Separating children from parents

[anitacastillo 0]

Divorce is a sad reality of our world. So often children are raised by parents living in separate households.

I don't understand why USC are okay with taking a father/mother out of a child's life - to the US. Or why foreigners are okay with leaving the lives of their children. :angry:

This also happens with 2 USC separate parents -- one will decide to leave the state and is okay with separating a child from his/her mother or father.

I guess I expect too much of parents. Its easy and fun to make a child, but a long term responsibility!

[Amby 490]

people don't care because people are selfish

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Sometimes it is better to raise a child in a one parent household rather than subject them to a bad example of married life and how people should treat one another.

I do not understand how parents can leave the state or country w/o their kids though...I never will get that. oh well

[Peikko 1,575]

Because these things happen, does not mean that the people concerned don't care. Rather, for the majority it is making the best decisions possible given the circumstances that present themselves. The 'ideal' is already gone with the divorce and the break up of a family. However, even the 'ideal' can be heartbreakingly wrong for a child. Welcome to the real world were lives are complex and solutions have no right answer.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Sometimes it is better to raise a child in a one parent household rather than subject them to a bad example of married life and how people should treat one another.

I do not understand how parents can leave the state or country w/o their kids though...I never will get that. oh well

I agree with sister YH.

Though if people move, leave their children or whatever, it is really none of my damn business.

[HighwayStar 0]

When they separated, my husband's ex moved with their three kids to another town in NC. They sold their house shortly afterwards, and he moved to VA, where his mother resided, and found a new, better job there. For most of the first year he saw his kids every three weeks, driving to NC from Northern VA in any kind of weather, just because she would not even bother to meet him halfway (it is an almost five-hour drive, and he is an electrician, which means he has a very physically demanding job). He ALWAYS paid his dues to his kids, even before the matter was settled in court. In spite of that, his ex started driving the kids away from him, asking him to call them only once a week (on Sundays), because during the week they had things to do.

To cut a long story short, he hasn't seen or heard them for one and a half years, though he still pays every cent he is supposed to pay to them. One of the main reasons I moved there instead of him moving to Italy is that in my country he would have had problems in finding a job, and I didn't want him to burn his bridges with them. I can assure you he loves them very much, but in order to go on with his life, he had to do what he did. As Madame Cleo said, life is very complex, and very little (if anything) is ever black or white.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

There are many people on VJ who have had to leave family behind, including children and grandchildren. Until you have been in the situation they are in or have been in you can not say what you would or would not do.

My late wife left her 2 children back in Scotland, her son is 26 years old and has a child of his own and her daughter is 23 years old, yes they are adults but they still need their mom. They both encouraged Kez to marry me and remain in the US because they were able to see that it made their mom happy.

No one here should judge other by their actions unless you know the full facts about that persons life and why they made the desissions they did. I have seen families where the children would be much better off if one of their parents where not living with them. I have also seen cases where parents who do live with their children so they can have a stable home spend so much time doing their own thing that the children would be better off without either of them.

Would you judge a Father or Mother who has to work in another state so that the family can have all the things that they want or need? Most parents do the best they can and that is all anyone can expect.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Wiser words were never spoken brother J.

[morocco4ever 63]

In some cases the child is better off with a parent that does disappear out of their lives. As sad as that is to say.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

In some cases the child is better off with a parent that does disappear out of their lives. As sad as that is to say.

I TOTALLY agree with that!

I couldnt walk away from mine, so I dont get how they can. but it is indeed better sometimes.

In an ideal world, in these cases the parent would better themselves or "clean" themselves up..whatever the case, and give the child the parent they deserve and need...but thats not usually what happens. Or its those parents who are fighting to see the kids and creating confusion and drama.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Because these things happen, does not mean that the people concerned don't care. Rather, for the majority it is making the best decisions possible given the circumstances that present themselves. The 'ideal' is already gone with the divorce and the break up of a family. However, even the 'ideal' can be heartbreakingly wrong for a child. Welcome to the real world were lives are complex and solutions have no right answer.

I agree. It's easy to look at a broken family from the outside and make assumptions, but most parents, IMO, do try to have their children's best interest in mind when making big life altering decisions.

[Nearly Done 8]

I always say a child has a right to see both parents, does not mean that parents have a right to see the child. I am sure when a couple go onto have children, they assume they will stay together ( as I did)but sadly it does not laways work that way. Some people should just not have children!

I brought my kids here and they do not have contact with their natural father and I know that is for the good of the children. If my ex had of been stable then I would be more than happy to have the children have lots of contact with him, but he was dangerous for the kids and I and the courts did what was best for the children. They are truly happy and secure and have a fabulous loving relationship with my husband, who they call dad because that is what he is to them, a dad.

[Jasman0717 9]

Divorce is a sad reality of our world. So often children are raised by parents living in separate households.

I don't understand why USC are okay with taking a father/mother out of a child's life - to the US. Or why foreigners are okay with leaving the lives of their children.

This also happens with 2 USC separate parents -- one will decide to leave the state and is okay with separating a child from his/her mother or father.

I guess I expect too much of parents. Its easy and fun to make a child, but a long term responsibility!

Good point, when you find the answer, other than spite, let me know. My ex-monster moved out of state without even telling me, a direct violation of the court order but they didn't do nothing and reminded me to continue paying my child support. My daughter had to turn 18 before she could start having a relationship with her father.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Then according to the OP, you are a bad, bad parent.

I think you did the right thing and your children will have better lives because of it

[Heracles 417]

I guess I expect too much of parents. Its easy and fun to make a child, but a long term responsibility!

Welcome to 2009 my friend. Where an adult is 'free' to do as they please but are not forced to accept the consequences or by-product of their actions. How many people are free to have kids yet I am forced, through tax, to take care of this kid if the parents 'chose' to abandon them or be negligent. As long as we don't step on a person's freedom of choice, all is good. For everyone else, #### em. You just have to eat it.

You need a license or some sort of certification for almost any activity in life. Well expect for the most complicated task of all, raising another human being. It is simply too easy to be a deadbeat parent.

Edited January 22, 2009 by Aficionado