Fiance Relationship Issues

[Maria&Robert 0]

Well, im doing the best I can and the best I ever have done in my life, this year, since July 05, to get everything worked out for me and my fiance.

While I could wait for her forever and know that this process is a test of will and determination, she on the other hand, while being incredibly faithful, loyal and an incredible partner in life, doesnt know much about this visa process, and doesnt show any sign of trying to understand it. Maybe in her part of the world people think more with their hearts, and arent as excited by the sport of all of this k1 process and interviews and timelines and fancy acronyms like NOA and IMBRA.

From what I see in this forum, Ive gathered that alot of people here are experts in the K1 world, myself somewhat included in that category, and I always get the feeling that their fiances are as well, because I imagine that people here are always informing their fiance on every new detail that comes up.

I try to inform my fiance, so that she can know exactly where we are at, I love my fiance dearly and feel like I owe her my heart and soul for the fact that she has endured 2 years now of on and off again long distance seperation, but often I feel that it falls on deaf ears and she just wants to know when i will be back to her.

What is keeping me up at night lately and practically driving me crazy is this imaginary deadline I have in my head of when I can get back to her. She is desperate for me to get back in July. I have alot of pressure and each month is slipping by that I did not get back to her like i promised. Im hemoraging cash in so many ways its unbelievable.

Man, maybe this thread i wrote to just get this off of my chest cuz its killin me. Any one else have any problems like this or am I the only one?

[Vagina Journey 0]

Your not alone......Steve understands when i break things down for him of whats going on...But for the most part he has no clue..He says your the brains you deal with it and just keep things simple for me..

His only priority in the K1 is going to his interview and doing well....... Good Luck

Edited June 12, 2006 by QDilly

[kitkat1 5]

What is keeping me up at night lately and practically driving me crazy is this imaginary deadline I have in my head of when I can get back to her. She is desperate for me to get back in July. I have alot of pressure and each month is slipping by that I did not get back to her like i promised. Im hemoraging cash in so many ways its unbelievable.

Any one else have any problems like this or am I the only one?

Am I right that you are in the US and she is in Argentina? Are you putting pressure on yourself to go back to Argentina to visit her until her visa is approved? There certainly is light at the end of the tunnel for you two since your application has already been approved.

But to address your question, intially I explained the whole process, step-by-step to my fiance. He definitely wanted to know the big picture and how it would all work. But on a daily basis, when I have news or have read information and I want to give him an update, he does not want to hear it. I think that's partly because I have been so upset about the IMBRA delays and he doesn't want me to get upset talking about it, and partly because the only thing that really matters to him is the end result -- the day-to-day details just don't seem to matter to him. He just wants to know when he is going to get the paperwork so he can go to the interview. Other than that, he doesn't want to know about it. He definitely does not have the need for information like I think I would have if the roles were reversed.

[Maria&Robert 0]

Yep I am the USC and she is the beneficiary.

See to shed some more light on this story, She and i were basically forced to be apart since July 05 because the cost paying for 2 for everything, after 3 months together, for the second time, became too much for me, even in Argentina and I had to return to the United States to make more money and to take care of the fiance visa for her.

So i returned here in July 05 and wasnt even able to begin the process until for the love of February if you can believe that, due to the cost of paying still for everything on her side and my side and also paying like crazy to stay in constant contact and for her cellphone bills and for her leisure money and atrociously timed car problems on my end, which simply had to be payed for otherwise i wouldnt be able to work.

I often worked two jobs in 05 and 06 and still it wasnt enough. Now July is upon us and, well, ill stop blabbering..........I guess my complaint is that, in this situatoin for some of us, if the fiance knew more about the process and the progress within it and if the fiance knew the half of what we do to keep things rolling and to keep the roof from caving in then maybe there wouldnt be so much pressure to return immediately...anyway thanks to everyone here....

KITKAT WROTE::

.........intially I explained the whole process, step-by-step to my fiance...................

This is also something that Ive wondered about. Seeing as how alot of peoples fiances are from non English speaking countries, how is everyone fairing when it comes to explaining things about this process while using the technical jargon and fancy acronyms? I imagine it could pose a bit of a challenge..

Edited June 12, 2006 by Maria&Robert

[Mephys 2]

As for me, I am the fiance and hes the USC and I am the one gathering the most part of the informations. I found out about the K-1 Visa when I decided to move to the US to live with my boyfriend and did a lot of research over the internet and made few phone calls. Ironically, I found VJ after about 4 months of research (wonder where it was hidden ) But everytime I find something I let my boyfriend know about it and ask him advices since my main language is not english and i want to make sure i didnt miss any important details. We are both involved in this process and hes gonna take care of the most part of the petition as he has to send it.

Its hard to say though cause not every people can understand or are interested in the immigration process. It must be hard for you to have to support everything by yourself cause it really should be prepared and understand by both of you.

I understand the money issue can be a huge stress for you. But as I understand, you seem to be paying for it all, on both sides. If i can ask, isnt she working to help you in any kind of way? Or is she unable to work?

I hope you can talk to her about it a little bit and explain it to her better. Wish you the best in your process

Mephys

Edited June 12, 2006 by Mephys

[Chuckles 0]

Yes, I can relate. My application is being delayed for unknown reasons and it is very hard to be positive when explaining this to my fiance. She understands, but obviously it is hard on both of us to be apart for so long. I try to keep her informed of everything I do, and it can really be a comfort to her. I know when it is 'her turn' to get medical/police checks/interview, I will want to be informed of everything that is going on so I can be comforted.

Like you, I can't just hope on a plane and spend a long weekend with her, nor can I drive to her. It is terribly far away and costs several thousand dollars and a minumum of a week off work to do. In short, it needs to be planned out and costs the several thousand dollars plus lost wages. It feels like wasted money since at times, I think this process does not need to be so long. Anyway, it causes extra stress on me when I really need it the least. She has a good job in Russia, but because of the value of the Ruble, it is not enough to help paying for flights etc.

Most people here can relate to all this, and I don't care to whine to people who might very well be worse off then me. Just keep it together, and keep reminding her you love her, and why you do this.

Edited June 12, 2006 by Chuckles

[dmartmar 1]

While I could wait for her forever and know that this process is a test of will and determination, she on the other hand, while being incredibly faithful, loyal and an incredible partner in life, doesnt know much about this visa process, and doesnt show any sign of trying to understand it. Maybe in her part of the world people think more with their hearts, and arent as excited by the sport of all of this k1 process and interviews and timelines and fancy acronyms like NOA and IMBRA.

You'd be surprised at just how much immigrants do know about US visa processes, even moreso than American citizens themselves!

Let's play the devil's advocate game, using your case as an example.

Think about this for a second: of all the men that were available in Argentina when you first met your fiancee, she picked you, an American citizen, who just so happened to be there on vacation. Do you really think she had no knowledge that marrying a US citizen equals a Green Card? I mean, c'mon. Everybody in the whole wide World knows that!

[Jaylen Brit 0]

While I could wait for her forever and know that this process is a test of will and determination, she on the other hand, while being incredibly faithful, loyal and an incredible partner in life, doesnt know much about this visa process, and doesnt show any sign of trying to understand it. Maybe in her part of the world people think more with their hearts, and arent as excited by the sport of all of this k1 process and interviews and timelines and fancy acronyms like NOA and IMBRA.

You'd be surprised at just how much immigrants do know about US visa processes, even moreso than American citizens themselves!

Let's play the devil's advocate game, using your case as an example.

Think about this for a second: of all the men that were available in Argentina when you first met your fiancee, she picked you, an American citizen, who just so happened to be there on vacation. Do you really think she had no knowledge that marrying a US citizen equals a Green Card? I mean, c'mon. Everybody in the whole wide World knows that!

You know, and this may come as something of a shock to you, not EVERYONE wants a green card.

I didn't even 'want' to live in the US (although I;ve been there before many times, and love the place) - but I fell in love with someone who lives there, and if we want to be together, then I have to move.

If he moved to the UK (which alas isn't practical, as he has a good job in the US that would be a bit mad to leave for 'no job' in the UK), then he would want to work.

Does that mean he's marrying ME for a UK work permit?

Or maybe its the 'free' health care? I mean c'mon! Everyone in the whole wide world knows about the UK 'free' health care!

As for the OP - some people just get overwhelmed with 'too much info' - they don't want to hear every step from A-Z they just want to hear 'its done' and 'you can come and live here now'.

Some people want to know every single part of the process. People are just different.

Maybe in your relationship you are always going to be the one who 'deals' and 'gets it done' and she is more passive; if that suits you, and you are both comfortable in those roles, then cool.

[Karen_L 1]

Well, im doing the best I can and the best I ever have done in my life, this year, since July 05, to get everything worked out for me and my fiance.

While I could wait for her forever and know that this process is a test of will and determination, she on the other hand, while being incredibly faithful, loyal and an incredible partner in life, doesnt know much about this visa process, and doesnt show any sign of trying to understand it. Maybe in her part of the world people think more with their hearts, and arent as excited by the sport of all of this k1 process and interviews and timelines and fancy acronyms like NOA and IMBRA.

From what I see in this forum, Ive gathered that alot of people here are experts in the K1 world, myself somewhat included in that category, and I always get the feeling that their fiances are as well, because I imagine that people here are always informing their fiance on every new detail that comes up.

I try to inform my fiance, so that she can know exactly where we are at, I love my fiance dearly and feel like I owe her my heart and soul for the fact that she has endured 2 years now of on and off again long distance seperation, but often I feel that it falls on deaf ears and she just wants to know when i will be back to her.

What is keeping me up at night lately and practically driving me crazy is this imaginary deadline I have in my head of when I can get back to her. She is desperate for me to get back in July. I have alot of pressure and each month is slipping by that I did not get back to her like i promised. Im hemoraging cash in so many ways its unbelievable.

Man, maybe this thread i wrote to just get this off of my chest cuz its killin me. Any one else have any problems like this or am I the only one?

She may just be getting a little impatient with the whole process and a little fed up with waiting. Also, maybe since there's nothing she (or anyone else) can do just yet, she probably just wants you to go visit her while you wait. Also, I don't know if this is the case for you, but sometimes, when for instance he and I were trying to get him an interview date, our daily conversations were all visa visa visa talk and eventually we were both like "Okay, let's NOT talk about the visa tonight!" Maybe she wants to try and not think about it for a while? She's probably nervous too, and maybe talking about it makes her feel more nervous.

My fiance' knows the point A to B to C to D process of the K-1 and he knows about the IMBRA law now too (I told him when this all started coming out, just in case he got a letter telling him the petition got sent back). He's been fairly interested in the process, knowing what was happening, etc. but I've always worried and fretted about it more than him and all his information has come directly from me and his knowledge of this is VERY general (i.e. "First you file the petition, then the petition is approved and sent abroad, then you fill out more documents, then you struggle to get an interview date,... etc) Now that we're coming down to his Moment of Truth (the interview is less than a month away), I think he's getting a bit nervous and more interested in what he will specifically have to do lol.

[gobdogman 0]

While I could wait for her forever and know that this process is a test of will and determination, she on the other hand, while being incredibly faithful, loyal and an incredible partner in life, doesnt know much about this visa process, and doesnt show any sign of trying to understand it. Maybe in her part of the world people think more with their hearts, and arent as excited by the sport of all of this k1 process and interviews and timelines and fancy acronyms like NOA and IMBRA.

You'd be surprised at just how much immigrants do know about US visa processes, even moreso than American citizens themselves!

Let's play the devil's advocate game, using your case as an example.

Think about this for a second: of all the men that were available in Argentina when you first met your fiancee, she picked you, an American citizen, who just so happened to be there on vacation. Do you really think she had no knowledge that marrying a US citizen equals a Green Card? I mean, c'mon. Everybody in the whole wide World knows that!

dmartmar

Why is it hard to believe that people do fall in love with someone for reasons other than a green card?

I have a fiancee that is from the philippines and she tells me every day that she just wants me to go there and live and forget about the visa.

We are making plans on me moving there in the future but for now i am doing everything i can to bring her here so she can experiance my culture so she can understand who i am and what makes me who i am .

Not every person from other countries have this big desire to come to america and live.Maybe you need to open your eyes and see that love is a powerful thing and america isnt the only destination for lovers.

Maybe you have had bad experiances with past relationships and you have been hurt before but thats not the case for everyone here in VJ so please dont try to put everyone in a catagory .

[Together4ever 1]

Yep I am the USC and she is the beneficiary.

See to shed some more light on this story, She and i were basically forced to be apart since July 05 because the cost paying for 2 for everything, after 3 months together, for the second time, became too much for me, even in Argentina and I had to return to the United States to make more money and to take care of the fiance visa for her.

So i returned here in July 05 and wasnt even able to begin the process until for the love of February if you can believe that, due to the cost of paying still for everything on her side and my side and also paying like crazy to stay in constant contact and for her cellphone bills and for her leisure money and atrociously timed car problems on my end, which simply had to be payed for otherwise i wouldnt be able to work.

I often worked two jobs in 05 and 06 and still it wasnt enough. Now July is upon us and, well, ill stop blabbering..........I guess my complaint is that, in this situatoin for some of us, if the fiance knew more about the process and the progress within it and if the fiance knew the half of what we do to keep things rolling and to keep the roof from caving in then maybe there wouldnt be so much pressure to return immediately...anyway thanks to everyone here....

KITKAT WROTE::

.........intially I explained the whole process, step-by-step to my fiance...................

This is also something that Ive wondered about. Seeing as how alot of peoples fiances are from non English speaking countries, how is everyone fairing when it comes to explaining things about this process while using the technical jargon and fancy acronyms? I imagine it could pose a bit of a challenge..

Mohammed and I have spent many hours discussing this whole process. His country doesn't seem to have such a bureaucratic system as we do, or rather its very much different, however because this is where he will be living (enshaa Allah) he wants to know as much as possible. His english is fairly good and over these many months I think he has somewhat of an understanding, but I doubt he always understands when he says he does. The jargon is something he is beginning to pick up on, having explained it so many times. We are kind of opposite of you, spending at least half our chatting together discussing the visa process and any news, some days to the point I never want to hear the word "visa" again.

We too were forced apart over a year ago and because of my finances and the difficulty of a man and woman walking together who are not related or married in his country, returning has not been an option. It kills, you're right about that. But one thing I can say, due to the unique nature of this process, it really affords a couple an equally unique opportunity to bridge communication gaps and build a pretty strong foundation for their future together. How many US/US couples can say that? Hang in there, this process is brutal but there is light at the end of the tunnel. (Nope, I haven't seen it yet either! LOL)

[Cristy 4]

I have done all the research and guided us throught this whole thing. It is stressful, but he trusts me....to put a postive spin on it lol.

[Cigarovich 1]

I can relate. Everyone has their own way of dealing with these delays psychologically, and I think that for some people, my fiance included, if there's no good news it's all bad news and better not to think about it. We (were planning) to relax in August, get married Labor Day weekend and then she would start university right after. Now we have no clue about whether that's realistic, and her reaction has been to deflect discussion about contigency plans. You're not alone - it is a normal reaction to unexpected stress and I hope some good news soon will counteract it.

All the best.

[Ban Hammer 13,643]

While I could wait for her forever and know that this process is a test of will and determination, she on the other hand, while being incredibly faithful, loyal and an incredible partner in life, doesnt know much about this visa process, and doesnt show any sign of trying to understand it. Maybe in her part of the world people think more with their hearts, and arent as excited by the sport of all of this k1 process and interviews and timelines and fancy acronyms like NOA and IMBRA.

You'd be surprised at just how much immigrants do know about US visa processes, even moreso than American citizens themselves!

Let's play the devil's advocate game, using your case as an example.

Think about this for a second: of all the men that were available in Argentina when you first met your fiancee, she picked you, an American citizen, who just so happened to be there on vacation. Do you really think she had no knowledge that marrying a US citizen equals a Green Card? I mean, c'mon. Everybody in the whole wide World knows that!

oh come on now. you make it sound like every american should be paranoid to fall in love. what turned you so cynical?

[gtigiant 0]

I too understand this. My fiance tries very hard to understand everything, but the delays are dreadful to her. She wants us to be together and spending time together, and the phone and internet at times make the seperation almost worse for her, as she then thinks about what we would be doing if the two of us where together.

As to the previous poster mentioning the greencard, in our situation at least, I was going to move to Peru initially. Then I was offered a job that I could not pass up. Now that it looks like it is going to be a permanent position, it is the only reason she is coming to the US. We are actually planning in 6 to 10 year timeframe to relocate back to Peru.

Hang in there, and remember, you are a man, who tends to often think in facts and very logic based patterns, you are dealing with a woman who tends to often think first with emotion, and here the greatest emotion is the seperation from the person she loves....