Yardies at home and Farrin (part12)

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

I completely agree with that, Shem - But I think we also need to be aware of what has gone on before - you have to pay attention to the signs in any relationship - if things aren't acceptable to you, and you just deal with them - there shouldn't be surprise when it happens later on -

Not trying to judge you or pick apart your situation, Mrs. Smith - I just think that your post raised some valid points that people need to think about before their SO arrives -

Sus - I truly believe most things are discussed before their SO arrives but some things you won't think about i.e. your SO thinks it's okay to chat with other women. More than likely this will not occur the times you are visiting him in JA. If it did, you assume it's common sense that it won't happen once you are married so it's not discussed.

In my case, Damien hung out all the times in JA. I didn't have an issue and thought it would continue once he got here so we never discussed it....

I have met and kept in contact with many former VJers yardies and their lists are very similiar. It's sad.

I wanna see the 1st Vjer who has never had one single issue with adjustment and I'll show u a liar...most have the same issues WHY? CULTURE

[*JG* 2]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

I completely agree with that, Shem - But I think we also need to be aware of what has gone on before - you have to pay attention to the signs in any relationship - if things aren't acceptable to you, and you just deal with them - there shouldn't be surprise when it happens later on -

Not trying to judge you or pick apart your situation, Mrs. Smith - I just think that your post raised some valid points that people need to think about before their SO arrives -

Sus ur funny...

what ppl do not realize is this is their CULTURE..ppl go on vacation and leave THEIR little world behind and forget they r now in SOMEONE else's little world...nothing has changed except that the TWO are now all of a sudden in ONE world..I grew up with my mom and dad going to parties and hanging late and I'm with my granny. Then when i was able I was allowed to do the same..til the sun comes up..it's just what we do..When Kashi was in JA and he went to a party I knew he would not get home til some 5am more time..that didn't phase me..most of the times the dance is on his street, near his street or even next door. Why do we start acting BRAND NEW when they come here. YOU GOTTA LEARN UR MAN'S CULTURE and if ur not willing to accept it..then move on if u WILL not compromise..

He has to compromise as well, though, Kimmy. In JA, perhaps he worked the 5 pm to 2 am shift and then partied, and then slept all day. If his shift is daytime in the US, he will have to compromise as well in order to function.

[Mrs. Smith 0]

Thanks Portland - it's different when you go to JA 4-5 times a year visiting your man.

Just because my current relationship consists of visiting, doesn't mean I don't know what I am talking about or I haven't been through some of the exact same issues in the past with another man - Regardless of whether I am visiting or not - If I accept something now, then I can't expect my man to become this whole new person when he moves and change his behaviors - Now is the time to discuss these issues - not after they arrive.

i have dated my different share of man, thinking that it would be lessons learned for the future, but if you have never dealt with someone from another country before it is different, bottom line................You can discuss with your man all you want before he gets here.... that is just talk................ACTIONS that is what it comes down too.... I was on vacation when I met my spouse, and everytime I visited I was on vacation.... Him coming here I was not on vacation, I am here making a living , paying bills, sacrificing .... Until they arrive here and see America is not throwing free stuff at u and money does not grow on trees... well u know where I am going with this.....

[*JG* 2]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

I completely agree with that, Shem - But I think we also need to be aware of what has gone on before - you have to pay attention to the signs in any relationship - if things aren't acceptable to you, and you just deal with them - there shouldn't be surprise when it happens later on -

Not trying to judge you or pick apart your situation, Mrs. Smith - I just think that your post raised some valid points that people need to think about before their SO arrives -

Sus - I truly believe most things are discussed before their SO arrives but some things you won't think about i.e. your SO thinks it's okay to chat with other women. More than likely this will not occur the times you are visiting him in JA. If it did, you assume it's common sense that it won't happen once you are married so it's not discussed.

In my case, Damien hung out all the times in JA. I didn't have an issue and thought it would continue once he got here so we never discussed it....

I have met and kept in contact with many former VJers yardies and their lists are very similiar. It's sad.

I wanna see the 1st Vjer who has never had one single issue with adjustment and I'll show u a liar...most have the same issues WHY? CULTURE

Amen to that.

I think you all are missing the point on Sus, though. She probably parties harder then DJ ever will!

Thanks Portland - it's different when you go to JA 4-5 times a year visiting your man.

Just because my current relationship consists of visiting, doesn't mean I don't know what I am talking about or I haven't been through some of the exact same issues in the past with another man - Regardless of whether I am visiting or not - If I accept something now, then I can't expect my man to become this whole new person when he moves and change his behaviors - Now is the time to discuss these issues - not after they arrive.

i have dated my different share of man, thinking that it would be lessons learned for the future, but if you have never dealt with someone from another country before it is different, bottom line................You can discuss with your man all you want before he gets here.... that is just talk................ACTIONS that is what it comes down too.... I was on vacation when I met my spouse, and everytime I visited I was on vacation.... Him coming here I was not on vacation, I am here making a living , paying bills, sacrificing .... Until they arrive here and see America is not throwing free stuff at u and money does not grow on trees... well u know where I am going with this.....

Uh huh. The perception of the US is often a far cry from the reality.

[sus 70]

Sus - I truly believe most things are discussed before their SO arrives but some things you won't think about i.e. your SO thinks it's okay to chat with other women. More than likely this will not occur the times you are visiting him in JA. If it did, you assume it's common sense that it won't happen once you are married so it's not discussed.

In my case, Damien hung out all the times in JA. I didn't have an issue and thought it would continue once he got here so we never discussed it....

I have met and kept in contact with many former VJers yardies and their lists are very similiar. It's sad.

I agree with you - I have seen it happen many times as well, and not only from Jamaica - But I think these are things that you need to discuss and bring up - DJ and I have already talked about this, for multiple reasons - stemming from my past, his past, the fact that I have a ton of male friends that are like my brothers, etc.... There are a zillion things that we have talked about which I didn't feel necessary or think about talking about in other relationships - But my experiences in my past, his experiences, and things that I have heard from other people made them become important topics -

Sharing the stories is a good thing, and other people need to pay attention and gain something from what someone else says -

[PortlandAngel 0]

I wanna see the 1st Vjer who has never had one single issue with adjustment and I'll show u a liar...most have the same issues WHY? CULTURE

YEP!

[SupportOAFJF 0]

JG..i think that's a total dif case..hubby works most evenings and if he works a Saturday and wants to hang out after..SO WHAT..it won't be a shock to me...when it's a shock to u..then u have a problem

[Mrs. Smith 0]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

I completely agree with that, Shem - But I think we also need to be aware of what has gone on before - you have to pay attention to the signs in any relationship - if things aren't acceptable to you, and you just deal with them - there shouldn't be surprise when it happens later on -

Not trying to judge you or pick apart your situation, Mrs. Smith - I just think that your post raised some valid points that people need to think about before their SO arrives -

Sus - I truly believe most things are discussed before their SO arrives but some things you won't think about i.e. your SO thinks it's okay to chat with other women. More than likely this will not occur the times you are visiting him in JA. If it did, you assume it's common sense that it won't happen once you are married so it's not discussed.

In my case, Damien hung out all the times in JA. I didn't have an issue and thought it would continue once he got here so we never discussed it....

I have met and kept in contact with many former VJers yardies and their lists are very similiar. It's sad.

I wanna see the 1st Vjer who has never had one single issue with adjustment and I'll show u a liar...most have the same issues WHY? CULTURE

Thank you...............................I am glad that someone else sees that...........When you think that u know it all. you will soon find out , u don't...........

[SupportOAFJF 0]

And Sus..i TOTALLY get you..and I agree

Look at me and Kashi our initial plan was for him to chill home for a little ..we talked for months about it..he came and couldn't stay in the house...he was going MAD!

[sus 70]

i have dated my different share of man, thinking that it would be lessons learned for the future, but if you have never dealt with someone from another country before it is different, bottom line................You can discuss with your man all you want before he gets here.... that is just talk................ACTIONS that is what it comes down too.... I was on vacation when I met my spouse, and everytime I visited I was on vacation.... Him coming here I was not on vacation, I am here making a living , paying bills, sacrificing .... Until they arrive here and see America is not throwing free stuff at u and money does not grow on trees... well u know where I am going with this.....

Did I ever say I hadn't dealt with someone from another country? Trust, I am not just talk, I am speaking from experience as well - So, speaking on your actions - ever time you visited you were on vacation - Did you stay at his house, or always in hotels? Did you eat out in restaurants 3 meals a day, go to the club every night, have money that you freely spent? Too many women do that and add to the perception that money grows on trees and stuff is free -

And Sus..i TOTALLY get you..and I agree

Look at me and Kashi our initial plan was for him to chill home for a little ..we talked for months about it..he came and couldn't stay in the house...he was going MAD!

Thanks, Kimmy

[SupportOAFJF 0]

i have dated my different share of man, thinking that it would be lessons learned for the future, but if you have never dealt with someone from another country before it is different, bottom line................You can discuss with your man all you want before he gets here.... that is just talk................ACTIONS that is what it comes down too.... I was on vacation when I met my spouse, and everytime I visited I was on vacation.... Him coming here I was not on vacation, I am here making a living , paying bills, sacrificing .... Until they arrive here and see America is not throwing free stuff at u and money does not grow on trees... well u know where I am going with this.....

Did I ever say I hadn't dealt with someone from another country? Trust, I am not just talk, I am speaking from experience as well - So, speaking on your actions - ever time you visited you were on vacation - Did you stay at his house, or always in hotels? Did you eat out in restaurants 3 meals a day, go to the club every night, have money that you freely spent? Too many women do that and add to the perception that money grows on trees and stuff is free -

Amen sistah Sus...AMEN !! cuz when mi go a yaad mi no deh pon no baxide vaca..only dif is mi no affi go a work...

I think u both are missing each others point..

[sus 70]

I wanna see the 1st Vjer who has never had one single issue with adjustment and I'll show u a liar...most have the same issues WHY? CULTURE

I agree with you, Kimmy - there are going to be issues with adjustment, no matter where you come from - But in many ways, the behavior that you are showing now, and what is going on now and how it is handled, can make or break that adjustment process.

[Shemmy 4]

I know this was directed to Mrs. Smith but I always stayed in hotel, ate out and clubbed every night in JA. I still made it clear to Damien what his financial obligations will be once he arrived....didn't have any problems in that area. I'm sure the women who stayed with their SOs have issues one way or another...

Now I see why people don't share their experiences...

[SupportOAFJF 0]

I wanna see the 1st Vjer who has never had one single issue with adjustment and I'll show u a liar...most have the same issues WHY? CULTURE

I agree with you, Kimmy - there are going to be issues with adjustment, no matter where you come from - But in many ways, the behavior that you are showing now, and what is going on now and how it is handled, can make or break that adjustment process.

Yup..u affi have a clue how fi handle it..if u don't like him hanging out al hrs say it..if no action then mek yuh choice..cause it nah disappear as soon as him land a farrin..wait til him find friends

[sus 70]

Amen sistah Sus...AMEN !! cuz when mi go a yaad mi no deh pon no baxide vaca..only dif is mi no affi go a work...

I think u both are missing each others point..

Nope, I see her point - I do think she's missing mine though - Cause I get the impression that since my man is not here yet someone thinks I don't know what I am speaking of -

Half the time when mi go a yaad, I still have to work - Only diff is I am sitting on the beach with my laptop instead of in my office - Still cook dinner, do laundry, go to bed at 9 pm (sometimes 7 - yes, we're sad, lol) - Still up at 5 -