How would you feel

[JSVP08 3]

I think the more modern and less religious Iranians would think your husband is a bit off. telling you he was only half-way happy with you in Iran says it all. Denying you healthcare insurance is just crazy. Separation, then running off to Thailand/India sounds like the perfect solution for you.

PS - that ####### about denying you healthcare insurance just blows my mind. He knows you have a serious medical condition and he doesn't want you to have treatment. You don't play with kidneys and for him to talk about how you've acted for the last 6 months would make me furious. I would probably go a little crazy, make that alot crazy.

i cant help it but agree!! .......for God'sake its your health and you are his wife- now what does that mean?

[sara..... 371]

i have not taken the time to read all the post here but seems ur husband has forgotten a few things about Islam.

he is suppose to provide for all of ur needs, insurance is a huge need and if u have medical problems he is suppose to provide what is needed to care for it. providing for a wife does not just mean feeding her putting a roof over her head and taken her shopping once in a while.

as for what he told u about fifty percent happy.........i just have no words to convey how i feel about it so is better left unsaid.........

my prayers are with

sara

Edited January 26, 2009 by estadia

[Aymsgirl 0]

It takes time for real love to grow strong, love does not fade is all Im saying. You really dont know someone truely unless you live with them a few yrs, married/. thats just everyday common grown up sense

[/quote

You really don't know a person until you have lived with them for a while!! I totally agree

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

We are both not happy now. We argue a lot.

So we had a nice, calm discussion a few weeks ago when walking through the Forest. We were talking about the option of seperating. He totally unhappy with me now. And I am totally unhappy with him. I said, "in Iran I was 95% happy with you and our relationship. Sure, I had problems there. But it was adjusting the the rules and the family pressence/lack of privacy." He said, "well, I was only 50% happy with you then."

I was shocked. What would be considered our "golden time" the first months of really living together he was never really happy with me. Only partially happy. I later asked his if this was really true and he said yes.

It has really broken my heart by this. To think that he has never truely been happy with me. Only a little happy.

How would you feel if your husband said this to you?

I think you already know what you need to do. You do not have kids together. He may be resisting divorce because he knows he needs to remove conditions....It doesnt sound like this has ANYTHING to do with you.I DONT think you were used for a greencard but in order to make things work with him, it sounds like you need to step on your entire personality plus bend over backwards for someone who will not even give you health insurance. Your assumptions however painful are correct...dont lose the rest of your personality for this guy. The lack of caring over your illness is the kicker in my eyes.

[polarbear 0]

It seems like you have given him chances, and he is just acting like a big baby You need to take care of you first - that 50% stuff would make me feel so betrayed!

As for the health insurance - I honestly think they just have NO clue about its importance to us here My husband is flabergasted that I actually pay for COBRA coverage since I lost my job. I've had multiple health problems this year, but I think deep down he still thinks I'm just lazy because he can't see anything physically wrong with me He knows I'm not healthy, but also thinks the doctors are out to scam me for more money - he just can't see how health insurance is worth it. I guess thats what I get for dealing with all of the hospital bills myself and marrying a man who didn't speak English when he arrived (things are so much harder when you are translating all the time ).

[morocco4ever 63]

It seems like you have given him chances, and he is just acting like a big baby You need to take care of you first - that 50% stuff would make me feel so betrayed!

As for the health insurance - I honestly think they just have NO clue about its importance to us here My husband is flabergasted that I actually pay for COBRA coverage since I lost my job. I've had multiple health problems this year, but I think deep down he still thinks I'm just lazy because he can't see anything physically wrong with me He knows I'm not healthy, but also thinks the doctors are out to scam me for more money - he just can't see how health insurance is worth it. I guess thats what I get for dealing with all of the hospital bills myself and marrying a man who didn't speak English when he arrived (things are so much harder when you are translating all the time ).

Cobra is so expensive, but not only is it beneficial is something happens while you are unemployed, but if you aren't on continued coverage, and you get another job that offers insurance, you will have to pay the penalty of no coverage for pre existing conditions. It's just a shame that at a time that you can't afford it is when it is at it's highest rate.

[caybee 21]

It seems like you have given him chances, and he is just acting like a big baby You need to take care of you first - that 50% stuff would make me feel so betrayed!

As for the health insurance - I honestly think they just have NO clue about its importance to us here My husband is flabergasted that I actually pay for COBRA coverage since I lost my job. I've had multiple health problems this year, but I think deep down he still thinks I'm just lazy because he can't see anything physically wrong with me He knows I'm not healthy, but also thinks the doctors are out to scam me for more money - he just can't see how health insurance is worth it. I guess thats what I get for dealing with all of the hospital bills myself and marrying a man who didn't speak English when he arrived (things are so much harder when you are translating all the time ).

Cobra is so expensive, but not only is it beneficial is something happens while you are unemployed, but if you aren't on continued coverage, and you get another job that offers insurance, you will have to pay the penalty of no coverage for pre existing conditions. It's just a shame that at a time that you can't afford it is when it is at it's highest rate.

I didn't take COBRA when I changed jobs and lost insurance. Later, when I tried to buy private insurance, I was denied because of preexisting conditions and because I hadn't continued my coverage through COBRA. So I was uninsured for months for the first time in my life, and thankfully didn't get sick. When my husband got a job with benefits, I told him the insurance alone was worth several dollars more an hour to us, and after talking with me and with his coworkers, he understands this. If we ever go through this again, we'll use COBRA if we have to, no matter what we have to sacrifice to keep our coverage.

[doodlebugg 10]

This is really none of my business but since you laid it out there, how can you not afford health insurance but can afford to go away on a $6,000 trip for 7 months and have money to file for divorce? How will the rent get paid while you're gone? These are things I'd be worried about but that's just me. Plus I have kids so I guess I think about things like having a roof over my head all the time. *sigh* To be free to just roam about the world would really be wonderful!!!!! Can I live vicariously through you?

[Staashi 371]

This is really none of my business but since you laid it out there, how can you not afford health insurance but can afford to go away on a $6,000 trip for 7 months and have money to file for divorce? How will the rent get paid while you're gone? These are things I'd be worried about but that's just me. Plus I have kids so I guess I think about things like having a roof over my head all the time. *sigh* To be free to just roam about the world would really be wonderful!!!!! Can I live vicariously through you?

I'm not trying to speak up for Tina, but she mentioned that she was going to take a different job but doing so would have caused her to lose her insurance, so she stayed where she was working (a job she doesn't like) to keep her insurance.

I do know that in Florida, a divorce only costs $149. Don't know how much they cost where Tina lives.

[doodlebugg 10]

This is really none of my business but since you laid it out there, how can you not afford health insurance but can afford to go away on a $6,000 trip for 7 months and have money to file for divorce? How will the rent get paid while you're gone? These are things I'd be worried about but that's just me. Plus I have kids so I guess I think about things like having a roof over my head all the time. *sigh* To be free to just roam about the world would really be wonderful!!!!! Can I live vicariously through you?

I'm not trying to speak up for Tina, but she mentioned that she was going to take a different job but doing so would have caused her to lose her insurance, so she stayed where she was working (a job she doesn't like) to keep her insurance.

I do know that in Florida, a divorce only costs $149. Don't know how much they cost where Tina lives.

Right about the job but what job will let you take a leave of absence for 7 months? Sign me up! My divorce cost me approx $11,000 but then I had two kids so I guess that's different.

[Ban Hammer 13,345]

Right about the job but what job will let you take a leave of absence for 7 months? Sign me up! My divorce cost me approx $11,000 but then I had two kids so I guess that's different.

mine cost me about double that and i just had one kid.

[teenutty 0]

Dear Fruitcake lady (BTW - I loved her!!!)

In Iran, arranged marriage happens much less nowadays. Not like India, Pakistan or other parts of the middle east. Seems the practice of "love marriages" is not more than standard.

Yes, marriage is a partnership. But so far, in this marriage, there is inequity. I do the 95% of HEAVY housework, cooking paying bills, while working 45 hours a week. While, he on the otherhand, works less hours, sleeps more. Just yesterday, he dozed (why??? he didn't work for two days) while I cleaned the house from top to bottom (4 hours).

If the husband becomes a burden, as he has...and there are no redeeming qualities (like affection, communication and moral supporting for the work I do)....

ie arranged marriage and marriage in muslim world (thinking towards) esp for men is not marriage for love, its marriage for need and survival. societal as well as personal. Love in a marriage develops through time when the adjustment is done and repsect is achieved mutually and ya both grow up and stat serving and doing for each other instead of thinking of self and being hurt and Yada. To him the golden time is to come if youare the right person. keep nagging on him and he will have serious doubts. Go away together and enjoy tiem together to pamper and coddle each other sxytime. quit thinking soo much and putting hollywood ideals on romance and love. muslin marriage (or any other God based marriage) love grows, in western marriage it seems love is at the beginning and then fades. count yourself lucky instead of crying for what you though was then. Go to husband say sorry for your side of misunderstanding and how can you help him adjust and that he is doing a fine job with work and all so far. build him up instead of tearing him down Jeesh Qudah Hafiz

[morocco4ever 63]

Can you imagine the real fruitcakelady's response? I am sure it wouldn't have been quite like that one.

[teenutty 0]

I realize my husband did this for two reasons:

1) to keep me from quiting my permanent job for the temporary one (because I was planning on leaving for India for a few months after that)

2) To lash out at me for resentments he harbors

It takes time for real love to grow strong, love does not fade is all Im saying. You really dont know someone truely unless you live with them a few yrs, married/. thats just everyday common grown up sense

It may take real love to grow, but it takes real ugliness to deny your wife medical help. Most people wouldn't do this to a total stranger. To do it to your wife shows some very deep seated mental issues IMO.

[hassan_debbie 4]

I don't usually reply to posts but this one caught my eye and I've been reading it with interest. Something doesn't sound right in this one.

Someone doesn't just up and decide to take a 7 month trip abroad to clear their mind unless they are loaded. In this economy even a budget friendly trip is still a gamble because once you return home jobs are not easy to come by today. So is it possible this trip has been planned for some time now. Plus why would anyone write to their SO'S family and tell them their filing for seperation and divorce is easy to get in the US. To me this would sound like a threat. Like "ok get with the program or I'm cutting you loose". I know if my husband got here just to find out I was planning a trip that he obviously couldn't take with me and I was planning to be gone for 7 months, he would be very unhappy and withdrawn from me. So I think this is your side of the story and if he could voice his side then this wouldn't sound like the story it sounds like. I'm not saying MENA men are always easy to live with but there is always two sides of the story and so far this one is very one-sided.