American Woman Bitter and Lonely?!

[missmissy 38]

Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"

Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."

Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"

Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, 'what problem could be greater than this one?'"

Husband: "What are you doing?"

Wife: "Nothing."

Husband: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Wife: "I was looking for the expiration date."

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor."

Boy: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles and lighten your burden."

Girl: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."

Boy: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."

Wife: "Do you want dinner?"

Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?"

Wife: "Yes or no."

WHY IT'S BETTER TO BE A WOMAN

1. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

2. We can cry and get out of speeding tickets.

3. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

4. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

5. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

6. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

7. We can fully assess a person just by looking at her or his shoes.

8. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

9. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

10. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions

Why men die first

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat

race - you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework - you're a wuss

If you work too hard - there's never any time for her.

If you don't work enough - you're a good-for-nothing lazy #######.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay - this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay - you should get off

your lazy azz and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her - that is favoritism. If she gets a

job ahead of you - it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks - it's sexual harassment. If you

keep quiet - it's male indifference.

If you cry - you're a wimp. If you don't - you're an insensitive #######.

If you make a decision without consulting her - you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you - she's a liberated

woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy - that's

domination.

If SHE asks you - it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear - you're a

pervert. If you don't - you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape - you're

sexist. If you don't - you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape - you're vain. If you don't - you're

a slob.

If you buy her flowers - you're after something. If you

don't - you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements - you're full of chit.

If you're not - you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache - she's tired. If you have a

headache - you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often - you're oversexed. If you

don't - there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to.

I knew all of those emails that I had been saving would come in handy one day.....

Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.

If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two, He'll be back to his usual self.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.

So she gets a divorce.

Marriage certificate?

It's just another name for her work permit.

When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.

"It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children.

I will never forget that game of cards..."

Men lie about their jobs, drive cars they can't afford, wear toupees and loose shirts that hide their stomachs, and say they want a "real woman"...

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a mans sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!!!

Bigamy is having one husband too many.

Some say monogamy is the same.

If a man suggests that you take a break from vacuuming the living room and relax what it means is he can't hear the TV

If you think he's listening to you, you're wrong he's trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation

If a man had a thought in his head, it would get lonely!

If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

Men are like roller coasters: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.

Behind every great man is a woman with a vibrator

If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

Scientist have finally discovered the chemical formula for Viagra.

1% Sodium

1% Iron

1% Phosphate

97% Fix-a-Flat

Remember; you are known by the idiot you accompany

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Women don't make fools of men most of them are the "do-it-yourself" types.

The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons you're sick of him.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."

What Would Be Different If Men Really Ruled the World

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again" cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the #### and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife- to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

[tmma 467]

Why do men have legs?

So they won't get stuck in gopher holes!

What are they doing chasing gophers anyway? Hunting?

Where else would one turn when the have no other options?

[morocco4ever 63]

MissMissy...Charles...

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

Men die first because they want to.

Peg, "Al! If you keep going doing that, you are going to die!"

Al, "When?"

--Bullwinkle

Now, I finally understand Married with Children!

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

an airplane is bouncing along on it's flight path through a major thunderstorm. the lights flicker on and off frequently. the overhead bins pop open and the flight attendants struggle to keep them closed.

everyone has white knuckles from gripping the armrests. and then things get worse.

the plane suddenly drops over 500 feet in altitude. the pilot warns the passengers and flight crew via the intercom that things are not going to get better, the radar shows the storm is intensifying all around them. many passengers start praying aloud.

the airplane suddenly drops another 200 feet, and then 1000 feet!

a woman, about 22 years old, suddenly turns hysterical. she starts screaming about how she's never had the opportunity to do so many things and now she's about to die! then she screams "is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a real woman before i die!"

all of the passengers are understandably startled. then suddenly, from the forward part of the plane, a tall, handsome cowboy stands up and starts walking towards her. he takes off his shirt, revealing an upper torso of chiseled, tan muscles from working outdoors and a 6 pack that would be the envy of any bodybuilder. he approaches her, hands her the shirt, and says "iron it"

[SAT 9,609]

I am always fascinated by the excuses given by men and women as to why some men choose to marry women from the Philippines.

Some American men openly admit that they want a woman that is going to stay with him, and is not going to leave him in indebtors prison...

American woman claim that she is to strong of a woman for these weak american men and she has claimed her independence, and that now he will go over and claim some poor, hungry little immature submissive filipina who cant take care of herself.

Then what does the filipinas say to this?

How often do we men get the nasty look when we show up in public with our wives?

My wife likes to watch Football......

And Wrestling (WWE)

By the way, I called the USCIS the other day, they confirmed that wrestling is real............

[SMOKE 1,426]

By the way, I called the USCIS the other day, they confirmed that wrestling is real............

i suspected this all along.

[faryan 4]

Im not Pinay, and im not an American woman, but I would say that it is beyond silly to generalise that one set as submissive slave and the other bitter and lonely. If i have much sense, i should just stay away from this thread (but it makes such fun crazy read honestly: and how telling it is to read the way some American men putting down American women, and if my hubby has such a character i wouldnt have married him anyways) but what the h3ll, why not jump in on the fun ehh?

Well do you believe that some filipina women themselves also can be wanting the same independence like American women? I often see a lot of American men think that filipina women dont possess these traits, and I wonder have has anyone lately seen the feminist movement in the Philippines and even on college campuses?

Any educated filipina these days who is educated has likely been bombarded with very similar male-hatred ideas. Maybe not as much as some American woman. But I can say there is a fair dose of it.

My only point here is that those traits you see today in American women, I have no evidence that filipina women are any different.

In fact I find today that American female independence may be another attraction for some filipina women to want to come to this country.

Ya think?

My best friends and ex-colleagues are Pinays, a few even came all the way to my wedding, and these women are no pushovers. They are smart, independent, politically savvy, feminist women. Some of them are awesome mothers with great husbands, some of them are single. Only one married to an American man, and another to an Aussie. If/when they marry, they tend to marry late in the 20s or 30s, rather than when they are giggly 20 year olds. The men they marry (or have relationship with) are compatible with them in terms of values as well as world view.

Reading many threads here, i tend to agree that some American men do indeed think the way Mykuls/Michael said above. Anyways, kudos to these men to find exactly the women suitable for their own temperament and expectation in such a huge archipelago. LOL. I would think also that it helps that the women (or their family) are mostly staunch Catholics, so there's no such thing as divorce and annulment are costly. This definitely forces (or deeply ingrained) in the couples to work harder at the relationship. It takes a lot like abandonment and the likes for them to seek annulment. Either the women comes from very well off families, or the new American fiance pay for it.

I would take issue with the misconception re feminism equates to male hating, but never mind that. In the end, most men and women anywhere in the world want companionship and love. For some it takes longer, farther and less conventional ways. That doesnt diminish the fact that we have faith and hope in love and in life. And that in itself is a very attractive character that has no nationality.

[missmissy 38]

marriage01.bmp

[SAT 9,609]

Im not Pinay, and im not an American woman, but I would say that it is beyond silly to generalise that one set as submissive slave and the other bitter and lonely. If i have much sense, i should just stay away from this thread (but it makes such fun crazy read honestly: and how telling it is to read the way some American men putting down American women, and if my hubby has such a character i wouldnt have married him anyways) but what the h3ll, why not jump in on the fun ehh?

Well do you believe that some filipina women themselves also can be wanting the same independence like American women? I often see a lot of American men think that filipina women dont possess these traits, and I wonder have has anyone lately seen the feminist movement in the Philippines and even on college campuses?

Any educated filipina these days who is educated has likely been bombarded with very similar male-hatred ideas. Maybe not as much as some American woman. But I can say there is a fair dose of it.

My only point here is that those traits you see today in American women, I have no evidence that filipina women are any different.

In fact I find today that American female independence may be another attraction for some filipina women to want to come to this country.

Ya think?

My best friends and ex-colleagues are Pinays, a few even came all the way to my wedding, and these women are no pushovers. They are smart, independent, politically savvy, feminist women. Some of them are awesome mothers with great husbands, some of them are single. Only one married to an American man, and another to an Aussie. If/when they marry, they tend to marry late in the 20s or 30s, rather than when they are giggly 20 year olds. The men they marry (or have relationship with) are compatible with them in terms of values as well as world view.

Reading many threads here, i tend to agree that some American men do indeed think the way Mykuls/Michael said above. Anyways, kudos to these men to find exactly the women suitable for their own temperament and expectation in such a huge archipelago. LOL. I would think also that it helps that the women (or their family) are mostly staunch Catholics, so there's no such thing as divorce and annulment are costly. This definitely forces (or deeply ingrained) in the couples to work harder at the relationship. It takes a lot like abandonment and the likes for them to seek annulment. Either the women comes from very well off families, or the new American fiance pay for it.

I would take issue with the misconception re feminism equates to male hating, but never mind that. In the end, most men and women anywhere in the world want companionship and love. For some it takes longer, farther and less conventional ways. That doesnt diminish the fact that we have faith and hope in love and in life. And that in itself is a very attractive character that has no nationality.

Oh man......can't you keep posting like one-liners...too much info....brain too cold......no can read......

[missmissy 38]

marriage01.bmp

Ahhh #######! I didn't mean to do that!

[faryan 4]

Oh man......can't you keep posting like one-liners...too much info....brain too cold......no can read......

LOL. you can keep on being the joker lah, hehehe, while i was trying to reply to the OP. (there, one line)

[Laura+Tom 2]

I can see this turning into another foreign woman bashing thread.

Why does it have to be bashing? Cant we discuss things maturely, and then laugh at our differences?

you haven't been here long have you?

Not really, but I have seen what these things can turn into.

Look, the American mating system has been destroyed. And its the fault of both american men and women for this problem. One should really ask the question to americans why they are not marrying each other.

American men and women are both seeking mates outside of their own countries in large numbers. Have you noticed the large number of american women who seek mates in Muslim countries? Something went very wrong in America. And we cant fix it anymore. Hence the reason that so many of them are looking for mates abroad.

My other half was previously married to an American, and yeah she was a total ###### but he never ever slagged off American women just because of what she was like. He never sought out to be with a foreign woman and we happened to meet because he was stationed here in the UK. Also, I never sought to marry an American. In fact I never dreamed I would, but it just happened. Btw I kinda object to the term 'mate', makes it seems like all we are on the earth to do is have babies. I prefer the terms partner, other half, fiance(e) or husband/wife etc.

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

marriage01.bmp

oh i got that one in the bucket already - somewhere.