Is this gonna hurt us?

[B&Gie 0]

I'm just starting this K-1 process and at first I though our case would be easy and clean, but now I'm starting to think that our little fiasco in the middle of the relationship is going to cause trouble. What do you guys think?

We're both in our mid 20s. I quit my professional job after a few years working and went traveling for over a year. I ended up spending half a year in the Philippines where I met a lovely young lady and spent 3 wonderful months with her exploring her country, one of the most beautiful place I ever been. I had never imagined myself married any time soon, let alone to Filipina, so I got a kinda freaked out how serious things were getting and how quickly. Anyway, I continued on my trip, to get away from her, get my head sorted out, and, I hate to admit it, try to forget her. That didn't work so well and after a while I pretty much convinced myself I was being stupid and I ought to go back to her even if it was strange and everyone back home thought I was crazy.(they don't) About the same time the laundry job she was training for in Japan fell through and she got a different job as a caretaker/nanny with a disabled guy and his son in Europe. She left almost immediately. I needed to go home and find work in a the not too distant future so didn't object. I figured we'd pick things up again once I got home.

After that I hardly heard from her for a few months since she didn't have regular internet access. Then I got an email saying she was pregnant! This from the girl who was angry at her sister and the other stupid girls in town for getting pregnant young, and who had told me she didn't want kids for several years at least. Turns out the guy was less disable and it was less of a job than I had thought. Like 2 months later they left his summer house and got internet again, so I got to chat with her. She tried really hard to put on a happy face but after some pointed questions she broke down and it all came pouring out.

Turns out as the family member with the best job at the time she had borrowed money from a pawn shop at 7% a month to pay for her brother's appendectomy before we met. She was too shy to ask me for the money or even tell me about it because it wasn't my problem and she didn't think I was serious about her. Instead when her job fell through, and depressed over my leaving, with most of the family unemployed, she basically sold herself to this sick old #######. He was older than her father, with several failed marriages and, according to my social worker mother he has a borderline type personality disorder. Extremely controlling, manipulative, and psychologically abusive. If you've never dealt with a borderline it's hard to even comprehend. And she is the sweetest most giving girl who can't stand to see anyone unhappy...the perfect victim for this kind of guy. He kept her penniless and isolated, locked her in the house at least once, refused her birth control, refused her an abortion, and celebrated when she got pregnant because "now you can never leave me." I'd call it human trafficking, though I doubt he'd ever be convicted. When I finally got to talk to her she had gone from being one of the most bubbly, cheerful people I have ever known to profoundly depressed and even suicidal. She knew going in she was making a huge sacrifice for her family, but she hadn't realized just how horrible it would be. And of course she puts all of the blame on herself.

Anyway, I got on a plane, went over there, got her away from him, got her an abortion, and got her on a flight back to the Philippines. Of course it wasn't quite that easy but it worked out. A few weeks later she is doing SO much better, and we're starting the paperwork for her K-1 visa.

So I'm wondering if/how much of this should be exposed to the immigrations people, and how much they would freak over it. Not lying, just not volunteering what they don't need to know. We've got lovely pics of us in the Philippines about a year ago, and we can probably pick a bunch of chat logs and emails that don't mention the gory details. The two problems are that I don't have any tickets or boarding passes to/from the Philippines, whereas I do have have them for the Europe trip. I can probably print blog posts and flickr pics with datestamps showing that I was uploading pics of us together in the Philippines at the time I said I was there. Not sure if that's good enough to prove physical meeting within the last 2 years.

Also they told his embassy that they had been together for a year, when it was actually a lot less. I don't think the US embassy can check that. However her passport shows permanent residence in Europe. Some sort of domestic partner visa or something like that. That might raise red flags. I suppose she might be able to get a new passport. She DID go there intending to stay with him in good faith. If he was just a bit less of a crazy sadistic #######, or if I wasn't around to help her escape, she would still be with him trying to make the best of it. But I'm afraid customs will blame the victim.

BTW I'm assuming the abortion itself wouldn't be a problem because it's the US embassy we're dealing with. They shouldn't have a fit over that like some Philippine officials might, right?

So what do you guys think? Should we not mention the gory details or give it all to them straight up? Anything there that you think would get us denied? And <gulp> is our case so bad we need an immigration attorney? Thanks for reading all this, and thanks in advance for your thoughts.

[tallcoolone 102]

Very Interesting story.

I would not include all the details.

It's like going to court, only give the information that is needed. Never volunter information.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Concur with tallcoolone, keep it simple...

There is no need for them to know this story, just your story with her.

Her current visa does not mean she has to "stay" out her country. She is free to come and go as she fit to.

You met the criteria of meeting within the past two years (twice), so I would not worry about that.

The only worry you should have is do you really "love" this women to marry her? or are you doing it to get her out of a bad situation, you are the only one that can answer that.

You will have to be really honest with yourself, because if you doing it for the latter, that is not a good situation.

Just some humble advice!

[nowhereman 1]

You may have mentioned this in your story (sorry if I missed it, but it was really long) but was it the other guy's kid that she was pregant with? If so it could be that she made the guy out to be a complete A-hole to get your sympathy. I might be off base, but that was running through my mind as I read the story.

Anyways I hope it all works out for you.

[pushbrk 13,173]

No need to provide details. You can prove you were in the PI and in Europe at the same time she was by using copies of the pages in each passport. My story would be, we met, spent some time together in the PI, then separated. She went to Europe as a caretaker companion for a while, you visited her, she returned to the PI and now you wish to marry. Simple and straight forward. Include that dates as a timeline. A couple paragraphs in a supplement letter as answer to question 18 on the I-129F.

[miss g 1]

No need to provide details. You can prove you were in the PI and in Europe at the same time she was by using copies of the pages in each passport. My story would be, we met, spent some time together in the PI, then separated. She went to Europe as a caretaker companion for a while, you visited her, she returned to the PI and now you wish to marry. Simple and straight forward. Include that dates as a timeline. A couple paragraphs in a supplement letter as answer to question 18 on the I-129F.

regardless of why she was with him, if she left to be with you thats enough. women are always placed in situations where they have to compromise, we arent here to judge we dont know the facts and i think that its important that you just stick to the basics talk about your relationship nothing else, it doesnt matter why or whom.. the reason you are getting married is because you love each other right... so focus on that.. and be positive..

i hope everything goes well for you xxx

[Donald-n-Analyn 6]

I can't see any reason that you would have to go into detail about your whole, admittedly complex, story. My filipina fiancée has not had her interview yet, but from what I have heard they only ask basic questions to make sure that the engagement is sincere. I am assuming that you two have spent enough time together that she will be able to prove that she truly knows and loves you.

Of course none of this will really be important for the I-129F petition. All that is required for the petition is proof that you have met in person at least once within the previous two years. I didn't save any of my boarding passes either. I sent copies of a total of 8 pictures, 4 from each of my two trips to the Philippines, showing us with members of her family. I also copied my passport pages with the entry stamps. In my cover letter, where I listed the contents, I put:

Passport - Donald (showing entry to Philippines)

I figure that it doesn't really matter if I flew or arrived via boat, the passport stamp is better proof of being in the country than a boarding pass anyway. I had no problem getting my petition approved with that proof of meeting in person.

I know you didn't ask for anyone's opinion on your choices, just for the ramifications on your K-1 process. But, it sounds to me like you have considered things carefully and know what you are doing. You are lucky to have each other, I wish you the best of luck!

Ingats!

Edited January 7, 2009 by Donald-n-Analyn

[Dias Melhores 0]

Very Interesting story.

I would not include all the details.

It's like going to court, only give the information that is needed. Never volunter information.

Agreed

[macutelit 0]

correct me if I am wrong she had abortion??? :unsure:

correct me if I am wrong she had abortion??? :unsure:

[pushbrk 13,173]

correct me if I am wrong she had abortion??? :unsure:

correct me if I am wrong she had abortion??? :unsure:

Yes, she had an abortion. It is not relevant to immigration proceedings.

[macutelit 0]

correct me if I am wrong she had abortion??? :unsure:

correct me if I am wrong she had abortion??? :unsure:

Yes, she had an abortion. It is not relevant to immigration proceedings.

I know well nothing

[miss g 1]

yeah, abortion isnt anything to do with the petition or anyone else for that matter, we arent here to judge.. just to help and support each other because its hard enough.. i always feel like my relationship is under scrutiny because it doesnt fit into the "norms"

[Chica Yeyé 41]

correct me if I am wrong she had abortion??? :unsure:

correct me if I am wrong she had abortion??? :unsure:

She did, so what?. It has nothing to do with the immigration process. Get off your moral high horse. If you have nothing positive to say, shut up.

[sweet_wifey22 0]

What a great " Love Story"

You can make it through!

Good Luck!

No need to provide details. You can prove you were in the PI and in Europe at the same time she was by using copies of the pages in each passport. My story would be, we met, spent some time together in the PI, then separated. She went to Europe as a caretaker companion for a while, you visited her, she returned to the PI and now you wish to marry. Simple and straight forward. Include that dates as a timeline. A couple paragraphs in a supplement letter as answer to question 18 on the I-129F.

Very Good Idea

[B&Gie 0]

OP here. Thanks for all the responses!

OK so it sounds like the genera consensus is don't ask don't tell. Admittedly at this stage it's not an immediate problem, but what I'm concerned about is the interview. If we submit pics of us in europe and she has half a year in europe stamped into her passport I would expect they will grill her on that. I don't remember seeing anything on her visa pages indicating if they were for work or relationship based. I'm wondering if a rigorous interviewer will be likely to get that info out of her and if they'll object to it. Not sure how gestapo they are. She didn't go there on a work visa as a caretaker. She went there on some kind of domestic partner visa with the understanding that he would send some money to her family every month. I wonder if they will dig for that and object to it. Oh and unfortunately I lost my passport, so I don't have any of the entry/exit stamps for the first trip, only the Europe trip, which I did on a new passport.

@Nowhereman: It was his kid. I never met him in person, but I talked with him and, observed lots his communication with her. It was horrifying. Abusive, narcissistic, manipulative and yet pathetic at the same time. I've been hearing my mom ###### about how frustrating and damaging her borderline clients are for years and I never truly understood it till I had to deal with this guy. I don't think he means any harm, but he has a mental disorder. He is disparately afraid of being abandon so he tries to trap people, and he is completely incapable of understanding when he is hurting people, even when it's blindingly obvious and they say it to his face. It's like a retarded kid who hugs a kitten to death, but on an adult scale. Sad really, but that doesn't help the kitten, or in his case wives, girlfriends and children. She still feels sorry for him and can't really blame him. I think he deserves lethal injection. OK, well, at least to be locked up and not let out without lots of very intensive counseling.

@Luntian: Yes she had an abortion. And she asked for one and was refused before I even knew she was pregnant. As an atheist, I'm actually relieved that she is not a hardcore fundamentalist Catholic. Makes the culture gap a bit less daunting.

@several: Yes I love her. As a young guy who was seriously not into commitment, contemplating a career change, and had never really considered an international/interracial/interfaith relationship, it took some getting used to the idea. Especially with the stereotypes associated with filipinas and the very real family responsibilities. If I described the qualities i wanted in a wife 2 years ago she would only have a couple of them. However today if I listed the the things that make me happy with someone she would have almost all of them. I'm a little stubborn and it took me a little while to give up on what I should want and go with what I do want. Guess it's time to grow up Oh well, she's worth it