long as he was helping. That is what sucks for some people including Americans...some people out there will do any work for a paycheck as long as it is legal and others think they are owed something. My husband had only done attorney work all of his life and didn't care to get downright dirty and nasty in a warehouse or scrubbing freaking toilets as long as the bills were paid and his family had a roof over their head, clothes on their back and food on the table. Some men amaze me, women too. I'm sorry your husband is like this.

I think, for one thing, he knows I can pay the bills without his income. His friends have not found jobs yet, so he feels like if their wives support them, what's the problem? As for me, I would take anything to pull my weight. Maybe that is the problem, I am too nice. He says I want to "tell him what to do." Geeze, it gets tiring doing battle with a martyr!!

Another thought, I know it is hard to get work. But it's not disgraceful to take a minimum wage job. But somehow, some of these guys seem to think their a$$es are more valuable than typical people, like the world owes them a living????? I think some thought life was gonna be a breeze here and things would be handed to them on silver platters????? Welcome to reality, folks!! I am grateful to have a job, which he thinks is just sitting around, of course. I think jealousy is involved in some of these issues.

[nunyab 0]

this is a good thread... hubby is here and hates me paying for things. He is going to the college tomorrow to sign up for ESL classes and more classes that he has his degree in insha'allah that will start in March he wants to work once he gets his SSN in "anything" he said while he goes to school. I have to agree going the CR1 path by far seems to be the best way to go.