Age Difference? 15-20 years??

[fooki 0]

as i heard from some VJs that consulars may put in trouble due to age difference, so how should i get prepare for interview and valid relationship. as i have proofs of her arrival but no proofs of hotel where we lived together.

please give some inputs

Fooki

[Jaci 0]

Hi Fooki

I've had some experience (mostly bad) with this issue personally, but I have been in the Embassy in Bucharest a few times, and may have overheard some things going on there.

I'm expecting our next interview to be somewhat difficult as well, and have given much thought to how I can get it across to these people that this IS a real relationship.

Here is one of my favorite embassy stories to help us remain calm so that we can have the presence of mind to do so...

To prepare for interview... well...

Don't just give your SO a list of questions.. go over the questions together. Remember together how you met and fell in love. Make sure your SO knows the names of your family members and any basic details of past marriages. Even if you believe it's not relevant to your current relationship, the info IS usually considered relevant to an interviewing CO. I would recommend practicing the questions a few times with him/her.

One couple I watched go through a rather lengthy interview in Bucharest really irritated the CO because they had absolutely no evidence of relationship to show except a marriage certificate. The CO let them know they had a big problem and she didn't see how she could approve them, then began to ask typical questions in a rather sharp manner (how did you meet, how much time spent together, etc.) Frankly I was embarrased for the treatment they received at our embassy. I'd like to think people could be polite when they represent my country, but it's apparently not exactly in their job description.

This couple's conduct fit this post exactly and they succeeded even with a ticked off CO and not enough evidence. Had they appeared offended or upset, or behaved like there was any problem at all with how they were spoken to, or like they were panicked about being told they weren't going home with a visa BEFORE being questioned, they surely would not have succeeded.

(Yes, sometimes the CO will tell the applicant they are going to deny them, and THEN ask questions.)

THe couple responded to each question amazingly briefly and politely as if they honestly didn't hear how rude and irritated the CO was, and very calm as if they didn't realize they were a hair's breadth from denial. (they were, and I'm sure they did) They just kept calmly insisting they were husband and wife.

What I learned from them was to maintain that there is absolutely no problem, remain calm and pleasant, no matter what is said to you. Even in the event of denial this is a good idea, since it will make resolving consular issues a lot easier the next time around if you run into the same CO.

Edited June 9, 2006 by Jaci

[phirephly 0]

jaci - thanks for the quoted message. I think my wife is a bit nervous about the interview and how she'll handle them being rude to her (not that they have a reason, it's just fun to worry, right? ), so hopefully she'll feel better after seeing this. ttyl,

mich

[morocco4ever 63]

Well if you are a man older than the women it won't be an issue. But as unfair as it is, the other way around it is. Remember dates...they want to see that you know them.

Make sure they see your evidence, don't just wait for them to ask. If they say the interview is over say "sir/maam, I have more to show you. We were advised to only give them what they asked for. It turned out to be the wrong advice, and now we have been in 221g limbo for over 9 months.

Good luck.

[babybunny 2]

Well if you are a man older than the women it won't be an issue. But as unfair as it is, the other way around it is. Remember dates...they want to see that you know them.

Make sure they see your evidence, don't just wait for them to ask. If they say the interview is over say "sir/maam, I have more to show you. We were advised to only give them what they asked for. It turned out to be the wrong advice, and now we have been in 221g limbo for over 9 months.

Good luck.

Iagree.

during my interview the adjudicator looked at me weird. I just basicly said

here is my this, here is my that. as the questions were flying at me. then she was saying

where is your this and your that.

[fooki 0]

THANKS EVERYBODY FOR ADVICES,

ACTUALLY MY WIFE(USC) IS OLDER THAN ME (20 YEARS DIFFERENCE)

and i have all pictures of our marriage but in my marriage there were only my friends and a brother, but no parents and other family. and i have for proofs emails, cards sent by my wife, her passport copies(arrivals and departures) IMs, Ecards etc.

SO WHAT I NEED TO COLLECT MORE FOR PROOFS

FOOKI

[babybunny 2]

THANKS EVERYBODY FOR ADVICES,

ACTUALLY MY WIFE(USC) IS OLDER THAN ME (20 YEARS DIFFERENCE)

and i have all pictures of our marriage but in my marriage there were only my friends and a brother, but no parents and other family. and i have for proofs emails, cards sent by my wife, her passport copies(arrivals and departures) IMs, Ecards etc.

SO WHAT I NEED TO COLLECT MORE FOR PROOFS

FOOKI

what embassy are you working with?

ooops found my answer its pakistan.

talk to Ars. on the ISL thread he has like 30 something year age diff. he is younger than

his wife.

Edited June 10, 2006 by shonjaved

[morocco4ever 63]

I keep hearing that letters of support from family and friends that know you as a couple are very helpful.

[jessibicho 0]

Hi - we are having problems with proof of relationship as well - when we turned in the I-130 the CO thought it was odd that our parents were not in our pics and asked why not (my husband and I decided to get married without talking to our parents about it - after all, we are adults and it was our decision) - this didnt fly so well with the CO. She made phone calls to friends to make sure that we had a valid relationship. Ultimately the I-130 was approved, but now we are expecting a really tough interview about all this..... aside from the obvious pictures, emails, phone records, MSN messages, cards, letters I am also providing my debit and credit card history. This proves that I was where I said I was (on vacation at the beach etc).

Also I am going to go back and visit my husband and we are going to go on a few trips and everything will be documented - save hotel recipts with BOTH names on them, reciepts at restaurants and have a waitor take a pic of you together at the place.

I try to send my husband at least 2 hand written cards/letters a week plus an email a day and we talk on the phone at least every other day. Try to have good solid documentation of your on going relationship.

I put together a scrapbook of things we have done with pics and extra details and I dont know if this is totally lame, but you could maybe make a cd of songs that are meaningful to you both and send it to her in a package with other things that have meaning to the relationship. She could take this to the interview as mail that she has recieved from you.

Here is a list of everything I would try to do:

-phone bills

-emails

-regular mail

-msn messages

-photos/photo album/scrapbook

-Credit/debit card history (even better if your wife can access her info and you match them - same place same time)

-movie ticket stubbs/concert ticket stubbs/hotel reciept with both names on them

-Proof that you lived together - mail addressed to both of you/water or electric bills/ a lease with both names on it

- Letters from friends and family supporting your relationship

- I am including info about future plans we have (we are going to have a bigger wedding in my hometown so I am including brochures about the place where we are going to have the wedding) Or maybe information about an occupation your wife may be going into in the future

-bus tickets/airline tickets

Hope this helps

[phirephly 0]

Here's the official phirephly list of "evidence" we will use. We haven't had either interview (K3 or CR1), so we're just as hopeful this will be enough as you are:

Three folders: 1) Relationship 2) Well Being/Support 3) Extended emails The + and | indicate things that are paperclipped together. She will have one set of folders 1 and 2 that have the original documents, another with copies that have things highlighted and with stickies pointing out important things. She will just have one folder 3. I will also have a complete set of folders that is an exact copy of all the evidence that I've sent her.

Folder 1 *Relationship*:

+ Plane ticket stubs, Taxi receipts to/from airport, "departure fee" to leave Philippines

| Passport stamp and luggage sticker thingee

| Complete Travelocity intinerary of trip

| Complete Hotel Receipt (including all charges)

| Wedding/Engagement rings Rceipt

-- Stapled together all receipts of paperwork and documents I sent to her

-- Amazon.com and pinasgift receipts from past three years, stapled chronologically

-- Phone bills from last 6 months with massive long distance charges stapled reverse chronologically (most recent first)

-- 4 email threads with my family and friends. one friend congratulating me, mom congratulating us at our joint email account, my wife's response to my brother's congratulatory reply to my announcement, and a reply that my wife sent to my whole family about how i liked some of the food there (in response to an email i sent about my visit).

-- 6 email threads between my wife and I that range over our relationship and show nontrivial communication, stapled chronologically.

-- 5 IM convo histories between us

-- Hopefully we can print out a couple IM convos that she's had with my mom

-- SMS records back to Sept 2004 (SMS is huge where she is)

Folder 2 *Well Being/Support*:

-- Letter of documents enclosed (or explaining missing documents)

-- money transfers

-- Bank statements from last few months, reverse chronological order. Shows her accessing OUR account.

+ Lease amendment adding her to the lease of my apartment signed by landlord, her, and myself.

| Copy of my lease which expires in Feb 2007

-- Benefits profile from work showing her designated as my wife and covered under my work's plans for dental, medical, and vision (same as me). She is also noted there as the sole primary beneficiary to my work-sponsored benefits (401k, life insurance, etc)

-- Medical card and letters that she received for being covered under my medical plan

-- Dental card (if it ever arrives!)

-- Auto insurance covering her. Not yet as a driver, but she's on the policy.

-- Life insurance policy (my own, not work) again noting her as my spouse and the sole primary beneficiary

-- Roth IRA naming her as my wife and sole beneficiary

Folder 3 *You want emails?*:

-- Approximately 200 email threads, sorted by year, and ready for inspection.

Loose:

-- 200+ Photos of my trip there with her, including our wedding and a bunch of pics with her mom and sister and a dozen or so at some family gatherings. All consistently labelled on the back with a felt tip pen with the following information in the same places: Event, location, date, people, and photo # (for reference)

-- All the cards, notes, etc she's sent me via post

-- All the cards, notes, etc that I've sent her via post

-- The scrapbook she's making

-- Cards mentioned above (medical, dental, ATM, etc)

Hopefully this will be enough...

Hopefully this will help you or give you some ideas (or maybe someone will give me some extra ideas ). Definitely not definitive, but I don't think they could possibly deny us on a lack of "evidence". Note that she is now represented to my family, friends, employer, and multiple other organizations as my wife. ttyl,

mich

Edited June 12, 2006 by phirephly

[girl 37 7]

Mich, did you assemble all that evidence in response to what you need for that particular embassy? (Just wondering 'cause I didn't realize I'd have to organize a bunch of stuff like that, though I guess I can... I thought wedding photos, joint accounts, a phone bill or two, and health insurance cards would be enough.)

[phirephly 0]

not specific for the embassy at all. as far as i know, there aren't any guidelines/suggestions from my embassy regarding what constitutes "good evidence" or whatever. I just want to make sure that there is ample evidence for the CO so that there is as little reason for doubt as possible. I spose it's more of a reflection of who i am than where our interview will be I'd rather have something be someone else's fault than mine I'm sure that there won't be enough time to go through this all, but who knows which one will be the most useful or which is the magic silver bullet for the CO. So having my bases covered makes me feel a bit more safe about the process. If you were a CO and you saw all that, how much doubt would you have? I also want to make sure that my wife feels confident when she goes for the interview - especially if i can't be with her. I'm sure that you can get away with less (and I'm sure that people will post that they have). As I said... it's just me. Luck favors the prepared, right? ttyl,

mich

Mich, did you assemble all that evidence in response to what you need for that particular embassy? (Just wondering 'cause I didn't realize I'd have to organize a bunch of stuff like that, though I guess I can... I thought wedding photos, joint accounts, a phone bill or two, and health insurance cards would be enough.)

[fooki 0]

Thank you all for giving so many important tips

love you all

My case is currently at NVC, about to complete, hopefully this week i will get a response

all information gethering for consulate in PAK

Fooki

[Yodrak 7]

FOOKI,

How common is it in Pakistan for a man to marry a woman who is 20 years older than himself? And how is a man viewed by his peers if he marries a woman who is as old as his mother?

If it is not common or the man would be something of an outcast for doing it, be prepared - well prepared - to explain why you have done so.

No family at your wedding - is that common in Pakistan?

You say you have cards sent by your wife, and documentation of her visits to you ... How about cards sent by you? Documentation of things you have done that show your feelings about her? You're the one who is applying for the visa, it's your intentions that have to be demonstrated - not your wife's.

Yodrak

THANKS EVERYBODY FOR ADVICES,

ACTUALLY MY WIFE(USC) IS OLDER THAN ME (20 YEARS DIFFERENCE)

and i have all pictures of our marriage but in my marriage there were only my friends and a brother, but no parents and other family. and i have for proofs emails, cards sent by my wife, her passport copies(arrivals and departures) IMs, Ecards etc.

SO WHAT I NEED TO COLLECT MORE FOR PROOFS

FOOKI

Edited June 12, 2006 by Yodrak

[fooki 0]

IMpressive

Yodrak you asked good questions, i would have to think seriously on them..

This is the other angel i should have thought it. anyways

so thanks

Fooki