The 3D Plan: Shhhhhhhhh...I Dont Love my Fiance...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

This is really a case of fraud for sure. But I wonder if she is the only one.

That is pretty incredible and sad. However, once it comes to light that she has committed fraud, she'll lose her legal status here and be banned for life.

The strangest part of the whole story, according to my wife, is that the USC hired lawyers and paid them a considerable sum, to get her through the process so far, even after she ran off to NYC. He even had to pay extra for her vaccinations, because she refused them at St. Lukes (medical exam), and, she lost her I-94 along the way!

I don't know if the USC knows about her Filipino boyfriend/husband, but I am almost sure he will retain the l--Bullwinkle

awyers in order for her to remove conditions. Don't ask me why, 'cuz I don't know!

Ah, well then the USC has probably enabled this to go this far. I guess what concerns me about this thread and many like it before, is that it does nothing to help address the problem of fraud....rather it evokes anxiety and hysteria. There's nothing that can be done about girls like Jezebel except for both the USC and the Embassy to pay attention to the red flags (huge difference in age, education, looks, money, etc.). There's just no magical formula, but my hunch is that most USC who understand what they are getting themselves into, have the capability of knowing just who they are marrying.

It makes it hard, for the lonely hearts, who are at their most vunerable. Love is often blind, and even when someone should know they are being used/cheated, still they keep the blinders on. And for all the good women, and good men out there, looking for true love, it makes it even harder.

Yep. Well said. That pretty much sums it up.

[New WorldMan 0]

wow- You make it sound so common place....Are you sure you want to run the risk? What are you posting this for? There are scammers from every country-even *gasp* the USA! Oh and plz stop calling them Pilipina. It's Filipina.

Manila is a high risk embassy because of all the scamming going on and it just isn't the Philippines, you will see it all over the world. I still have complete faith in the Filipino people and will not let some bad apples sway me from my convictions of just how wonderful the culture and people truly are. Americans could certainly learn a thing or two about respect and treatment of others.

You are so right! I was just in the Philippines last year and I loved it. Well most of it. The culture and the citizens

are wonderful. The filipina people treat you with respect and dignity. I cant wait to go back!

[Uncle Wally 2]

"You are so right! I was just in the Philippines last year and I loved it. The filipina people treat you with respect and dignity. I cant wait to go back!"

[Mykuls Merry Ann 4]

Ah, well then the USC has probably enabled this to go this far. I guess what concerns me about this thread and many like it before, is that it does nothing to help address the problem of fraud....rather it evokes anxiety and hysteria. There's nothing that can be done about girls like Jezebel except for both the USC and the Embassy to pay attention to the red flags (huge difference in age, education, looks, money, etc.). There's just no magical formula, but my hunch is that most USC who understand what they are getting themselves into, have the capability of knowing just who they are marrying.

Ya know I am not trying to start a movement here, ok?

[Mykuls Merry Ann 4]

Ah, well then the USC has probably enabled this to go this far. I guess what concerns me about this thread and many like it before, is that it does nothing to help address the problem of fraud....rather it evokes anxiety and hysteria. There's nothing that can be done about girls like Jezebel except for both the USC and the Embassy to pay attention to the red flags (huge difference in age, education, looks, money, etc.). There's just no magical formula, but my hunch is that most USC who understand what they are getting themselves into, have the capability of knowing just who they are marrying.

Okay wait a minute, I had to go back to this post. Did you not say here that the USC citizen needs to pay attention to the red flags?

So this thread does not throw up any Red Flags?

Lastly, so that means that the one who does not see what they are getting into, we should leave them for prey?

Alright, if you want to go down this road, I will go down it with you....

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Ah, well then the USC has probably enabled this to go this far. I guess what concerns me about this thread and many like it before, is that it does nothing to help address the problem of fraud....rather it evokes anxiety and hysteria. There's nothing that can be done about girls like Jezebel except for both the USC and the Embassy to pay attention to the red flags (huge difference in age, education, looks, money, etc.). There's just no magical formula, but my hunch is that most USC who understand what they are getting themselves into, have the capability of knowing just who they are marrying.

Okay wait a minute, I had to go back to this post. Did you not say here that the USC citizen needs to pay attention to the red flags?

So this thread does not throw up any Red Flags?

Lastly, so that means that the one who does not see what they are getting into, we should leave them for prey?

Alright, if you want to go down this road, I will go down it with you....

What red flags are you pointing out? To look for her secret diary where she reveals her diabolical plan? I'm sorry if I missed it but what specifically should a USC look for as red flags?

[SENKA 0]

Dude, this is the longest post I've seen!

[Mykuls Merry Ann 4]

Ah, well then the USC has probably enabled this to go this far. I guess what concerns me about this thread and many like it before, is that it does nothing to help address the problem of fraud....rather it evokes anxiety and hysteria. There's nothing that can be done about girls like Jezebel except for both the USC and the Embassy to pay attention to the red flags (huge difference in age, education, looks, money, etc.). There's just no magical formula, but my hunch is that most USC who understand what they are getting themselves into, have the capability of knowing just who they are marrying.

Okay wait a minute, I had to go back to this post. Did you not say here that the USC citizen needs to pay attention to the red flags?

So this thread does not throw up any Red Flags?

Lastly, so that means that the one who does not see what they are getting into, we should leave them for prey?

Alright, if you want to go down this road, I will go down it with you....

What red flags are you pointing out? To look for her secret diary where she reveals her diabolical plan? I'm sorry if I missed it but what specifically should a USC look for as red flags?

You actually posted some of them. You think that finding out the intentions of the beneficiary after they arrive and marry. How about asking and discussing the actual question that we are talking about here. Like are you sincerely planning to marry for the sake of love? I will tell you, I had many conversations with my fiancee onver the past 3.5 yrs now. I asked all the pertinent questions. Some of those questions were tough. But as time went along she understood why I asked them. I wanted to know what were her plans and goals in life? Did she want to work, go to school, stay at home and take care of our hoome? I did not ask those questions once, I told her that as our relationship grew, that we would revisit such issues again.

We talked about divorce, and domestic violence. We talked about the possibility of using someone to get a greencard. We made commitments to each other that we would fight to the end to make our marriage work.

You actually think that warning the USC does no good?

[jazz_acid 5]

Hey cool it people!

I am raised and born to be a Filipina and i'm proud to be. eversince i was a child i am attracted to white guys (that's my mom's influence beens she's always watching Night Rider, Rambo, Roky Balboa, Baywatch, Beverly Hills etc.) and always dreamt of having a white bf. I never had an asian or fellow filipino crush back then, my crushes were all whites. My family felt disappointed when i had my first bf, he's a filipino, it lasted 4 years and after him, I met this white man from missouri over the internet. I wasn't actually looking for a relationship back when i met him cos i just broke up with my ex that time. I was only given that chat box by my office mates cos they knew i was depress and needed someone to talk to. They asked me to explore the whole world by "chatting" online. This guy (which is my fiance) said hi to me, his account name caught my attention it was "wishin-my-life-away", i felt the agony on his name and i felt that we feel the same sentiment so I talked to him and found out he's broken hearted too. I didnt open up to him at first till he told me his every stories and i found out that the date (and year) his ex left him was the same exact date (and year) my ex left me. It didnt bother me tho. Not to boast, but i can say, I am pretty and smart, I've been employed at the biggest drug company here in the phils. and came to a well off family. I was 22 that time and dated several men who aspires to be my boyfriend, I also had Italian suitor whom I can say was an ideal man to every girl. He is a rich 32 y/o business man from italy that's connected with big companies here in the phils. (he's dump by my employer tho). Ok what's my point? eventho i had this great opportunity with this italian guy who promised me a vacation to paris, I found myself talking more and spending hours and hours online to talk to this american missouri cowboy. I even cussed myself out about this cus i found it "cheap" or unprofessional (chatting online). but well, i can't fool my heart, i knew i was falling inlove with him (who's 23 back then). I started praying to God about how i feel with this american guy. I prayed that if he's not the guy for me, pls take away the feelings i feel for him cos i don't think its the right time to fall inlove again.

But to cut the story short, we never stopped talking since the day 1 we talked online and its EVERYDAY 5 HOURS A DAY talk and during weekend, we spend more than 5 hours talk online and on cam (up to now) and after more than 2 years of chatting online and meeting each other in person twice,,, we will be reuniting this month. Thanks be to God~

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH and if i didnt met him, for sure, i fall to a wrong man and have done stupid things and decisions.

He is so committed to me. He helped me to draw near to God more and more and helped me to trust people again. He saved me from a sure death depression gave me caused by my previous relationship.

He is not rich, he is not perfect... just enough to love me for who i am.

I agree that becos of poverty, many filipinas marry foreigners to uplift their lifestyle, but its non of our business anymore... but I do pray that atleast have respect to the persons they'll be marrying, or hopefully love will grow... love begets love i believe. I hope filipinas and other low status nationals wont do this for a business or security becos u don't know what ur loosing, love is something special that all of us should experience even without money becos love itself is a security!

jazz

Edited January 17, 2009 by jazz_acid

[one...two...tree 2,762]

What red flags are you pointing out? To look for her secret diary where she reveals her diabolical plan? I'm sorry if I missed it but what specifically should a USC look for as red flags?

You actually posted some of them. You think that finding out the intentions of the beneficiary after they arrive and marry. How about asking and discussing the actual question that we are talking about here. Like are you sincerely planning to marry for the sake of love? I will tell you, I had many conversations with my fiancee onver the past 3.5 yrs now. I asked all the pertinent questions. Some of those questions were tough. But as time went along she understood why I asked them. I wanted to know what were her plans and goals in life? Did she want to work, go to school, stay at home and take care of our hoome? I did not ask those questions once, I told her that as our relationship grew, that we would revisit such issues again.

We talked about divorce, and domestic violence. We talked about the possibility of using someone to get a greencard. We made commitments to each other that we would fight to the end to make our marriage work.

You actually think that warning the USC does no good?

All of that is very important but I don't get how that is any different from any relationship - whether you are marrying Jenny from the block or Jezebel from the PI. I wouldn't want heartache to happen to any person, but seriously, if a USC is acting like a schmuck by meeting a girl online and not taking the normal precautions they would in any relationship, then who is going to say to him, "I sure didn't see that coming?"

I would agree, there are certain things you can do to avoid being scammed from someone on the internet you've never met before, but once somebody becomes engaged in a LDR, if they haven't taken the time to know who they are going to marry, then what can be done for them?

You mentioned in your original post about the bases - well back when the military bases were open, there were a lot of bar girls, so I suppose you could say that the girls who now hang out at internet cafes looking for the next Joe to bat their eyes at are cyber bar girls. In that case, any USC who is hooking up with one of these girls should be asking himself all kinds of questions - like how many other Joe's has she already talked to and perhaps even met in person? And for the record, not every Filipina who uses the internet cafe is seeking out a relationship with a foreigner. Those internet cafes are filled with both male and females since most Filipino families do not own a personal computer.

[stephen.low1 0]

Michael,

I'm not sure what to say, but of course fraud happens and there certainly are red flags that both the USC and the CO should look for, but I seriously doubt that a young woman with any real job skills or education is going to be plotting any of those 3D's you mentioned. Chances are, if she comes from a very poor family and has no job, she may very well look to marriage as way out, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's fraudulent or that her emotional intentions aren't sincere. I think the Embassy in Manila has a pretty good way of determining which relationships are bonafide....some may fall through the cracks, but that's because there's just no sure way of stopping all fraud.

manipulation is not difficult, just because you don't have education and you are poor doesnt mean that you are not capable of such acts. most mobster in the early 30's and 40's in America were just that same way. although i get your point.

[faryan 4]

All of that is very important but I don't get how that is any different from any relationship - whether you are marrying Jenny from the block or Jezebel from the PI. I wouldn't want heartache to happen to any person, but seriously, if a USC is acting like a schmuck by meeting a girl online and not taking the normal precautions they would in any relationship, then who is going to say to him, "I sure didn't see that coming?"

I would agree, there are certain things you can do to avoid being scammed from someone on the internet you've never met before, but once somebody becomes engaged in a LDR, if they haven't taken the time to know who they are going to marry, then what can be done for them?

You mentioned in your original post about the bases - well back when the military bases were open, there were a lot of bar girls, so I suppose you could say that the girls who now hang out at internet cafes looking for the next Joe to bat their eyes at are cyber bar girls. In that case, any USC who is hooking up with one of these girls should be asking himself all kinds of questions - like how many other Joe's has she already talked to and perhaps even met in person? And for the record, not every Filipina who uses the internet cafe is seeking out a relationship with a foreigner. Those internet cafes are filled with both male and females since most Filipino families do not own a personal computer.

[stephen.low1 0]

Just an opinion.

My soon to be wife and I had some fun talk last night on the phone.

She went to complete her medical appt and she mentioned to me that

"She found one" lol

I was confused at first what she was talking about, but she told me

about all the gossip between the women at SLEC hospital who were there

for their medical appts. All of them finding out about each others

case...She told me none of them mentioned love for the reason of

marrying and immigrating to the United States, but some had sincere

and good intention to make their marriages work once they got here.

But then she told me about the "one" She was very young maybe 22, and

giggly. And her words were clear...

"I dont love my fiance, I am just doing this because my parents want

me to go to the United States" hehehe

We had talked about these types many times in our relationship, I am

sure most of you can guess, that I was making sure that I was not

being duped myself. lol

This topic will be very long:

Now for the purposes of this thread, we are going to ASSUME that it is

clear that the Pilipina is using the Americano to get the green card

or U.S. citizenship status. We all know that this is not the case

with all or even most Pilipina women and that the majority of Pilipina

women are sincere and come here to marry and live for life with the

person that petitioned them.

But we do see a common trend that seems to be increasing among many

Pilipina women who are using the K-1 visa to come here, and really

have no intention of staying married. Over the past 5 yrs I have done

a lot of reading on Fil-Am relationships, and while decades ago you

would think that this was the perfect match made in heaven for a lot

of people, we now see that things may be breaking down between the two

groups. American people are changing, becoming a lot more

conservative. Philippine culture has changed immensely. Economic

conditions have proven to be the one thing that really supported the

bond between an American man and Pilipina woman. The man wanted a

faithful loving wife, and the woman wanted a good man who could

provide her a good family life. It’s nothing wrong with this either.

Men seek a woman they can trust, and women seek a man who has the

resources to take care of her and any children that may come along.

In the 70s and 80s it seemed to have worked well. If you look around

America you can see older couples that have succeeded from this era in

marriage. About 5 yrs ago I was in a mall and I saw an old

couple...both of them had to be in their 60s. The man was American,

and his wife Pilipina. What was amazing is that right there in the

mall this older couple was holding hands. Wow, what a good thing to see!

But lets be honest, the new Philippine culture has changed a lot over

the past few decades. Since the bases closed there in 1992, we see

that the culture has changed both for the better, and some for the

worst. The economic conditions seem to be bad in the Philippines,

many people who are from the Philippines are working abroad or have a

family member(s) that are working abroad.

So while the economic status of the Philippines looks bad on the

inside economy, many people inside the Philippines may not be hurting

as bad as it looks on paper. Most money flows from other countries

into the Philippines to support the people. The trend of people

having to leave the Philippines for sake of making money has birthed

all kinds of options to the younger generation inside the country. The

internet has also opened a new door for some Pilipino people to make

money from other countries, and to secure new relationships that may

help them immigrate to the United States and other developed

countries. It has also birthed a new culture of people who use the

internet to create scams, and steal from innocent people who are

seeking real relationships or help them.

This brings me to one particular scammer, that uncommon Pilipina who

sits in the Philippines and wants to leave that country and is willing

to lower herself to do it any way possible. She lives on the internet

like its a job. She may seek only status in a new country and is

willing to use someone to achieve it. She flirts and talks with many

men online at one time, she is fishing for the big catch, and waits

until the right fish catches the hook. She is not really interested

in marriage at all. She just wants to get out of that country any way

she can. Meanwhile while she is fishing, she can use the other

smaller fish to help her have some income there in the Philippines.

Many changes in Philippine culture like this one, has not been caught

on by many American men. Many American men who don’t know much about

the Philippines are easily fooled by the scams in the country. She

may tell you a family member is sick and needs medical help. You have

no way of knowing for sure. Also many of the images that are put

forth of the Pilipina today is falsely tied to the old Pilipina who

was more traditional and who had strong family values. What baffles

me is how so many American men refuse to see that the Philippines has

changed from its more traditional ways. This change took place a long

long time ago.

Anyway once the Pilipina achieves finding that man to petition her and

she makes it to the United States via K-1 visa, is when things start

to get tricky. So I am going to inform some of these men as to what I

have seen with my own eyes and what i have heard, and what i know to

be true. Some of it may not make you happy.

The Pilipina who has made it to the United States via K-1 visa and is

now married but she only did it for the sake of a green card or

citizenship status and do not want to be married or stay married, what

are her options? Now I am not saying what she is doing is right, we

all know it's not right. In fact this is fraud. We should be realistic

that this is fraud and is rarely caught, and it is not easy to catch.

But what is her next move after she secures the marriage in the U.S.?

This is where it becomes tricky, but very dangerous.

Most of us have seen this openly discussed right here on the

Internet among Pilipinas giving advice to each other. As one

Pilipina’s post states she commonly says:

“I don’t love my husband. I am worried that I may get deported. How

can I stay in the United States?”

The replies to this post have a major contrast between the American

men, who rarely even reply to these posts and the Pilipina women who

are already in the United States who will give sometimes unethical

advice about how to achieve such goal.

The American men often recommend that she go back to her country and

come back the right way if she has not achieved status yet. But the

Pilipina women will give some very interesting advice that clearly

shows the plan about how a woman can come to the United States using a

K-1 visa for the sake of just getting a green card or citizenship Status.

I have read several posts as to what is often called the 3-D plan as

to how to stay in the United States and leave your marriage. I

realized this was the door that attracts some Pilipinas sitting in the

Philippines who are looking to leave the Philippines and use the

internet to look for a victim, to help them achieve it.

What does the 3-D plan consists of?

The 3-D plan is for the one who wants to come to the U.S. but wants to

not be married, but chooses to use marriage for the sake of getting

here. It can also be used for a Pilipina who honestly came to the

United States to marry but the marriage did not work out, but wants to

stay in the United States. One would question why someone would come

to a foreign country for love, and the love does not work out, why

they would want to stay and not go back to their own country.

How can you really tell the difference? You really don't know which

is the scammer and which is sincere. The 3-D plan consists of

Divorce, Domestic Violence, and Delay. So what does she do when she

gets to the United States and is now ready to move away from her

husband? She has 3 options, at her disposal, and some of them can

prove to be lethal to the victim petitioner:

Divorce

Divorce is the more likely option for most of them. But in order to

get that divorce, they need time in the marriage, and they need to

convince their husbands to divorce them too. While they can file for

divorce, they must have some cause for it. This may cause a serious

volatile situation in the home and marriage and can be dangerous in a

marriage. She could be causing dilemmas and conflict in the home and

conflict between the two of them, soon after she arrives. She could

ignore the spouse, or refuse any intimacy between the two of them. I

have seen this act happen in real life. But the result did not turn

out so well for the Pilipina this time.

Domestic Violence

This one is tricky and is not very likely to be an option for most

Pilipina women. This kind of conflict is not one that feels good to

any Pilipina. But this one is extremely dangerous and can cause

someone to get hurt. While we all know something about DV, we all

know that no man (or woman) should ever hit or abuse someone in a

marriage. Most men understand this from childhood. But there are

some men that hit. There are some women that hit too. But when a man

hits, it’s likely to cause more destruction and pain. So in America

we have strong solid laws that mostly protect women from Domestic

Violence. VAWA laws have been set to protect women in order to

decrease violence between men and women. We need these laws because a

man is much stronger than a woman and can cause more damage in a

physical conflict. But Domestic Violence goes a lot farther in that

one can also be mentally, verbally and emotionally abused by a spouse

as well. So things can get tricky here in a marriage and if someone

is accused of DV, their life can be ruined.

But VAWA laws can also open a door for a devious woman, and

occasionally a scheming man to gain leverage in a marriage and to give

cause to a divorce. My honest opinion, this is the worst and the most

dangerous advice that can be given to a Pilipina who is coming here

and wishes to achieve independence and American citizenship. But if

you look around you can see this advice is freely handed out as a way

to “sneak in.” While most cases of DV are true and genuine, there are

a lot of cases where the spouse (especially women) can provoke or lie

about DV. This causes a highly volatile situation in the home and in

the marriage that can cause someone to get hurt. Even children can be

caught in the crossfire or even used as pawns to achieve the false

accusation of abuse. This can hurt the man greatly who gets falsely

accused of this. Just remember that a pilipina who comes here

strictly for the reasons of gaining citizenship or a green card has

this option open to her, if she gets too desperate it is likely she

may try such a scheme in the marriage. While this is the extreme of

her options, please realize that its there at her disposal. Keep in

mind that DV is not just you hitting her; it means just a tiny

incident that you may have not initiated. It can be a physical or

verbal exchange. It can be spanking your stepchild. It can be a

simple gesture that you called her a name. One visit from the police

to your home can ruin your life. BE CAREFUL! I have seen it with my

own eyes.

It is important that all petitioners (male and female) are aware that

this tactic can be used against them and if so, to immediately remove

and separate themselves from the person that may attempt this. Bottom

line is you have to move away. If she is attempting to intentionally

cause conflict, both of you cannot stay in the same home without any

witnesses there. Even if there are witnesses it is not good for you

both to be in close proximity of one another. If they won’t leave,

you must leave. You are vulnerable to be accused of something that can

destroy your life. I speak to the men mostly on this issue.

Delay

The last option open to this Pilipina is to delay and play the role of

married wife until she gains enough status to guarantee her stay in

the United States. This is the more likely option. If she can bear

living with the man, and is willing to play the role long enough, then

she can achieve better status, and make a divorce look like she gave

an honest try to make it work. Delaying can cause issues for the

petitioners as well, because the investment into the marriage has

settled in a lot more after 2 or 3 years. A divorce may put the

petitioner in the position to may have to pay child support for kids

he may have adopted and even alimony. But if the Pilipina just wants

to be free of the marriage, she may not even seek any of this. Guys

be careful!!!

I am not doing this thread to make petitioners scared, but I think its

important that they think a lot more before they decide to bring the

poor, destitute helpless young pilipina to the United States. You

need to know that she is not out in some field working the crops for

14 hours a day, and barely making enough money to feed her or the

family. While the Philippines is a poor country, it is more likely to

be more of a welfare state, rather than a really poor country. There

is a huge difference between some countries in South Africa and the

Philippines. If you want to see a good example of what the

Philippines is, take a tour of our tough crime neighborhoods and

ghettos here in America. That is mostly what you get in PI.

Comments Please!what the

Philippines is, take a tour of our tough crime neighborhoods and

ghettos here in America. That is mostly what you get

And you're 100% sure you're not one of the victims right? you sound like your fiance is the only one who'd never do such a thing but every other young filipina is out there to scam Americans.

Before giving advice to others make sure about your own relationship and don't rely only on what you fiance "HEARD" at Slec.

Oh and for you to say that most of the philipines are like the gettos or crime neighborhoods in america is totally ignorant from your part, I've been in the philipines twice and the places I went are beautiful!!!! nothing like you describing here.

You have a point about his fiance, but on the other hand just because youve been to the Philippines and you find it beautiful doesnt reflect on intentions of people living there (this is not in defense for the person that posted this)

[stephen.low1 0]

I don't think that the philippines is the only place that does this, as a matter of fact i can name a few places that are 100% worse, the truth is that its everywhere fellow, thats life, people will be people

[Jasman0717 9]

This has stirred up some opinions