Yardies at home and Farrin (part12)

[SupportOAFJF 0]

right..and that's why everyday is a learning experience..everything nees to be discussed.."how do u guys do it in JA" "does this happen when u do this" simple things u think r cho no worries...

Totally off topic, but your post just reminded me of something I wanted to ask you - Kimmy, have you been able to get cho cho here?

(sorry, I'm hungry, lol)

lmao...u know mi no eat cho-cho and no use it unless soup a cook..but i am almost pos mi see it..mi a go dbl check fi yuh

[Mrs. Smith 0]

I know this was directed to Mrs. Smith but I always stayed in hotel, ate out and clubbed every night in JA. I still made it clear to Damien what his financial obligations will be once he arrived....didn't have any problems in that area. I'm sure the women who stayed with their SOs have issues one way or another...

Now I see why people don't share their experiences...

You just made the point that I have been trying to make - You did all that, but you still made it clear what it would be

But that's ONE point....it could been either way. Damien is just ####### with money. Trust me, nothing else turned out the way I thought it would.

You can talk talk talk talk talk talk , all you want , but if you are old enough to know better( not saying that your not)ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.............

[*JG* 2]

we talked about everything over the moon..but let me tell u..when he got here everything had to go over again...si mi and know mi a 2 dif times..oonuh ever hear dat? hearing about an experience and actually experiencing it are dif worlds

Yep. And, even when you think you talked about EVERYTHING, something pops up and surprises you all the time.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

nice chatting guys..mi still deh pon mi little hyatus so likkle more

[sus 70]

I stayed 8 days in the mountains of Jamiaca, 2 hrs form the tourist area, and seen a lifestyle that I have only seen on the discovery channel. I went there with $$300 US in my pocket, and contributed what i could for food and transportation, and we did not enjoy and beaches or anyhing of the sorts.... I had no idea what I was getting into before I arrived.. So I seen his struggle and where he came from, so try that on someone that is lying to themselves about there experience.... Not trying to be harsh, but it is almost like u are stuck in a fanatsy world.........

And as I said Mrs. Smith - You don't know me, don't know what I have been through or experienced - and obviously, you need to go back and read the yardie thread or ask someone before you try to impose judgments on someone you know nothing about - You seem to be having selective reading here, and choosing only what you want to read -

Ask anyone who knows me - No fantasy world here :rofl: I never said I was judging what you are experiencing or invalidating what you are going through - Just raising points that MANY people never think about - And there are many more here besides the regular posters - look at the people associated with JA on this board alone - Many many who aren't thinking about the reality or are caught up in the fantasy -

But you seem to be on the defensive and have the attitude that no one else can have an opinion here -

right..and that's why everyday is a learning experience..everything nees to be discussed.."how do u guys do it in JA" "does this happen when u do this" simple things u think r cho no worries...

Totally off topic, but your post just reminded me of something I wanted to ask you - Kimmy, have you been able to get cho cho here?

(sorry, I'm hungry, lol)

lmao...u know mi no eat cho-cho and no use it unless soup a cook..but i am almost pos mi see it..mi a go dbl check fi yuh

Thanks Kimmy!

[Shemmy 4]

we talked about everything over the moon..but let me tell u..when he got here everything had to go over again...si mi and know mi a 2 dif times..oonuh ever hear dat? hearing about an experience and actually experiencing it are dif worlds

Yep. And, even when you think you talked about EVERYTHING, something pops up and surprises you all the time.

Who are you telling???? I always tell people we are still adjusting.

[*JG* 2]

we talked about everything over the moon..but let me tell u..when he got here everything had to go over again...si mi and know mi a 2 dif times..oonuh ever hear dat? hearing about an experience and actually experiencing it are dif worlds

Yep. And, even when you think you talked about EVERYTHING, something pops up and surprises you all the time.

Who are you telling???? I always tell people we are still adjusting.

Living it too, girl.

[shrewdgal 0]

i have dated my different share of man, thinking that it would be lessons learned for the future, but if you have never dealt with someone from another country before it is different, bottom line................You can discuss with your man all you want before he gets here.... that is just talk................ACTIONS that is what it comes down too.... I was on vacation when I met my spouse, and everytime I visited I was on vacation.... Him coming here I was not on vacation, I am here making a living , paying bills, sacrificing .... Until they arrive here and see America is not throwing free stuff at u and money does not grow on trees... well u know where I am going with this.....

Did I ever say I hadn't dealt with someone from another country? Trust, I am not just talk, I am speaking from experience as well - So, speaking on your actions - ever time you visited you were on vacation - Did you stay at his house, or always in hotels? Did you eat out in restaurants 3 meals a day, go to the club every night, have money that you freely spent? Too many women do that and add to the perception that money grows on trees and stuff is free -

And Sus..i TOTALLY get you..and I agree

Look at me and Kashi our initial plan was for him to chill home for a little ..we talked for months about it..he came and couldn't stay in the house...he was going MAD!

Thanks, Kimmy

I stayed 8 days in the mountains of Jamiaca, 2 hrs form the tourist area, and seen a lifestyle that I have only seen on the discovery channel. I went there with $$300 US in my pocket, and contributed what i could for food and transportation, and we did not enjoy and beaches or anyhing of the sorts.... I had no idea what I was getting into before I arrived.. So I seen his struggle and where he came from, so try that on someone that is lying to themselves about there experience.... Not trying to be harsh, but it is almost like u are stuck in a fanatsy world.........

Well, I have stayed months in the "mountains of Jamaica from the tourist area" and my opinion is that regardless of what the couple saw before, changes and challenges will still come when the two of you are together. I dont think that knowing everything about each others cultures (although I feel you should know as much as possible before you even consider making a lifelong commitment) means that you wont have obstacles or new situations to encounter. I totally agree with the person that said (Kimmy I think???) you can talk about things 100 times but until you are in that situation all planning was rudimentary.

And i dont understand how you are telling sus she is in a fantasy world by haiving her views when you yourself seem to think you were smarter in seeing "his struggle and where he came from" and you still (like we all will or have) encountered adjusting situations. Everyone has a different experience because we are all different people. That doesnt mean that some of us are smarter or more educated and that some of us are in a fantasy world?

[Shemmy 4]

I know this was directed to Mrs. Smith but I always stayed in hotel, ate out and clubbed every night in JA. I still made it clear to Damien what his financial obligations will be once he arrived....didn't have any problems in that area. I'm sure the women who stayed with their SOs have issues one way or another...

Now I see why people don't share their experiences...

I think this is a good discussion...there is no right or wrong answer.

I agree. I've been on this thread long enough to see it happen over and over again....when people share - there's always one person who says what the poster should've, could've, would've done. Their experince and tolerance levels are going to be different from someone else....wish people would be just listen and learn...well that's what I did.

[sus 70]

I agree. I've been on this thread long enough to see it happen over and over again....when people share - there's always one person who says what the poster should've, could've, would've done. Their experince and tolerance levels are going to be different from someone else....wish people would be just listen and learn...well that's what I did.

But you are jumping to assume that what I started off by saying was what the poster should've, could've, would've - If you read back, it wasn't - I can't judge what she did / didn't do - Nor did I ever judge what she did / didn't do - All I did was raise questions and points that I think are invaluable for anyone to talk about - regardless of the outcome - I never put any judgment into her particular situation, and, in fact - believe I stated that quite a few pages ago -

[Mrs. Smith 0]

Did I ever say I hadn't dealt with someone from another country? Trust, I am not just talk, I am speaking from experience as well - So, speaking on your actions - ever time you visited you were on vacation - Did you stay at his house, or always in hotels? Did you eat out in restaurants 3 meals a day, go to the club every night, have money that you freely spent? Too many women do that and add to the perception that money grows on trees and stuff is free

SUS- I am not reading out of context, or maybe you should be a bit clearier in what you are stating.... From what you stated above, I was speaking on my actions.....

I am far from oblivious to other people's opinion, but I thought sharing my experience and or knowledge would open up doors for you ladies, and all you can do is this,, what kind of support is this for people if you can't be honest and voice where you are coming from

[*JG* 2]

It's a tough subject. No one who is going through the process wants to think that those who went through it had problems even doing everything they thought they could possibly do to avoid them.

In the end, it's all about how well he adjusts, you adjust, and you adjust together. There is no clear cut solution to anything you can prepare for. You have to believe and try and see where it takes you.

If you love him and you are doing everything you feel is necessary to try and ensure a healthy relationship, I say don't let anyone dissuade you. Any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Live your life and enjoy being in love. Life is to short not too.

That being said, be very careful along the way.

The experiences of others can be very helpful, especially in this process. Listen carefully.

[Islandwoman 0]

Thanks Portland - it's different when you go to JA 4-5 times a year visiting your man.

Just because my current relationship consists of visiting, doesn't mean I don't know what I am talking about or I haven't been through some of the exact same issues in the past with another man - Regardless of whether I am visiting or not - If I accept something now, then I can't expect my man to become this whole new person when he moves and change his behaviors - Now is the time to discuss these issues - not after they arrive.

i have dated my different share of man, thinking that it would be lessons learned for the future, but if you have never dealt with someone from another country before it is different, bottom line................You can discuss with your man all you want before he gets here.... that is just talk................ACTIONS that is what it comes down too.... I was on vacation when I met my spouse, and everytime I visited I was on vacation.... Him coming here I was not on vacation, I am here making a living , paying bills, sacrificing .... Until they arrive here and see America is not throwing free stuff at u and money does not grow on trees... well u know where I am going with this.....

I'm know I'm late jumping into this conversation ....but this is a good point here Mrs Smith. I tell A that it's different when I go there cuz I'm on vacation and have no responsibilities - I get up when I want, sleep when I want, eat when I want, etc. Here is all about schedules - my work schedule, my kids schedule, etc. We have a play money there that we won't necessarily have weekly here because I have been saving and saving for that vacation.

Like everyone says....you can try to cover all these bases before hand but I'm sure it's impossible to anticipate everything. I figure you just have to make sure to keep on communicating.

[sus 70]

Did I ever say I hadn't dealt with someone from another country? Trust, I am not just talk, I am speaking from experience as well - So, speaking on your actions - ever time you visited you were on vacation - Did you stay at his house, or always in hotels? Did you eat out in restaurants 3 meals a day, go to the club every night, have money that you freely spent? Too many women do that and add to the perception that money grows on trees and stuff is free

SUS- I am not reading out of context, or maybe you should be a bit clearier in what you are stating.... From what you stated above, I was speaking on my actions.....

I am far from oblivious to other people's opinion, but I thought sharing my experience and or knowledge would open up doors for you ladies, and all you can do is this,, what kind of support is this for people if you can't be honest and voice where you are coming from

But you can't judge others because their experience is not yours - or tell someone they are living in a "fantasy world" because they have a different opinion then yours - Which is what you have done here - I could sit here and go round and round with this, but it's not worth it - I never said I have the perfect relationship, that we won't have problems - I would be beyond naive if I thought that - I can guarantee that we will have issues - But I am doing my best, as is he, to make sure that we address major topics before they come up / as they come up so that we both know how the other one feels about it -

What I have said is that you need to do your best to try to discuss problems, issues, situations, before they arise and make sure you have similar views on how life proceeds - Again, speaking generally.

[Mrs. Smith 0]

It's a tough subject. No one who is going through the process wants to think that those who went through it had problems even doing everything they thought they could possibly do to avoid them.

In the end, it's all about how well he adjusts, you adjust, and you adjust together. There is no clear cut solution to anything you can prepare for. You have to believe and try and see where it takes you.

If you love him and you are doing everything you feel is necessary to try and ensure a healthy relationship, I say don't let anyone dissuade you. Any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Live your life and enjoy being in love. Life is to short not too.

That being said, be very careful along the way.

The experiences of others can be very helpful, especially in this process. Listen carefully.

I am in totally agreance with you, very well said.... Certain people just are not open to hear the harder side of things, it seems like I have offened or have been misunderstood.....