Supporting a deadbeat??

[Griffon76 0]

"The sponsor is bound by law to provide financially for the person whom they signed the papers for during the visa process."

This statement makes me cringe...I have avoided posting here due to embarrassment for a mistake I made. I know I'm not the first one to commit a mistake like this but I can't believe I let this happen to me when I saw 'signs' and ignored them thinking I should give this man a chance. Now he has lost his job (I'm beginning to think on purpose) and is happy sitting around letting me work my a** off and not being motivated in finding another job. We have been separated for a good part of last year due to serious differences (not cultural) just things that didn't show themselves til later. One of them being he is a drunk. He had a good job but was fired for not showing up to work many times. His boss gave him many chances. I am beginning to believe he planned this so I would let him stay here. He was supposed to move out this month and now has no job, no money and is doing nothing to get work. I am so strapped that if something came up and I needed money for an emergency, I'm stuck!. I was willing to give him $ in the separation agreement but can't even save that up since he is not contributing financially. I have been given lots of advice from well-meaning friends from not buying food so he will be forced to get a job, to keeping record of all I buy for him and deduct that from the settlement amount. I just don't know what to do. He has family in Canada but refuses to get their help and has no one else here. I have tried to help direct him to do the right thing, get a job and move on like a responsible adult but to no avail. Has anyone been through something like this? (Btw, There is NO salvaging this relationship. This has made me gun-shy with regard to relationships now...) What can be done?

[Kez/JWolf 6]

"The sponsor is bound by law to provide financially for the person whom they signed the papers for during the visa process."

This statement makes me cringe...I have avoided posting here due to embarrassment for a mistake I made. I know I'm not the first one to commit a mistake like this but I can't believe I let this happen to me when I saw 'signs' and ignored them thinking I should give this man a chance. Now he has lost his job (I'm beginning to think on purpose) and is happy sitting around letting me work my a** off and not being motivated in finding another job. We have been separated for a good part of last year due to serious differences (not cultural) just things that didn't show themselves til later. One of them being he is a drunk. He had a good job but was fired for not showing up to work many times. His boss gave him many chances. I am beginning to believe he planned this so I would let him stay here. He was supposed to move out this month and now has no job, no money and is doing nothing to get work. I am so strapped that if something came up and I needed money for an emergency, I'm stuck!. I was willing to give him $ in the separation agreement but can't even save that up since he is not contributing financially. I have been given lots of advice from well-meaning friends from not buying food so he will be forced to get a job, to keeping record of all I buy for him and deduct that from the settlement amount. I just don't know what to do. He has family in Canada but refuses to get their help and has no one else here. I have tried to help direct him to do the right thing, get a job and move on like a responsible adult but to no avail. Has anyone been through something like this? (Btw, There is NO salvaging this relationship. This has made me gun-shy with regard to relationships now...) What can be done?

You need to seek help from a divorce lawyer who can advise you on how best to protect yourself. You opening statement is a bit inaccurate.

"The sponsor is bound by law to provide financially for the person whom they signed the papers for during the visa process"

You would only be responsible for repaying any public funds your husband claimed. It does not mean that you have to financially support him while he sits home and drinks. This is why you need to speak with a lawyer who can help you get the correct information about what you are responsible for and what you are not responsible for.

Keep safe

[Griffon76 0]

You need to seek help from a divorce lawyer who can advise you on how best to protect yourself. You opening statement is a bit inaccurate.

"The sponsor is bound by law to provide financially for the person whom they signed the papers for during the visa process"

You would only be responsible for repaying any public funds your husband claimed. It does not mean that you have to financially support him while he sits home and drinks. This is why you need to speak with a lawyer who can help you get the correct information about what you are responsible for and what you are not responsible for.

Keep safe

Thanks for clearing that up! I have seen a lawyer who is drawing up the sep papers. which detail the amount I am to pay him (for his share of the house) to be fair in this divorce. My problem is that because he is refusing to work now, I can't save the money to get him out. I will pay him x amount of money and he will sign all papers to end this and house will be in my name only. I can't borrow any more. I will ask the lawyer if I can start deducting funds like rent, food, gas if he is still refusing to make an effort to work and help support himself while he is in this house. The one good thing about me controlling what goes in his mouth is that he has not had a drink in 2 months! (I will NOT buy alcohol) I have 2 holes in a wall and door due to his being drunk and angry and have not had to listen to abuse since he can't drink any more. The problem with him using up the money I will pay him is when it's all gone where does he go? How do I get him out? Contact his family? It's like he just doesn't care but I can't keep living like this and I can't make him take care of himself. I just don't know what to do beyond that point....

[Nagishkaw 510]

Go to your local courthouse and start eviction proceedings ??

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

Eviction won't work if there are married because it is his house also. Seeing there is no saving the relationship a restraining order or protiective order might work. The holes in the walls should be proof enough of his lack of control.

[Jasman0717 9]

Go to your local courthouse and start eviction proceedings ??

Give him the boot

[Old Dominion 26]

Change the locks when and if he is not home, and if he tries to break in, call the police.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Eviction won't work if there are married because it is his house also. Seeing there is no saving the relationship a restraining order or protiective order might work. The holes in the walls should be proof enough of his lack of control.

I would think once the papers are served, she can do both, get the PPO and start eviction. Even if she changed the locks and called the police, they would allow him in the house because he gets his mail there and they are still married.

[john & jean 37]

file for divorce get a temporary restraining order. he will be allowed to come there with an officer and get his things. after that he is not allowed to be there. then if he showes up again he can stay at the "county motel." JAIL....

[Cham 3]

If he has punched HOLES in the wall and you are both separated ( hopefully HE is not living there) he is no longer part of that household. Is the house a rental or own?? is his name on the contract? If it is your landlord tell them he moved out and YOU are separated.

IF NOT and he is still there GO to the courthouse get a restraining order WITH pictures OF the holes (showing he is abusive and has an anger problem) then they will remove him.

Honestly who cares if he is out on his BUTT I would call immigration as well and let them know YOU are obtaining a divorce..THIS way he can just get his butt back home and live with mommy and daddy or someone who will put up with his array of #######.

NEVER allow any drunk who has anger issues rule who YOU are..get it done and get this crappy person out of YOUR life

ps...the signs are always there sweetie..but love is blind...I been in your shoes and did it for over 10 years...glad YOU are getting out now

Eviction won't work if there are married because it is his house also. Seeing there is no saving the relationship a restraining order or protiective order might work. The holes in the walls should be proof enough of his lack of control.

I would think once the papers are served, she can do both, get the PPO and start eviction. Even if she changed the locks and called the police, they would allow him in the house because he gets his mail there and they are still married.

depends on the state she lives in..IF they are seperated she can do this.

IF her name is on the house and its HER house she can in some states boot him out with a written eviction order from the courts along with a restraining order

[Caladan 19]

It's good to keep the I-864 issues separate from the other divorce financial issues. The I-864 says that the state can ask you to repay money in the event that the immigrant uses means-tested benefits. It does not determine the terms of a divorce settlement at all. (There is one case where the I-864 was cited as a reason for spousal support, but AFAIK, it's just the one case. It's certainly not automatic.)

You need a lawyer. Eviction laws vary by state.

[rin and john 71]

It's good to keep the I-864 issues separate from the other divorce financial issues. The I-864 says that the state can ask you to repay money in the event that the immigrant uses means-tested benefits. It does not determine the terms of a divorce settlement at all. (There is one case where the I-864 was cited as a reason for spousal support, but AFAIK, it's just the one case. It's certainly not automatic.)

You need a lawyer. Eviction laws vary by state.

Caladan has it right. Keep the immigration and divorce issues separate. When getting divorced, you may not have to pay him anything as the court will assume he is capable of making the "median" wage for your area. For example, when I was going thru my divorce, my ex was working making about $18,000 per year. That is what the court used for determining spousal support. Had she not been working, the median wage at the time for TN was around $26,000 per year. They would have used that.

[pushbrk 12,883]

"The sponsor is bound by law to provide financially for the person whom they signed the papers for during the visa process."

This statement makes me cringe...I have avoided posting here due to embarrassment for a mistake I made. I know I'm not the first one to commit a mistake like this but I can't believe I let this happen to me when I saw 'signs' and ignored them thinking I should give this man a chance. Now he has lost his job (I'm beginning to think on purpose) and is happy sitting around letting me work my a** off and not being motivated in finding another job. We have been separated for a good part of last year due to serious differences (not cultural) just things that didn't show themselves til later. One of them being he is a drunk. He had a good job but was fired for not showing up to work many times. His boss gave him many chances. I am beginning to believe he planned this so I would let him stay here. He was supposed to move out this month and now has no job, no money and is doing nothing to get work. I am so strapped that if something came up and I needed money for an emergency, I'm stuck!. I was willing to give him $ in the separation agreement but can't even save that up since he is not contributing financially. I have been given lots of advice from well-meaning friends from not buying food so he will be forced to get a job, to keeping record of all I buy for him and deduct that from the settlement amount. I just don't know what to do. He has family in Canada but refuses to get their help and has no one else here. I have tried to help direct him to do the right thing, get a job and move on like a responsible adult but to no avail. Has anyone been through something like this? (Btw, There is NO salvaging this relationship. This has made me gun-shy with regard to relationships now...) What can be done?

I don't know what you're quoting in the first line of your post but it is not technically correct. If he is now a permanent resident, you could be responsible for reimbursing the US government for certain benefits he might obtain, not specifically for "supporting him".

I'd buy him a bus ticket back to his Canadian home town and twenty bucks for food, then change the locks an hang the ticket and the twenty in an envelope on the door.

[Old Dominion 26]

And if he even tries to bang down the door, call the police. That's the best approach to take with this bozo.

[hheaven67 2]

I don't know what you're quoting in the first line of your post but it is not technically correct. If he is now a permanent resident, you could be responsible for reimbursing the US government for certain benefits he might obtain, not specifically for "supporting him".

I'd buy him a bus ticket back to his Canadian home town and twenty bucks for food, then change the locks an hang the ticket and the twenty in an envelope on the door.

I SO agree with pushbrk!! Go buy a one-way ticket, pack his #######, get it in the trunk, tell him you need to show him something or whatever and drop his sorry *ss at the bus depot! Honestly, I don't think he'd show up at your doorstep again. And this guy has any right to say he's a MAN??!! How sickening! I am sorry for you and I am embarrassed that he's a Canadian! Went thru the same experience myself except not married so I don't know why I stuck with the loser for 4 years! I know that I felt bad/sorry for him until I finally got to the point of having ENOUGH, didn't care if he had no money or no job, he had friends and a rich mommy to help him out. You owe him NOTHING for the ####### he's put you thru! Remember that...it will feel like a ton of weight off your shoulders when he's out, I guarantee you that!

Best of luck my friend...

hugz...