Spouse/Fiance Different Religions? Family Upset?

[childress_london 3]

Hi Naz. I can definitely relate to what you are going through. My parents were very upset about my husband, who is Iranian. You should have seen the heated emails I got from them, the hateful language my mother used towards me and Hesam, and the stories gleaned off of the web to prove that middle eastern men were selfish pigs who beat their wives and treated them as property. They did not want to even consider him as an individual. My mother and I stopped talking for a few months. Eventually my father was able to send logically minded email to me and I replied in kind. Eventually, my mother and I apologized to each other and are on speaking terms, but we don't talk about my husband or my marriage. I am hoping that by the time he makes it to the U.S. they will be more willing to get to know him. Although my situation is not exactly like yours (the excuse was not religious, but ethnic), we are both going through rejection from our families because of the man we love. My suggestion is lots of patience. Use kind words even if you get mean ones from your family. Continue to let them know you love them in spite of any difference of opinion. Continue to speak of the good things about your husband (if they will listen) so they can get to know him through you. Continue to educate them (as a lot of the resistance may be from ignorance). The fact that they were willing to even talk to your fiance on the phone is a good sign. My parents would never do that. But also, remain firm in your determination to make your own decisions about your life and what you know is best for you. Pray that your brother may some day have an open and receiving heart, which is truly in the spirit of Jesus. I'm sure that with all of that, eventually they will come around. It just takes time.

BTW, I was in the Navy too. CTI (Russian).

~Pandora

Edited January 7, 2009 by childress_london

[shaggy_mutt 0]

as far as children are concerned in the marriage, we have already agreed not to have any because both of us feel that it would be a must to raise the child in our own faith... I know, always shocks everyone, but it's one of those decisions you make in life for better or worse.

Oh, it's not shocking. But what happens if the birth control fails?

I know that's quite a personal question, and you don't have to announce your answer here. But unless you're well and truly infertile (i.e. hysterectomy), "we have already agreed not to have any" is a bit simplistic.

[Amby 490]

My family is Catholic. Neil doesn't eat pork just because he doesn't like it. My grandpa always asked him if he was a secret jew. That's the extent of arguments.

[Naz&Omi 0]

as far as children are concerned in the marriage, we have already agreed not to have any because both of us feel that it would be a must to raise the child in our own faith... I know, always shocks everyone, but it's one of those decisions you make in life for better or worse.

Oh, it's not shocking. But what happens if the birth control fails?

I know that's quite a personal question, and you don't have to announce your answer here. But unless you're well and truly infertile (i.e. hysterectomy), "we have already agreed not to have any" is a bit simplistic.

Well, the only thing I can say is that you can only make decisions as you go through them... of course we know right now (and agree) that we can't have children.. but who knows what happens down the line.. and of course, if God wants me to have children (if somehow birth control fails..or if I decide to get a hysterectomy down the line) then I will.. and then it will be a blessing.. really, it's not something I worry about. You can really only take the "you're 99.9 percent sure of not getting pregnant with this method" right now, and worry about the rest when it comes..

My family is Catholic. Neil doesn't eat pork just because he doesn't like it. My grandpa always asked him if he was a secret jew. That's the extent of arguments.

hahahaha... must be nice.

[Naz&Omi 0]

Hi Naz. I can definitely relate to what you are going through. My parents were very upset about my husband, who is Iranian. You should have seen the heated emails I got from them, the hateful language my mother used towards me and Hesam, and the stories gleaned off of the web to prove that middle eastern men were selfish pigs who beat their wives and treated them as property. They did not want to even consider him as an individual. My mother and I stopped talking for a few months. Eventually my father was able to send logically minded email to me and I replied in kind. Eventually, my mother and I apologized to each other and are on speaking terms, but we don't talk about my husband or my marriage. I am hoping that by the time he makes it to the U.S. they will be more willing to get to know him. Although my situation is not exactly like yours (the excuse was not religious, but ethnic), we are both going through rejection from our families because of the man we love. My suggestion is lots of patience. Use kind words even if you get mean ones from your family. Continue to let them know you love them in spite of any difference of opinion. Continue to speak of the good things about your husband (if they will listen) so they can get to know him through you. Continue to educate them (as a lot of the resistance may be from ignorance). The fact that they were willing to even talk to your fiance on the phone is a good sign. My parents would never do that. But also, remain firm in your determination to make your own decisions about your life and what you know is best for you. Pray that your brother may some day have an open and receiving heart, which is truly in the spirit of Jesus. I'm sure that with all of that, eventually they will come around. It just takes time.

BTW, I was in the Navy too. CTI (Russian).

~Pandora

Wow, what a lot of coincidences! And yea, the family arguments happened just like that.. sending me emails and stories aboud how horrible Muslim men were to their wives.. telling me to watch documentaries and just being completely unreasonable...

Somehow my sister (who is 10 years older than me) has always been a good listener (even though I know she doesn't 100% support me, which hurts sometimes) and she's the one that talked to Omar on the phone... Omar loves her because she's the only one that's been open to us all this time..

but yea.. it was a lot of craziness for a while.. and sometimes I wish I hadn't told them until it was all over and done with and he was in the states.. but that's just not who I am, and somehow I thought that would hurt them more (my sister eloped back when she was 19)... Now there's just the uncomfortable silences with my mom, or the careful questions about the process from my dad, or my brother's constant berating about religion to look forward to whenever I call home.. Needless to say, I won't be going home again until Omar gets here because I've always been the baby of the family, and I just don't think I could take being surrounded with that for a week with no car and no way out.. No Leave Taking for ME! haha..

and you know, I never even knew about CTI's until I was almost out of bootcamp (that's how sneaky you guys are), but once I heard about it, I was like #######! I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE DONE THAT INSTEAD OF IT!! grrr..

but thanks again for the reply. It means a lot, trust me.