She wants to go back :(

[Petersons 0]

Let me tell you that its very very hard in the beginning to suddenly come across the waters leaving all your family. I can understand how she feels. But don't lose hope. Find her friends and activities. Friends from Brazil would be great. She'll feel closer to her community that way. It will be good if she's working too. An idle mind is a devil's workshop. If she gets involved in things, finds activities or has a good job that she likes she'll stop missing her family and feeling alone that way. Be patient and loving with her. Rest assured I am sure she will change her mind eventually )

SHOWER HER WITH LOTS OF YOUR LOVE SO THAT SHE HAS NO TIME TO MISS HER FAMILY!!

[Bulgarican 0]

You should be supportive and talk to each other, you should be flexible with her if she's feeling that bad, discuss opportunities to move to another town/place to live if she doesnt like it there, find out what would be the best, why not even consider moving to her country if you can afford to find good job there....i'm sure there will be a way for you as long as you love each other stay strong

Edited January 16, 2009 by Dani^Chris Perry

[Dr. Obvious 49]

7 months really isn't that long.

That said, some people simply aren't cut out for immigration. Some people can't even move a town over in their own country without wanting to kill themselves for making such a mistake. Their bonds to their family and the land are just too strong. If your wife is one of these people, you might want to consider learning some Portuguese.

[Imua 0]

When I moved to NYC from Hawaii I wanted to go home the next day - for the first year it was really hard being away from my family, all the local Hawaiian foods I missed, the culture of aloha, the sunshine(still miss that especially on days like today!)... Still I stuck it out and a little over 1 year later I started to feel at home in Queens - having lots of Asian people and culture around helps. They say it takes at least 1 year to adjust to living in a new place so I would say give it time. I also started studying Buddhism when I was feeling down and homesick and that helped a lot - if your wife is interested in any kind of spirituality or meditation it is helpful during difficult times.

[Shad and Dani 3]

I need some advice, my wife has only been in the country for 7 months and she says she doesn’t like it here, that she wants to go back but will wait until she gets all her documentation and until we have the financial means to move back. All of this will take about 4/5 years, until then I promised her I would send her back every year. This is really freaking me out, we had all these plans and now she’s changed everything, I don’t know what to do, I’m hoping in the years to come that she will change her mind because I really don’t want to go. She misses her family a lot which I COMPLETELY understand she says that she will never be able to have a life with her family again because she’s here. I don’t know what to do; everything she says is valid but… I just don’t know, do you think time will heal her? Has this happened to anyone else here?

Things can only get better. I suggest some tough love. Remind her of the commentment she made to you, and tell her you're not going back to her country for anything other than vacation. Things will get better for her, it's never easy. You just have to man up and take control My 2 cents.

[Mrs.J06 4]

I agree with the others, it's early days for her yet. Give it some time.

My husband was very worried about this too, but we had a deal: Should I hate living here, I promised I would stick it out at least two years before making any major decision. We also agreed on planning money into our budget for me to make a trip back once a year, no matter what.

I'm here for three years now and I can say I feel at home. Still missing family and friends, that will never change, but I don't feel like I belong anywhere else than with my husband.

People say it takes seven years to feel at home in a new country. Sounds reasonable to me.

Be patient with her, support her and show her the new surroundings. If you can, take a roadtrip. I did with my husband the first summer and I loved it - it was quite a bonding experience with the US for me. But also tell her that she needs to give it more time, too. If she still hates it in two years, talk about moving elsewhere.

[JKD_88 0]

I really appreciate all this advice, apparently it's still early, I'll just giver her time.

I was born here but my family is all brazilian, we all speak portuguese fluently, this should make it easier for her but she cries all the time about how she misses her family. I understand, I just wish I could make it easier on her. She's making progress in learning english but not as quickly as she would like, she feels trapped, I don't know what to do for her. Right now, I show her all the support that I can, and am just waiting, hopefully things will get better.

[HighwayStar 0]

I'm very sorry she's feeling that way. A good knowledge of the local language does indeed help a lot in the adjustment to a new country. I remember when I moved to Finland from Italy in early 1996.. The shock of coming to terms with a language I could not make heads or tails of was enormous, and after a month or so I started talking about moving back to Italy (which I had left very gladly, and by my own choice). However, I stuck it out, and started trying my very best to master Finnish, and I succeeded - and I was over 35 at the time. Learning a language takes time, effort and patience (I was a language teacher for over 15 years, so I know), but it is ultimately very rewarding.

[Vi Mazzella 4]

I totally understand her, I've been living here for almost 4 years and still missing home like crazy, I have a wonderful hubby, good job, good life here but i HOPE that someday we move back to Peru, for now I'm just surviving NY...

[LiszyandKenny 5]

tell her to log on to VJ and join our Brazilian thread

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=99253

we share lots of experiences there

[Gumbolette 58]

Yeah, its understandable that she will feel that way.However, you have to make her fully understand that this is her new life now. And she has to go out on her crib and start acting like an adult. She choose to marry you and now she has the responsibly to be your wife.

Sit down and talk and give her options. Adjustment to a new place is not a piece of cake. let her engage to some activities that can divert her attention from missing her family.

[dsd^rjp 0]

I think that 7 months isn't enough time. Everyone I've talked to goes through a really rough patch when they come here. I would ask her to take more time. Then I would make sure that she can talk to her family as much as possible, long distance. Help her make some social connections here. Disclaimer - I only know this second hand. since my fiancee is not yet here (but will be soon).

I mean this in the kindest way - but you need to accept the fact that life does not go as planned...

Good luck to you and yours, I hope things work out.

Bob

[JKD_88 0]

Yeah, its understandable that she will feel that way.However, you have to make her fully understand that this is her new life now. And she has to go out on her crib and start acting like an adult. She choose to marry you and now she has the responsibly to be your wife.

Sit down and talk and give her options. Adjustment to a new place is not a piece of cake. let her engage to some activities that can divert her attention from missing her family.

This really makes a lot of sense but I just am not strong enough to sit her down and tell her that because I see her suffering so much, I just wish I cold help.

How did you deal with the culture shock?

I think that 7 months isn't enough time. Everyone I've talked to goes through a really rough patch when they come here. I would ask her to take more time. Then I would make sure that she can talk to her family as much as possible, long distance. Help her make some social connections here. Disclaimer - I only know this second hand. since my fiancee is not yet here (but will be soon).

I mean this in the kindest way - but you need to accept the fact that life does not go as planned...

Good luck to you and yours, I hope things work out.

Bob

Thank you, I will definately try to wait it out with her, hopefully things will get better.

[Big Papa Zone 93]

However, I stuck it out, and started trying my very best to master Finnish, and I succeeded - and I was over 35 at the time. Learning a language takes time, effort and patience (I was a language teacher for over 15 years, so I know), but it is ultimately very rewarding.

Tbf Raff, you have an extraordinary gift for linguistics that your average person doesn't - it's a lot harder for most people to learn a language than it is for you (especially weird sh!t like Finnish )

[Big Papa Zone 93]

I hated the US my first year here. I come from the capital city and had to move to a little town

Me too. When I lived out there from '04-'06 I'd just arrived from London, one of the world's biggest, greatest, most cosmopolitan cites, where I'd spent the last 12 years of my life, and landed in a shitsplat town in rural, meth-infested, Southern Illinois - culture shock or what.

Erm............that's it.