money issues

[wvnurse 1]

Hi all,

I have a question for ya'll. My husband is from Kenya. Things are now really falling into place for us. He has recieved his EAD card and Monday recieved in SS card. We job hunted on Wenesday, and got hired on Saturday in a printing co. So life is good. I know my husband will always have "family support" back home, and that will never be a problem. He has worked "under the table" untill now. Even though the money he made was very low paying, he always took care of home back home and since we have been married takes care of home here. I always fet bad about taking his money..I make $32.00/hr... he made $6.50/hr, but he is a man and he feels he needs to contribut to our family..one of the reasons I love him sooo much. Anyway, he told me Saturday after he secured his position, that he wanted us to have 3 bank accounts, mine ours and his. I guess I thought we would just put all of our money together in 1 big pot. I have been married before, lol but he never worked so, this was never an issuue, cause it was all mine! I guess he will take money from his account to send to his family....I guess its a good thing..the bill money will go into one account, and if I go shopping for "stuff" that , that money will come out of my account. What do u all think???? My husband has been very honest about thinks and is very open. I have a great relationship with what family of his is here, his sister and brother, cousins and family friends. I have been invited to all family parties and such. I have no reason at all to not trust him. I guess I should add that have always had insecruities, some of that stems from past relationships. I have to truley say, John is the BEST man I have ever known. Any coments will be welcomed

Thanks, Chris

[mollyandstephen 0]

Chris, since you are worried about it, I think you should sit down with him and have a heart to heart to truly understand his motives for wanting separate accounts. I would tend to believe his motives are good since he is being straight up with you about wanting his own account. It would be easy enough for him to open his own account without your knowledge if he wanted to hide something. Have you already discussed how much will go into your personal accounts and how much will go into the joint account? I would say that if it is a similar percentage from each of your checks going into the joint account, then it might be okay. I know LOTS of happily married couples that have this particular arrangement-his account, my account and a joint account. Some financial experts and marriage counselors actually recommend it. It can work and be just fine. One of the benefits is that you each have your own money, so to speak, that you can use. I would just make sure he is being real clear with you on WHY he wants it that way and how it will all work (amounts, etc). Some of it could also be cultural--I'm not sure how Kenyan couples handle their finances. My husband's parents always kept separate finances and then both contributed equal percentages to the household expenses. My husband is leaning to going the same way---he just got his first pay check last week. We will continue our one joint account and he will just keep cash for his "fun money" and I will do the same. It's working for us. I think you just need to talk it out and get in agreement on how it will be handled. Just my two cents....(no pun intended).

Molly

[joej 0]

Hi all,

I have a question for ya'll. My husband is from Kenya. Things are now really falling into place for us. He has recieved his EAD card and Monday recieved in SS card. We job hunted on Wenesday, and got hired on Saturday in a printing co. So life is good. I know my husband will always have "family support" back home, and that will never be a problem. He has worked "under the table" untill now. Even though the money he made was very low paying, he always took care of home back home and since we have been married takes care of home here. I always fet bad about taking his money..I make $32.00/hr... he made $6.50/hr, but he is a man and he feels he needs to contribut to our family..one of the reasons I love him sooo much. Anyway, he told me Saturday after he secured his position, that he wanted us to have 3 bank accounts, mine ours and his. I guess I thought we would just put all of our money together in 1 big pot. I have been married before, lol but he never worked so, this was never an issuue, cause it was all mine! I guess he will take money from his account to send to his family....I guess its a good thing..the bill money will go into one account, and if I go shopping for "stuff" that , that money will come out of my account. What do u all think???? My husband has been very honest about thinks and is very open. I have a great relationship with what family of his is here, his sister and brother, cousins and family friends. I have been invited to all family parties and such. I have no reason at all to not trust him. I guess I should add that have always had insecruities, some of that stems from past relationships. I have to truley say, John is the BEST man I have ever known. Any coments will be welcomed

Thanks, Chris

Hi Chris,

It is probably not a big deal, maybe he wants a little privacy with his money. In fact, I think it is a good idea. In my case I would rather not know what he is doing with his money. We all know about how African men like to send money home. I think it helps them feel like men. Yet, here it is taboo in many cultures. In your case, it sounds like you may also be better off with a separate account, since you are currently making more than your SO.

[sweetee 0]

Chris,

I have to agree w/Molly. You should sat down w/hubby and have a heart to heart talk about the subject and also ask him of his motives. He may just be wanting to save money so that he can send back home to help his family members without stressing you about it. After all, he didn't really have to inform you of it and just walk into the bank and start an account all by himself. I think it is a good idea though. Right now, we don't have separate accounts. Everything is all together, however, I take care all the finances, (not that he doesn't know how) but he is usually away at work (engineering) for weeks at a time. Then there are times when he is home and I don't feel like messing w/all that, so he just does it. It's working out fine and we have no complaints.

Sweetee

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

I don't think there's a universal answer to this. Different couples handle their finances differently. I am a firm believer in the "one pot" approach for a married couple but I can see that others might feel differently about it and rather have some sense of financial autonomie or whatever else might be the driving factor behind the desire to have separate accounts.

That's just something each couple has to work out so that a solution that works for that couple can be found.

[onwa 6]

Well, we have 4 accounts between us and it works well. 2 joint checking--one primarily mine, one primarily his==and 2 with just our names on it. However, there isn't anything that happens that the other doesn't know about. Foy my husband's single account--he shows me all the deposits and the withdrawals--and me vice-versa. My husband enjoys having several accounts and I likes to spread the money between them. As long as comunication is good, seperate accounts is not a problem.

[Jideprincess 0]

Well, we have 4 accounts between us and it works well. 2 joint checking--one primarily mine, one primarily his==and 2 with just our names on it. However, there isn't anything that happens that the other doesn't know about. Foy my husband's single account--he shows me all the deposits and the withdrawals--and me vice-versa. My husband enjoys having several accounts and I likes to spread the money between them. As long as comunication is good, seperate accounts is not a problem.

Hey sis i like that style of doing things... Separate but communicating info, excellent!!!

[wvnurse 1]

Thanks ladies,

I will sit down and have a talk about the bank account issue with my husband. I am willing to do this as long as we do keep open comunication. Thanks for all the coments, as i will keep reading them.

Chris

[rodney22 0]

Here is my take: I was married for thirteen years. In the last year of marriage, my then wife opened up an account of her own. No division of anything had taken place before that; and now I think it was her way of saying that it was over. (About a week later I found out what made my best friend so happy. LOL)

My wife and I will not divide our money up, this journey is both of us.

[iceyspots 0]

i like the one pot approach as well.. but.. i think he was straight forward with you about the account so it shouldnt be a big deal

[mandolinv 0]

My husband and I believe that our money is our money just like our life is our life. Our family, including family that needs to be supported back in Nigeria, is our family. It's all both of ours. But, that is our belief and it is how we feel and what we believe is right for us. For each couple it is different. Different couples have different beliefs about what is whos, what responsibility is whos and all that. Basically you have to decide for the two of you. But, you have to make sure you are both truely happy. If not, talk until the two of you can come up with something the two of you can be happy with. Good luck.

[idocare 3]

Even in your wedding vows, the 2 are suspose to become 1 for better or worse, richer or poorer. I had always told my husband , when he would send money home to make sure that they know that the money is from both of us, as we shared only 1 account.

[Kanyiri 0]

My husband and I have one account that we share, but different families work differently. My parents had one account from the time I was born until a few years ago. My father kept saying we didn't have money for vacations, so my mother decided that she was going to open her own account with the money that she earned to do with what she wanted. So she has been consistently using her account to send the family on vacations to wherever she wants to go and it seems to work well. Dad doesn't seem to care since it's her money that she can use however she wants. Financial stuff is always the most difficult issue.