green card marriages, ladies beware

[amal 4]

Oh honey I'm so sorry to read this. I'm glad you posted about it though. We all do know about this possibility but sometimes we forget it isn't ONLY possible but it is all too real. We need to be reminded of these issues from time to time however paranoid it may make some of us feel.

I still wonder from time to time if my relationship is a "good one". He got here in 2005, got his GC in 2007, and is still here. We're in the process of trying to purchase a home. I know of many ppl who lost their spouse about 1 year after the GC was obtained. it worries me occasionally that he may up and leave one day but that is just me being paranoid. I know it happens but for me, for now, I choose to be happy while time allows.

I hope that by the end of this year I'm not posting that I was used. If I am...I will seriously be needing the "vj behind the scenes" love and support group.

I wish you a much happier 2009

amal

[nunyab 0]

Oh honey I'm so sorry to read this. I'm glad you posted about it though. We all do know about this possibility but sometimes we forget it isn't ONLY possible but it is all too real. We need to be reminded of these issues from time to time however paranoid it may make some of us feel.

I still wonder from time to time if my relationship is a "good one". He got here in 2005, got his GC in 2007, and is still here. We're in the process of trying to purchase a home. I know of many ppl who lost their spouse about 1 year after the GC was obtained. it worries me occasionally that he may up and leave one day but that is just me being paranoid. I know it happens but for me, for now, I choose to be happy while time allows.

I hope that by the end of this year I'm not posting that I was used. If I am...I will seriously be needing the "vj behind the scenes" love and support group.

I wish you a much happier 2009

amal

Amal....... you're at the 4 yr mark if anything happens now it's cause it's the "american way" not cause he used you....

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Oh sweetie i'm really shocked to read this!! Can't tell you how sorry I am and how sad I feel for what you have encountered. I just don't know what to say. I'm really sorry Wendy.

[Muh and me 18]

Am so sorry to hear this, and may god be with you and your children. you sound like a strong woman and nobody should have to go thru that.

[Sandrila 1]

I too want to offer prayers during your difficult time.

I cannot attest to what the others' marriages are like but it is true we have all taken a risk.

It is a sin for someone to trust in their spouse to be betrayed and taken as some women have.

The most important thing is realize the relationship for what it is and if it is not healthy

or true you need to move on.

I wish you the best of luck, every relationship needs to go thru it's trials and tribulations

we just hope we see the signs before it is too late. There is no doubt that you would feel

bitter and want to warn others, it is through others' experience those persuing this

journey would really think seriously before entering it. However the old saying, which I do

believe..."love is blind".

GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I'm sorry that you are hurting and going through this.

Someone just posted a poll,not long ago "how long have you been with your SO"

There are many more than 1 or 2 that have sucessful marriages.

Edited January 2, 2009 by Y_habibitk

[~Jackie~ 30]

Rajaa it pains me to see you put the '4 year mark' on this. In actuality, they call it the '5 year plan'.

[LilLoveBug 0]

I AM SO SORRY to read your post - your pictures are just lovely too. :-(

I don't disagree with Internet meeting/dating or marrying men from another country, but the only thing I would change about this process is that somehow we could spend more time with them BEFORE we have to run back home to the U.S.

I am very lucky to have spent a lot of my time with my man. We have had nasty, wicked fights and all. But I am thankful for it because the longer you live with someone on a daily basis, the more the REAL feelings and personality shine through. NO ONE can fake it every minute, every day, forever! I encourage any woman just starting this process to take it slow (I know you are anxious to get your sweety here) but you must spend some quality, in person, staying together (hotel or house) time with him before you can ever know FOR SURE.

*hugs to all the women here*

Bug

[SaadBell 0]

Oh sweetie,

I am so sorry for your loss, but when did the marriage fall apart, did you have any warnings, was he great and than one day just left, or when he got here how long did it take for you to know that he was not for real? Sorry for all the questions, but this does help others. You come here and get support and love, and if you ever just want to talk to someone who won't judge, just throw me a line. You are in my thoughts.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Damn this thread is bringing back such raw emotion. The feeling of dread and 'what could I have done differently?'

It is NOT true that after 4 years, it was probably just the american divorce. Some show no inclination that they are about to leave. Some have extreme pressure to follow the plan.

I SAW no signs. There were none. I am not going to rehash what ended my marriage, tho I am sure some might come along and remind me.

I did question Islam, only after my non-praying husband turned into Super Muslim and left me on the couch. He used this doubt of mine to slip off his ring and walk out the door, claiming I was not muslim enough. I did not leave Islam. I questioned it and his hypocrisy.

When he walked out the door,,I never saw his face again. Ever. So, to those that are in happy, successful marriages, I say to you, enjoy EVERY single day and minute. You never know when the ride will end. DONT live your life thinking it could.

One thing I have learned in the last few years, NEVER SAY NEVER.

Jackie

thank you to all my vj friends that helped me up off the floor.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

You never know when the ride will end. DONT live your life thinking it could.

This is life, can happen even if you marry the boy next door, people change, life changes, we are just people trying to find happiness and do the best in what life time we have. You dont want to live looking back and saying (what if) today if you awoke is all your given, live in the day

[amal 4]

Jackie, you are such a wonderful person to stick around after what happened to you. I'll never forget those days with you here at my place. I don't care the reasons they leave, it doesn't make the heart hurt any less. The fact is that we put all of our hearts in on something just to have it ripped outta our chests when they feel it is time to move on. Wendy, you still have a large support system here so please do not hesitate to contact us, leave messages, pm's, whatever you need to do to get some shoulders to cry on. I, for one, have very deep chest pockets on my shirts so u can cry as many times as you need and for as long as you have to. I'm here for you.

major hugggggs to all of the girls who have been in this situation. Don't ever feel alone. There are members behind the scenes who are ready to step up and help you in any way they can. We are more than just here in VJ and we care.

amal

[Chica Yeyé 41]

sister Jackie

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

Hello Ladies,

I want to talk to you about something serious... Internet dating. I have made many friends from on here...MANY! Out of all these marriages from the middle eastern marriages I know of ONE that is real. Where the man did not marry for the green card. I know I know I said, oh my husband didnt do that!!! But trust me , he did.

Please think twice before marriage.

I am filing for bankruptcy, I am losing my house, I almost lost my children... God think twice!!!!!

I pray that any of you who even question ONCE that he may be marrying for the wrong reasons... think about it. Marriages where they marry an older woman is a HUGE red flag. Sorry ladies, but it is true.

Good luck

I"m so sorry that you have had to go through this ordeal, and even more sorry for your children. It's always the little ones who have no choice about what adults do that suffer without making any choice.....

I think it would be helpful for you to state specifics. What were the warning signs you missed? What compelled you to take such a huge risk? What would you do differently to avoid this happening to you again? (And I mean being decieved by a man, not only an Arab man.)

It does little to no good for people to hear that something happened to someone else unless they know what to look for in their own situation. People in love typically filter everything through the romantic feelings filter which usually takes most common sense out....

Again, I am very sorry for your pain and trauma and I hope there is something positive that comes out of what you went through. Always look for the silver lining.

Here's hoping for a better year for you and your kids!

[SaadBell 0]

I wish I had the right words to make it all right, but there is nothing like that, talk it out and come here and get support. It happens even in regular marriages that are done in the old fashion American way, think of the BTK killer's wife, she had no idea, and they were married long term, so one never knows, Jackie is right, live for the day and deal with things as they come to you. We are here for you, there are some wonderful women here that really care and will do everything in their power to support you. Looking back now, do you see your relationship differently, signs you should have noticed, I know with my ex I ignored his drinking, didn't think it was a problem, in the end it was a major problem. Sometimes love blinds us, I know I have been blindsided at times by love.