Yardies at home and Farrin (part12)

[Shemmy 4]

It's a tough subject. No one who is going through the process wants to think that those who went through it had problems even doing everything they thought they could possibly do to avoid them.

In the end, it's all about how well he adjusts, you adjust, and you adjust together. There is no clear cut solution to anything you can prepare for. You have to believe and try and see where it takes you.

If you love him and you are doing everything you feel is necessary to try and ensure a healthy relationship, I say don't let anyone dissuade you. Any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Live your life and enjoy being in love. Life is to short not too.

That being said, be very careful along the way.

The experiences of others can be very helpful, especially in this process. Listen carefully.

I am in totally agreance with you, very well said.... Certain people just are not open to hear the harder side of things, it seems like I have offened or have been misunderstood.....

I agree with JG as well.

Mrs. Smith may have not been judged but questioned where she stayed in JA, what was discussed and tolerated before he came, etc....isn't going to solve her issues. Of course, it's good for newbies to hear but what about those who have issue now?? We need a better support system.

Edited February 5, 2009 by Shemmy

[Islandwoman 0]

we talked about everything over the moon..but let me tell u..when he got here everything had to go over again...si mi and know mi a 2 dif times..oonuh ever hear dat? hearing about an experience and actually experiencing it are dif worlds

Yep. And, even when you think you talked about EVERYTHING, something pops up and surprises you all the time.

Who are you telling???? I always tell people we are still adjusting.

That is with ANY marriage. I was married just shy of 10 years to my ex - constant adjustments. We went to school together so there was no culture issues but we still couldn't make it.

I think what Mrs Smith was saying (if I may Suzy) is that she is warning all of us to not walk into this thing with our eyes closed. We appreciate that advice as well as all others from the "experienced" gals like Shemmy and JG and Sonny. I say the eruption that happened 2 weeks ago when someone popped in here with their eyes clouded over this.

I'm like a sponge when you guys post any experiences. I try to learn as much as I can (like what Lawny uses so much vaseoline for.. ) in order to save my head from getting one more gray hair and having one more day of happiness.

Thank you!

[Mrs. Smith 0]

we talked about everything over the moon..but let me tell u..when he got here everything had to go over again...si mi and know mi a 2 dif times..oonuh ever hear dat? hearing about an experience and actually experiencing it are dif worlds

Yep. And, even when you think you talked about EVERYTHING, something pops up and surprises you all the time.

Who are you telling???? I always tell people we are still adjusting.

That is with ANY marriage. I was married just shy of 10 years to my ex - constant adjustments. We went to school together so there was no culture issues but we still couldn't make it.

I think what Mrs Smith was saying (if I may Suzy) is that she is warning all of us to not walk into this thing with our eyes closed. We appreciate that advice as well as all others from the "experienced" gals like Shemmy and JG and Sonny. I say the eruption that happened 2 weeks ago when someone popped in here with their eyes clouded over this.

I'm like a sponge when you guys post any experiences. I try to learn as much as I can (like what Lawny uses so much vaseoline for.. ) in order to save my head from getting one more gray hair and having one more day of happiness.

Thank you!

Sus- I am apologize if you took it the wrong way or it is just your version of how I look at things..... "FANTASY WORLD", I can admit , back when I met my SO i was blinded by love , and all I knew is that I wanted him here, and no one or nobody was stopping me from that happening.... Everything in my life was where I wanted it to be when I met him..... I thought I knew it all.. I think alot of the vetrans may agree , some may not..............When they get it here it is different bottom line. If it was all peaches and cream for you that is great, but that is not the same for everyone...... You can know someone 10 yrs and they can switch on you............But dealing with someone from anothe CULTURE that has no real grip on OUR culture, you are in for an experience of a lifetime.... I would like to see all of us ladies start bringing up things that you have mabye been scarce to bring up before, so maybe I have stirred it up in here... GOOD...... Let the issues be brought up.......

[dillon 6]

This is so sad!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry2624802

[*JG* 2]

It's a tough subject. No one who is going through the process wants to think that those who went through it had problems even doing everything they thought they could possibly do to avoid them.

In the end, it's all about how well he adjusts, you adjust, and you adjust together. There is no clear cut solution to anything you can prepare for. You have to believe and try and see where it takes you.

If you love him and you are doing everything you feel is necessary to try and ensure a healthy relationship, I say don't let anyone dissuade you. Any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Live your life and enjoy being in love. Life is to short not too.

That being said, be very careful along the way.

The experiences of others can be very helpful, especially in this process. Listen carefully.

I am in totally agreance with you, very well said.... Certain people just are not open to hear the harder side of things, it seems like I have offened or have been misunderstood.....

I agree with JG as well.

Mrs. Smith may have not been judged but questioned where she stayed in JA, what was discussed and tolerated before he came, etc....isn't going to solve her issues. Of course, it's good for newbies to hear but what about those who have issue now?? We need a better support system.

Yeah, I think so. Once the paper part of the process is over, we lose that support.

[*JG* 2]

Mrs. Smith.....can we do it tomorrow? I am leaving here shortly and don't want to miss anything.

Can we meet back up here tomorrow morning and start a topic or topics? I'm in.

[sus 70]

Sus- I am apologize if you took it the wrong way or it is just your version of how I look at things..... "FANTASY WORLD", I can admit , back when I met my SO i was blinded by love , and all I knew is that I wanted him here, and no one or nobody was stopping me from that happening.... Everything in my life was where I wanted it to be when I met him..... I thought I knew it all.. I think alot of the vetrans may agree , some may not..............When they get it here it is different bottom line. If it was all peaches and cream for you that is great, but that is not the same for everyone...... You can know someone 10 yrs and they can switch on you............But dealing with someone from anothe CULTURE that has no real grip on OUR culture, you are in for an experience of a lifetime.... I would like to see all of us ladies start bringing up things that you have mabye been scarce to bring up before, so maybe I have stirred it up in here... GOOD...... Let the issues be brought up.......

MRs. Smith - I apologize as well, because it seems that we both are taking things the wrong way - My questions were not in judgment of what you did / are doing, and I am sorry if you thought they were - What I meant are questions that we ALL need to think about, talk about, and bring up - I have been there, done that - seen it happen - No matter what country the person was from - Trust me, I am fully aware of what the differences are in having an LDR v. having him here - am prepared for it, know there will be problems - What I can try to head off now, hopefully will help - I also know that there are no guarantees. But I also know that our love is worth the risk - Nothing good in life comes easy -

I think many people can get blinded by the love and not think through what happens after - it's a lot easier in an LDR to overlook some things that in a face to face relationship you might not overlook - Lord knows I did it myself, thankfully I saw the light of day before he actually arrived in the US - but that didn't mean I didn't deal with the recriminations of it - I was dealing with a childish man while being pregnant and then handling an infant on my own - it can happen to any one

- I think the key point is to NOT overlook things that might bother you - even when you are there on vacation, you have to think of how things will fit into your day to day life and your day to day routine - and address them as they come, not later down the road - No one has all the right or wrong answers - and no one has any guarantees - We have to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst -

[*JG* 2]

Hey Sus.....off topic.....how old were you in that photo you posted from summer camp?

[Mrs. Smith 0]

I am totally down for discussion, anything but eveything, I am like an open book...... Also I am not trying by any means at all to discourage anyone in this thread, but it is dog e dog wworld out there, and we all need a sounding board, and for all the talking that is done... I would like for more people to open there selves up , and ask the questions that they have hesitated to ask before..... I know I wished I had asked a few things, and had some experiences to reflect on before my journey began

[Shemmy 4]

I am totally down for discussion, anything but eveything, I am like an open book...... Also I am not trying by any means at all to discourage anyone in this thread, but it is dog e dog wworld out there, and we all need a sounding board, and for all the talking that is done... I would like for more people to open there selves up , and ask the questions that they have hesitated to ask before..... I know I wished I had asked a few things, and had some experiences to reflect on before my journey began

Should we discuss in the thread Marlita started? If so, I'll bump it.

Edited February 5, 2009 by Shemmy

[sus 70]

Hey Sus.....off topic.....how old were you in that photo you posted from summer camp?

18 or 19 - I forget what year that is from -

[Shemmy 4]

BTW - Where is Marlita?

[wakeywakeup 1]

Hey ya'll.

I'm taking a little break..I'm so bone tired from working long hours.. I had to let tea go for a minute and go back to coffee and I'm on my third cup

[Islandwoman 0]

BTW - Where is Marlita?

And Yaads?

I am totally down for discussion, anything but eveything, I am like an open book...... Also I am not trying by any means at all to discourage anyone in this thread, but it is dog e dog wworld out there, and we all need a sounding board, and for all the talking that is done... I would like for more people to open there selves up , and ask the questions that they have hesitated to ask before..... I know I wished I had asked a few things, and had some experiences to reflect on before my journey began

Should we discuss in the thread Marlita started? If so, I'll bump it.

Perfect place!

Hey ya'll.

I'm taking a little break..I'm so bone tired from working long hours.. I had to let tea go for a minute and go back to coffee and I'm on my third cup

eeek Wakey...you will be zinging around there now!!

Lata ladies - I'm off to a pizza party for my baby!

[sus 70]

Hey ya'll.

I'm taking a little break..I'm so bone tired from working long hours.. I had to let tea go for a minute and go back to coffee and I'm on my third cup

Step away from the coffee, Wakey! :rofl: