How would you feel

[nu7015 0]

He has been against counseling here in the US.

However, in Iran, the few times we did argue (over small stuff) his mother pulled him aside and set him straight. Nobody is here to do that now.

Is there any way that you can communicate with his mom or family about the situation? My husband's sister and brother each speak a little English so it works out well when I need to let them know things. One huge plus of MENA families (mothers especially) is their ability to get through to their sons!

My husband didn't want anything to do with counseling when he got here, but after a situation that changed his mind, he went, NOT willingly mind you. After a few sessions he said, "I didn't understand what counseling was. It's just like having another friend."

If there is any way that you could get him to understand what counseling really is (not blaming one or the other - which is what my husband thought), then maybe he'd open up to it. Also, finding a GOOD counselor is key too.

Not that he would want to, but if your husband wants to ask another MENA man about counseling, let me know. My husband would be happy to talk to him I'm sure.

[teenutty 0]

FYI - NEW ID (could not log into my profile)

We are both not happy now. We argue a lot.

So we had a nice, calm discussion a few weeks ago when walking through the Forest. We were talking about the option of seperating. He totally unhappy with me now. And I am totally unhappy with him. I said, "in Iran I was 95% happy with you and our relationship. Sure, I had problems there. But it was adjusting the the rules and the family pressence/lack of privacy." He said, "well, I was only 50% happy with you then."

I was shocked. What would be considered our "golden time" the first months of really living together he was never really happy with me. Only partially happy. I later asked his if this was really true and he said yes.

It has really broken my heart by this. To think that he has never truely been happy with me. Only a little happy.

How would you feel if your husband said this to you?

[teenutty 0]

My husband likes to keep a "false front" to his family back home and friends here. He is irate when I told his sister, my mother and a my friend about our marriage troubles.

Today I have written my sister in law to tell her I am filing for seperation in 10 days (if my husband agrees to counseling). If my husband does not agree to counseling I will file for FINAL DIVORCE. I told her that here in USA, I can get a divorce in 30 days and unlike the middle east, it is easy to get (even if the husband opposes it)

Is there any way that you can communicate with his mom or family about the situation? My husband's sister and brother each speak a little English so it works out well when I need to let them know things. One huge plus of MENA families (mothers especially) is their ability to get through to their sons!

My husband didn't want anything to do with counseling when he got here, but after a situation that changed his mind, he went, NOT willingly mind you. After a few sessions he said, "I didn't understand what counseling was. It's just like having another friend."

If there is any way that you could get him to understand what counseling really is (not blaming one or the other - which is what my husband thought), then maybe he'd open up to it. Also, finding a GOOD counselor is key too.

Not that he would want to, but if your husband wants to ask another MENA man about counseling, let me know. My husband would be happy to talk to him I'm sure.

I think the more modern and less religious Iranians would think your husband is a bit off. telling you he was only half-way happy with you in Iran says it all. Denying you healthcare insurance is just crazy. Separation, then running off to Thailand/India sounds like the perfect solution for you.

So Tina, are you going to just vacation and clear up your mind in India and Thailand for seven months? What's the next plan?

My heart goes out for you

I am going just to clear my mind. No work. India and Thailand are "budget friendly" (for 7 months trip, airfare, room, food, some train/bus travel - will cost about $6,000)

[teenutty 0]

I HAD TO RE-REGISTER Under a new profile because the "lost pilgrim" profile seemed to freeze me out (no matter what I did to get back in).

I figured teenutty is closer to my original user id anyway.

FYI - I will file for either seperation or divorce in 10 days.

[Staashi 371]

Tina, whatever you do decide to do, we're here to support you. We got your back!

[Ban Hammer 13,346]

Tina, whatever you do decide to do, we're here to support you. We got your back!

[faryan 4]

Tina, whatever you do decide to do, we're here to support you. We got your back!

Keep strong!

[childress_london 3]

That's right, stay strong. Things will get better eventually.

[teenutty 0]

Well, my husband does not want to go to counseling. But he does not want to seperate/divorce either.

Yesterday, he asked me if I was ever going to cook again/eat again. Then cooked food (ugh!) and tried to force feed me.

I am just so filled with anger at this point. It has pushed the love out. I will more than likely still file for seperation (to protect me financially) and do the trip.

[RAKASA 0]

Well, my husband does not want to go to counseling. But he does not want to seperate/divorce either.

Yesterday, he asked me if I was ever going to cook again/eat again. Then cooked food (ugh!) and tried to force feed me.

I am just so filled with anger at this point. It has pushed the love out. I will more than likely still file for seperation (to protect me financially) and do the trip.

teenutty= LostPilgrim= Nutty?

[Staashi 371]

Well, my husband does not want to go to counseling. But he does not want to seperate/divorce either.

Yesterday, he asked me if I was ever going to cook again/eat again. Then cooked food (ugh!) and tried to force feed me.

I am just so filled with anger at this point. It has pushed the love out. I will more than likely still file for seperation (to protect me financially) and do the trip.

teenutty= LostPilgrim= Nutty?

The one and only!!!!

[teenutty 0]

Teenutty = Lost Pilgrim = Nutty

YES!!!! I've been having major problems lately. First I deleted my old yahoo account (which contained my NUTTY user name and password). So I created a Lost Pilgrim profile. But for some reason I can not log into it (even with password recovery). I emailed Captain Ewok and it bounced back (and just today to Charles). So to keep posting to the boards, I created a THIRD profile, Teenutty.

I am sorry for all the confusion!!!!

teenutty= LostPilgrim= Nutty?

[bhajishah 4]

When you dont know each other than how can it be love, these things take and grow with time and mutual respect..alot of is a cultural outmatch and talk.

[bhajishah 4]

ie arranged marriage and marriage in muslim world (thinking towards) esp for men is not marriage for love, its marriage for need and survival. societal as well as personal. Love in a marriage develops through time when the adjustment is done and repsect is achieved mutually and ya both grow up and stat serving and doing for each other instead of thinking of self and being hurt and Yada. To him the golden time is to come if youare the right person. keep nagging on him and he will have serious doubts. Go away together and enjoy tiem together to pamper and coddle each other sxytime. quit thinking soo much and putting hollywood ideals on romance and love. muslin marriage (or any other God based marriage) love grows, in western marriage it seems love is at the beginning and then fades. count yourself lucky instead of crying for what you though was then. Go to husband say sorry for your side of misunderstanding and how can you help him adjust and that he is doing a fine job with work and all so far. build him up instead of tearing him down Jeesh Qudah Hafiz

[bhajishah 4]

his family of origin doesnt really strait him up. They give advice , ie" be think and nice she different and thinks things backwards" Telling him to be nice is not solving the problem or respecting why she upset. telling her there there and all be allright usually doesnt fly with most american women. they want anwers. Also in alot of Asian societies its respect based, they will go tell off on a son who potentially shame them .and take other persons side in consideration. b4 his. here we assume other person is against our family member and Not my son attitude.