Is it american thing or it's just me?

[pedroh 21]

lol the PDA's.. Americans aren't as public affectionate as other cultures that's true.. when we go to eat dinner somewhere all the couples are in front of each other instead of next to each other.. its easier to cuddle

but i wont generalize and say, pda's depend on the person.. my dad isn't that affectionate either with my mom on public lol..

[TracyTN 237]

I forgot to add this in my previous post; no, this is not an 'American man' thing. It is an 'insensitive husband' thing.

[Ladylethal 12]

You should sit down with him. He does seem like a control freak and someone who´s not willing to understand the difficulties of us (foreigners) moving to US and adjusting to life.

[wong_watkins 1]

Aries05, can I have your email? I tried to send you a PM but it didn't work.

You can email me too if you want: hk_carol@hotmail.com

[Cristy 4]

The only one I can relate to is walking fast. But I just tell him to hold up and he does. He wants to hold hands everywhere and is never shy to kiss me in public.

Sorry to say but he sounds like a jerk. I would tell him everything you need.

[meauxna 15]

aries, I see you have 'no idea' entered for your District Office. you can find that information here (look up by your state): http://www.uscis.gov/graphics/fieldoffices...fices/index.htm

You've read some really great answers to your questions by now. I'd add one for your #1. I can certainly relate to your shyness about speaking---I think all of us feel that when we're in a new language and country. There is one American trait that helps overcome this: a big smile (I'll bet yours is beautiful, too!). I remember many group conversations where I sat and listened to the Greek conversation with little idea of what was being said. But I listened, kept a smile on my face and watched their moughts move (well, I had to to learn the words--you're way past that!). Few Greeks cared about my comfort or how much I was participating, but those who noticed me always commented on my smile and they knew from it that I was interested in them. Maybe that can be a good defense against the insensitive questions you are getting.

Come to think of it, a smile can be a good way around your problem #2 as well. No one except a total social ####### is going to think it odd that you do not drink alcohol, or think that your refusal of an alcoholic drink vs non-alcohol is you being 'rude'. Your warm smile and 'thank you, but no' should let them know so.

There is probably a mix of cultural differences, different expectations and you feeling the pressure all the time because you are the fish out of water. Read these other good replies and just keep trying---it's all any of us can do!

Hopefully as you two get to know each other better, the edges won't feel so sharp.

[mawilson 2,133]

2. I don't drink alcohol. Never like the taste the firs time I tried it. Whenever we are with his friends, along with the wives, they drink alcohol a lot and wine. It's just amazes me that they drink it like water. When the wives offered me a drink, he often told me that I should drink it. I really tried drinking wine and beer but afterwards, I got sick for 3 days. He thinks that I was not being friendly again. A lot of occasions he feels that.

I know it's a cultural thing, but I could never be with someone who didn't

drink alcohol. Non-smokers are ok, non-drinkers....... NO FRIGGIN' WAY

[jelti 0]

2. I don't drink alcohol. Never like the taste the firs time I tried it. Whenever we are with his friends, along with the wives, they drink alcohol a lot and wine. It's just amazes me that they drink it like water. When the wives offered me a drink, he often told me that I should drink it. I really tried drinking wine and beer but afterwards, I got sick for 3 days. He thinks that I was not being friendly again. A lot of occasions he feels that.

I know it's a cultural thing, but I could never be with someone who didn't

drink alcohol. Non-smokers are ok, non-drinkers....... NO FRIGGIN' WAY

And in what way is your comment beneficial to the OP? I mean, I'm not trying to be rude or anything...but I don't understand the reasonings behind posting such a response...??

[babybunny 2]

1. he needs to learn patience. he also needs to remember that YOU are the one making an effort to learn his language, not the other way around

2. alcohol should NEVER be pushed on a person. IMO, if you politely say no thank you, there is nothing rude about that at all.

3. I don't understand that one at all. Seems very silly.

4. Karen and I always hold hands in public. We are not teenagers.

5. That's between you and him, but it sounds like he has a porn addiction

7. That is ridiculous. That raises a major red flag. Either he still shares his money with his ex wife, or he is just too lazy to take her name off. It is also very disrespectful to you.

not all americans are like that guy you married!

lol the PDA's.. Americans aren't as public affectionate as other cultures that's true.. when we go to eat dinner somewhere all the couples are in front of each other instead of next to each other.. its easier to cuddle

but i wont generalize and say, pda's depend on the person.. my dad isn't that affectionate either with my mom on public lol..

I am a touching feeling person!

[meauxna 15]

2. I don't drink alcohol. Never like the taste the firs time I tried it. Whenever we are with his friends, along with the wives, they drink alcohol a lot and wine. It's just amazes me that they drink it like water. When the wives offered me a drink, he often told me that I should drink it. I really tried drinking wine and beer but afterwards, I got sick for 3 days. He thinks that I was not being friendly again. A lot of occasions he feels that.

I know it's a cultural thing, but I could never be with someone who didn't

drink alcohol. Non-smokers are ok, non-drinkers....... NO FRIGGIN' WAY

And in what way is your comment beneficial to the OP? I mean, I'm not trying to be rude or anything...but I don't understand the reasonings behind posting such a response...??

I read it as a joke....

The smiley was my clue.

[mawilson 2,133]

2. I don't drink alcohol. Never like the taste the firs time I tried it. Whenever we are with his friends, along with the wives, they drink alcohol a lot and wine. It's just amazes me that they drink it like water. When the wives offered me a drink, he often told me that I should drink it. I really tried drinking wine and beer but afterwards, I got sick for 3 days. He thinks that I was not being friendly again. A lot of occasions he feels that.

I know it's a cultural thing, but I could never be with someone who didn't

drink alcohol. Non-smokers are ok, non-drinkers....... NO FRIGGIN' WAY

And in what way is your comment beneficial to the OP? I mean, I'm not trying to be rude or anything...but I don't understand the reasonings behind posting such a response...??

Most things on the OP's list are mind-boggling in and of themselves.

Drinking vs non-drinking is just one example of the sort of thing you'd know

about your fiancee prior to the marriage and move to the US, don't ya think?

Or at least you would if you'd exchanged more than a few words....at a time.

[Peter Miami 0]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

I am with Dean!

[almaty 19]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

I am with Dean!

you my amigo..are a right thinking type of guy

[CanGal 1]

I don't know what else to say, everything has been pretty much said. Can I say hmmmmmm too lol? Um, I think the best thing would be is to sit down one on one with your husband and just have a non distracting conversation with him about all the issues you have listed and how you feel about them. Maybe he just doesn't see what he's doing. Yes his actions do sound insensitive. I hope the two of you can work through all this. Best of luck to you.

[patricks 0]

Sorry, I disagree.

These are not major problems and NOT as serious as others think. As long as everything you stated is done in moderation. I agree he should change the bank account and you don't have to drink. You are going to have some differences especially between the far east and western countries. ( I work on it every day, it's a constant work in progress with my S.E. Asian wife)

It's part of the growing process in your relationship but "easier said than done". However, I will say a lot of couples trully don't know each other before they make this life long commitment ,in addition to changing countries and leaving their loved ones (family) behind.

All the best,