Yardies at home and Farrin (part12)

[^KK^ 3]

I noticed that flights are really cheap early in the morning...like 2-4am. I guess no one would be up to buy the tickets.

[Mrs. Smith 0]

I was catching up, and came across this topic, and I find what you ladies are saying very interesting.... I thought the same way you ladies did when I was awaiting for my husband to come here... Understand something, that I sure didn't, you can not for one predict the future of how things will or will not be... I thought I had it all figured out, and how beautiful everything was going to be..... Nothing like it at all... If you are not familar , meaning very familar with everyday life in Jamiaca and how things go, it vearys very much from our ways here in the states...

The staying out with friends to whenever , you have to nip it in the bud, if you feel it is unacceptable, then it is.... It takes time for the spouse to understand, and maybe he or she never will..... I think it is only fair, yes have your own friends, but the pupose of being married and not having all that dating time before you got married puts a strain on teh marriage... Once you get married, it is different, and you can say it is not but it is.... My husband is 5 yrs younger than me and been here 3 yrs, and he is still adjusting to OUR ways as we were brought up.....

I disagree with this statement - While I think there is definitely some adjusting to OUR ways - because after all, he will be living in the US - different rules, different ballgame - I think that you have to combine both of the ways that you grew up to find a workable solution that fits your lifestyle as a couple - I would never expect him to totally adjust to our ways.

WE as woman want to know more about our men and help them adjust the best we can...... From what I have experienced and other woman that I have spoken with can agree that there are certain ways that will never change , when they come here... that we may not find acceptable... 1. Staying out all hours of the eveing ,2. Talking to any or every female that comes across you, and taking there #... Being on the phone all hours of the night.... 2. Chatting online all hours of the night. 4. Understanding that bills come before clothes, shoes,etc.... 5. That we are not trying to MOM, but showing you the best way that we know, just like they would if we were to move to Jamaica....

[sus 70]

WE as woman want to know more about our men and help them adjust the best we can...... From what I have experienced and other woman that I have spoken with can agree that there are certain ways that will never change , when they come here... that we may not find acceptable... 1. Staying out all hours of the eveing ,2. Talking to any or every female that comes across you, and taking there #... Being on the phone all hours of the night.... 2. Chatting online all hours of the night. 4. Understanding that bills come before clothes, shoes,etc.... 5. That we are not trying to MOM, but showing you the best way that we know, just like they would if we were to move to Jamaica....

Isn't that all stuff that happened before they came here? If you accepted it then, then why should it be different now? That type of stuff isn't acceptable to me now - and it doesn't happen now - So I don't expect it to happen later. I think that before they come here, you need to agree on acceptable standards - It's about what is acceptable in a relationship - not the fact that they have moved here from JA - I would never accept from any man who is supposedly committed to me that he talks to any or every female and takes their number - regardless of where he lives or where he comes from -

[Shemmy 4]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

[PortlandAngel 0]

Sonny, I was reading your story, so sorry to hear about what happen but it reminds me of what my parents went thru.

My stepfather would hang out with his friends all the time, one of his friends had a bar and they all met up their everyday. He would stop by before work and after work and on the weekends and even on his day off. This was all they every fuss and fight over growing up my mom always complain that he never talks her out or do anything but hang with his friends.

Well after dealing with the same thing for 15years my mom finally decided she had enough. She put up a for sale sign on our house in PA and sold the house and moved to Texas without him. He said he wasn't going anywhere and didn't believe that she would either, but she had enough and left.

Well those same friends that he was hanging with called him a fool and said if he let her go he is an idiot. They started calling her begging her to take him back she said no not unless he change well after 3 months without my mom he saw how miserable his life was. He called her up crying and begging to come home, so they went to counciling and decided to start over. They are still together happier now than ever.

But I honestly believe that it was the change of environment that really did it, moving away from the company he was keeping.

As a kid growning up in that environment it made me never wanted to date a JA men because of what I saw around me. All thru college and high school if you told me you were JA that was the end of our conversation I steer away from JA men like a plague, but here I am about to marry one. I finally learn that they are all not the same, and I could just lump them all together. These are things I communicated to Anthony before we started dating the things I see JA men doing that I didn't like.

But its different for me than others because I have grown up with JA men all my life, so I know the culture and these are things we were able to talk about early on, I don't know if this well make it any easier for us.

[Shemmy 4]

Thanks Portland - it's different when you go to JA 4-5 times a year visiting your man.

[sus 70]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

I completely agree with that, Shem - But I think we also need to be aware of what has gone on before - you have to pay attention to the signs in any relationship - if things aren't acceptable to you, and you just deal with them - there shouldn't be surprise when it happens later on -

Not trying to judge you or pick apart your situation, Mrs. Smith - I just think that your post raised some valid points that people need to think about before their SO arrives -

[sus 70]

Thanks Portland - it's different when you go to JA 4-5 times a year visiting your man.

Just because my current relationship consists of visiting, doesn't mean I don't know what I am talking about or I haven't been through some of the exact same issues in the past with another man - Regardless of whether I am visiting or not - If I accept something now, then I can't expect my man to become this whole new person when he moves and change his behaviors - Now is the time to discuss these issues - not after they arrive.

[justucia 0]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

very true..... we are both learning

[blog]

im kind of on the other side of the 'time spent away' situation

im living here in jamaica (for a total of 5 months), in his house

im lonely for sure!

he's got his own friends, hes got work, he's got responsibilities to handle around the house

hell, if he leaves to go into town, i am literally stuck here at the house- the grill is locked

sometimes i know i am too up in his business... who was that that just called? what did they want? blah blah blah

understandably he gets so annoyed

about going out at night..... GAH!

he is WAY more social than I.

i will go out once in a while, but honestly i dont find it fun to go to these link ups at 1 am and party until 7 am

the only time i get pissed is when its light out and he's not home yet, i worry

[/sweet blog]

[*JG* 2]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

Yep, I completely agree here.

[Mrs. Smith 0]

Thanks Portland - it's different when you go to JA 4-5 times a year visiting your man.

OKAY, SO YOU VISIT HIM , YOU ARE NOT LIVING WITH HIM.....

I AM NOT TRYING TO MAN BASH..... I LOVE MY HUSBAND WITH ALL MY HEART... BUT YOU CAN NOT HONESTLY TELL ME IF YOUR MAN IS HERE THAT HE HAS NOT CHANGED AT ALL, THAT WOULD JUST BE LYING TO YOURSELF OR THE PEOPLE YOU TALK TOO...

MY HUSBAND IS A PEOPLE PERSON , I AM THE SAME WAY, BUT I KNOW AS A MARRIED WOMAN IT IS NOT PROPER FOR ME TO GO ABOUT MY BUSINESS THE SAME AS I WOULD HAVE AS WHEN I WAS SINGLE...

I AM JUST SHARING MY EXPERIENCE AND KNOWLEDGE WITH YOU LADIES.. WHEN THIS THREAD STARTED A FEW YEARS AGO, WE DID NOT HAVE ALOT OF VETERANS, TELLING US THERE EXPERIENCES AND HOW THEY HANDLED OR DIDN'T HANDLE THINGS.....

IF YOU HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THE TRANSITION YET, HOW CAN YOU FORTELL YOUR FUTURE?

[Shemmy 4]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

I completely agree with that, Shem - But I think we also need to be aware of what has gone on before - you have to pay attention to the signs in any relationship - if things aren't acceptable to you, and you just deal with them - there shouldn't be surprise when it happens later on -

Not trying to judge you or pick apart your situation, Mrs. Smith - I just think that your post raised some valid points that people need to think about before their SO arrives -

Sus - I truly believe most things are discussed before their SO arrives but some things you won't think about i.e. your SO thinks it's okay to chat with other women. More than likely this will not occur the times you are visiting him in JA. If it did, you assume it's common sense that it won't happen once you are married so it's not discussed.

In my case, Damien hung out all the times in JA. I didn't have an issue and thought it would continue once he got here so we never discussed it....

I have met and kept in contact with many former VJers yardies and their lists are very similiar. It's sad.

[*JG* 2]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

I completely agree with that, Shem - But I think we also need to be aware of what has gone on before - you have to pay attention to the signs in any relationship - if things aren't acceptable to you, and you just deal with them - there shouldn't be surprise when it happens later on -

Not trying to judge you or pick apart your situation, Mrs. Smith - I just think that your post raised some valid points that people need to think about before their SO arrives -

I agree with you, Sus. It's the unexpected things you have to watch out for sometimes. At least you can try and deal with the things you see before.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Bottom line is - You have to learn how to pick your battles.

What I and others have said and experienced - you can you talk all long util you are blue in the face...reality won't happen until you live together in the same household.

Mrs. Smith - this is your experience and trust me, you are not alone.

I completely agree with that, Shem - But I think we also need to be aware of what has gone on before - you have to pay attention to the signs in any relationship - if things aren't acceptable to you, and you just deal with them - there shouldn't be surprise when it happens later on -

Not trying to judge you or pick apart your situation, Mrs. Smith - I just think that your post raised some valid points that people need to think about before their SO arrives -

Sus ur funny...

what ppl do not realize is this is their CULTURE..ppl go on vacation and leave THEIR little world behind and forget they r now in SOMEONE else's little world...nothing has changed except that the TWO are now all of a sudden in ONE world..I grew up with my mom and dad going to parties and hanging late and I'm with my granny. Then when i was able I was allowed to do the same..til the sun comes up..it's just what we do..When Kashi was in JA and he went to a party I knew he would not get home til some 5am more time..that didn't phase me..most of the times the dance is on his street, near his street or even next door. Why do we start acting BRAND NEW when they come here. YOU GOTTA LEARN UR MAN'S CULTURE and if ur not willing to accept it..then move on if u WILL not compromise..

[*JG* 2]

Thanks Portland - it's different when you go to JA 4-5 times a year visiting your man.

Just because my current relationship consists of visiting, doesn't mean I don't know what I am talking about or I haven't been through some of the exact same issues in the past with another man - Regardless of whether I am visiting or not - If I accept something now, then I can't expect my man to become this whole new person when he moves and change his behaviors - Now is the time to discuss these issues - not after they arrive.

Good points, Sus. And, knowing you as I do, I know you do exactly what you are saying. Not all do, though, and the points raised on here today are good one's for consideration.