Yardies at home and Farrin (part12)

[wakeywakeup 1]

So here is another topic to consider.....

Hanging with the fellas...How often do you think a man should hang with his friends after he has left JA?

When Dwayne was in Ja, I would call him and he'd be playing dominoes or hanging with friends. It bothered me sometimes because he would be distracted when we were talking and I felt put on the back burner.

Now, he is here in the states and making friends and enjoys the same hobbies. Honestly, this is the only thing we've argued about. I've told him I only want him to hang out maybe twice a month. I start feeling like the friends are taking him from me. He said I'm treating him like a pickney. We had to really work on the coming home at a decent hour thing. In in Ja they come in from hanging out when the sun is coming up. Since we started compromising on this he gets home by 1030 except for this weekend or when we are going out together.

So I have to ask myself if I'm feeling abandoned because I've never been myself with any guy before him. With him, I can talk about any and everything and he does the same. I'm goofy around him and he gets me..you know.

He will stay home when I ask but then I feel like I'm asking him to not be himself and start feeling selfish. He tells me once he is working fulltime it will change and he won’t hang out as much because he will no longer be climbing the walls from sitting in the house all day. He says he is really starting to miss home and getting out helps him feel more connected and takes the edge off.

So if you’re in my shoes what would you expect in this situation??

Wakey is that good or bad lol.. i know i have a WIERD sense of humor..

so u never even thought of kids b4 dwayne, that is so beautiful.. WOW.. if u dont mind my asking, this is ur first marriage?

does dwayne enjoy ur church? have ya'll visited others he may like..any other yardies wanna share their church experiences.. does he go, visit, has he joined??

Oh good..I'm the same...but my mind went in the gutter.. rofl

[wakeywakeup 1]

So here is another topic to consider.....

Hanging with the fellas...How often do you think a man should hang with his friends after he has left JA?

When Dwayne was in Ja, I would call him and he'd be playing dominoes or hanging with friends. It bothered me sometimes because he would be distracted when we were talking and I felt put on the back burner.

Now, he is here in the states and making friends and enjoys the same hobbies. Honestly, this is the only thing we've argued about. I've told him I only want him to hang out maybe twice a month. I start feeling like the friends are taking him from me. He said I'm treating him like a pickney. We had to really work on the coming home at a decent hour thing. In in Ja they come in from hanging out when the sun is coming up. Since we started compromising on this he gets home by 1030 except for this weekend or when we are going out together.

So I have to ask myself if I'm feeling abandoned because I've never been myself with any guy before him. With him, I can talk about any and everything and he does the same. I'm goofy around him and he gets me..you know.

He will stay home when I ask but then I feel like I'm asking him to not be himself and start feeling selfish. He tells me once he is working fulltime it will change and he won’t hang out as much because he will no longer be climbing the walls from sitting in the house all day. He says he is really starting to miss home and getting out helps him feel more connected and takes the edge off.

So if you’re in my shoes what would you expect in this situation??

Wakey is that good or bad lol.. i know i have a WIERD sense of humor..

so u never even thought of kids b4 dwayne, that is so beautiful.. WOW.. if u dont mind my asking, this is ur first marriage?

does dwayne enjoy ur church? have ya'll visited others he may like..any other yardies wanna share their church experiences.. does he go, visit, has he joined??

Oh good..I'm the same...but my mind went in the gutter.. rofl

Yes this is my first marriage..I'm devouring marriage books and we read them before bed at night. I think he is getting tired of me coming up with so many new things to do after reading.. lol.

He likes church but has not joined nor been baptised..he grandmother raised him that the minute that happens all music, going out etc ends and all you do is read the word. So he believes Christ is his savior but doant wanna get in di wata yet.

[wakeywakeup 1]

So here is another topic to consider.....

Hanging with the fellas...How often do you think a man should hang with his friends after he has left JA?

When Dwayne was in Ja, I would call him and he'd be playing dominoes or hanging with friends. It bothered me sometimes because he would be distracted when we were talking and I felt put on the back burner.

Now, he is here in the states and making friends and enjoys the same hobbies. Honestly, this is the only thing we've argued about. I've told him I only want him to hang out maybe twice a month. I start feeling like the friends are taking him from me. He said I'm treating him like a pickney. We had to really work on the coming home at a decent hour thing. In in Ja they come in from hanging out when the sun is coming up. Since we started compromising on this he gets home by 1030 except for this weekend or when we are going out together.

So I have to ask myself if I'm feeling abandoned because I've never been myself with any guy before him. With him, I can talk about any and everything and he does the same. I'm goofy around him and he gets me..you know.

He will stay home when I ask but then I feel like I'm asking him to not be himself and start feeling selfish. He tells me once he is working fulltime it will change and he won’t hang out as much because he will no longer be climbing the walls from sitting in the house all day. He says he is really starting to miss home and getting out helps him feel more connected and takes the edge off.

So if you’re in my shoes what would you expect in this situation??

Where are ya'll at with the responses?

[PortlandAngel 0]

Hey wakey, in response to your question I think its ok for you guys to agree on what's is a fair but for you to tell him.... I don't know know about that.... once a week hanging out is alright but it all depends on the friends and what they are doing....

[dillon 6]

Hi Wakey-

This is just my opinion but I think that he needs to have his friends and you need to have yours. I know that he is your best friend and you like to do everything with him but I think to have a healthy relationship you both need to have time apart as well. You have to remember you have interaction with all sorts of people through the day while at work or family or what not. If he has met some nice people that he enjoys hanging out with I don't see it as a problem. Also can't you all do something together sometimes so you are involved as well?

When I was growing up my parents did pretty much everything together but at the same time had their own friends and mutual friends as well. My Dad would go and play golf with his friends, have poker night, go to a ball game or whatever. My Mom would have her friends over and talk the night away or go to movies, shopping. It was nice for them to go out and do things with people. Now I don't remember them going out to kick it or anything like that but there were times when they would go out together for something probably to get away from us kids.

It is so much different for them now. They are ALWAYS together getting on each others nerves, complaining about something. I know they love the heck out of each other but I think they are both lonely for "friends". I know my Mom is, she said it gave her a feeling of independence. Maybe that is all your hubby is looking for?

Might be a complete different story once Conmar gets here and I will not like him going out either but I think it is something they need. You didn't have to give up or limit your friends because he asked you too? If you did it was probably by your choice? I don't think it would be fair to limit him either?

[dancehallquana 5]

wow wakey..

i am a bit liberal when it comes to the "going out" issue, but I do agree that he should try to limit his time away from u, .. u guys are still learning each other and u have went thru so long apart, u want to be w/ him alot

2 times a mnth may be too strict tho cuz he is also trying to carve out his own niche and enjoy things , not separate from u but alongside u.. u guys will come up w/ an acceptable schedule (MINE would be maybe 4 times a mnth, but that is for me and MY house)

i agree w/ him that going out is just filling a void right now.. maybe there are some other things he can get into in the daytime so that he wont be so eager to get out at night..

COMPROMISE ( and YOU have said this b4) is what it sounds like u need, he has to realize that u are not trying to run him, but there is a such thing as BALANCE and he can't let boredom get him caught up in behavior that will cause a wedge between u guys..

and u wanna also realize that there are things about him that u may not like or understand, but u can't change.. and u can't try to make him see the bad in it, only thing u can do is try to encourage him to see how those behaviors makes u feel and encourage him to try to create that BALANCE.. my two cents

[wakeywakeup 1]

Hey wakey, in response to your question I think its ok for you guys to agree on what's is a fair but for you to tell him.... I don't know know about that.... once a week hanging out is alright but it all depends on the friends and what they are doing....

They hanging at each others homes playing dominoes, cards, and listening to music..talking about how it was back home and what not..

[Ryon4life 0]

So here is another topic to consider.....

Hanging with the fellas...How often do you think a man should hang with his friends after he has left JA?

When Dwayne was in Ja, I would call him and he'd be playing dominoes or hanging with friends. It bothered me sometimes because he would be distracted when we were talking and I felt put on the back burner.

Now, he is here in the states and making friends and enjoys the same hobbies. Honestly, this is the only thing we've argued about. I've told him I only want him to hang out maybe twice a month. I start feeling like the friends are taking him from me. He said I'm treating him like a pickney. We had to really work on the coming home at a decent hour thing. In in Ja they come in from hanging out when the sun is coming up. Since we started compromising on this he gets home by 1030 except for this weekend or when we are going out together.

So I have to ask myself if I'm feeling abandoned because I've never been myself with any guy before him. With him, I can talk about any and everything and he does the same. I'm goofy around him and he gets me..you know.

He will stay home when I ask but then I feel like I'm asking him to not be himself and start feeling selfish. He tells me once he is working fulltime it will change and he won't hang out as much because he will no longer be climbing the walls from sitting in the house all day. He says he is really starting to miss home and getting out helps him feel more connected and takes the edge off.

So if you're in my shoes what would you expect in this situation??

good topic

I am not sure if my response will help or not b/c I can remember feeling the same way recently. also I do not think that it is abandonment. You can look at this situation so many ways. But what I want to comment on is that "your feelings or needs" can only be met by YOU. When we as women are lacking or have an un-met need, we are to fill it OURSELVES.

I hope I am saying this right

My life, my work, my hobbies are thing I enjoy doing and YES it would be great if my SO shared the same interests BUT it's OK if he like dominos and I like playing uno. He is an added value to my life. We must compromise with an honest heart right

[wakeywakeup 1]

Hi Wakey-

This is just my opinion but I think that he needs to have his friends and you need to have yours. I know that he is your best friend and you like to do everything with him but I think to have a healthy relationship you both need to have time apart as well. You have to remember you have interaction with all sorts of people through the day while at work or family or what not. If he has met some nice people that he enjoys hanging out with I don't see it as a problem. Also can't you all do something together sometimes so you are involved as well?

When I was growing up my parents did pretty much everything together but at the same time had their own friends and mutual friends as well. My Dad would go and play golf with his friends, have poker night, go to a ball game or whatever. My Mom would have her friends over and talk the night away or go to movies, shopping. It was nice for them to go out and do things with people. Now I don't remember them going out to kick it or anything like that but there were times when they would go out together for something probably to get away from us kids.

It is so much different for them now. They are ALWAYS together getting on each others nerves, complaining about something. I know they love the heck out of each other but I think they are both lonely for "friends". I know my Mom is, she said it gave her a feeling of independence. Maybe that is all your hubby is looking for?

Might be a complete different story once Conmar gets here and I will not like him going out either but I think it is something they need. You didn't have to give up or limit your friends because he asked you too? If you did it was probably by your choice? I don't think it would be fair to limit him either?

Thanks you so much for this insight.. I really want us to have our own friends..and you're right if he'd asked the same from me I would feel a way...

[StoneLove4Ever 0]

I am kinda going through the same thing Wakey...but my husband is not really hanging out with friends but with his cousins...i just don't like it cause they are into the smoking thing...i told him he can't do it if he really wants a job and he says he doesn't but it just bothers me that he wants to be around that...but I do feel sorry for him since he is home all day not doing anything...so I don't mind him hanging out but just always let him know that he is still looking for a job and most jobs do drug tests...even though our husbands came up here to be with us we can't expect them to wait for us in the house all day like puppies...I do believe though once they start working they will put the whole hanging out thing to a minimum but I don't expect him not to hang out...my husband is still young and still wants to have his fun so its ok as long as he is not doing anything to hurt himself or hurt me...he needs his space like i would want my space...

[dancehallquana 5]

Hi Wakey-

This is just my opinion but I think that he needs to have his friends and you need to have yours. I know that he is your best friend and you like to do everything with him but I think to have a healthy relationship you both need to have time apart as well. You have to remember you have interaction with all sorts of people through the day while at work or family or what not. If he has met some nice people that he enjoys hanging out with I don't see it as a problem. Also can't you all do something together sometimes so you are involved as well?

When I was growing up my parents did pretty much everything together but at the same time had their own friends and mutual friends as well. My Dad would go and play golf with his friends, have poker night, go to a ball game or whatever. My Mom would have her friends over and talk the night away or go to movies, shopping. It was nice for them to go out and do things with people. Now I don't remember them going out to kick it or anything like that but there were times when they would go out together for something probably to get away from us kids.

It is so much different for them now. They are ALWAYS together getting on each others nerves, complaining about something. I know they love the heck out of each other but I think they are both lonely for "friends". I know my Mom is, she said it gave her a feeling of independence. Maybe that is all your hubby is looking for?

Might be a complete different story once Conmar gets here and I will not like him going out either but I think it is something they need. You didn't have to give up or limit your friends because he asked you too? If you did it was probably by your choice? I don't think it would be fair to limit him either?

i agree 100% dillon.. i want my man to miss me, and i want to miss him.. i don't want to do everything together. ANNOYING!!!!. its important to have a life outside of the 4 walls of ur home. my problem w/ my 1st husband was we didn't have enough time together.. the time apart we had down. I wouldn't change that part either..

now right now I go out maybe 3-4 times a week, i get in when i want, BUT when RG comes.. i would go out ALONE maybe once or twice and be in at a reasonable time...and if it is just over to a friends house or going to a happy hour or something after work... i would limit my time away.

[sus 70]

I agree with Dillon and Quana - You have to have your together time and your alone time - I wouldn't be happy if he were taking off every night and we weren't spending time together, but I think twice a month is a bit restrictive - Too much together time was somewhat of a downfall of my last relationship - because he had no friends, and we went everywhere together - but I have a ton of friends, and when we went out to a club, they were always around - I think you have to build your lives together, and your lives apart -

What about hosting dominoes night at your house? If he's keeping you separate from his friends, that would bother me - but bring them around - no issues.

[wakeywakeup 1]

wow wakey..

i am a bit liberal when it comes to the "going out" issue, but I do agree that he should try to limit his time away from u, .. u guys are still learning each other and u have went thru so long apart, u want to be w/ him alot

2 times a mnth may be too strict tho cuz he is also trying to carve out his own niche and enjoy things , not separate from u but alongside u.. u guys will come up w/ an acceptable schedule (MINE would be maybe 4 times a mnth, but that is for me and MY house)

i agree w/ him that going out is just filling a void right now.. maybe there are some other things he can get into in the daytime so that he wont be so eager to get out at night..

COMPROMISE ( and YOU have said this b4) is what it sounds like u need, he has to realize that u are not trying to run him, but there is a such thing as BALANCE and he can't let boredom get him caught up in behavior that will cause a wedge between u guys..

and u wanna also realize that there are things about him that u may not like or understand, but u can't change.. and u can't try to make him see the bad in it, only thing u can do is try to encourage him to see how those behaviors makes u feel and encourage him to try to create that BALANCE.. my two cents

You know once I typed it ..2 times per month it does sound like I'm putting a collar and leash on him I never want to do that. I just think I need to find my own stuff outside of work to do with friends again. When he was in Ja I would rush home to get on our nightly phone call and I guess I let alot of my friendships slip and haven't found a way to get back in them. Plus I've changed how I think on many things like how I want to hang out now..So I guess I should communicate that with my friends and start there.

[dillon 6]

I agree with Dillon and Quana - You have to have your together time and your alone time - I wouldn't be happy if he were taking off every night and we weren't spending time together, but I think twice a month is a bit restrictive - Too much together time was somewhat of a downfall of my last relationship - because he had no friends, and we went everywhere together - but I have a ton of friends, and when we went out to a club, they were always around - I think you have to build your lives together, and your lives apart -

What about hosting dominoes night at your house? If he's keeping you separate from his friends, that would bother me - but bring them around - no issues.

This is a great idea. Just so he is around you don't have to be playing with them.

[Jengles 0]

I agree with Dillon and Quana - You have to have your together time and your alone time - I wouldn't be happy if he were taking off every night and we weren't spending time together, but I think twice a month is a bit restrictive - Too much together time was somewhat of a downfall of my last relationship - because he had no friends, and we went everywhere together - but I have a ton of friends, and when we went out to a club, they were always around - I think you have to build your lives together, and your lives apart -

What about hosting dominoes night at your house? If he's keeping you separate from his friends, that would bother me - but bring them around - no issues.

that sounds like a good idea, be glad he has people he can relate too and he's right when he starts working he won't be hanging out as much..and hopefully he's home when you are home once a week is good.