Yardies at home and Farrin (part12)

[SupportOAFJF 0]

I know there are women who do this too, but I was just talking men specifically to our issues here on the Yardie thread. I just dont get it. When they get here , they are sorely suprised that its not all its craked up to be. U would think word has gotten back to Yaad about how farrin nuh go so.

exactly ! and he obviously didn't believe what his wife has been tellin him

[Lovesponge 0]

Ok so, I gotta hot topic:

Are these guys complete sociopaths or what? I mean, how can they play this whole perfect man attitude, love you up, sex you down, and have no real feelings for you. To me its like a hooker on the street corner with her John.

I keep seeing these posts of folks whos marriage has gone bad within a year or less of him being here, and then he either leaves or they get divorced or whatever. But the way the guy is described is like he did a complete 180 on his attitude toward the woman. Yet.....before the marriage, or before he got here, when she was visiting him, he was so romantic, and treated her great, and loved her up and sexed her down. So was he hookin' and she was the John?

I mean, you gotta be a real deranged lunatic to use somebody like that. So I wonder if these guys are sociopaths.

nope, it's survival of the fittest ! may the best man win ! the man didn't change over nite...signs were over looked b/c most were madly inlove...

I agree, women are easilly blinded by love but if it seems too good to be true, 9 times out of 10 it is not true.

[Marlita 0]

I dont think its love, but just the JA vibes. That island can make u love crazy it seems for some. Its such a different world when you come to reality of real life here in the states. I mean, I went to JA, on vacations. Even if I wasnt staying in hotels and such, it was still JA, and I was in the sun, on the sand at times, smelling the sweet air, not at my job, with a man I love....that can wack your brain out if your not prepared for it.

I think that BB, should really understand that. If I go to the freaking DR and meet a guy under the same setting. Its really the setting initially that grabs you not the man! And it definitely takes a few times out there to see which one is the one you're basing your feelings off of.

I mean, I love JA! Even with all its #######!! and it got alot of #######, but I love that place! My man, is from that place, but he is not in JA anymore. So when thinking of marrying, you need to think, how will this man be in the environment of the US, my friends, my family. Will he survive here, and will that charming tour guide mentality be enough to sustain your marriage when he's in the US and not under the same JA spell.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Ok so, I gotta hot topic:

Are these guys complete sociopaths or what? I mean, how can they play this whole perfect man attitude, love you up, sex you down, and have no real feelings for you. To me its like a hooker on the street corner with her John.

I keep seeing these posts of folks whos marriage has gone bad within a year or less of him being here, and then he either leaves or they get divorced or whatever. But the way the guy is described is like he did a complete 180 on his attitude toward the woman. Yet.....before the marriage, or before he got here, when she was visiting him, he was so romantic, and treated her great, and loved her up and sexed her down. So was he hookin' and she was the John?

I mean, you gotta be a real deranged lunatic to use somebody like that. So I wonder if these guys are sociopaths.

nope, it's survival of the fittest ! may the best man win ! the man didn't change over nite...signs were over looked b/c most were madly inlove...

I agree, women are easilly blinded by love but if it seems too good to be true, 9 times out of 10 it is not true.

absolutely !

[Marlita 0]

I know there are women who do this too, but I was just talking men specifically to our issues here on the Yardie thread. I just dont get it. When they get here , they are sorely suprised that its not all its craked up to be. U would think word has gotten back to Yaad about how farrin nuh go so.

exactly ! and he obviously didn't believe what his wife has been tellin him

Very tru! I think its so ridiculous, but also causes alot of annoyance. I know it causes me annoyance.

[jakeswife 0]

I know there are women who do this too, but I was just talking men specifically to our issues here on the Yardie thread. I just dont get it. When they get here , they are sorely suprised that its not all its craked up to be. U would think word has gotten back to Yaad about how farrin nuh go so.

exactly ! and he obviously didn't believe what his wife has been tellin him

Very tru! I think its so ridiculous, but also causes alot of annoyance. I know it causes me annoyance.

we mostly assume that because the situation is new it might not be hard and we attach newness with joy or pleasure especially due the mentality that we were brought up with about coming to a first world country and blah blah

[Minfay 0]

Question......has anyone ever bought anything from Courts on-line? They have an option of purchasing items and paying for it with your credit card -- then they contact the person in Jamaica who you bought it for and make the delivery arrangements.

We have done it and it works out fine, the only thing I would suggest is that you have the individual go look at the item you are buying because it may not be quite what you think it is, Courts is the furniture/appliance store, that's the one ypu are speaking of correct.

Yes, that's the Courts I was talking about.

Thank you VERY much. That's a really good idea.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

I know there are women who do this too, but I was just talking men specifically to our issues here on the Yardie thread. I just dont get it. When they get here , they are sorely suprised that its not all its craked up to be. U would think word has gotten back to Yaad about how farrin nuh go so.

exactly ! and he obviously didn't believe what his wife has been tellin him

Very tru! I think its so ridiculous, but also causes alot of annoyance. I know it causes me annoyance.

we mostly assume that because the situation is new it might not be hard and we attach newness with joy or pleasure especially due the mentality that we were brought up with about coming to a first world country and blah blah

i agree jake, some of us have been in the USA or born here and it can be hard for US to come to terms with the fact that out SOs are not used to/associated with some of the things we are..

[jakeswife 0]

I know there are women who do this too, but I was just talking men specifically to our issues here on the Yardie thread. I just dont get it. When they get here , they are sorely suprised that its not all its craked up to be. U would think word has gotten back to Yaad about how farrin nuh go so.

exactly ! and he obviously didn't believe what his wife has been tellin him

Very tru! I think its so ridiculous, but also causes alot of annoyance. I know it causes me annoyance.

we mostly assume that because the situation is new it might not be hard and we attach newness with joy or pleasure especially due the mentality that we were brought up with about coming to a first world country and blah blah

i agree jake, some of us have been in the USA or born here and it can be hard for US to come to terms with the fact that out SOs are not used to/associated with some of the things we are..

if americans know how the third world country like ours was and is being inundated with pictures and images of america being the saving grace for a better life and a better lifestyle. it's hard for someone to forget something they have been taught most of their lives. so in a way they have to see it to beleive it or change their minds about it

[Lovesponge 0]

I dont think its love, but just the JA vibes. That island can make u love crazy it seems for some. Its such a different world when you come to reality of real life here in the states. I mean, I went to JA, on vacations. Even if I wasnt staying in hotels and such, it was still JA, and I was in the sun, on the sand at times, smelling the sweet air, not at my job, with a man I love....that can wack your brain out if your not prepared for it.

I think that BB, should really understand that. If I go to the freaking DR and meet a guy under the same setting. Its really the setting initially that grabs you not the man! And it definitely takes a few times out there to see which one is the one you're basing your feelings off of.

I mean, I love JA! Even with all its #######!! and it got alot of #######, but I love that place! My man, is from that place, but he is not in JA anymore. So when thinking of marrying, you need to think, how will this man be in the environment of the US, my friends, my family. Will he survive here, and will that charming tour guide mentality be enough to sustain your marriage when he's in the US and not under the same JA spell.

BB You really have to surround yourself with this man. Try to spend as much time with him as possible. Spend time with his family and friends, see if he acts different around them. Get to know his surroundings, how he lives his day to day life. Get to know him inside and out just like any other person you meet that you are considering spending you life with. If you have children have them spend time together and see if they have a bond. The only negative thing is that the time in JA is limited and you are in Paradise so you cant really expect it to be the same when he gets here. Jamaican men are good actors, they can play any role so I guess you just have to use your intuition and the advise of the Yardie thread to see if its real.

[jawi876 2]

I agree Jawi - we all know how easy it is to get caught up in the island romance - this is a great place to learn the good and the bad, the ups and the downs and become more informed -

My point exactly. I was amazed at the number of women that still have questions about their own relationships and filing...or had them in the past...that just laughed at her. I thought the other poster was a troll too, which may have been why I didn't water down my reply. I still think that women should take time to get to know their SO outside of the initial couple of meetings...sex...lunch dates or what have you. That's why I said I would withhold my opinion. But, to laugh because she didn't know what patois was very hypocritical to me. I'm not calling anyone out...but there are a LOT of PLATINUM VJ Yardie members that fake the funk about knowing patois, but couldn't understand a spoken conversation in patois to save their life. They see it typed here and assume they know...until you question them...and they don't have a clue of the real context of the word. Thanks SUS...each of your posts tonight have been very fair and enlightening.

ok here is my take. jawi it's one thing to find a site just to get a little insight but it's a whole different thing when u know absolutley nothing but still doing something that will no doubt affect your life. mind u i agree that a lot of us on here should empathize cause they were in that situation a while ago but to be honest what she knows now is sooooooooo miniscule for her to be taking on whatever she will be taking on and to have the perspective that she holds of him carrying his weight is so contrary to what she is doing because when the filing is over she will be carrying his weight for a minute and that seems to be a problem for her already even though she did acknowledge it.

I agree here as well. I don't think your responses were hypocritical, you just summarized what you read to be sure that was what the running joke was about. I think BB definitely needs to get a crash course on Jamaica 101. We don't need to laugh at her because she is not one of the "clan" yet. No matter how uninformed she sounds. Everybody that is not Jamaican or raised Jamaican had to start somewhere. I admit I was clueless about Jamaica...but I didn't bring home a man in 5 months either. LOL

ok..mi get so pissed at mi co-worker today..short story.she know har son a cheap on do girl him get pregnant..di girl find out..starts going crazy..seh she nah mek him si him chil when it born!! den mi co-worker a chat bout di gyal a start things..if she can't just be pregnant..ok #######!! see a women like she mek dem bwoy pickney act like dem ###### no stink and can treat women all sort a ways...she seh him don't want him baby modda him just want di baby ..ok wow...she knew he has been cheating on the girl.mi just affi remind her she is a woman !

I hate when mothers do this with their son's. Then, sit at home and cry because a man won't treat them right. We need more women raising their sons to be real men.

Ok, I just wanted to know if this was for real cause it seemed a little crazy to me...thats all I'm saying. I think its seems odd to be marrying a person that you seem to not know much about where they come from thats all. Yes lots of folks learned alot while on here, but they were just dating right, not about to commit to the person forever. I REALLY thought this was a troll.

There are a lot of new people that post on VJ that seem weird or a little crazy. Did you ever read the post by Sweet Seoul? She posted about her husband coming here and treating her like #######...and she thought she knew him too. They dated for awhile...maybe a year or so....she married him in his country...and he still came here and told her that she wasn't a woman...and her 12 yr old sister was more of a woman than she was. She also stated that she was a regular on VJ but was too ashamed to post under her regular board name. I for one don't want to be the cause for why a person can't freely post because they feel like they will be judged and ridiculed. I privately apologized to Honey because I started something...not in malice...but my opinion was still taken that way. I am very sensitive when it comes to kids...but I should have clarified with her privately.

idk Jawi...If I met a man and was interested in a lifelong relationship with him and he spoke differently than I did, I would have asked him what language he was speaking...but then again mi fass

but I did apologize BB and let her know we're here to help

I feel you...trust me I do. But, we don't really know the level or nature of their communication with each other.

Yup! Monday, February 16th is the big day

That was my wedding anniversary with my ex-husband.

don't get me wrong sus i have not prejudge her relationship nor the direction it's going in. i am just saying that learning patois here is probably the only unmistaken truth she can get here. cause even hearing our story can only be a measuring stick not her truth

I don't she will learn it if she feels that we are making fun of her for not knowing.

I am gonna be honest with you ladies, when I first joined the thread I found that some ladies were very nice and welcoming. On the other hand some were judgemental and full of themselves. It never really bothered me because I am a Yardie born and raised so culture is not my problem. I really felt bad this poor lady just looking for a few friends and all she just got laughed at, Thats just plain wrong. A little scripture for tonight. Matthew 7:1-11

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, `Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye

*****dont hate me its just my opinion*****

No truer word spoken than the Gospel. I have been guilty of the whole tree in my eye. LOL

[jakeswife 0]

jawi what have you decided to do about your friend situation. again i might have been harsh but some people never recognize the damage they are doing to another until the friend is there no more and then they realize the value of the friendship

[jawi876 2]

Lovesponge, I am going to put my neck out on this one, this individual is talking about marrying someone, she is not talking about just dating. From all of her posts she seems to be a little naive, about her SO and his culture. zzzzzif you'll had read her post correctly, it wasn't I or anyone else laughing at her, she was also laughing at ger self.

Now you tell me if your daughter came to you and said mommy, I am marrying someone from 3000 miles away, but I don't even know anything about his culture. As a parent tell me the honest to GOD truth what would you be saying to your daughter. Those who are in denial of her situation, are the ones who are hurting her the most. We all want to sugar coat everything as if it's all good, but when she comes back on VJ and declared that he used her for a GC, after he has gotten here and left her, then we want to offer her advise about should have, would have could have.

Well, I'm going stick my neck out and be dam.... BeautifulBaby, please take your time in filing for your SO, there is so much you needs to know before hand, and it seems like you don't undefrstand much about him or his culture. His culture will play a big part in your relationship. Yeah, the sex may have been good, but marriage is a Hell lot more than sex.

Roxcie

Great advice. I think she needs to learn alot more about the culture...even if she never gets "Jamaican"...or patois. I personally do not believe less than a year in an LDR is enough to be ready for marriage...but I'm no expert.

I know there are women who do this too, but I was just talking men specifically to our issues here on the Yardie thread. I just dont get it. When they get here , they are sorely suprised that its not all its craked up to be. U would think word has gotten back to Yaad about how farrin nuh go so.

When you weigh the possibility of not actually getting milk and honey in farrin vs not getting work or having a way to feed your family...people will always take the gamble for the birds in the bush over the one in their hand. A low glass ceiling will make some people very desparate for the possiblities of What if? I can't say that I would not be a female gigalo in the same rock and a hard place. Just being honest.

if americans know how the third world country like ours was and is being inundated with pictures and images of america being the saving grace for a better life and a better lifestyle. it's hard for someone to forget something they have been taught most of their lives. so in a way they have to see it to beleive it or change their minds about it

This is so true. I have talked to so many young Jamaican men that really feel the music videos they see on BET/MTV are how we live. Especially if they hear you are from Atlanta or New York. Then, some of us go down pretending to be ballers...maxing out credit cards and staying in hotels that are over $100 per night...knowing that we will be living on Ramen noodles for the next 6 months because of it. Not to mention Jamaicans that come abroad and then go back home and try to floss all the gifts and name brand extras that they went broke trying to carry back, so they don't look like a failure. It is a vicious circle of illusion and lies.

[jawi876 2]

jawi what have you decided to do about your friend situation. again i might have been harsh but some people never recognize the damage they are doing to another until the friend is there no more and then they realize the value of the friendship

I'm going to pray about it first. I feel that the friendship has run its course...and I need to surround myself with people that love me like I love them. A has gotten upset with me a number of times because he has seen how much she has hurt me...Jonesie too for that matter. She (the friend) always manages to find a way back in because I have such a forgiving spirit.

[Lovesponge 0]

do you guys see Michelle Obamma on Disney channel dancing and having a good time with the girls, I love her