green card marriages, ladies beware

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

Lal, i too wanted to comment on mr kitty before i saw staashi did already!!! What a pretty cat he was!! Will you be getting another one? Cats are such wonderful friends!

[Ban Hammer 13,340]

PS...Lal, I'm sorry to read about your kitty. May he RIP.

thanks I miss him bunches

[merijan 0]

Lal, i too wanted to comment on mr kitty before i saw staashi did already!!! What a pretty cat he was!! Will you be getting another one? Cats are such wonderful friends!

Off topic I cant resist your little boy is sooooooooooooo cute and I want to squeeze his cheeks and my hubby loves to bite kids cheeks and he said these are definetly bitealbe cheeks...LOL hes cute.oopst I ment to put Zaids Mommy on there....

Edited January 3, 2009 by merijan

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I doubted my husband sincerity from day one, and played with him for amusement. I found out that his interest were indeed real and now I feel the guilt of playing with his heart. This really made me no better than the ones that are using women for the exalted GC. I am just glad that he forgave me once I realized he was for real.

I'm sorry to say that I did the same thing to my husband. Even though much younger men had been drawn to me for years, I doubted that such a relationship was for me. I even let him go for a year, pushed him away, but he wouldn't give up. I'm glad he didn't because I would have lost out on a really great marriage with a very sweet guy. I also feel the guilt of playing with his feelings, and sometimes the thought of what I did and the time it wasted for us brings tears to my eyes. Yet, I'm also glad we took our good time, went through so much and got to know each other well. The time before our commitment has proven to be a worthy investment in the long term success of our union.

I'm a two-time winner, humdillah, as I had a wonderful prior marriage that ended with the death of my first husband. Yet, I can still understand the pain of loss Wendy is feeling. However, I'm not sure why she asserts that her marriage has been destroyed by her husband's deception over a gc. With no more to go on than the OP, the jury is still out on that. Marriage with or without a gc can go wrong for many reasons.

Best to you, Wendy, for 2009.

[Ihavequestions 419]

I am filing for bankruptcy, I am losing my house, I almost lost my children... God think twice!!!!!

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, I truly am. But I have to wonder how he got so involved in your finances to drag you that far down.

[PnA 0]

I am filing for bankruptcy, I am losing my house, I almost lost my children... God think twice!!!!!

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, I truly am. But I have to wonder how he got so involved in your finances to drag you that far down.

Its easy to let someone get so involved in ur finances, especially when u think they "LOVE" u, dont ya think ?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hello Ladies,

I want to talk to you about something serious... Internet dating. I have made many friends from on here...MANY! Out of all these marriages from the middle eastern marriages I know of ONE that is real. Where the man did not marry for the green card. I know I know I said, oh my husband didnt do that!!! But trust me , he did.

Please think twice before marriage.

I am filing for bankruptcy, I am losing my house, I almost lost my children... God think twice!!!!!

I pray that any of you who even question ONCE that he may be marrying for the wrong reasons... think about it. Marriages where they marry an older woman is a HUGE red flag. Sorry ladies, but it is true.

Good luck

I am sorry this happened to you. So very sorry.....

The 5 year plan refers to the 5 years that it takes to become a citizen rather than just have a greencard. When you remain married for 3 years, the foreign spouse can file for citizenship and get it faster than just with a greencard ( without marriage takes 5 years sometimes even longer) With a citizenship, they dont abandon their residency if they go overseas for 6 months or more and they are able to sponsor a spouse as well as family. The reason many are waiting for citizenship or AKA the 5 year plan is become many have learned that you just cant do a hell of alot with a greencard alone. You still have to have visas. You cant take advantage of many us programs...and the biggest thing is you cant help family back home by bringing them here..Bottom line.. Which apparently her husband took advantage of by bringing his child here..

I am so sorry Wendy. You are in no way alone in all of this. There are many that have really suffered because of this game but unfortunately there is really nothing anyone can do about it. Love is a strange animal. It makes you blind...It makes you broke sometimes.. But it does exist. Just go find someone who doesnt need you to sponsor them....

I know you think you wont get through this but you will. Losing someone you love is alot like a death. You will grieve. You will feel as if your life is over. But it isn't. Just try to take emotionally whatever good you got out of being with him and keep believing in love. It exists and its real. Its just alot safer when you dont have to question whether they are with you for papers or not.

I am so so so sorry and you are loved..

Hang in there.. you will survive.. maybe only barely but you will. I promise

Hugs

[LaL 418]

I am filing for bankruptcy, I am losing my house, I almost lost my children... God think twice!!!!!

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, I truly am. But I have to wonder how he got so involved in your finances to drag you that far down.

Its easy to let someone get so involved in ur finances, especially when u think they "LOVE" u, dont ya think ?

Many people use co-mingling of finances to use during AOS, etc. This isn't such a shocker. Especially if one is already cash-strapped add on immigration fees, plane tickets and support while not working.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Honey you have the ability to not only survive, but come out stronger, more alive and soon you will be able to even feel emotions again. You will not always be feeling this pain, anger, and despair. You deserve and will soon be able to again enjoy life and all it holds.

It is not the end of the world, tho it seems like it. It is the beginning. Please try to see it that way. I am only a pm away if you want to chat.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I am filing for bankruptcy, I am losing my house, I almost lost my children... God think twice!!!!!

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, I truly am. But I have to wonder how he got so involved in your finances to drag you that far down.

Its easy to let someone get so involved in ur finances, especially when u think they "LOVE" u, dont ya think ?

Many people use co-mingling of finances to use during AOS, etc. This isn't such a shocker. Especially if one is already cash-strapped add on immigration fees, plane tickets and support while not working.

Its easier than you think...lawyer fees,greencard costs, plane tickets...hotels name it. Then when they get here..maybe things arent working out and the sponsor has an emotional crisis and cannot work like before. This woman may very well have paid for everyones plane tickets....etc.. and then when he got here...who knows how he treated her?

I just feel so sorry for her because I know how easy it is for this to happen, I had no debt when I met him and now I am over 15000 in debt not to mention what emotionally happened to me and I am still not done with the hell.. Its very very very easy for this stuff to happen,...especially if she didnt have a support system. Her kids could have been upset with the relationship. Thats why she almost lost them. The house part could have been her trying to help him start a business or something. She hasnt elaborated and she needs to for people to understand. Marriage alone doesnt pummel you.. its all the dumb stuff you do while married...like open joint accounts, finance trips back home and for family back home that you can t afford etc...I knew one woman who took a second on her house to buy her husband a business and almost lost her home. This is NOT that uncommon. This DOES happen. And other things like buying a house for family back home or an apartment back home etc...to make the spouse happy etc. Its easy to get in a lot of trouble in a heady romance...

You ever hear the term I LOVED HER SO MUCH SHE MADE ME WRITE BAD CHECKS..........hahahahha

[nunyab 0]

Rajaa it pains me to see you put the '4 year mark' on this. In actuality, they call it the '5 year plan'.

5 yrs huh well my first husband lasted 7 and he was american

wore him out, eh?

yeah had to go younger this time

[nunyab 0]

my husband and i agreed to three accounts one only ours seperate and one for household expenses..... I had co mingling finances with my ex and it cause alot of headaches I prefer it this way and he agrees so.... i've learned to keep it like a business in one respect (money etc) but the rest with love. insh'aallah it will all work out for all of us.

[Imua 0]

my husband and i agreed to three accounts one only ours seperate and one for household expenses..... I had co mingling finances with my ex and it cause alot of headaches I prefer it this way and he agrees so.... i've learned to keep it like a business in one respect (money etc) but the rest with love. insh'aallah it will all work out for all of us.

How do you decide who puts how much into the joint account? set amount or percentage of income? I think 3 accounts is good too but am wondering how is the best way since almost certainly G will be making minimum wage when he gets here.

[S and S 12]

my husband and i agreed to three accounts one only ours seperate and one for household expenses..... I had co mingling finances with my ex and it cause alot of headaches I prefer it this way and he agrees so.... i've learned to keep it like a business in one respect (money etc) but the rest with love. insh'aallah it will all work out for all of us.

How do you decide who puts how much into the joint account? set amount or percentage of income? I think 3 accounts is good too but am wondering how is the best way since almost certainly G will be making minimum wage when he gets here.

My ex-husband and I had three accounts. We each put a set amount of money into the joint account to pay household expenses and it worked out well. Though we get divorced, it made things much easier to sort out who got what.

My now husband and I plan for me to keep my bank account to myself and open another one for the both of us. He believes he should support me so he doesn't want his own account. I think each couple finds what works for them best.

[amal 4]

have i missed posts from the OP since the first post? Wendy, are you still here?